Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

God? I play dice with God..... for fun. I can travel between universes and even dimensions. Plus, we have Jack Simth.

Oh and btw, God always loses when we play dice..... I hear he practices a lot, but he can't devote much of his free time to practice since some guy named Einstein rants at him contonuously saying he should stop.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

O.o

We could just have a ground campain, with much more BLAM!

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Or an orbital plasma carpet-bombing like the last time, with more.....

zzzzhhiiiiiiiIIIIIIIINGBOOOM

as the plasma bombs fall.

edit: repaired mispeled end bolt kode.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Hmmm...

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

puke raps on the table where he is sitting, and a FBW scurries off to fetch him another pint of Spaten.

"you know, i dont think these Won-Ton chaps appreciate cartoon violence, creative writing, and the obsolecense of technological destructive devices.

"You see, missiles, nukes, orbital bombardment, and assorted sundry methods of mass destruction just dont work here." puke muses as another orbital plasma bolt is fired from one of SIU's warships, dispersing harmlessly in the magical aura about the Cantina. "Theres no trumping here, so pull that poker out of Ashton's tooshie, and throw a creampie."

And with that final remark, puke downs his pint, slams the glass on the table, produces a high caliber Thompson Contender by legerdomain, and procedes to blow a six-inch hole in SIU's chest.

The gaping wound splatters GT a bit, whom had been standing on the other side of him at the time, and dripps a little on the floor. SIU's blinks at the cavernous hole in his chest, but is otherwise unaffected by the trauma.

puke puts his Tompson away, and raps on the table for another pint of Spaten.

"Now you see how a pie would have been more effective, as at least you would have been temporarily blinded by the cream in your eyes. Go get a mop, son. You're leaking on the floor."

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

I am safe, and untouched by GrowlTigger...

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Perhaps...

RD welcomes the return to the natural order and winds up a small jack in the box between his hands. It plays a musical ditty, shudders and launches a spring loaded boxing glove at ashtons face. The actual impact is shrouded by the gigantic colourful letters of "BLAM!"

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Wow, that must have went a long way to go all the way into space...

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

The great Furry one is Back . (about time you feline we missed you and your red hot poker http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif )

Mac watches his essance as it continues to cling to one of the leaders of the insideious Won Ton Joint down the street. It appears that the anatamy under the ooozzze is starting to shimmer, shake and smoke .... little did those of little understanding in the Won Ton know of the disabased power that lays in hiding within the confines of this illustrious and mysterious cantina. Nor have they yet realized the full wrath of the furry one and his murderous minions of anguish.

(Glad to hear that the Mrs and little Miss are doing well, Spoiled by the big kat I'll bet http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif )

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

The gaping hole in Strategia's chest closes itself. The bits and pieces of him crawled back to him over the floor (but the ones on GT's suit remained fimrly where they are). His eyes begin to glow eerily, a circular breeze blows around him suddenly and he levitates himself into the air.

With a resounding voice, he speaks.

"Fools! You should know better than to assault me, who toys with God for fun! Let the wrath of all dimensions fall upon....." *COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH*

Coughing loudly, he drops to the floor. His eyes are normal again, and the breeze has died.

"Sorry..... breathed in a dust bunny."

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

I have none of Mac's essence on me...

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

I never said you did.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

No, the other people...

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Hmmmm, well, gentlemen, we've got the recipes, we've stolen the deed to the B&G...

It looks like we've won, but now we need a new enemy. What good ultra-dimensional take out joint doesn't have a nemesis? Hurry! Find us cannon fodder!

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Hmmm... We could just relax for a while...

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Well, only for an ice cream, then back to the conquest for all of the dessert recipes in the known universe.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

My troops are already doing so.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Am currently busy drawing up an outline for the Armistice to end this war. Hmmm..... unconditional surrender has a nice ring to it don't you think?

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

The Official Armistice and Terms of Surrender for the Bar & Grill.

