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DRUG ALERT!!!
Police warn all clubbers party goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs". "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Attached Sex Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. Beer Scam At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female. Please! Forward this warning to every fellow male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support Groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages. |
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Arrrgh !!
Now they tell us. No more beer for me (at least today). |
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Does that really happen? Women actually approach men and offer them drinks? Well, if that ever happens to me, I guess I'll only accept if she is pretty. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif
I wonder if this trick works the other way... no, probably not. Women are smarter than men and they'll probably sense that it's a scam immediately. |
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Subject:Training Courses For Men
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop & The Sponge. 2. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet 3. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain?: You CAN tell the Difference 6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away 7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, You Can Throw It Away 8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore! 9. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime 10. Accepting Your Limitations: Haveing Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink. 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash The Towels! 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: How Tell ou're About to run out of Toilet Paper! 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 5-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill 15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970's Polyester Shirts 16. No, Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel 18. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut 20. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh 23. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty 24. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding |
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LOL. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
The training course sounds like a list of annoying chores. Let's see if we can simplify things to be more efficient. 1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop & The Sponge. Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then don't ever step on the floor; it might get dirty! 2. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then empty everything from the closet and put it in the garage: you instantly have a neat, tidy, empty closet! 3. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed There is no need. Just don't look under there and we're OK. 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead Easy. If the item cannot be identified, then throw it away. 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain?: You CAN tell the Difference You can disguise a splatter stain by creating many similar stains, evenly spaced out in a grid arrangement so that it looks like a pattern. 6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away Some containers should be recycled! 7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, You Can Throw It Away See #4. 8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore! There are Online grocery stores where you order stuff on the web and they deliver it to your home. 9. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime Conveniently, listening can be done while doing other things. 10. Accepting Your Limitations: Haveing Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It If you can't fix it, it means you don't have enough power tools; or you don't have big enough power tools. Or maybe you need some Duct Tape. 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink. Beard clippings are composed of organic material and are therefore biodegradable. They will eventually decompose and disappear on their own. 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash The Towels! Are towels supposed to bend? 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: How Tell ou're About to run out of Toilet Paper! You are about to run out of toilet paper when you can see the cardboard tube. 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 5-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill How are you supposed to know how old your clothes are? 15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970's Polyester Shirts OK, examine the shirts... (they look like shirts) Done! Check off that one off the list. 16. No, Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware Solution: just use paper plates and pLastic cups. Throw them away after use. 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel Huh? 18. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them Nobody seems to be around when you're lost. If you do see someone, they're probably lost too. 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut McDonald's, Burger King, Subway ... 20. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It See #22. 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote Solution: get two TV's 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh Why do women laugh? I don't know. (There, I said it!) 23. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty Then you need a new car. 24. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding There's job interviews, too. |
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Quote:
Studies have consistently shown that about 80% of the men will accept a proposition from a strange woman to go to bed with them. In contrast it is 0% when the proposer is a male. In these studies, the proposal is usually made in the daytime and in a benign setting. I suspect the percentages will be a bit closer when the parties go pubbing as both parties are somewhat mentally prepared for it. Women especially are more likely to go pubbing when they are ovulating and will then give many signs of their preparedness for "the proposal" with much skimpier dresswear, more hair flings, more smiles, more eye contact, more 'inadvertent' touching etc. In any event, it is quite a contrast, to say the least. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
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Kamog,
LOL |
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Kamog, Excellent! LOL
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop & The Sponge.
Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then don't ever step on the floor; it might get dirty! <font color=brown>If you could afford a maid why would you ever get married?</font> 2. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then empty everything from the closet and put it in the garage: you instantly have a neat, tidy, empty closet! <font color=brown>Better plan. Leave the stuff in the closet and go pretend to work in the garage till she leaves you alone.</font> 3. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed There is no need. Just don't look under there and we're OK. <font color=brown>Here's some money honey. Go buy a big enough comforter so that it hangs down to the floor.</font> 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain?: You CAN tell the Difference You can disguise a splatter stain by creating many similar stains, evenly spaced out in a grid arrangement so that it looks like a pattern. <font color=brown>I don't know art, but I know what I like.</font> 6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away Some containers should be recycled! 7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, You Can Throw It Away See #4. <font color=brown>The trash can is gender blind.</font> 8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore! There are Online grocery stores where you order stuff on the web and they deliver it to your home. <font color=brown>Statistics show that after work, the supermarket is the leading point where affairs begin in America. But if you really want me to go I will...</font> 9. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime Conveniently, listening can be done while doing other things. <font color=brown>God gave me two ears and two eyes. Do you really need all four to be wasted doing one thing at a time?</font> 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 5-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill How are you supposed to know how old your clothes are? <font color=brown>Since your wife buys all your clothes, she can tell you how old they are. If she didn't buy them they are at least as old as your relationship. Call your mother/ex-wife if you have to know exactly.</font> |
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LOL!
