Re: Peace At Last!!!!!
 

"Oh, is that jukebox still causing you trouble?"

Five marines enter after Strategia and the six of them stand in front of the jukebox. The marines' weapons are trained on the device. A faint whimpering sound can be heard from the boxes and, insofar as it is possible for a completely inert metal object to move, it cowers.

(Note: I was once the Joint Chief od the Won-Ton Military, and if need be I can reactivate myself. also, just before the end of the war, I shanghaied Jack Simth into the military. His multidimensional powers are the only thing that can strike fear into the heart (ok, power adapter then) of the evil jukebox. The marines are just for show. I won't use them to harm anyone, well except maybe scorch Ashton a little if he keeps SPAMMING!!!!!)

Foolish mortal
 

Jack Smith vs The spirit of the Ripped Shirt Kirk

Truly this fight will be epic!

"Barman, a pint of your best brewski with a Cue Cappa tequila chase!"

El Phil sits back to watch the fight

Foolish mortal, who?
 

Foolish mortal? Jack Simth?!? Then you don't know him.....

Jack Simth is the person who singlehandedly spun up a pocket universe to keep the Won-Ton Hut safe. He can manipulate the very fabrics of all universes. NO ripped-shirt Kirk or even a fleet of D'Deridex Warbirds could stand up to him!

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

This is the RSK, a man never defeated in hand to hand combat. Ever. Then man who got into a fist fight with an omnipotent being and can create giant monkey wrenches from thin air!

I will not doubt Smith's ability to do wonderous things with the fabric of the multi-verse, but this is hand to hand combat. If you stop to muck around with that sort of stuff you'll get a swift(ish) flying arse of doom to the gut. The might of Kirk-Fu, the world's most energy efficent and deadly martial art, cannot be denied.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Jack SIMTH will spin up a pocket universe with the flick of his hand and imprison RSK in it when flicking it back..... before RSK even blinked. Face it. Kirk isn't omnipotent.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Never said he was. And I really do need to check my typing.

Besides I thought standard practice was to send in the other space marines to have the fight and get beaten by the possesed jukebox. Then Simth would sigh and uses the pocket universe trick.

I mean failing to do that would violate several guidelines on narrative causality, both sides need a chance to show off their clever tricks, before anyone uses super weapons just to finish it.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

What? You gotta have a prelude before launching super-weapons? Oh wow, I didn't know that, thanks.....

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

You are all weird....

I am slightly concerned about a few things currently being discussed in this thread:

1 what peace treaty? so far as I can see, we were not at war with this Wanton Take Out place - there was just daft references to endless fleets of supersized spaceships zipping arounf nuking everything in sight - there was no cartoon style armageddon violence that I could see, and if there was any peace treaty, as the resident legal eagle on this thread, I would have been negotiating it;

2 what is with this spamming lark that Suicide Junkie is referring to? have I missed some spamming?

3 Raging Deadstar, I have heard about the curse stone but if you are blaming the current dilemma of Carlisle United on that, you are wrong. Carlisle United are just crap (says the inveterate Sale Sharks and Chelsea fan!);

4 El Phil, you are going to get a red hot poker up the jacksy followed by a close in inspection of Barry's dentistry for unleashing those damn wasps on me!

5 Cpn' Kirk in the juke box, Celine Dion, ARRRGGGGHHHHHH this is without a doubt the worst catastrophe to hit the cantina ever, someone get to that jukebox and change the music quickly before our heads explode a la Mars Invades - even Country & Western is more preferable to Celine Dion (but not I may add, morris dancers and line dancers - any of them in the cantina will be met with extreme violence)

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

This spam!

Ashton drops 100 kilotons of spam on the B&G from space.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

and where is Gryphin when you need a hirsute womanising philandering ludricrously moustached country and western fan to abuse?

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Which bounces off the Bar & Grill's dampening field and goes back to whack Ashton in the chops....

This is a case in point, why do you keep on going for these mass destruction tactics? you obviously have no finesse... you dont just try and take out everything in one fell swoop, you do it in stages.....