(note: please ignore the sections of text which have been removed, I had to start somewhere and there was a previous version of this document)

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

well thats fairly easy to do, but i dont think we are prepared to accept your unconditional surrender. the massive cost of cultural re-education of your citizenry is too much for our humble little bar and grill to take on.

so you will have to find someone more gullible to surrender to. we wont bear the cost of your upkeep. perhaps you should try mothballing your surpluss population?

in the meantime, try not to let the parking valet bite your arse on the way back to your spaceships.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Power Man walks into the Bar and Grill. Hi everyone. I am back with More Goodies. Boy I just went by the Hut. Whew it looks like the Hut took a Hit. Its looks and smells worst that someting Puke would puke up!! (No Offence Puke.)
Say does anyone know were I can get some more of thoes fake Deeds to the Bar and Grill GT was handing out? You know the ones that promise in the fine print "Good for one Durty Deed by GT".

By the way if anyone askes I have been here ALL day..

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

King of the Hill is a registered trademark of mine. Please comply with the Ordinance 3B.7 about the illegal use of trademarks, or else!

I shall give an unbiased opinion on the matter: RD is quite correct. However, it appears Growltigger is no longer the fearsome being he used to be. Gardening and chastity are very nice, but there seems to be something lacking: wickedness, perfidy, and other assorted pastimes. You should give him a peptalk RD, as otherwise... who knows what will happen to Growltigger and all his grandeur?

*Walks away shuddering at the thought of a mild, tamed Growltigger: the symbol of the Cantina gone! Where is this world heading for!

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Say GT, I happen to have something I think you can use in your garden. I have some of those Tigga Lillies from the old Cantina. You know the ones with the orange and black stripes. The ones armed with teeth and claw like thorns.
They are nice when they are small but WATCH out.

Put some of these in your garden and you won't have to chuck bricks at the squirrels, The Lillies will EAT them.

I can bring in a few starts next week...

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

im not sure about the forged deeds, but be cautious about those dessert recipies. They have some secret secretions from Tesco's special stash.

Regarding the mild and tamed GT, im afraid that he did not mention that his gardening involved carniverous fauna and man-eating petunias. steer clear of the pansies with teeth, they're just waiting for an unsuspecting yank to bring his nose too close.

fortuneatly, this sticky pile of regergitated yank is not so easily lured by hostile limey botany. just watch your fingers near the window-boxes.

Dont forget, he's still a barrister. there is no disguising the inner evil, there.

edit: dog! how many seconds did you beat me to the punch by? you carniverous-plant post subverting cur!

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Sorry Puke. But Tigga Lillies is an idea from way back. I think is was one, or two threads ago the Cantina had a small fountain in a coutyard. To brighten up the place I planted some plain Lillies. In an act of cartoon PUNisment they transformed into Tigga Lillies. They started off small and pretty. They had small teath and fuzzy stems. They had small claws on their leaves. They would purr and go meow when you petted them.

Later on they got big and would tend to take your hand, and any other body part, that got too close off.
Funny I thik GT liked them Better that way.

Oh the memories......

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

well, bring some back then. I think they would go swimmingly in a hanging planter.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

I feel Un-nerved by the prospect you used the term Ordinance in that phrase [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/Cold.gif[/img]

As for GT being tamer? He just quite happily dired a red-hot poker up someone's, to quote red-dwarf, "jacksy!" He has admitted to being a rugby fan, playing Rome: Total War and throwing bricks at squirrels. If I recall the guy works in the Legal Profession and I believe lives in Manchester. Also read his posts, he really didn't try and spare any of Ashton's ego now did he? I don't think we need to worry about him ever going "soft" in his older age.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

No he's already gone soft.....

Don't worry Puke, your valet Barry has been dispatched already by several flights of Mover replicas.

And as for the terms of surrender,..... well, for one, WE beat the living CRAP out of YOU. You have perhaps not read the Armistice terms that thouroughly? And as for our citizens..... we have none. The only people we control are military personnel, and they would rather drink hydrochloric acid than undergo "cultural re-education" by your "professionals".

Oh and one more thing..... you liked Cartoon Violence, you said?

