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-   -   Jokes and Riddles Centre (http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/showthread.php?t=9958)

Wardad March 1st, 2005 01:29 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Subject: Dead Duck



A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead" he replied.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

"$300!" she cried. "$300 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the billwould have been $40. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

narf poit chez BOOM March 1st, 2005 05:49 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
/me beats Wardog about the head and shoulders with a rubber duck.

rdouglass March 14th, 2005 03:08 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Stuff you learn from your mother:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the shops with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all those sprouts have gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that
way."

My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your jumper on; do you think I don't know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favourite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

rdouglass March 14th, 2005 03:09 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back: "OK, I give
up.

Where's the f*****g ship?"

NullAshton March 14th, 2005 03:10 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Hehe...

Smolf March 14th, 2005 03:56 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Don't know if this one has been posted... Nodwick comic updated weekly

http://archive.gamespy.com/comics/no...ewnodwick.html

narf poit chez BOOM March 15th, 2005 07:08 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Warning: The following humor may not be suitable for those with weak stomachs.

Quote:

Subject: EMS Chips
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 15 Mar 2005 02:32 PM
EMS Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL
To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS
narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective
immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and
abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH
(messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or
HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use
CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go
boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly,
descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like
"negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration
syndrome."

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not
considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal
intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws
up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD
(circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing
records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our
pati ents to include their medical orientations in creating proper
narratives and log entries.


Strategia_In_Ultima March 16th, 2005 08:06 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
LOL Douglas and Narf, that really rocks.

Thinnest Books in the World:

A Female's Guide To Logical Thinking
A Guide To Australian Etiquette
A Millenium Of German Humor
Anagrams Of The Word "A"
Bedouin Olympic Swimmers
'Behave Yourself' by David Letterman
Blacks I Met While Rowing
Blind Dates That Worked Out
Burger King Items That Start With "Mc"
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Countries Where Socialism Is Successful
Detroit - A Travel Guide
Different Ways To Spell "Bob"
Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance
Everything Men Know About Women
Favorite Foreign Emigration Destinations Of The French
Feminists Worth Marrying
French Hospitality
French, 16 Year Old, Non-Smoking Virgins
Fun With Unix
George Bush: 'The Wild Years'
Good English Cooking
Good Norwegian Jokes
Household Uses For Plutonium
'How To Be A Successful Politician' by Jesse Jackson
Italian War Heroes
Jewish Sports Legends
'Life As An Air Traffic Controller' by Ray Charles
Marcel Marceau's Greatest Speeches
Mike Tyson On Dating Etiquette
Mother Teresa's Guide To Erotic Pottery
'My Favorite Barbers' by Yassir Arafat
'My Life As A Woman' by Martina Navratilova
'My Life Without Michael' by LaToya Jackson
'My Thoughts' by Ronald Reagan
National Directory Of Irish AA Members
Olympic Athletes Who Think Sports Are Really Stupid
One-Legged Folk Dances
'On Human Rights' by Fidel Castro
Party Tricks With Boiling Lead
Proud Parents Of Rock Musicians
Public Political Activities During Franco's Government In Spain
Romantic Words Beginning With "X"
Satan's Love Letters
Scottish World Cup Successes
Sign Language For The Blind
Successful Applications Of Artificial Intelligence
Sylverster Stallone's Dramatic Acting Tips
The Genius Of Barry Manilow
'The Road To Lasting Economic Succes' by Boris Yeltsin
The Total Vocabulary Of Arnold Schwarzenegger
Things That Look Like An Apple, Taste Like An Apple, But Are Not An Apple
Things That Taste Better With Arsenic
Things You Could Buy At The World Artichoke Festival
Venezuelans Who Know Spelling
Vice Presidents With Really Good Ideas
'Why People Are More Important Than Animals' by Greenpeace
Young, Single Males Speak Out Against Masturbation

Randallw March 16th, 2005 08:17 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Quote:



Thinnest Books in the World:


A Guide To Australian Etiquette


and I bet you don't know we make some quite exquisite wines, you B!%^&#D. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Strategia_In_Ultima March 16th, 2005 08:19 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Hey I didn't make the list! I LIKE Australia!

Randallw March 16th, 2005 08:31 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
the title pertaining to Arnold Shwarzenegger should be deemed eroneous as he surely has a perfect vocabulary in German. It would only be his expertise in english that could be put in dispute.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 16th, 2005 08:38 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
AGAIN I did NOT create this list..... Geez man! It's just a joke!

Randallw March 16th, 2005 08:45 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Fair enough. We Australians may have no manners but we can get a joke http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Strategia_In_Ultima March 16th, 2005 04:19 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Oi, I dinn' say Awstrayleeins dinn' have manners..... I LOYKE Awstraylia, mate!

narf poit chez BOOM March 17th, 2005 12:28 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
http://www.kingfeatures.com/features...lard/about.htm

Comic for March 1st.