Armaggeddon/Ragnarok etc - look at your history and legends, the end of the world is always done in stages, signs and portents leading up to the great event, not just one fell "here is a 10,000 kiloton dirty warhead which kills everything etc"

No fun your way, I think the rest of the patrons here prefer a bit of narrative causality and prosaic higelian dichotomies http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/Sick.gif

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

I wasn't trying to smash you, I was just giving you some much needed spam... You asked for it.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Turin, having sat quietly near the stage for some time now (and pinched a few FBW fannies whilst at it) wonders when some mayhem is going to ensue. Having got fed up with the magnanimous verbal pugnatiousness of Mr. Ashton, he decides to have a conversation with him. Loosening <font color="blue"> Anglachel </font> in it's scabard he saunters meaningfully over to NA's table, noisily spins the nearest chair 'round backwards, straddles it and takes a seat.

At this point Mr. Ashton seems unperturbed, so the Turambar lets his scabard clank against his right boot as he turns deftly to flick a ducket at the nearest FBW and order a coupla brewskis as a conversation starter. The Black Sword thrums in response and those within earshot are suddenly overcome with a sense of tragic despair which passes in a millisecond, seemingly imagined.

<font color="green"> "Misssssssster Ashton. Hello, my name is Turin Turambar... some call me 'Marmegil.' I saw you sitting here and thought to myself, 'What sort of arrogant brat sits in the middle of a bar under a swinging lantern with his back to the door?' So I thought I'd come over and... ask." </font>

Now NA feels annoyed and embarrassed, and starts to formulate a suitably witty retort...

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

I'm in the new hut, sending messages to you via gravity waves.

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Growltigger -

1. and about the WMDs. I set up a peace treaty a while ago, and it has been signed by at least me and Puke and a couple of others. As for the WMDs, Ashton indeed continues to use them - but I have reformed. I now give it my best shot at cartoon violence. And I will CERTAINLY not partake in anu further hostilities. I have retired from the Won-Ton Military, and even if the peace treaty is torn to shreds in the crossfire of a THIRD Bar War I will simply sit by watching.

Oh, and about the massive fleets - those were BWI only. In the Second Bar War, we used smaller-scale weaponry like 500km shafts of custard and minions thrusting fish into Puke.

I do not know with what weapons BWIII will be fought, but I do know that BWIV will be fought with rocks and sticks.

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

I don't use WMDs any more, I use WMGs...

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Mr. Ashton's image flickers, goes blue for a second, then in a wierd wiggley voice mutters something about "gravity waves." No wonder he had seemed so unresponsive... it also explained his ill-advised "back to the door" habit.

Now furious with himself for having been fooled, Turin draws his black blade and takes a mighty swing at the holographic device on the chair. Gurthang of course slices cleanly through the trinket... and the chair... and the floorboards...

<font color="green"> "Oops..." </font>

The flesh-eating mongeese (ha!) in the basement wail in despair as a horrible sickly-black stain spreads in a 3 meter circle around his sword stuck in the floor. Luckily, the bar wench... err... FBW had been approaching with the brewskis and his backswing had caught her bikini top, sending jugs bouncing everywhere so none of the patrons notice his embarrassing moment.

<font color="green"> "Sorry miss..." </font>

Turin hastily sheathes Traitorous Death and deftly flicks her another ducket. Nearby Sancho holds out his empty metal palm demandingly, apparently about the chair mess, and judging by the stern look on Woundwort's face behind him, the Turambar begrudgingly empties the rest of the pouch for the robot.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Another holographic device is implanted within the B&amp;G, via mass driver.

Stop stabbing my stuff!

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Strategia approaches.

"OK, so no stabbing. Is blasting OK then?"

Before Ashton can respond, Strategia pulls out a pulse pistol and fires a couple of rounds into the holoprojector. The thing makes an impressive crater.

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

The hologram pops back into view.

There's always remote hologram projecting...

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Not when your remote-projector has just been neatly blasted into subsubatomic particles.

