Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

carefull with the escelation, chaps.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Ready the barbecue cannons!

The food-processing robots promptly mount sauce cannons, and pepper Strategia's forces with barbecue. Barry gets a large meal today!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

/me will teach Puke escalation!

The Salagull and Seamander forces charge into the B&G, taking his new gherkin legions by complete surprise. Almost half of them are slaughtered before they can react, and the rest is quickly finished off.

"Sooo Puke..... about that escalation thing?....."

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

puke sits calmy and sips his spaten. Looking about the floor that was cleaned by the food processors, he sees exactly two gherkins.

one is quickly eaten by the gullamanders, and the other runs.

Ashtons food processing bots hose down Stratigan's new army with aforementioned BBQ sauce, as they look about the now clean B&G, wondering where the fight went.

With one sweeping 'chomp' Barry inhales half of the gullamanders. The battlesquid, deprived of its spicy gherkin snack, reaches out with its multitude of limbs and starts sucking raw BBQ flavored meat off the bones of the other half.

Sorry Stratigan, I already won the socc---football game. You'll have to come wait for the teams to be assembled for the rematch. Have a pint.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Ashton walks through the oddly clean battlefield, and sits down at the bar.

Do you have any soda?

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Rudy walks into the B&G, and sits calmly at the bar. He surveys his surroundings, and begins jotting things down on a PDA.

He notices puke and the gang, waves, and goes back to jotting down notes.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

"Hmmm.... Funny... Looks like Guinness... Doesn't taste like Guinness though. Wait a minute. Doesn't look like Guinness either!"

Agent Zero swishes a mouthfull around in his mouth before spitting it distastefully back into it's glass.

"It's..... Bud" he snarls.

Onlookers will later swear that the shadows deepened as Agent Zero slowly raised himself from his stool. He slowly turns about the Bar, his nose seeking the smell of roasted, malted barley & hops, until his gaze settles on El Phil. El Phil tries to appear nonchalant, but as AZ moves forward, he panics and drops the Guinness he was hiding behind his back and tries to run.

Only to slip on the spilled Guinness and land squarely on his face. In a flash, Zero leaps across the bar and nails El Phils hands to the floor with Zero's two swords. Agent Zero then yanks down El Phil's pants and administers a spot of colonic irrigation a la Repeating-Custard-Pie Rifle, followed by a rectal de-hairing courtesy of the New Improved (by which I mean enlarged) Red-Hot Poker Cannon, and finishes the job with a blast from his Compressed Tabasco Sauce Gun.

Zero then nicks a fiver from El Phil's wallet and gets himself a replacement pint. Seeing GrowlTigga staring at him in mute shock, Agent Zero shrugs.

"I know, I went too easy on him. But I left my Ravenous Pirhanna Launcher at home."

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

"Thank God I sent my good twin in to do that job for me." El Phil comments. "That looked really unpleasant, not as bad as the Bud of course, but not nice."

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

El Phil speaks too soon, as Agent Zero, having wandered off after his pint, returns with his Ravenous Pirhanna Launcher locked and loaded. After the obligatory concussion on the way in, Zero empties an entire Pirhanna clip into El Phil (the REAL one, this time). As the medics arrive and begin desperately cello-taping bits of El Phil back together, Agent Zero heads for the door.

"That," he says over his shoulder. "Was almost as bad as the Bud."

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

i am NOT a spill!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

RD looks up from the Bar, thankfully Pukes advancement saved it from any real destruction. He quickly get's on the intercom...

"Barry? Yeah, I heard someone mention a Code: Bud in the cantina, Get yourself in here now! I'm not putting my *** on the Line if the Boss finds out American beer was on his Property!!!!"

Outside the roars of an American beer hating T-Rex deafen all and the cantina begins to shake...

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

The robots start moving towards Puke, their processors spinning. Ashton presses a button on a remote, and they stop, cleaning up other stuff.

Sorry about that.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Turin rolls deftly to the side just in time, certainly awake now from the roar of the huge beast, and narrowly avoids being stepped on by the Reptilian Valet

<font color="green"> "Imagine that, I was looking for mayhem and actually found some... silly me."</font>

He strolls back into the cantina stiffly, noting absent-mindedly the bits of hair and skin on the 'Mind the Step' sign.

