Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

and will they involve hideous hordes of sex starved tribbles bent on galactic domination?

and has the USS Phong's Head been fitted with a hand brake? I always wanted to pull a U turn at warp 7..

and does my command chair have a big red shiny button that let's me shoot photon torpedoes?

and will the FBWs be wearing those great one piece outfits from the original series that ended abuot a inch below the belt line (and those knee boots)?

and we have Taz as Whoopi Goldberg, Scoffo as Ryker (what a pillock, me as Jean Luc Le Grand Chat.. who else will everyone be? (NB Ragnarok and/or Raging Deadstar are not allowed to be Deanna Troi)....

and do we get to sing "Startrekkin" all the time?

and will we be arrested for boldly going boldly wherre no bold man has boldly been before.. boldly? whilst boldly drinking and being in bold charge of a space cantina??

Bags the holodeck first for a quick knee trembler with the FBWs!!!!!!

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

And who is going to actually fly this thing, given that most of us are drunk most of the time anyway?

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

I'll be one of the engineers working under Chief Engineer Erax. I'll be like Barclay, and I'll spend most of my time having fun in the Holodeck, or messing things up when I'm actually doing engineering work.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Did I hear this right: I ended up crashing into Siberia just BEFORE I was beamed out? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Now that explains a few things...like:

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">And:
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Or maybe it was this:
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Oh well, I guess I've made a little Whoopie in my time... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif

Here goes - :
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Captain, here is the food you ordered for yourself and the crew. I have taken the liberty to include some Mexican Bean Dip as well! Enjoy!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

this is definitly one of the times when life should not imatate art. loose wild pet rats are not good.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

OK, warp engines are on-line, phaser bank are charged, photon torpedoes are ready to go, the fluffy dice are hanging from the helmsman's console..

Barry is in cargo hold 4, trying to squeeze into a red shirt the size of a playing field.

Doctor Geo is testing the FBWs down in sickbay (Dammit I'm a doctor, not a multi-jointed contortionist!), Commander Scoffo is looking strained on the bridge, Patsy the PVC Pervert is on communications, Commander Erax is playing with his spanner in engineering, Lieutenant Kamog is fiddling about in his drawers, Taz is mixing up some extra strong sauerkraut down on ten forward, Power Man is straddling both helm and weapon consoles, Mr S'Katchoo is playing computer games at his science station...

Hmmmm, I guess a navigator is a bit of a luxory on this trip but when he re-surfaces, I nominate David Gervais as I think he could find his backside with both hands which is more than the rest of us, and as for a counsellor, I nominate Gryphin whenever he turns up to the party....

Number 1, set course for Fart Point. Mr Power Man, Warp 5, engage

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

The script of the real episode, for anyone who wants to see what we're ripping the piss out of.

Cue music, cue credits, episode 1 begins:

Bar Trek: The Becks Generation
Episode 1: Encounter at Fartpoint.

voiceover

Short on beer, the crew of the TSSS Phong's Head is travelling to Anus IV to look into the mystery of Fartpoint, a new brewery built by the inhabitants of that planet...

[ April 30, 2003, 10:06: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain Jon Luc Le Grand Chat stares out of the window in his private lounge, watching the starfield whizz past and thinking long and hard about how they are going to stop this ship.

Where is the damn first officer when you need him??

The debonaire captain coms Engineer Erax. "Erax, have you wired the sickbay to discharge tachyon particles into it?, Aye captain, I have", says the burly Scottish Brazilian engineer. "Yew can oot the neet whenever ye like captain, but you canna fire tachyon particles in the sickbay, cos that'll have the effect of boiling the testicles on anyone in there".

The captain checks his viewing screen and see that only Doctor Geo is in the sickbay, slugging Jack Daniels back as normal and dreaming of abusing hogs..

"Engineer Erax, one large tachyon burst in the sickbay if you please, make it so"

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

oops, double post but it is amusing to listen to the good doctor screaming in pain..

