|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
really, how silly of you.
600! ha! got it! |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
That was funny, and the guys singing sounded an aweful lot like the real boys. But the funniest part was the flash lyrics didn't match the song in a few places. Not sure if it was intentional, maybe part of the joke? I doubt it.
Song says "he don't need an IUD", and the flash says "ID". doh! Song says his dog is a Pekinese, a type of dog. (Actually it's a cat pretending to be a dog, but that's another issue entirely. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif ) But the flash lyric says "His dog is peekin on me". lol And finally, the song says he's making a souffle, while the flash lyric says he's making a "suit play". Wtf is a suit play? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
that was funny. when i first loaded this up, the recent Posts where gone, beck to july 23 and reloading didn't help. guess the forum decided to pull my leg.
[ January 20, 2004, 19:25: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
Quote:
And Weird Al is very good at impersonating other people's voices. [ January 20, 2004, 22:24: Message edited by: Imperator Fyron ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
That's not Weird Al, man. These days any parody on the 'net gets labeled Weird Al, when many, many are not connected to him in any way.
Just to let you know. You can find his songs on his site. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Which Backstreet Boy is Gay? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif
http://www.funlol.com/content/conten...boysaregay.txt enjoy the song http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
I must be amazingly lucky! i can't even count the number of times i've been the '1,000,000 visiter to this website!'
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Did you win a prize?
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
i ignore those.
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Do you know what happened this week back in 1850?
California became a state. The state had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the middle of the streets. So it was just like California today, except back then the women had real breasts. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
John is at the Superbowl Game and sees a prime seat unoccupied near the 50 yard line. He goes down to it and talks to the man sitting in the seat beside the empty one.
"Excuse me, is that seat taken?" "No, its not." the man replied. "Would you mind if I sit?" John asks. "No, help yourself." John comments to the man about how he's surprised that the owner of that seat is not here to sit in it. The man replies,"Well I bought that seat for my wife, but she died." John says, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Couldn't you get a brother, cousin, or other relative to take her seat?" The man replied without hesitation, "They're all at the funeral." |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Blonde Guy Joke:
The town's sheriff is walking down the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?" The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her...so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts... so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy"... And here I am. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Top Ten Reasons George W. Bush Wants To Put A Man On Mars
10. Dick Cheney needs a new undisclosed location 9. It's part of his "No Planet Left Behind" initiative 8. Great deal on the off-season airfare right now at Expedia.com 7. Maybe we'll find some weapons of mass destruction there 6. We've run out of places on Earth to drill for oil 5. Hoping to get Mork's autograph 4. We cannot back down until the people of Mars hold free elections 3. Dude, free Mars bars 2. Why not? It's not like we have an enormous debt or failing economy 1. Pete Rose bet him we wouldn't do it |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
how the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline. I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer, I want you to blame Bill Gates...okay? |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
that is tough.
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Thanks to this absolutly hilarious list I am now aware that my right tear duct may sometimes run out before my left.
Some text may not be work-appropriate, but who's worried about text, anyway. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The Last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him. "It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock." "How does it work?" The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you a**hole...it's 3:30 in the $^$@# morning!" |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Yes funny ha ha.
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
that sounds like a hollywood movie.
i would say if that starts happening to your life, your doing something wrong. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
My life feels more like an 'indy' film (not Jones).
More dialog, less action, sometimes quite sureal, full of jokes, pratfalls, and sight gags that aren't good enough for mainstream but hit the target audience like a full does of sodium-pentathol. Or something. [ February 20, 2004, 11:16: Message edited by: Loser ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
TRUTH or SPAM?
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." ....Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ....George W. Bush -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." ....Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "If you don't measure, if we're having to guess whether or not our children are learning, by the time it's too late we're going to find out that they're not, if they're not." [Bush campaign speech, MSNBC, 2/15/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura." [New York Times, 1/23/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." ....Governor George W. Bush, 9/21/97 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Perhaps trying to criticize federal regulations and red tape, Bush said it was important to "... make sure that there's not this kind of federal, that the federal cufflinks, that the federal structure on the programs, there needs to be flexibility at the state level." - [Bush speech, Milwaukee, WI, 3/30/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." ....Governor George W. Bush -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On a solution for parents wanting to curb foul language and violence on TV? "Put the 'off' button on." [AP, 2/16/00] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." ....Governor George W. Bush, Jr -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...' the presumptive GOP nominee said. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "For NASA, space is still a high priority." ....George W. Bush, 9/5/93 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." ....Governor George W. Bush |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
well, this is a concise and funny way of stating the purpose of a roguelike dungeon builder:
Quote:
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
How many Message Group members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in Posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" .. another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive. 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp". 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct. 156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "Acceptable use policy". 109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum. 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the Posts are relevant to this forum. 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty. 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's. 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group. 33 to link all Posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too". 6 that flame them for not using the Search feature. 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three". 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 44 to ask what is a "FAQ". 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?". 143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs". 16 Posts of two forum members that are exclusively talking to each other only about lightbulbs and what they did that weekend . 24 Posts of telling them to take it to PM's. 1 moderator that comes in and says something about doing it wrong and that everyone who disagrees gets a warning. 1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Well, for my contribution, 'How many mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?'