Smolf March 17th, 2005 04:00 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Two guys met in heaven
- I froze to death. How did you die?
- From relief
- How could you die from relief?
- Well, I had a suspicion that my wife where seeing someone else so one day I went home early from work to find out. I looked in the closets, the kitchen, the bedroom, under the bed but there were nobody. I was so relieved that I died from a heartattack.
- Jerk... Had you just looked in the freezer we would both have been alive today http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Smolf March 17th, 2005 04:03 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
How do you know if you are really fat?
- You are at the beach and can hear the whales singing "We are family"

narf poit chez BOOM March 17th, 2005 04:58 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Q: Why didn't the cat eat the chicken?
A: Because it tasted fowl!

Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: Because it wasn't chicken!

Brought to you by a bored Narf.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 17th, 2005 09:06 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Another way to know you're really, really fat.....

You're sunbathing at the beach and a Greenpeace team is trying to push you back into the water.

Smolf March 17th, 2005 02:48 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Quote:

Strategia_In_Ultima said:
Another way to know you're really, really fat.....

You're sunbathing at the beach and a Greenpeace team is trying to push you back into the water.

While screaming: "Save the whale".

Strategia_In_Ultima March 17th, 2005 03:49 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Erm yes..... that's the point of the joke. They push you into the sea because you look like a stranded whale.

How do you know you're EVEN fatter?

If the US launches airstrikes against you to prevent you from standing up, falling over and causing the entire Atlantic to gush over the US and into the Pacific. (if you're in Europe)

Fyron March 17th, 2005 03:57 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Why has this thread devolved to fat jokes? What's next, yo' momma jokes? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif Wardad, save us all!

Smolf March 17th, 2005 05:24 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Quote:

Joint_Chief_SI_Ultima said:
Erm yes..... that's the point of the joke. They push you into the sea because you look like a stranded whale.

I know that's the point... I was just adding a comment to it

Puke March 17th, 2005 08:26 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Quote:

Randallw said:
Quote:


Thinnest Books in the World:

A Guide To Australian Etiquette


and I bet you don't know we make some quite exquisite wines, you B!%^&#D. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Hey, the Austria-Hungarian empire was well on the way to establishing a lasting Middle Eastern peace, before the Russians decided to step in on behalf of Serbia.

Archduke Ferdinand was truely a great diplomat.

I have not been reading this thread, so this one may have been spent already:

A captain walks into a bar, with a ships wheel hanging from his belt. Barkeep says, "Hey man, did you know you have a ship's wheel about your waist?!"

The captain answers: "Aye, and its driving me nuts!"

Alneyan March 18th, 2005 12:21 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
They were speaking of Australia however, and not Austria. It is so confusing to have so similar countries; truly, Australians could have chosen a better name when they built their island in the Pacific. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Alneyan, French *and* non-smoking *and* virgin. Honest!

Gandalph March 18th, 2005 04:14 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Just got this one in an email from a friend, thought it woulld be worth a post.

Wrong Email
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a deadfaint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here

Puke March 18th, 2005 04:42 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Quote:

Alneyan said:
They were speaking of Australia however, and not Austria.

oh, i misread then. verily, australians have no etequitte. and americans cant spell. dont smoke, eh? i supose that next you will tell me you have no fondness for Jerry Lewis.

*ahem*

A man walks into the doctors office, proclaiming "doctor! doctor! you must help me! i have five penises!"

The doctor looks astonished and asks, "my god, man! how do your pants fit?"

Man answers: "Like a glove!"

rdouglass March 18th, 2005 05:18 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I have used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started to become a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out by using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of Liquid Tide With Bleach Alternative. To my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the detectives came by yesterday and told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. Then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. It was quite a relief!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go.

I have to write a letter to the Hefty Bag people too!

Signed,

A Relieved Menopausal Wife

Puke March 19th, 2005 11:24 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
A young monk goes to his zen master and asks:

"Teacher, what is your favorite kind of ice cream?"

the master answers:

"Koan."



http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

TerranC March 19th, 2005 11:26 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Quote:

Puke said:
A young monk goes to his zen master and asks:

"Teacher, what is your favorite kind of ice cream?"

the master answers:

"Koan."

Me no gets joke.

Randallw March 19th, 2005 11:48 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Well a quick Google tells me a Koan is the type of story that that is ie. puzzling. It is a joke that Zen stories make no sense (unless I guess you are enlightened http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif)

Puke March 20th, 2005 05:18 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
and it rhymes with "cone" which is the hollow conical cookie thing that you put scoops of ice cream on.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 21st, 2005 10:53 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Quote:

Randallw said:
Well a quick Google tells me a Koan is the type of story that that is ie. puzzling. It is a joke that Zen stories make no sense (unless I guess you are enlightened http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif)

Where "Enlightened" is that you walk around carrying lots and lots of light bulbs with you? or am I missing something here?

narf poit chez BOOM March 21st, 2005 04:07 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Speaks for itself, I think: http://archive.gamespy.com/comics/do...mic&id=996

Alneyan March 21st, 2005 04:17 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
The players mentioned in that cartoon sure are silly. If you have the muscle and the wits to pull that sort of scheme off, it would be so much better to enslave the whole world rather than destroy it. I mean, why destroy your future playthings?

narf poit chez BOOM March 21st, 2005 05:11 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Um...I don't think they have wits or muscle...Just the brute, destructive force of stupidity...