[ April 30, 2003, 13:28: Message edited by: growltigger ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

The sound of a muffled sizzling was quickly replaced by a shieking noise. Dr. Geo looked around for a moment trying to figure out what the noise was, only to realize it was coming from him. He doubled over in pain and dropped to the floor as the FBW's fled sickbay in horror.

The pain subsided quickly and Geo locked the door and crawled up on the nearest bed. As he rested another noise started. A hissing noise as if small ballons were inflating with air. After this came two quiet "pops" one right after the other, and Geo was good as new.

What, you thought heads were the only thing my race can regrow? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[ April 30, 2003, 13:43: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

In command of the bridge while the Captain carries out various "training excercises" in the ready room, the first officer is suddenly interrupted from his contemplation by his old flame, the as yet uncast counsellor Schmoi. She seems to be in some discomfort.

Schmoi: "My strange and mysterious half-alien sensitivity is picking something up. It's just too awful to describe."
Number 1: "What is it? Are you empathically feeling some kind of overwhelmingly deep grief from an unknown source? Or are you aware of the presence of some super-powerful, God-like intelligence studying us?"
Schmoi: "No, the planet we're flying towards stinks of sh!t."
Number 1: "Captain to the bridge. Erax, I need you to re-modulate the shields to screen out nasally offensive radiation. Can it be done?"

[ April 30, 2003, 14:40: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain Slog Stardate half past three GMT

I am worried that the inactivity in the TSSS Phong's Head is making my crew even more lazy than usual. We need an alien infestation to liven them up before we reach Fart Point.

Even better, just beaming in Rags and Raging Deadstar for a quick phaser fight and kicking will do the trick....

Captain Slog to Mr S'Katchoo, switch sensors onto wide sweep to locate Rags or RD

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

As the Mighty TSSS Phong's Head enters the Anus star system, Power Man activates the Aromatic Atom ANALyzer to scan and diagram the system. Using this AAA map he then plots a path to Fart Point.
With a series of deft button pushes and turns the Phong's Head makes it way into the system.
(OK everyone you know the drill. Lean Left, now Right, now Left.. NO Right.)

The ship skims past the Twin MOONS, navigates the thick ASSteroid belt and fully Penetrates the Anus star system. (Are we still rated PG 13 yet??)

The ship arrives at the Planet Anus IV. It appears to be a Class S (for Stinky) planet. Thick blue clouds of methane and other aromatic atoms cover the planet. Power Man adjusts the shields to "Lemon Fresh" to block the worst of the nasally offensive radiation.

"Standard orbit achieved Captain. We are directly over Fart Point Station.
I suggest we orbit in a "nose high" attitude to avoid the worst of the smell. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

"Chief Engineer to the Bridge. Cap'n, I suggest we move her up to a higher orbit. At this altitude, all it takes is one wee bit of unreacted plasma from our nacelles into the upper atmosphere of Anus IV and we light up Fart Point on a grand scale."

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

*As the TSSS Phongs head begins to hover in orbit Of Anus IV they don't know they are being watched by a cloacked ship. It's sleek shape unnoticeable to the naked eye as the suns ray are diverted from it. it slowly moves closer and closer towards the Phongs head before decloaking and firing it's tractor beams. It's a sleek bird like ship, commanly known as a Deadstar Anathema class. The Anathema drags the phongs head closer and closer before a group of 50 Deadstar boarding soldiers are ejected into space. They were genetically modified humans, strong, accurate and could breathe in a vacumn. They begin the task of breaking into the TSSS Phongs Head and eventually breach the hull and begin to take over the ship. The Anathema goes to warp 5 and disapears into the void of space. Meanwhile the TSS phongs crew have to defend their ship from being taken over by the invading Deadstar boarding parties...*

I'm guessing the red shirt ensigns will wound and kill more of themselves than my guys. Anyway this should wake the crew up! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Grmph, whu Huh?

BWEEEEEEE BWEEEEEEEE BWEEEEEEEE

Dr. Geo is awakened from his fitfull slumber on the recovery bed to the sound of the red alert klaxon followed by several thuds which he felt through the hull plating more then he heard. Suddenley the ship lurched and he was thrown from the bed to the floor.