<font color="green"> "Odd that..." </font>

Noticing something black and fury resting on a little pile of glass shards ... and... glitter? Wtf? Turin picks it up. The sword at his side thrums angrily. It is the E.W.E!!

<font color="green"> "Ha haaa! I sense more mayhem just 'round the corner, me maties!" </font>

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

A floorboard in a dusty and neglected portion of the B&amp;G pops up suddenly, followed by a worse-for-wear Renegade, tattered clothing, blood splotches and all.

"Who put the bloodthirsty carnivorous titanium fanged termites below the floorboards and forgot to tell me!??! :@ "

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

One of Zero's ravenous Piranhas is still loose, and it jumps Phil just as the last bit of him has been sellotaped back in place. Within seconds, Phil again lies scattered across the floor. Strategia issues an order to his troops, and one of the Seamander Bread Pudding Cannons takes the fish out.

Strategia then moves on to duct-tape Phil back into one piece. The result is a fully intact, fully functioning Phil..... encased in a suit of duct tape.

Just as he is finished, Strategia finds a bit of Phil inside still lying about on the floor.

"Oooh dear. Will have to start all over again."

A slight whimper can be heard coming from inside the duct tape suit.....

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

over in the cornor the wize one watches all the meyhem and violence.... Sigh, he mutters, place starting to look like the old joint again.. especially with GT and Dogscoff dropping in again...all we need now is the OLD Gryphin and Taz.... he goes back to drinking his brew and reading his newest research book on creating army minions out of .......

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Having made a small fortune selling thre recently popular "How to create armies of freakish minions for only pennies a day", SuicideJunkie is finally able to pay off all the charges that 'ol Mac secretly ran up on his tab.

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

As AZ attempts to try his next pint it taste different somehow. Really terrible. Only then does he realise the full truth, his tastebuds have become contaminated with cheap US beer. From now on everything will taste of slightly alcholic washingup liquid mixed with piss.

The horror, the endless horror...

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

*puke hands El Phil an orange-hot poker*

its been cooling off for a while, but you can probably still use it to burn the taste buds out of your mouth.

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Careful!
Orange is hotter than red.
Higher frequency peak emission from a blackbody = hotter!

Next episode, the science of fermentation. Everybody buy me a brew for the demonstration.

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Growltigga marshals his Byzantine hordes, and stares around at the cantina..... it is miraculously clean, there are no Geeskats, Salanders or other funny denizerns anywhere, and all there is a large giant squid who seems to have erxpired from eatng one to many gherkins (oooh the smell).....

GT gives the order and his brave mongoose and bagders march back into the kitchen barracks, to ready themselves for the next bout of mayhem...

GT&lt; seeing that the cantina is going to erupt in a fight comprising of spraying carbonated wee wee at each other, decides that the time is right to take a short break...

No way am I washing fizzy p@ss out of this fur?!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Strategia, flanked by a small squad of Seamanders with American Beer guns, stops Growltigga as he turns.

"Going somewhere? FIRE!!!!!"

Needless to say, GT was not happy about this, and Strategia won't be able to sit down for weeks.....

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Too right Strategia, and the smell of carbonated urine fizzling on the red hot poker now imbedded deep up your rectum, together with the smell of Seamander entrails, is just to horrid to contemplate

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp; Grill
 

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp; Grill
 

However, the up and coming battle is going to be between El Phil (nd whatever bizarre and unusual horde he can come up) and Puke (with whatever weird culinary-based army he can conjure up from the depths of his depraved little mind) and Strategia, as the Great Kat, having been showered in fizzy p@ssy beer has taken his bat and ball home and is currently enjoying a couple of half shandies and a rub down with his Byzantine legions in the members only bar

(PS which is armour proofed, nuke proof, flame proof and pretty much anything else proof)

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp; Grill
 

LMAO!

"...and no Black Magic... I call."

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp; Grill
 

"So, it is everything-proof. BUT - can it withstand The Horror?"

With that, Strategia signals his men..... err, Salagulls to bring forward..... something.

It is a cage of sorts, fully closed on each side. No windows, no air holes. Air is supplied through a transphasic airco system. Its walls appear to be at least several feet thick. This is not the case, they are in fact much thicker. From inside, horrible, mad screaming can be heard, and the massive cage sways slightly as something can be heard crashing against the walls from the inside, apparently trying to break the solid hyperneutronium walls.

