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A lousy excuse for grabing the 700 post!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
Worker rewarded for getting drunk on the job March 31 2004 at 02:01AM Rio De Janeiro - A Brazilian man has won increased compensation from a brewery after 20 years as a taster made him an alcoholic. Master Brewer Bernd Naveke, 49, drank around eight litres of beer every working day while at the Brahma Brewery near Rio de Janeiro. He was forced to leave his job after becoming a registered alcoholic and hasn't worked since. In the original case he was awarded $30 000 (about $180 000) and a monthly pension for life equal to his old salary of $2 600. During the original case, the court ruled the company couldn't appeal the outcome, but Naveke appealed on the grounds the compensation wasn't enough. Now a court in Rio has ordered the brewery to pay him $2-million, according to O Globo. "I had to drink up to eight litres of beer a day and I left work drunk every day," Naveke said. - Ananova.com [ April 04, 2004, 20:35: Message edited by: Wardad ] |
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From the Daily Times (Pakistan)
http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default...8-3-2004_pg9_5 Doc backs nose picking http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif [ April 04, 2004, 20:35: Message edited by: Wardad ] |
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What's green and goes 200mph up your nose?
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Don't tell me!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">LAMBORGREENI! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
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Snappy Answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he Opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, But couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,"No ma'am,they're dead." Snappy Answer #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Snappy Answer #4 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Here's your sign http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Snappy Answer #5 - THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised! his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Snappy Answer #6 - One 6 Year Old. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class,"And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy s**t! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. |
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The Good - The Bad - The Ugly
It Can Always Be Worse ___________________________ 1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago _____________________________ 2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer. _____________________________ 3. Good: Your son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door. Ugly: So are you. ________________________________ 4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.. Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them. ____________________________ 5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad: You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them. ______________________________ 6. Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than you. ___________________________ 7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections. _____________________________ 8. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun. Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas. ________________________________ 9. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend. __________________________________ 10. Good: Your daughter got a new job. Bad: As a hooker. Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients. Way ugly: She makes more money than you do. _________________________________________ |
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Worthwhile advice
Corporate Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?” Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Corporate Lesson 2 A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” Once again the priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.” Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Corporate Lesson 3 A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one. “ “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.” Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Corporate Lesson 4 A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. Corporate Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there. |
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Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. |
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Take a look at this - it's not just a dog on a skateboard it's a skateboarding dog!
Go to http://www.skateboardingbulldog.com/picsandmovies.htm then click on "Click here to view a video of Tyson skating." |
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A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk "shop". One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a seven day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.
It's now 7 days later and they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first. "Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brogue, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation." Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V. drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers....you KNOW that we don't sprinkle........WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word." They both look down at the rabbi who's laying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast & traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The rabbi looks up and says "Oy! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures." |
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A primary school teacher is teaching her small charges about politics. Being a good Democrat she explains how sensible the Democratic platform is. At the end of the lesson she asks her pupils
"now, who thinks they are a Democrat?" all the little boys and girls eager to please their teacher puts up their hands, except one little girl. "Suzie, why don't you want to be a Democrat?" "Because my daddy is a Republican, and my mommy is a Republican, and they raised me to be a good Republican" Angry at this dissension the teacher says "Thats silly, what if your mother and father were stupid" "Then I'd be a Democrat" Now I'm neither a Democrat or a Republican, I'm not even American, but you probably wouldn't understand if I said Labour and Liberal. All you Democrats can change it to Democrat if you want to. I read it on a Republican endorsement website. Edit: And I was worried about being offensive till I went back a few pages and saw wardads republican post. [ April 23, 2004, 09:31: Message edited by: Randallw ] |
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DUCK AND COVER!!! |
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http://www.pvpOnline.com/archive.php3?archive=20030513
http://www.pvpOnline.com/archive.php3?archive=20030512 [ April 24, 2004, 02:01: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ] |
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DUCK AND COVER!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">sorry Wardad, I didn't mean to imply anything.I didn't consider what I was saying. I've been sick lately. I just meant I thought I might be chewed out for making a political joke disparaging Democrats. Once I saw you post about Republicans, I saw that you didn't get criticised for it. |
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DUCK AND COVER!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">sorry Wardad, I didn't mean to imply anything.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Oh now, don't go and get all serious on us. Besides, some of my best friends are republicans. I have no problems socializing with those people, as long as they act democratic in public. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
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http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif , ok. I am just a bit wary. I once, on another forum, tried to make a joke and spent the next week defending myself from accusations of insulting the targets of the joke.