"Dammit, I'm a doctor not a crash test dummy" he grumbled to himself and started to reach for the intercom and find out what the heck was going on "up there".

Before he could the sickbay doors opened and several redshirts ensigns came limping in, leaning on each other for support and suffering from nearly identical phaser wounds to their big toes.

"Hmm, we must have an intruder. Either that or security is having target practice again." With that Dr. Geo began quickly tending to the wounded.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

"Engineering to Bridge. Cap'n, our ship has more holes in it than the Aberdeen defense. Lieutenant Kamog, get yer down here on the dooble."

Erax and Kamog start working on the cargo transporters, modifying them to pick up intruders within the ship and beam them to Barry's cargo bay.

"Cap'n, I believe we have a gude show playing on the Cargo Bay 4 channels."

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Mr S'Katchoo: "Captain, Intruders in Cargo Bay 5, the lounge, the Recording Studio, Pee Wee's Playhouse, and the Brewery!"

Suddenly one of the intruders breaks onto the bridge. Acting quickly, Mr S'Katchoo grabs the intruder's genetically modified "nether regions" and squeezes. The intruder promptly drops to the ground in agony.

Upon seeing this the rest of the crew all cringe in unison and cross their legs.

Mr. S'Katchoo: "Captain, shall I call in the Ship's Band to play something dramatic while we repell the boarders?"

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

As more intruders break onto the bridge Power Man ducks behind the nave station.
"You want Dramatic Music, I have the music ."
Power Man turns up the amps on his suit's CD player.

BWA DUM…. BAW DUM… BWA DUM DELE DUM …

The stirring Trek Battle theme (track 42) BLARES forth.

This causes the intruders to grab their genetically modified, and sensitive, ears and scream in Agony.
Power Man then pulls from his suit his Large, Powerful, Amazing, Long,
Phase Energy Pistol (what were thinking I'd be pulling out??) and proceeds to Stun (see how Non-violent I'm being.) the intruders.
Soon Erax beams them off the bridge and into Barry's cargo bay.

"Captain I have re-set the shields to "Repellent" to keep out any more intruders.
I'll activate all battle sensors and try to spot the one who did this to us."

All over the ships surface small metallic globes open up. These "Steely Eyes" (anti-cloak sensors level 10) will keep a watch for the "Return Of RD" .

And now a word from our sponsors …….

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain Slog, Stardate 12.38 and almost lunch time (mine's a pint).

My orders are to examine the brewery at Fartpoint on Planet Anus IV. The inhabitants have apparently been brewing some really cracking ale that has the added side effect of giving its drinkers X ray vision. It apparently is also the cause of chronic flatulence in the inhabitants of that planet, the build up of methane is threatening to destabilise the magnetosphere of that planet. Planet Anus IV is really in danger of disappearing up its own backside.

I am becoming better acquainted with my new command, this "Cantina" class TSSS Phong's Head. I am still somewhat in awe of its size and complexity, but I have managed to find the boy's cloakroom, the captain's bar and my own shower, although what the button marked "old Faithful" in that shower does is worrying me.

My crew are short in several positions, after all, my first officer is only 4 foot 2" tall. Taz is doing his best in ten forward, although a diet of tribble wings is getting a little tiresome. Our science officer is worrying me, he turned up for duty in red taffeta this morning, whilst singing Jimmy Sommerville hits. I have also had to staple our weapon officers hands to his legs to stop him firing the phasers at anything that moves..

Engineering seems to have disappeared. No-one has seen our doctor either, or the FBWs for that matter.

I have one query, how do we stop this ship?

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Tribbles have wings? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif

Chief Medical officers log: (hehe, he said log. shut up beevis)

My initial excitment at getting to uh, "examine" the FBW's turned to dismay when I heard what our mission was.

"What? Fartpoint? I am like 200 years old in this episode. Aw crud."

