.com.unity Forums - Joker: new game, new theme, HA Ha ha

> If you can read the whole story without tears of laughter running
> down your cheeks then there's no hope for you.
>
> NOTE Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to
> the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For
> those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is.
> They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes
> to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the
> Astrodome.
>
> The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who
> was visiting Texas from the East Coast
>
> Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
> chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last
> moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table
> asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I
> was assured by the ot her two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
> wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have
> free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
>
> Here are the scorecards from the event
>
> Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
>
> Judge # 1 A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> Judge # 2 Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
> Judge # 3 (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You
> could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to
> put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are
> crazy.
>
> Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
> Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
> seriously.
> Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
> what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two
> people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to
> rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
>
> Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
>
> Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
> Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers
> Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
> feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine
> by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on
> the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm
> getting ****-faced from all of the beer.
>
> Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
>
> Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for
> fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
> Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
> unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally,
> the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-
> pound lady is starting to look HOT-just like this nuclear waste I'm
> eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
>
> Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
>
> Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
> adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
> Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
> Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
> Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead
> and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind
> me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told
> her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my
> tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the
> pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me
> off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those
> rednecks.
>
> Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
>
> Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance
> of spices and peppers.
> Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
> garlic. Superb.
> Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
> gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm
> worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to
> stand behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than I
> thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my *** with a
> snow cone.
>
> Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
> peppers.
> Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can
> of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am
> worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as
> he is cursing uncontrollably.
> Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and
> I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the
world
> sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
> chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of
> lava like **** to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy,
> they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its

> too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I
> need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
>
> Chili #8 Tommy's Toenail Curling Chili
>
> Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not
> too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
> Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither
> mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3
> passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of
> himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how
> he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
>:D