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Does any one have the complete CURRENT list of You Know Your Addicted to SEIV When: laying around?
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Kind of a pointless joke, but I like it anyway. hehe! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'." Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid bastard get down." |
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Alright, somebody, top this: http://www.dilbert.com/wash/bonanas/...-20040420.html
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An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "what is happening?" "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams. "Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what is happening?" "Not to worry," says St.Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." Shaking her head, the old lady says, "I can't do this. I'm off down to hell." "You can't go there," says St. Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomized." "Sure" says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!" |
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This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately. You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men. And here's the question (please give an honest answer): Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white? |
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I would spell "colour" correctly. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
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Jack, it was a jest.
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Given the only two choices, and considering I have no real knowledge of photography, I would choose the black and white. From what I know the award winning photos, such as those of Ansell Adams, are always in Black and white, so it would appear I would have a better chance of winning an award if I went with the black and white.
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Quite possibly the funniest thing this guy has ever written...
Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat. If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to "Milk Duds," your sense of humor is broken. "Now this message is for America's most famous athletes: Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have .. John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity... Move to Guam. Change your name. Fake your own death! Whatever you do ... Do Not Go!!! I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach. Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dysleptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way. Fast. Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ..." Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff" Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning. "Bananas," he said. "For the potassium?" I asked "No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down." The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot . but, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it. A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious. Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14. Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride Lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us. We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie. And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night before. And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade. I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that never thought would be egressed. I went through not one airsick bag, but two. Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down. I used to know 'cool'. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know 'cool'. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand. A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit. What is it? I asked. "Two Bags." |
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I don't even like roller coasters.
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I'm willing to try it. I'll just remember to not eat anything for two or three days before the ride. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
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This is got to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time. This guy has over 10 million hits at the time I'm posting this:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...146756343&rd=1 |
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A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, but they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils -- the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away. After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed: "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length." |
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OK I meant to get more into the game abit, and do an example before bringing up the subject, but here goes anyway.
In a DnD forum we had great fun with jokes but we made a big effort to try and "DnD" them. Orc #1: "Your wife makes good soup" Orc #2: "yeah but Im gonna miss her" (modified cannibal joke) Anyway, Im looking at some of these jokes and wondering if the community would still get them, and find them even funnier if they were "Space Empired"? I wish I had a good example to end this post with but maybe some of you can come up with some. |
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http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/Gian...otscript?SK=12
http://www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/Gian...otscript?SK=18 And I'm still laughing. [ May 05, 2004, 12:22: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ] |
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A cannibal and his son are hunting in the jungle for dinner. They come across the fattest female Zoologist they have ever seen looking at some monkeys.
"Can we have her for dinner?" says the son. "No son, too much fat. Definitely not good for you" replies the father, and they continue on. Soon they find a skinny Botanist looking at some rare flowers. "What about her, Dad?" asks the son. "No Son" replies the father "theres not a bit of meat on her" After some more searching they come across a young female explorer, the most attractive, fitest, blonde they have ever seen. "She'll do" says the father. So he keeps the blonde and has his wife for dinner. |
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A website just offered to install 'free access software' on my computer. Honest hackers?? Someone didn't think about the name??
Anyway, it gave me a chuckle so I'm posting this. |
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http://www.dog-complex.com/comic.php?view=215
Go read. Garfield style humor, from when Garfield was funny. |
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A real groaner...
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 cases of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.... But as we know.... the great ship did not make it to New York.... The ship hit an iceberg and sank.... and the cargo was forever lost.... The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery.... were disconsolate at the loss.... Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day.... The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th....and is known.... of course.... as Sinko de Mayo.... I wonder if the Tuna swallowed it, thus starting the trend of adding Mayonnaise to Tuna? |
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What weapons do pirates use in SE4?
Phased PolAAARRRRRon Beams! *Gets pelted by rotten fruit* |
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*throws rotten Phong heads at joeljermon* http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif
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Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer." One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." His highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer. " "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper." "But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T." "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up." "If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building." "But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him, 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'." The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics. |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
*By Narf*
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[ May 15, 2004, 03:18: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ] |
Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
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(but then Im biased) It was a giggle though. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Gandalf Parker -- www.alt-hacker.org |
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