Not wanting to be relegated to shuffleboard and prune juice for the remainder of the mission I needed to go back in time. I talked Engineer Erax into bypassing the warp jeffries tube conduit into the tacheyon grid and building up a feedback loop....Aw who am I kidding. I slipped the script writer a hundred and had him rewrite my character as a healthy late twenty-something stud.

Now where did those FBW's get to....

[ April 30, 2003, 12:59: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

While the rest of the crew defends the remainder of the ship, Taz defends the most critical areas:
The Lounge (10 forward) and the brewery. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Using Guinan-like psychology and the most powerful intoxicants on hand, Taz manages to subdue the invaders by getting them all falling-down drunk.

Taz then separates out the lone female boarder for more intense, errr, interrogation later in his quarters. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif

The remainder of the now subdued and extremely happy boarders are beamed to Cargo Bay 4 for security to, ahh, handle!

Taz to Captain: Ten Forward and the Brewery are now secure. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ May 01, 2003, 03:21: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain Slog stardate May 1 08.42 GMT

Thanks to the sound proofing in the Captain's Ready Room, I was blissfully unaware of a foul and heinous attempt by forces unknown to take over the TSSS Phong's Head.

Luckily, my highly motivated and trained crew dealt with the hostile incursion superbly. The strange thing is that when I commed my head of security in cargo bay 4, all I got was a reptilian burping sound, followed by what sounded like hiccups and strange noises which I can only describe as beiing like the a large T-Rex using a phaser rifle to pick bits of meat and body armour out of his teeth. Note to self to ask number 1 what Barry has been up to.

We are now in orbit over Fart Point. What strange things will we see on the planet, who is this mystery foe who seems intent to harm the brave crew of the TSSS Phong's Head.....

End of log.

Captain to Mr Scoffo. Please stop canoodling with the counsellor and our communications officer. Please prepare an away team to beam down to Fart Point. Given the methane build-up, I suggest you take non-smokers only. Make it so.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain Slog Supplemental stardate May 1 08.59 GMT

Thanks to the sound proofing in the Captain's Ready Room, Myself and the ships new counsler, Troi, have blissfully matted. Her screams of pleasure went unheard by the bridge crew. End Log.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

OK, I want the following people in the transporter room asap, equipped with weapons and gas masks:

Barry (for security)
half a dozen redshirts (security backup ie in case Barry gets hungry)
Erax (Engineers are always handy)
Taz (who better to solve a brewery-related mystery?)
Seven of Nine (Eye Candy)

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Realizing that the ship still has more holes in it than the story he's going to tell his wife when he gets home, Erax picks up an anti-proton welder, loads some inner hull plating on an antigrav sled and starts wandering around, patching holes and talking to the ship.

"They hurt you, baby, but it's going to be all right, I'l fix ye right up..."

Intercom: "Engineer Erax, please report to the transporter room."

Erax: "Darn. Er, I mean, Aye, Aye, Mr. Scoffo. Computer, please switch off Holodeck Four. Liuetenant Kamog, quit yer fooling in there and take over patching the hull."

[ May 01, 2003, 10:45: Message edited by: Erax ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Oh no I haven't, I am saving myself for some Orion green-skinned dancing girl!! If it was good enough for Kirk, it is good enough for me!

Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat leaves his ready room and walks onto the bridge. He looks towards the viewscreen and is startled to see an armada of huge menacing space dreadnoughts heading toward the TSSS Phong's Head. Suddenly, actinic fire shoots towards the dreadnoughts, they fire back and the dauntless captain jumpsinto his chair and hits the red alert button.....

Mr Power Man, full shields and load all photon torpedo bays, charge the phaser banks and find out who the hell is shooting at those dreadnoughts......

A message flashes up onto the screen "Game over game over".

The bridge goes quiet, all that can he heard is the klaxon going "Awooga Awooga Awooga". As one, the bridge crew look toward Mr S'Katchoo, today arrayed in a fey crimpolene and winceyette uniform, who is clutching the controls to his playstation 2 and looking a bit embarassed.

Mr Power Man, please re-set your phaser to "extreme agony" and shoot that bloody vulcan (TM) numpty-head in the backside.....