Strategia pulls out a remote control and rewinds the events to the point where Puke just uttered the above nonsense. Strategia then goes on to pull out a rather well-polished rocket launcher.

Puke: "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Stategia still fires a Hygiene Missile at the Yank (btw, did you know that name came originated thanks to the Dutch inhabitants of New York? in its most pure form.

Puke: "Nooo!!!!! Aaaaaahhh! It burns! It burns! Get it off!....."

Puke's voice dies away as the Hygiene effects start to make him disappear bit by half-digested bit. Eventually, all that's left of Puke is a rather well-polished spot of floorspace.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

Ashton's velociraptoid troops blast open the door, and open fire on the inhabitants of the B&G with anti-proton blasters. Several random people are promptly disintergrated into a mass of energy, electrons, and neutrons.

Several of StrategiaInUltima's capship forces go through the lines of Ashton's troops, taking the attacks from the now frenzied bar.

Leave no survivors!

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Actually, there was a mistake in my post RD. I am supposed to take care of the ordnance that will be delivered against anyone using my registered trademark (fully mine after the... cancellation of Asmala); the ordinance will be left to lawyers and other friends working in the field of law. Of course, don't even think I will sue you under British law: it shall be French law, as I won't venture initiating any lawsuit in American territory. So beware RD! I am not a Minbari to trifle with!

There is nothing "evil" with playing Rome Total War though (well, except leading players to consider solving all problems with a legion or three). Actually, Growltigger appears to be more reluctant to enter open defiance of the "Fell Witch Queen of Angmar", even to watch rugby... I tell you, something is afoot RD! It clearly smells of a plot of some sort.

*Notices the "lives in Manchester" part, in a post dedicated to proving that Grolwtigger is inherently evil* Something to keep track of for the future invasion of Albion. But I shouldn't leave my schemes in the open.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

the old one watches as the goon squad from the Won Take out, come strolling into the good old respectable B&G. He smiles as he fingers the switch in his hand. He waits, yes he waits, until the whole group is in the middle of the dance floor. He grins and hits the switch...... Immediatly the Won T goons are plastered from all directions with cream pies, followed by the ceiling opening over their heads and huge sticky, gooey, goobs of chocolate washes over their entire anatamys. Then as the screaming and yelling commence. The wize one pushes another button, another opening opens under their feet plummeting their torsos into a gaping hidden room below. Then, out of the hidden doorways, the FBWs come running out carring and dragging huge berlap sack to the edge of the abyss. They open up the sacks and tons of goose, chicken and duck feathers float furiously down into the confines below. Un-printable epitaphs are heard screeching from below. The smiling old one, talks into his hidden cell phone, and suddenly fresh cries of anquish are heard from the pit. A ladder is inserted into the pit and the entire good squad comes rushing up sqawking and sputtering all covered with chocolate, cream pie and feathers from head to toe, They immediatly run out the door and into the parking lot where Barry the T-Rex and his apostles are waiting with new torments for their hidiously covered bodies. They scream, and words like revenge are heard, The wize one just smiles and looks at the fax machine printing on his table. Low and behold there they are in high definition, glossy 8x10s of their fall from fame all covered in feathers and goo. The old one smiles, He proceeds to put postage on all the envelopes which contain copies of their pics. They are sent to all members of the forum... Soon hilarious laughter is heard around the globe... Oh and in their haste they appeared to have dropped all types of paper work, including the false deeds that GT had corrigably put in the areas where the gullible Won Ton group found them and thought they had put one over on them.. Well, that is not the case, in fact the signed papers that contained their signatures after putting them under an ultra violet light, showed that their signatures instead were on papers that turned over the Won Ton to the memberes of the B&G. The printing disappeared and in its place was the true printing, stating that the Won Ton is hereby certified and given tax free and without cost to the B&G http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

The wize one smiles and puts an add in all the local papers for new employees of the Won Ton http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Mac is a good man and leads by example, but it doesnt seem like its getting through to you kids. The B&G has rules, and youre arseing them up. It goes like this:

you cant permenently destroy the place. you cant permenantly kill people. you can but should not speak for others. whenever possible, depreciate yourself instead of smiting the other guy. Those are the Foundation. in the years that this place has been operating, prohibitions against specific 'cheesy' trumping techniques like clones, time travel, and nuclear weapons have come into play. those dont bear going over in detail.

