Re: OT: Despair
 

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Phoenix-D, if you think that one day I'll take a petrol saw in my hands to avenge for my loneliness - you're wrong http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

I don't want to ruin ones lifes while earning tons of money or making my carer. I don't want to break families if I would like to sleep with someones wife. I don't want all these things, considered as life by many people. I speak rarely (well, this forum is an exception http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif ), behave myself polite, until someone infuriate me - then I'll simply stop contacting him/her. I don't want to cause problem to people, but I WANT other people to stop causing problems to me. It's so simple, but unrealistic, to my regret.

Re: OT: Despair
 

going to any doctor and or a councelor can be tough. I went through 4 psychiatrists before i found one that I liked and was comfortable with. The same with medication--I went through about 6 or 7 different kinds before I found one that worked for me. Its trial and error, but for me it was well worth it. My councelor is perhaps the best treatment i have-- he gives me advice to cope, listens and hears and directs me in what to do. It is however your choice, I gaurantee you will feel better if you got treatment.

Re: OT: Despair
 

Yeah, I know you probably wouldn't. I'm just on edge like I mentioned.

Re: OT: Despair
 

Oh God can I tell you horror stories about the psychiatrists I have had to deal with.

So yes, finding one that you CAN trust, and CAN talk to is VERY important. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Most will just want to give you more drugs, and drugs are only good for dealing with the symptoms, not the cause. And most drugs are eneffective or effective in ways with costs.

Counselers are ok, but an hour seems damn short for me. I am not a gangster so I the cost of seeing one as often as is prescribed is to high. But yes, talking to them does help somewhat and should be explored if you can.

Aiken, we all just want people to stop hurting us, and for the most part non of us want to hurt others. Well except for those GD cell phone using, Hummer drivers who think because they are ruch yuppies that they are above the law and can ignor traffic laws. Those SOB's I do want to hurt, and hurt horribly. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Re: OT: Despair
 

Then your not a sociopath. A sociopath wouldn't consider others feelings.
<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Phoenix-D, if you think that one day I'll take a petrol saw in my hands to avenge for my loneliness - you're wrong http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

I don't want to ruin ones lifes while earning tons of money or making my carer. I don't want to break families if I would like to sleep with someones wife. I don't want all these things, considered as life by many people. I speak rarely (well, this forum is an exception http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif ), behave myself polite, until someone infuriate me - then I'll simply stop contacting him/her. I don't want to cause problem to people, but I WANT other people to stop causing problems to me. It's so simple, but unrealistic, to my regret. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">

Re: OT: Despair
 

Renegade:

I'll just add my voice to the others. Go see someone !

Occasional depressions is a part of most peoples life (unless they are totally braindead). I too have had my share. Allthough maybe not as severe as yours, sometimes the depression would go on more or less continually for several years. Beeing the tough guy, I always believed I could handle it myself (and I usually could) and I did not seek any help for it. I managed to pass 40 before before my friends "forced" me to go see a shrink during a bad patch. Should have gone 20 years ago, would have saved me a lot of grief.

Re: OT: Despair
 

How can you survive total heartbreak?? How can it be that some people's live totally suck, while other people fare much better. How can we even endure life, when death is a much better option in many ways, an option that is always there, and always tempting. Is it possible to survive the complete betrayal by a person you love?? Can you?? I don't think so. I think that's why people kill themselves, to escape the pain that life is giving them. To make it stop, once and for all. However, that's the easy option, the cowardly option. It takes true strength sometimes, just to live, just to endure another day of the absolute misery and torture that life provides you as you lot in life.

Re: OT: Despair
 

When I got my heart broken the first time . . . the only time really worth reference. Anyway, when it happened to me I found a little ritual that helped me hold it together.

Every morning when I showered, when I was done, I would turn the hot water off and stand under the cold water for a few minutes. While the cold water surrounded me and my body yelled at me about discomfort and hypothermia I couldn't feel anything else. I did this for six months.

It was a daily release, an opportunity to let go of the problem for a few mintues, because I coudn't hold on to it if I didn't try then. And that's what a guy needs when he's in that place.

Most everything painfull, the things that make us mad and bitter and weak, are memories. They are things in the past that we need to release. Letting go of things is hard, damn hard, but it's the key to happiness, to satisfaction and to peace.

In order to reach peace we must forgive ourselves and others. The more we rail against our failures, the world, or the individuals in it the more we build up the wall of pain that separates us from peace. The majority of this wall must be torn down before anything like Lasting peace can be found, and to tear it down we must let go of those things we hold agaisnt ourselves and others.

Like anything worthwhile, it takes time.

Re: OT: Despair
 

I think your ritual is a good one. Think i'll try that. My way really doesn't work that well....getting drunk really isn't that good of an idea, it only delays the pain and makes it worse in the end.

You talk of forgiveness. I must ask you, how long does it take to forgive someone who has broken your trust in such an aggregious way?? She means everything to me, and she...well i'm not gonna get into that right now. Suffice it to say that I feel like ****. Nothing can help that, nothing can salve the pain. It sure as hell doesn't help that I'm prone to depression, and this has f****** pushed me over the edge.

Memories... i suppose we have to have memories to learn from our mistakes. But is it really a mistake to love someone?? I would gladly make the mistake again, even though it causes so much pain. Even now, i still love her. If she wanted me, i would go back to her.

Why is it that members of the opposite sex always make us feel like ****?? Why do we pursue relationships that ultimately lead to pain and suffering and bitterness? Its human nature i guess. lol for being drunk i hope i'm making sense.

Emotional pain...is the worst thing any man or woman can experience.

Re: OT: Despair
 

Every day my mind crumbles a little more. Every day I have to rebuild.

I think I am a stronger person now than before.

[ July 16, 2004, 04:57: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]