The captain goes back to his ready room for a lie down and a rest

[ May 01, 2003, 15:23: Message edited by: growltigger ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">This statement causes PCP much agony as he visualizes the Captain with a Green Orion slave wentch, yelling at her "Who's yo daddy, who's yo daddy." Atro shudders uncontrollably and considers using phaser to end life.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

When they finaly beam down they will with incredible random accuracy arive right in front of me waving a towel.
Hey guys, can you give me a ride. can I join you? can I have a spify red shirt?

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">A hole in the ceiling opens up and a mountain of Orions immmediately falls out to bury the Captain.

Infuriated, he digs his way out and yells
"I said Orion, not onion!"

A hole in the ceiling opens up and a mountain of onions immmediately falls out to bury the Captain and the mountain of Orions.

"That's better."

Gryph, you are more than welcome. I think 'Tig has already reserved a spot for you on the crew. Look back a page or two.

[ May 01, 2003, 16:50: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain to first officer, Ryker, sorry Scoffo you utter oik, get a cleaning crew into the captain's ready room immediately, I appear tobe buried under a pile of sweaty naked orion green-skinned dancing girls, as well as a pile of shallots...

hang on, belay that order, give me a hour before you send in the cleaning crew, something here needs to be probed deeply....

snicker snicker

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Power Man resets his Large, Powerful, Amazing, Long, Phase Energy Pistol and gives that bloody vulcan (TM) numpty-head a “Brief” shot in the backside.

“Boy I am glad the Captain did not see that it was I who was controlling the armada of huge menacing space dreadnoughts heading toward the TSSS Phong's Head.
I mean we were only.. uh … Practicing our Space Combat lessons.. Ya that’s it.
We were not PLAYING !! “

Putting the ship into PARKing Orbit Power Man asks Mr S'Katchoo , “ Hay I just got a beta copy of Space Empires: Starfury for the Holodeck. I hear that Holodeck Four in available. How about we go down and get in some more “Practice”?

Power Man pushes a button on the controls. A large green light starts flashing. The light is labeled “Designated Driver Device”. There, I’m ready. Lets go have some fun Play— er Practicing. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Science Officer S'Katchoo turns away from his Science Station to answer.

Mr S'Katchoo: "Starfury? That game has proven to be vastly subpar to the much better designed Master of Orion 3."

At that moment a vast intelligence stirs...

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

MOO 3 !!! I heard that the game is SO BAD even the COWS don't like it !!

If you don't want to join in a game of Starfury me I guess I will just have to go to the holodeck and Play with it by myself....

At that moment a vast intelligence moans ....

(insert Trek "Unknown Danger " music here) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Mr S'Katchoo takes a new piece of tape out and tapes his eyebrow even higher to express his surprise at PowerMan's response.

Mr. S'Katchoo: "Very well. I will join you for some "practice". Although i'm certain my combat skills will diminish from the experience."

Mr S'Katchoo folds up the chair he's been using on the bridge and takes it with him as he accompanies PowerMan to the turbolift.

Elsewhere, a vast intelligence whistles while reading a copy of Naussicans Monthly in a SuperEvolved bathroom...

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Just as Taz was about to give the female raider some particularly deep -ahh- probing questions, the intercom tells him that he is required to report for an away mission. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Taz gives the prisoner a bottle of the bubbly and the complete collected works of the Three Stooges to keep her occupied.

Now where was that pistol? There it is!
Taz picks up a pistol like that Last used by Jim Carey in The Mask (You know - the one with eleventy-dozen barrels and attached rocket launcher) and grabbing his ACME gas mask, whirls out the door.

Taz is on his way! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Ooops. I mean: Taz is on his way, SIR! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ May 02, 2003, 05:06: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Yes, Sir!

Kamog goes to the duplicator and produces several rolls of Duct Tape. OK, now. I'll get that hull fixed up in no time. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

[OO(NE)C] (out of (non-existant) character)
Duct tape RULES THE WORLD!!!

In response to "love holds the world together," my younger sister once replied, "no, it doesn't - <u>duct tape</u> holds the world together!"
-I have trained her well . . .