Kamog March 22nd, 2005 04:06 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
You cannot take over the world in Call of Cthulhu. Even when you win, you don't win, you only delay the inevitable. There are only two possible ways your character will end up: (1) dead, or (2) permanently and completely insane. With a lot of work and some luck you can gain all sorts of powerful magic and mystical knowledge, but you go insane in the process. Once you lose too much SAN, your character is lost.

Call of Cthulhu is an unusual game in that it really doesn't pay to make a strong fighter-type character. You can be the toughest guy in the world and have tons of heavy weapons, and it's completely useless. The monsters and aliens are about a billion times more powerful and more intelligent than humans, and many of them cannot be hurt by physical means. Humans are only sane because they don't know the truth. It'a a rather hopeless situation you are in in that game.

narf poit chez BOOM March 22nd, 2005 04:20 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Yes. That's not the funny part. The funny part is that they blew up the world in a game called 'bunnies and burrows'.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 22nd, 2005 05:16 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
.....and who is this "Cthulhu" persona anyway?

Randallw March 22nd, 2005 05:31 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
I'm going to assume you're being serious. Excuse me that my Elder knowledge isn't complete. Cthulhu (pronounced shoo-thool-hu by the way) is one of the Elder Gods along with The Goat of a thousand young and that which man was not meant to know. basically something like 5 Billion years ago a race of ancient aliens colonised the Earth. When I say aliens I don't mean greys or anthromorphic creatures. Think something like 100 tentacles and even more eyes. I'm not sure, but Cthulhu is about 1 kilometer high (then again I might be wrong) and I once read of a game session where someone tried to attack it the reponse being "What, are you kidding. It's Cthulhu. He doesn't even have a hit point score", as it would be impossible to harm him. The writer (whose name I cannot at this time recall) must have been insane and continually on mind altering drugs, or at least thats what it appears like.

Edit: doh!. Why the heck am I showing my lack of knowledge by trying unsuccesfully to explain when I can link to info

http://www.cthulhu.org/cthulhu/

Strategia_In_Ultima March 22nd, 2005 05:56 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Thank you Randallw. I had heard of Cthulhu before, but I didn't know what exactly it/he was. Thank you for enlightening me.

Alneyan March 22nd, 2005 06:49 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
The writer would be H.P. Lovecraft, in the early 20th century (between 1920 and 1930 for the Mythos of Cthulhu). Other than that, he just had quite an imagination... or was just very well informed.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 22nd, 2005 12:47 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Or perhaps Lovevraft was the person that invented psychotropic hallucination drugs.....

Puke March 22nd, 2005 01:33 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
actually, in the original story, someone escaped cthulhu by ramming him with a ship and 'popping' him.

naturally, he reformed and returned to Ry'leth. but the captain of the boat got away... only to be killed later by a falling stack of papers.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 22nd, 2005 01:56 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
That sucks. That REALLY sucks.

Strategia_In_Ultima March 29th, 2005 04:17 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Quote:




The atmosphere around the offices of Shrapnel Games has *ummm* changed now that Sarge is back full time. So much so that our office manager circulated a memo to the staff last week. Thought I’d share it with you.

“Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “Try Saying” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible
INSTEAD OF: No f___way!!!

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.”

It will be quite interesting to see if these suggestions are taken seriously. I can’t imagine some (okay one in particular) of my co-workers calling “Delayed Again” Brooks “somewhat insensitive” in place of the usual phrase!

Happy Monday!


something I found in the Blog.

narf poit chez BOOM March 31st, 2005 05:24 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconVall...4173/neko.html

Kitty for your desktop, to chase your mouse around, run around, run from your mouse...fun stuff! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Strategia_In_Ultima March 31st, 2005 07:57 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Awww that's just too cute.....

El_Phil March 31st, 2005 08:12 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 
Quote:

narf poit chez BOOM said:
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconVall...4173/neko.html

Kitty for your desktop, to chase your mouse around, run around, run from your mouse...fun stuff! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Jesus that's scary. Talk about a blast from the past I remember using one of those for Win 3.1 which is in itself frightening. Opened the webpage and suddenly mentally jumped back over a decade.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

Strategia_In_Ultima March 31st, 2005 08:17 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre HEHEHE
 
Scary why? It's a little cat thing that runs around your desktop, what is there to be afraid about?


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