Geo, Kamog, those are hilarious additions to the original posting. I was laughing pretty hard at those. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
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Kamog, geo did you one better! <font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font> Those are great, geo!
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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OMG! There is a divorce lawyer in Austin Texas named: CHEATHAM !!!
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Here's a list of what NOT to give her for Valentines Day:
1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the carmel ones. 2. Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model. 3. Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label. 4. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label. 5. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson. 6. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's. 7. Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..." 8. Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother. 9. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears. 10. A gift certificate. 11. Cash. 12. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't. 13. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?" |
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Marketing Idea!
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed,... 'Guess who?!?!?'" "But why?" asks the man. "Just drumming up business." the man replies. "I'm a divorce lawyer!" |
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Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince. Then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so." |
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Valentine Card to Osama
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," David says. Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock. "Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with new found pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of that mother####er!" |
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A list of rules that guys wished women knew...
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. 2. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 3. Don't make us guess. 4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. 6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship." 7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat. 8. Dogs are better than cats. 9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. 11. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 12. You have enough clothes. 13. You have too many shoes. 14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 15. Your brother is an idiot. 16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a Calendar. 18. Share the bathroom 19. Share the closet. 20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 21. A headache that Lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning. 23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 24. Check your oil. 25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. 29. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 30. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 31. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. 32. Don't make 50 rules when 32 will do. |
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LOL! Those are great, Wardad! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
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Wardad, again, you slay me!!! <font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font>
If I recover, from laughing, I may add/alter your list! <font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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Hey Wardad, I like cats ! In fact we (my wife and I) have 6...
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A married man can be either happy or right, but not both. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif
[edit: and very possibly neither!] Slick. [ February 15, 2003, 21:27: Message edited by: Slick ] |
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Your problem's lying in your bed," the director said to me,
"Murder is easy if you take it logically. It's more fun if he's struggling to get free," There must be fifty ways to kill your lover. She said, "it's really not my habit to be rude, Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued, But the film won't sell if he's only getting screwed," There must be fifty ways to kill your lover. Just stab him in the back, Pat, Shoot out his spleen, Kathleen, Poison his tea, Dee, Before he gets his hands free.... Just feed him some Spam, Ma'am No need to disguise it much... It'll take him out clean. She said, "it grieves me so to see you pause again, I wish you'd do it so we'd print this scene by ten." I said, "I appreciate that, and would you please explain About the fifty ways?" The director said, "we'll rehearse it again tonight, And I'm sure that when we film it, the scene will go just right;" She gave me an icepick and then I saw the light-- There must be fifty ways to kill your lover! Just blow out his brains, Jane, Set fire to his yacht, Dot, Cut the brake hose, Rose, And then the plot flows.... Just feed him some Spam, Ma'am No need to disguise it much... It'll take him out clean. |
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ooo hugs
xxx kisses OOO big hugs XXX big kisses oo hugs for everybody but you OO! big, excited hugs CCC hugs for people you can't quite reach around OOQ hugging with tongue xx@ kisses and earlobe nibbling zzz snoring yyy anything that occurs between kissing and snoring H handshake AAA talk-show not-really kissing [X] kissing in the closet XYZZY a kiss that moves you LLL Armwrestles for all OOO~~~ Big hugs and large caterpillars for all ))) Smiles for all TTT Trees for all jjj gooses for all JJJ big gooses for all OOOXXXYYYZZZ This is illegal before marriage in nine states OOOXXXyZZZZZ Still illegal, but generally not nearly as well received |
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A Child's Prayer
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!" |
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I like 'Remote' girlfriends!
<font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font> <font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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TEST: What the opposite sex is really thinking...
http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000579.html [ February 21, 2003, 20:10: Message edited by: Wardad ] |
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Wardad, <font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font> Where do you keep coming up with this stuff?
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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Quote:
Relatives and other friends send some of the lighter humor. Finally, I search for some of the humor. Lately it's been quiet at work. Our latest IC for the AGB-XXXXXX was delayed a week. Oh well, I think I will go run some tests on the AGB-SP that siting in pieces on the bench. Or maybe I'll put together one of the three PS2s and take it home for a while. ******* Here's one for you mlmbd: A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" He says, "Put it between your legs." "What about the smell?" "Hold its nose." *** |
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Quote:
[ February 26, 2003, 04:44: Message edited by: Kamog ] |
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AGB = Advance Game Boy
AGB-SP = newest model, currently only available in Japan. I can talk about the AGB-SP now that it is on the market. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif I am allowed to say "It is really awesome, buy it." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif I think it looks boxy and ugly. My bosses kids had a lack of excitement when they saw it. But.. It is improved with bigger display, built in backlight, faster proccessor, rechargeable removable Lithium Ion battery, etc... |
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Wardad; you got me again! <font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font> That is 'great'.