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Ashton walks through a tear in the fabric of spacetime, that closes as soon as he walks through.

I'm in person, happy now?

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

"Yes."

Strategia lifts his gun again and fires.

Several teams of cleaner-bots are required to clean up the mess. Sorry, folks! Though he was just hot air inside!

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

"Oooh you sneaky little bastard..... for this you will PAY!!!!!"

Strategia pulls out a Pulse Launcher Shouldercannon - a really, really strong bazooka for those of you unfamiliar with pulse weaponry - and aims it at Ashton, who quickly evades the first shot. A 'bot does not evade it however, and is gone to the same place those few square feet of wall and floor went.

The second and third shots also miss (but cause pretty much collateral damage and frightens the FBWs, who retreat to a safer place), though the third shot grazes Ashton (well, hey, that's what Babelfish said! I forgot the proper translation for "schampschot") and scorches his wrist a little.

"Sooo..... ready to surrender?"

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

I can't believe these two are bickering non-stop with an FBW's juggs bouncing around...

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Ah, who cares about them.

Ashton tosses a large steak with superglue on the bottom, and it promptly sticks to Strategia's torso.

I'll just let Barry take care of you http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Now then, do you have a menu somewhere?

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

Puberty is a strange and wonderful thing I guess.

Re: Former Chat Bar &amp; Grill
 

It's not that I don't notice... It's that I don't care.

Now give me the menu please... That distilled Eee didn't quench my thirst...

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

Sorry, but my disagreement with Ashton goes first.....

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

Strategia, brush Barry's teeth while you're in there, please http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Growltigger said:
This is a case in point, why do you keep on going for these mass destruction tactics? you obviously have no finesse... you dont just try and take out everything in one fell swoop, you do it in stages.....

Armaggeddon/Ragnarok etc - look at your history and legends, the end of the world is always done in stages, signs and portents leading up to the great event, not just one fell "here is a 10,000 kiloton dirty warhead which kills everything etc"

No fun your way, I think the rest of the patrons here prefer a bit of narrative causality and prosaic higelian dichotomies http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/Sick.gif

This can not be stressed enough...

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

No more WMD. Gotcha. WMG are much funner, especially in handheld versions with sniper scopes.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

I was really really trying with the two long RP posts.. but if only the kids are posting... well... whataya gonna do?

[img]/threads/images/Graemlins/Dagger.gif[/img]Turin

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Turin, your efforts are commendable.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

So we need to post infrequently with long posts?

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

You need to post in the style of the Cantina. That is a small part of it...

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

And the style is?

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

I'm not sure I can state the entirety of it in words, or even that I understand it fully myself, but here are a few ground rules that seem pretty solid:

1. No superweapons. Arbitrarily declaring victory is a big no-no here.
2. No mass cloning, invulnerability devices, or other "trump" technologies or powers that make you impossible to beat. Unless, of course, there is a clear, finite, and reasonably low limit to it (I believe somewhere back in the archives is someone who had four clones, each controlled by an AI from one of the SE games from 2-5, with the SEV one being permanently locked away for fear of the devastation it would cause), or you can make it consistently funny, or possibly if it is a direct counter to someone using a superweapon on you. Using such devices may be marginally acceptable if it's clearly an attempt to establish that you're sitting on the sidelines in a coming fight.
3. Above all, be creative and make it funny. Repeatedly bringing in large fleets (or ridiculously large single ships) and blasting away went out of style LOOOOOOOOOOONG ago.
4. Low tech is good.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

And of course, no spamming. Nobody wants to open the thread to a page full of IRC style chat.
(Note: This applies everywhere)