-- An appreciative lurker. (BTW, any of you hang out at the Ambrosia forums? (EV:Nova is being ported to PC! YAY!) They have some great cantina-esque threads - - Leviathan Cruise Lines http://www.ambrosiasw.com/webboard/F...L/008044.html# (now over) and Bright Star Station http://www.ambrosiasw.com/webboard/F...L/009764.html# (new)

[/OO(NE)C]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Captain to ship's compter, Mabel, please locate Mr Power Man, he is in holodeck 4 with Mr S'Katchoo? good, please send 10,000 volts through holodeck 4 and then tranpost them both back to their stations on the bridge.

We shall have some discipline on this ship. Computer, sound yellow alert. I want this ship ready for anything in case the away team meets trouble on Fart Point.

Gwaihir, no lurking in this thread whilst the TSSS Phong's Head is on Yellow Alert, unless you fancy donning a red vest and joining the away team on the planet as an expendable, I mean, useful member of the security detail.

Arm phaser banks Mr Power Man, Mr S'Katchoo, please ensure that our anti-sniff field is at full strength, Commander Kamog, please ensure that the warp engines are on line and ready to go at a moments notice.

I have a bad feeling about this. We shall have to wait for Commander Dogscoff to report....

The Captain sits in his command chair, staring at Patsy the PVC Communication officer and waiting for a report from Commander Dogscoff.....

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Mr S'Katchoo unfolds his chair and takes his seat at the Science Station.

Anti-sniff field? Mr S'Katchoo doesn't see any such device on the board. The Captain's been sleeping in the Warp Exhaust Chamber (re: Bathroom) again, muses S'Katchoo.

Mr S'Katchoo is the creative sort though, so he replicates several hundred clothespins. With pins in hand, Mr S'Katchoo visits every member of the Ship and clips the pins on everyones noses.

Lastly, Mr S'Katchoo visits Barry in Cargo Bay 4. After a Velveeta Mind-Melt, Mr S'Katchoo clips a giant novelty pLastic clothespin, which he obtained in the Dollar Store on Deck 16, onto Barry's giant schnozz.

One quick trip in the turbolift later and Mr S'Katchoo is back on the Bridge.

"The Anti-Sniff Field is up, Captain."

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

A slightly scorched Power Man takes his position at the helm. He hopes he can get back to game some time soon. He and Mr S'Katchoo were having a “Fascinating” time practicing ship combat manuvers.

He sets the shields to “Tough and Super Absorbent” so they can stand up to any thing and soak up the damage. The “Steely Eye” sensors are staring all around for any cloaked ships. Power Man puts the ship into D1 for Defense mode one.
He tests the phasers by neatly cutting some nearby Asteroids in half (turning them into Hemi-roids).

“Helm and weapons at Yellow Alert. Phasers armed and ready Keptan, I mean Captain. “ Sorry it must be the clothespin on my nose.

Don’t worry about sending the away team out through the shields Captain. I happen to know that this ship’s transporter system is equipped with a Penetrating Energy Emitter from the Cat-heter company . The Penetrating Energy Emitter is a long tube that extends from the ship and penetrates the shield trough a small slit. It serves to guide the transporter beam (yellow in color) through the shields and can be aimed to hit any spot we want.

Commander Dogscoff U R Not going to like this but don’t you think the best way for “Number 1” to travel is through the PEE tube? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

*Silently 5 spherical droids float through space from the surface of Anus IV. They slowly head towards the TSSS Phongs head. They quickly pass through the fluctuations in the shield and slowly begin monitoring the movements of the ship. After the boarding attempt failed the Deadstar Continuum decide they must observe and learn more about these intruders and keep them away from fart point*

Available Information.....
The TSSS Phongs Head is a cantina class starship. Equipped with specialist shields and Photon torpedoes. Information on the crew is limited, although all attempts to hail the ship have been met with a pvc synthetic lifeform commanly referred to by humans as "a blow up doll!" Our informants have informed us that the captain is from the homo labido offscalus felinis species and has a penchant for good attractive women, this may be used to our advnatage.