The point is, that this place is an excercise in creative writing. this place is NOT an excercise in who can dream up the biggest gun, and declare the other guy dead.

So in essesnce, you can come in here, create a whirlwhind of posts about how you kill several people whom are not even present at the time (poor GT...) and generally destroy the whole place, but we dont have to play along with you.

and if you havent gotten it, were not playing along with you. So go back to your kiddie-violence shack, and leave the friendly hostility to the pro's.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Agent Zero walks in, for once managing to do so with style and grace, and applauds Puke's fine words.

"Well said, my good man, well said. After all, how can total annihilation ever hope to compete with degredation and humiliation? The latter are just more fun."

With that, Agent Zero pulls out his Custard-Pie Repeating Rifle and advances into the bar. He pats Puke reassuringly on the shoulder, wipes the ick off on Renegade, then grabs StrategianInUltima by the scruff of the neck, bends him over a bar stool, yanks down his pants and shoves his Custard-Pie Rifle firmly up Strategian's rectum.

"This," -he says as he flicks the weapon over to Full Automatic- "ought to be interesting." He then hauls back on the trigger and the sound of pasteries impacting the colon at high velocity fills the room. Eventually, Agent Zero relents, though not before custard has begun to leak from Stratigan's ears. Zero cleans off his gun, tucks it back into his coat and pulls up SIU's pants before letting him drop to the floor, where he lies quivering, numbed by the mortification that has just befallen him. Agent Zero reaches the door, pulls it open, then stops and turns around.

"Oh, and Strategian, I left ants in your pants," [/i] he says before disappearing into the night.

And then the screaming began....

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

"Well, that certainly seems a bit like overkill, but i'm not going to be the one to stand in the way of an Irishman with a pie-launcher."

puke grabs a jar of gherkins from the bar, and pours the entire countents into his gullet. with a room-shaking convulsion, he bealches the little things out onto the floor where they begin crawling about under their own power, and newly bestowed with sentience.

Tossing a fistfull of sword and spear shaped swizzle sticks to his newly formed Gherkin Army, puke decrees "Go forth my minions, and rid this place of our foes!"

after which the armed and militant Gherkins begin madly scrambling up chair legs, stool legs, and pant legs, and stabbing random patrons in the posterior. After a couple winces of pain, Mac looks positively annoyed. Powerman wonders why a small pickle is poking his armor with a piece of plastic.

"not quite as sentient as i hoped they would be..." complains puke, meekly.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

I am highly disappointed Puke, truly I am. You forgot the nearly ritual "Moderate me down with a 1" message in closure of your post about the rules of the Cantina. I require you to add this phrase, in remembrance of the past!

We cannot actually rate you now though, but we can still give you a rating in our signatures, or mount a lobby to allow users to rate Puke. Therefore, the Association for the Moderation (or Lack Thereof) of Puke has been created on this very day, and shall strive to allow users to show whether they think Puke must be moderated.

This message was brought to you by the Committee for Nonsensical Silliness.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

A strange looking, silver-and-blue robot drone hovers into the B&G and proceeds to hang motionlessly in the air just out of range of all weapons present in the room. Pie Launchers, Gherking Artillery, Poker Launchers et al try to reach the 'bot but only go on to display how marvellously a chocolate pie can follow a ballistic trajectory before exploding in somebody's face.

Several speakers open up.

"Attention Minions and Assorted General Goons of the Forum Chat Bar & Grill.

This message has been sent to you via TransGalactical Courier services. Message sent by Strategia In Ultima.

You keep trying to make the Won-Ton Hut look silly. This is very childish, not to mention highly enjoyable to read. Please refrain from shooting pies, hot pokers, gherkins or whatever sentient or non-sentient foodstuffs or other assorted comic weaponry up people's lower ends, or repercussions WILL follow.