If you run out of places for the PS2's to go, I could send you my address! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif <font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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Wow, Wardad, you have a job where you get to work on different game systems all day? Sounds like fun! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
Which game system is the best: Sony Playstation 2, Nintendo Game Cube, or Microsoft X-Box? |
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SEIV is the best!!!!
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A game system in nothing without the games.
PS2 - They pay some of our bills http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Good game system but dated. It needs a hard drive and faster graphics with greater detail for higher resolution TVs (or computer monitor). XBOX - Microsoft http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon8.gif NEED I SAY MORE???? Great hardware crippled by software. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Have you learned nothing about parasites? Kill it before it can burrow under your skin. Nintendo Game Cube - Just OK for small kids. Game Boy - It defines the handheld game market. Game Boy dominated the market by having a large number of popular game titles and a lower cost of ownership (cheaper games and the batteries Lasted longer). Cell Phones with games are seen as a growing competition now. How will Nintendo respond? [ February 27, 2003, 13:59: Message edited by: Wardad ] |
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Wardad, so did you need that address?? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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Quote:
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Advise: Don't fart in front of your wife.
this could happen to you too: *** A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. The wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up scared, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE. *** |
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Wardad, got it. Thanks! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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Quote:
The screen is absolutly not viewable unless you are in very bright light conditions, and then you get a glare from the reflection off the screen. The various add on lights are just a way to get another ten bucks form you and are just as worthless. All the money they spent on the 32 bit processing and graphic power is useless without a freaking backlight Nintendo. So what if the batteries Last longer? Of course the batteries Last longer if you can only play the game for 30 minutes a day when the sunlight is the brightest. Shame on them. Battery life shmatery life. Put a backlight in the damn thing and make the game take 4 AA's instead of 2. Why is that so hard to figure out? Fortunatly there is a company that sells an aftermarket kit to add a backlight to the game. It's another 25 bucks, but since Nintendo won't give me my money back and the stupid game boy is useless without it I will buy it. I'll tell you this though if I had to buy the kit from Nitendo I'd sooner chop the damn thing up into little pieces and mail it to them postage due then give them another dime.[/rant] Phew, I feel better. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Geoschmo [ March 02, 2003, 14:53: Message edited by: geoschmo ] |
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Geo,
Ouch.... That stinks. At least in AZ, I have three days to take it back to the store and exchange it. edited... Geo, I can believe there are a few lemons. Maybe that will change if and when they start using our parts. I do not believe they make any money off the GameBoy unit, they do make money off the game titles. [ March 02, 2003, 18:35: Message edited by: Wardad ] |
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According to the guy at the store the only way I could return it was if it was defective and then I could only get a like unit in exchange. I even tried to get store credit and they wouldn't do it. And this was at a store that I frequent often and has never given me a problem before on returns and excahnges. So I believe them when they say it is a rule passed down from Nintendo. Now state laws in other states may override that. Maybe in those states the store would have to bite it, I don't know.
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Geo,
Right, it is 3 days for exchange of like unit here also. I'm sorry your kid doesn't enjoy it. It sounds like a big disappointment. Maybe some good will come out of the bad experience. He can unlearn impulse buying and learn to check it out first. A very good lesson to learn before buying a car. After that POS Chrysler product, I may never buy a new car again. Now I always check out the Consumer Reports car rating issue (at library) first. [ March 02, 2003, 18:34: Message edited by: Wardad ] |
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just to lighten things up:
*** A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron. *** |
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Wardad, <font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font> I did something like that in the service. It was amazingly funny. Except for the 'Winner'. I gave him back $10. The chances were a buck. He didn't seem to mind to much, then! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
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Ok kids, do not try this at home:
*** After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, West Virginia, and especially Tennessee. *** |
Re: Advise
Wardad <font color=purple>L</font><font color=#9933CC>O</font><font color=purple>L</font> I will make sure I do not try it!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
<font color=purple>mlmbd http://www.shrapnelgames.com//ubb/icons/icon6.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif </font> |
Re: Advise
You can give more than 100%:
*** We have all been to those meetings where someone wants "more than 100%." Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%. First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future. How does one achieve 100% in LIFE? Begin by noting the following. IF : A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, D = 4, E = 5, F = 6, G = 7, H = 8, I = 9, J = 10, K = 11, L = 12, M = 13, N = 14, O = 15, P = 16, Q = 17, R = 18, S = 19, T = 20, U = 21, V = 22, W = 23, X = 24, Y = 25, Z = 26, Then: H A R D W O R K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98% Similarly, K N O W L E D G E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96% But interesting (and as you'd expect), A T T I T U D E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%..... This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE. But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is B U L L S ** T = 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%! *** |
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