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

to try and really understand, I would suggest you read the cantina threads in the archives and see how it progresssed from the time it lst became operative, and how cartoon violence and various other things came about and how it was done. That would be the easiest way of trying to explain. We are only trying to help, so don't misunderstand, we want you to feel at home and to take part, just try and do it the way that has been established, From GT's red hot poker cannon to the toilet bowl worshippers in the inner sanctum to the tribble wings and killer mongooses, to Dogscoff's minions living below the cantina. like that which was mentioned before, try and be creative, funny, or start a story line. Or you can just talk with the members in the cantina, however you want, We just don't want it to turn into a spam or chittering chat like a lot of other forums. Thats what makes this place and members unique, we have fun and yet not at the expense of others, we welcome all who come and join. the cantina is for people to have some fun without having to resort to doing it in other threads which are addressing specific problems, ideas, OTs and whatever. So enjoy yourselves and welcome to the cantina.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Go back to page 34 or so (my favorite section) and start reading. Not only will it give you a good feel for the appropriate writing style... it's a hoot! and good reading!

Please find a way to adapt ... or ummm... go back to your Hut.

Thanks
Turin

Oh yeah, unless you're too young to remember it: It helps to think "Dungeons &amp; Dragons"... the part where the DM explains the scene to you. Then just roll (role... get it?) with it.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Sorry Wise One. You type faster than I do apparently.

So ummm... Ditto!

Turin

(Yes, I'm new here but I've been "looking in through the window" for some time)

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

welcome to the best forum on the net, and the wackiest cantina you'll ever find http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif Feel free to join or jump in anytime. and since your new have a brewski (the wize one orders one from a FBW and puts it on SJ's tab) and a round for everyone else (and puts it on Renegade's tab )

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

Renegade returns from a long absence, just in time to see Mac spending his money....again! When, oh when will the wise one learn wisdom?

"I'm sorry I have to do this...I really am."

Reaching into the volumous layers of his cloak, Renegade pulls out a single killer mongoose and slowly puts it on the table in front of Mac. The mongoose slowly turns his head towards the suddenly pale Wise One. Red glints appeared in its eyes...

"Go get him boy!"

Turning away from the grunts and squeals, Renegade looks around for RD.

"Hey, mind tossing me something to drink?? Don't care what, just need to quench the thirst."

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

Mac, Douglas, Imperator and all the rest have got it right.

Strategia and NullAshton, you are welcome here, but you need to understand what the cantina is all about. It is hard to put it in precise words, and as the others have endorsed, I would take the time to read through the original cantina thread (which is posted in the classic forums) and this one.

The cantina originally developed from what was called the Gryphin and Growltigga thread. This was an attempt by Tesco Samoa to stop me and Grpyhin hijacking threads with our spurious style of US/English rivalries. It then developed into the cantina (the one in the classic threads), and developed again into the current thread, when the old cantina was destroyed and my business partner, Dogscoff, tried to take over Tigg-Scoff Industries PLC (which made its money selling carbonated urine to Americans as beer).

They are well worth the time to read. Hell, they make even make a humourous book at some point. If people will buy Harry Potter, they might buy anything?

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

Hey!! It's GT, look everyone it's GT.. Good to see you here again 'Sir'.

I now know why I'm glad to be Canadian and a non-beer drinker. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif Oh, and GT, you are not the first to make oogles of money by selling waste (aka byproduct) but I must say your 'beer-export' business sure explains alot.

Bartender,.. A bottle of Jack Daniels for my friend GT, and put it on Mac's tab. (we can't bee too carefull, since Taz is no longer behind the bar, they might be importing the beer from the States.)

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

Hey GT did you see this?...

You would be the best judge if I did the Cantina Justice. (BTW The Cantina Model was made by Atrocities)

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

I don't need to use parking, thank goodness for that.

Re: Foolish mortal, who?
 

RD's newly developed Bar-tender senses tingle. It's almost as if standing behind a large polished piece of oak for most of the day has beneficial effects. He quickly looks down the vast rack of drink before picking a selection. Ahh, to celebrate the new HGTTG film and the sheer ammount we had in stock...

A muffled voice can be heard from way down the bar as a glass slides at high speed back to Renegade.

"One..Pan Galactic Gargle Buster coming up!"

RD polishes the new sign above the bar.
"We don't serve Minbari under the age of Terminal Death."