The Salagulls set the cage on the ground in front of the B&amp;G, then run like hell back to their lines, back to safety, five thousand miles away. Strategia is left alone in front of the B&amp;G. The mocking faces of the patrons can be seen in front of the window. Strategia activates a fully impregnable nano-stored nanoactive armor, then moves cautiously to the crate.

Reaching the crate, he pushes a small button, then runs like hell and instaports to his orbital fleet as soon as he's put a reasonable amount of light-years between him and The Horror.

The patron's faces look less mocking now, in fact they look mildly disturbed. From the inside of the dark crate, a guttural growl can be heard. A shape can be seen moving to the open entrance.

The patron's faces turn white.

The Horror stands in front of the B&amp;G, startled by the sudden bright sunlight. Looking about itself, it realises it is standing in front of the B&amp;G.

A deep guttural growl emanates from NullAshton's throat as he approaches the mortified patrons.....

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

eep!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

Turin had been pondering since his latest embarrassing episode as The King, how best to deploy the E.W.E. for the greater good and the sickest havoc. Then all the hair on his body stood straight up as The-Horror-Previously-Known-as-NullAshton trudged through the door and roared ferociously as he hit his head on the 'Mind the Step' sign.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him.

In a split second Turin melts from his table to the wall behind him. Keeping his ElvisH Cloak wrapped tight and close, he edges along the front windows toward the door. Now that he sees Mr.Ashton a little closer he realizes that he's not so fearsome as he first seemed. It's all shock value really, and the smell is what really gets you... He considers drawing Gurthang and ending this silliness right now.

<font color="green"> "Meh... this'll be more fun..." </font>

Having got behind the beast as it entered the bar, he leaps quickly, and as he passes The Horror's right shoulder he firmly plops the E.W.E. on it's head!!

The creature's advance is now greatly slowed since it can't stop gyrating it's hips and right knee as it walks, and it's mumbling subsonically about "Lemonade... that cool, refreshing drink..."

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

*SuicideJunkie unrolls a banner down the front edge of his table and opens a cardboard box full of merchandise.

Peril Sensitive Sunglasses for sale! HHGG-style, fully functional, only 50 minerals each!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

Growltigga, sharing a happy cheeky half or two with the Badger Captains of his Byzantine Armoured Mongoose Legions, looks into one of the CCTV cameras in his armoured "Members Bar" and looks at the NullAshton smelly thing squatting in the cantina which is currently reeling from Turambars assault and exuding putrid smelly vapours...

I am not paying the cleaners overtime to srot that out he thinks, and reaches over for the big red lever. He yanks that and a large trapdoor opens under NullAshton, sneding him plummeting down into the Pit of Doom..

You will recall from much much earlier posts that the Pit of Doom is basically filled with the overflow of all the nasty things that have washed up in the cantina, which includes essence of Mac, body parts, stinky sneaker seeker missiles, tons of spilt beer, most of Dogscoff's celtic undersea minions, and I think Raging Deadstar as well.

Overall, not a nice place to be......

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

NullAshton walks back in.

Who's been playing with the cloning machine? You know that machine is no longer under warranty!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

Pleased that the Evil Wig of Elvis was able to assist GT in dispatching The Horror, but somewhat miffed that the E.W.E. might now be lost forever, Turin snaps a brief salute at the nearest CCTV camera, draws his Traitorous Black Blade and leaps into the trapdoor just before it closes.

<font color="green"> "Time for some fun! See you all latttteerrrrr......" </font>

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

Has anyone here ever woke up wearing pink bunny slippers and purple pijammas? (GT You don't count for this question since this is your regular atire.)

FYI I think the closest to this I have come is Blue underwear and red socks.

"What do you mean, How much Amonkriean Ale did I drink last night?" Hmmm, come to think of it there are six empty barrels in the corner of my room. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

ah david, if I were you, from now on when you find yourself out and imbibing upon the pleasures of life, you may want to have a video recorder automatically attached somewhere on your attire. This way you will see what depradations you may find yourself in. If your wearing what you described, then I'd hate to see what the other person is wearing http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

David Gervais, Canadian non-drinking tree-hugger and artist extraordinaire you may be, but I DO NOT WALK ROUND IN PURPLE PAJAMAS AND PINK BUNNY SLIPPERS

a crimson flamenco dress, bobble hat and cowboy boots maybe, but that is only on the second Thursday of every month!