If it's the elders, one to put in charge of changing the lightbulb, all the rest to suggest an apropriate lightbulb-changing activity and then 10 to play basketball. if it's the relief society, three to organise it, five to bring refreshments, five to decorate, one to change the bulb and everyone else to eat the refreshments and talk. If it's the bishopric (bishop and two councilers), one - to delagate it to the elders. If it's the high priests, three. one to bring a chair, one to bring the oxygen bottles and masks and one to stand on the chair and change the bulb. if it's the aaronic priesthood - one. he stands on a chair, puts the bulb in the socket and the whole world revolves around him. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
How about a few more. 2 to ask if the light bulb topic could be "stickeyed" 14 "Bumps" 41 Posts explaining why the bulb needing changed was really the fault of the failed policies of (insert one) [Bush/Clinton/Republicans/Democrats] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
TRUE MANAGEMENT
"You will have learn and do things you don't know anything about." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
BLONDES
1st Degree: A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'." 2nd Degree: Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" 3rd Degree: A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" 4th Degree: A blonde brags about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'." 5th Degree: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" 6th Degree: A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. "Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth." 7th Degree: Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!" |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
(Sentient Meat)
"They're made out of meat." "Meat?" "Meat. They're made out of meat." "Meat?" "There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat." "That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The Messages to the stars." "They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines." "So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact." "They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines." "That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat." "I'm not asking you, I 'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat." "Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage." "Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?" "Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside." "Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through." "No brain?" "Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!" "So... what does the thinking?" "You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat." "Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!" "Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?" "Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat." "Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years." "So what does the meat have in mind." "First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual." "We're supposed to talk to meat?" "That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing." "They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?" "Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat." "I thought you just told me they used radio." "They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat." "Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?" "Officially or unofficially?" "Both." "Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing." "I was hoping you would say that." "It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?" "I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?" "Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact." "So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe." "That's it." "Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?" "They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them." "A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream." "And we can mark this sector unoccupied." "Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?" "Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again." "They always come around." "And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone." |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
TRUE STORY. My best friend rented a room to a blond girl named Shonna. Shonna was a nice girl, but like most blonds was lacking some sense of common sense. One day we all go out to a movie. Shona was suppose to meet us there but didn't show. After the move we all drive back to his house and low and behold there was a message on his answering machine. Shonna, having forgotten her cell phone used a pay phone to call and leave a message. The message went something like this: "Hey I forgot what movie we are going to see. I would have called your cell but I forgot mine. I am on a pay phone, call me back when you get this message. The number here is Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep. Did you get that? Ok bye." I swear to God that that really happened. We laughed for so long that non of use could move we were so paralyzed by stomach spasms. INCIDENT number 2. At work we had a routine for cycling our quartz furnace tubes out of production for cleaning. After cleaning we wrap them in pLastic and store them until they can be cycled back into production. We keep a daily log of our activities so the on coming ship can read what it is the previous ship had done. Well I was working on the D night shift, with a intelligent blond who was my Group Lead at the time. Honestly she was one smart lady and I miss not working with her a lot. Well we come in to find one of the tubes on a transport cart covered in pLastic. I think nothing of it and move on to start work on my assignment when I looked over and saw Meredith gasping for air. I quickly moved over to see if she was ok and she was pointing wildly at the log book. Her face was blood read and she had tears coming out of her eyes. I thought she was having a heart attack. I looked down at the log book and for an instant my heart stopped two. You see on the day shift was this little blond weasel guy that really was just that, a weasel. He was a little skinny man with the worst hair cut you could imagine. He was a Weaseley little troll of a man that could not spell worth a damn. As I stood there, reading, I began to laugh at the image that was forming in my mind. I looked over at Meredith as she was acting out the scenario on the tube. I nearly wet myself it was so funny. The log entry read: "I raped the tube but did not have time to put her away." Now just imagine a 5 foot 1" man smoking a cigarette while raping a 12 inch quartz hole. It was very funny at the time. [ February 27, 2004, 18:28: Message edited by: Atrocities ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
no, I did not write it. It was an e-mail forward.
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
found a comic page and i just had to post it here: http://dimbulbcomics.keenspace.com/d/20030704.html
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
I miss the Far Side.
[ February 28, 2004, 05:45: Message edited by: Atrocities ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
More Bushisms... TRUTH or SPAM?
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" -Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign." [Washington Post, 2/17/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." ....Governor George W. Bush -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. ....George W. Bush -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On his days as an oil tycoon and entrepreneur: "I understand small business growth," he said. "I was one." [AP, 2/16/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." ....Governor George W. Bush -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On the need for a strong defense: "There is madmen in the world, and there are terror." [AP, 2/16/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." ....Governor George W. Bush, 9/18/95 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Often times our teachers come out of their pocketbooks to meet the supply needs of students." [Bush speech, Milwaukee, WI, 3/30/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While discussing terrorism and various foreign threats, Bush promised to "use our technology to enhance uncertainties abroad." [New York Times, 3/6/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." ....Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96 ================================================ "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and we knew exactly who the "they" were. 'It was us versus them. And it was clear who "them" was.... Today, we're not so sure who the "they" are,' he continued, pausing as giggles began emanating from the crowd. 'But we know they're there.'" [Boston Globe, 1/23/00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." False, apparently. What he actually said was: "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas." --Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000 |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off. "Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered. "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
Geoschmo </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Even weirder. When they go to the beach and bath. There is a beach and water to bath in.... under water! |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
and when your a politician on campaign, you say a lot of things, so the chance of a slip-up is greater. so, what must be considered is not how many stupid things he said, but the rate of stupid things he said. i don't want to get this thread into a discussion of politics, i just wanted to point out statistical unreliability. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
this is good for a couple chuckles:
this is also really good this is gotta be a classic of some kind: DM: Are you sure you really want to scout the Troll forest alone, in the middle of the night, without a torch? PC: Yes! [ March 04, 2004, 23:58: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Quote:
its pretty sad that we let cartoons shape the worldview of the youth today, because its easier than truely interacting with your own kids. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect "loaded" Lexus-and walked over to inspect it closer.As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her.
Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna s**t when you hear the price. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
|
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
1.The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF. CONCLUSION.... The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness." "The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. So, how soon can I go home?" |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:29 AM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©1999 - 2025, Shrapnel Games, Inc. - All Rights Reserved.