I am currently drawing up plans for comic retribution.

Be warned.

Thank you for listening to this message. Have a nice day."

The drone hovers out again, leaving the silent collection of people/things staring after it, while cleanerbots come to wipe the foodstuffs off everybody's face and suit.

Re: Former Chat Bar & Grill
 

The fabric of space time quivers, twists, and splits open, and something emerges in orbit. Moving at incredible speed it races towards one of the many fleets circling Sol III. The commander of one of SIU's COMCA's barely has enough time to utter the words "What the hell is that?" before the largest custard pie in the history of the galaxy covers his mighty ship with sticky goo.

Somewhere, deep within the many sub-basements of the Malfador offices, Agent Zero rolls about on the floor, laughing hysterically. Suddenly, he stops, sits up and stares soberly at David.

"What have I done? How the heck am I gonna top that one?"

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

I didnt forget, they just took the rating system away. If it was still possible for me to be moderated to a 1, I'd be all over it. As it is, we will have to add a pS atribute to the SE4 code or something:

pS: puke SUCKS
-- im a masohcist, and i like reading his inane banter
- actually, i usually feel better after throwing up
0 i usually just ignore him
+ boy, he sure does suck
++ god i hate that guy. i just keep him on /ignore
+++ hes not even worth the time to murder, if i ever met his worthless self
! he sucks most of the time, but sometimes its funny when he's drunk

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Maybe they can give you a rating by tweaking their database, or enable the whole ratings only for yourself? But aye, putting the Puke question in the Geek code seems the best solution. Hmm, do I have some room in my signature for that question...

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

How About:

--! I'm a masochist, And I like reading his inane banter, But it's really funny when he's drunk.

That should be added to the SE4 Code me thinks, "Have you ever posted Drunk on A SEIV related Forum?"

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

curse you, deadstar! no more encouraging people to listen to me!

"Kill the goth rocker!" orders puke, and a hoard of militant gherkins let loose a squeaky little warcry. a hundred little pickels charge Raging Deadstar with their swizzlesticks.

Deadstar looks slightly distrubed, but not really worried at all. puke wishes he had a more fearsome army, like the old loo-pygmies.

actually, I think the easiest solution would be for DG to add four empty stars with one little half-star to my avatar. that would be even LOWER than the previous possible moderation level.

and much more satisfying since, despite repeated attempts, i never managed to get below three.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

I've learned something today.

Don't read Puke's Posts on a slow Sunday Afternoon, whilst listening to Bill Hicks. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

RD looks down at the hoardes of incoming Gherkins and looks around for someone who actually likes to eat those useless Vegetables http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Say what ever happened to the original Phong's Head? Is it still around on a wall somewhere?

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

If I recall it used to say "The Door is Ajar" every 5 minutes, I believe it should still be up somewhere.

Yeah, I can remember that. Just wait until I need to recall something very important... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

No, no. That was the decapitated Geoschmo head that we lobotomized and put the processor of a Nissan Z where the brain used to be. We might need to lop the noggin off of a new phong.

puke eyes Ashton for phong-like qualities

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

[i]A massive disturbance is detected at the edge of the Sol system. An object enters through a massive warp point. The Hut fleets move away, and let the giant 50-million-kilometer custard rod (which astonishingly has the exact diameter as the B&G!) pass into the atmosphere.

The custard rod hits the B&G and splatters it with custard of the approximate pressure of the core of a red giant sun. The custard drives intself into the very subatomic particles of everyone and everything inside the B&G.

The new B&G Custardians are then taken aboard a transport craft and taken to refugee camps all over the world to serve as food.....

and here you go around saying I'm not compassionate and I'm not skilled in cartoon warfare!

Oh and AZ, consider yourself beat. And Custardian.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Good thing my troops pulled out.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

Yes..... especially since they'd be partly custard by now.

Not only are the B&G folks impregnated (or whatever's the correct translation for "geimpregneerd") with custard, the custard has entered their very subatomic structures. They ARE partly custard.

Re: Former Chat Bar&Grill
 

No, they are CUSTARD.