Yeah, I remember this, you wake up in the morning after a skinful of ale (or a couple of bottles of Bud to you saddo North American lager fairies) and find yourself wearing a traffic cone, clutching a policemans helmet and for some reason, holding onto the brassiere of your tasty female housemate (the sad thing being you cannot remember if you got frisky with her, you suspect you did, but no-one is talking and it is a real pity cos you have fancied her something rotten all year and she is now not talking to you, but you suspect that is because you might have showed her your famous "elephant impression" (you know, the one where you face her, pull out the pockets on your trousers as ears and then show her your trunk?) just when she actually felt quite amorous)

the alternative I suppose if that you wake up in the toilet, wearing somebody elses clothes, feeling battered and with a lovebitwe on your neck and a note to call someone called "Steve" - in fact, the alternative is worse..

lordy, where would we be but for beer?

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

With a much healthier liver?

The things that seem a good idea after a few drinks. Like trying to win back a £5 bet by going double or quits on a pint of vodka...

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp;amp; Grill
 

the real crime is that i've been off the waggon for a couple months now. virtual pints in the cantina is the closest i come to drinking anymore. no more of those warm and wonderful memories that i cant remember

*sniff*

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

We need some type of big battle again.

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp;amp; Grill
 

Nooooooooooooo!

Truly that has brought a tear to my eye

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

/me rallies his Seamander and Salagull forces again, who didn't know at all why they haven't seen any action in the past few days. /Me then goes on to send them into the B&amp;G and take up position near the entry.

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Kahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhn!

With that mighty cry from El Phil the newly re-armed mongesse legions rally to their leader. Each armed with a serrated adamntium penguin beak and those guns Chris Walken used in "The Dogs of War" they back and ready for a rumble!

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

:: Materializing out of space and time // Strides to the bar // Orders a Guiness // Goes off to watch the room ::

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar &amp;amp; Grill
 

the wize one looks at this new person entering the cantina, hmmm, he looks familiar, The old one mozyes over next to the stranger all dressed in Grey. Howdy stranger he remarks, the stranger turns around and smiles at the old geezer... Hi Mac you old reprobate returns the Grey One, Mac look closer, no it can't be "ITS THE GRYPHIN" HE YELLS now all dressed in Grey and with a name change.... Mac orders a brewski for The Grey one, then hurries over to the window, waters the Thorn vines, and askss the FBW to put his pizza under lock and key

Welcome back Gryphin, who is now known as THE GREY ONE
its been a long time, have a brewski or two, we'll put it on the furry feline GT's tab..
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Strategia's Salagull ground pounders advance slowly, in a testudo-like formation to protect against surprise attacks. They walk into the middle of the Hut, their commander standing at their center.

A sickening lurch beneath them slowly spreads a mild panic across the Salagull forces, as Strategia tries to keep them in line.

Suddenly, the trapdoor beneath them opens, and Turin comes clambering out, indeterminable bits of..... indeterminable things hanging off his sword, clutching the E.W.E. victoriously.

<font color="green">"I got it!!"</font>

With a final scream, Strategia rejoins his Salagull forces at the bottom of the pit as the trap doors close.

"I Will Be Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack....." (sploosh)

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Thanks pizza eatting old codger.
:: Dumps something out the window // little does he know it is a plant terminator which no plant can survive ::
I'll pay for my own. Don't felling like playing with the little kitty today.

Re: The beginning of BWIII!
 

Gryphin the grey? *Insert cheap LOTR joke here*

Re: Phong\'s Head Bar & Grill
 

Strategia saves Phil the bother from inserting the joke by thwacking him on the back of the head with an oversized ping-pong bat, thereby knocking him unconscious, and inserting it himself.

Just as he was about to insert it, however, the Byzantine Mongeese charge and knock him down. The Salagull and Seamander legions are too far away to save him, and he dies in the middle of a horde of battle-frenzied Mongeese.

Then he walks back in through the door.

"My, altering NullAshton's appearance to my own and sending him here was the best thing I have ever done so far....."