*One of the droids manages to slip quickly through one of the holes that kamog hasn't taped up with impenetrable duct tape and quickly activates it's hologram projector to blend in as a red shirt ensign. It's mission: to observe the crew and gather information on the Phongs Head. To blend in effectively he hobbles around after a self inflicted phaser bLast to the foot!*

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Power Man,
Are those PEE tubes completely tested? I understood that they frequently will spray the transported off to the left or right or sometimes even dribble them out.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

After completing level 3 diagnostics on the warp engines, Kamog goes back to patching holes in the hull. He bumps into the red-shirt ensign limping around with a severely burned foot.

"Ensign, take this roll of inpenetrable duct tape and climb up this Jeffries Tube. There's a damaged power conduit up on level 17. Go patch it up. ...wait, what happened to your foot? And why don't you have a clothespin on your nose? Hmm, I don't have an extra clothespin but I have these Vice Grip pliers you can use. Go report to Dr. Geo in MedLab - uh, I mean Sickbay - and get him to look at your foot."

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Mr S'Katchoo looks up from his Science Station and address' the Captain before he leaves for the Planet surface.

Mr S'Katchoo: "Captain i've completed my survey of the Planet's atmosphere. I'm detecting glucose-frucose, water, tomato paste, molasses, vinegar, salt, modified corn starch, natural hickory smoke flavour, onion powder, ground mustard, dried garlic, spices, and seasonings."

Captain: "Mr S'Katchoo, those are the ingredients from the bottle of Barbecue Sauce on your Station!"

Mr S'Katchoo: "Indeed? Perhaps we should harvest the Planet Atmosphere and sell it."

The Captain puts his head in his hands. Mr S'Katchoo though unwinds the bottle of Barbecue sauce and applies it the the hamburgers cooking at the built in Barbecue Console.

Mr S'Katchoo: *sniff*sniff* "Ahhhh... Lunch anyone?"

*sizzle*sizzle*sizzle*

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

**Having almost missed their cue because of the clever disguise in an ingredients list, a mass of Onions materializes over S'Katchoo's head and tumbles down into a neat little conical pile, burying him completely. Fortunately for everyone on the bridge, the clothespins prevent the stench from being too overwhelming, but Unfortunately (or fortunately . . . you cruel people! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif ) S'Katchoo's clothespin is knocked off by the vegetable deluge.**

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Taz, always on the lookout for new security devices, adds the following sign to all doorways throughout the ship:

,-----------,
| TO ENTER |
| HERE SAY |
| "ONIONS" |
'-----------'

That should take care of those pesky intruders! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[ May 05, 2003, 04:03: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

[OOC]

Ok, this is a pertinent question, even though it is OOC. And no, i'm not lurking, i'm checking for purposes of joining.

Just to confirm, although we are using TNG episodes, we are using original series characters, and original series color scheme, right?

[/OOC]

A crewmember walks into the bridge, pulling off his shirt as he does so, covering his eyes. He finishes removing his shirt and stops with his hand halfway to Powerman's backside.

"Uh, hey, you're not the shower knob! And, er, this isn't the shower!"

Everyone on the bridge stares at the crewmember, standing there holding his (no its not red, its blue!) shirt in his hand. They notice that the clothespin came off of his nose when he was removing the shirt, and wonder how long it will take for him to notice the smell.

"Uh, sorry guys, I thought this was . . . wait, whats that pile over there? It's rustling! is someone under there?? An what's that puddle leaking from under it? I wish i had my tricorder, but its still on my workbench . . . oh wait, lets see, those must by those vegetables from Earth, er, what is the species, uh - - oh, right . . . Allium cepa! (Well, so he got lucky, don't worry, he'll fall for it later!) I guess that puddle must be tears from that incredible sten . . . wait, where's my Anti-Sniff device http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif ?"

He puts his hand to his nose, his eyes go wide with shock, then, true to cartoon chemistry, the effect of the smell occurs, and he's out like a light, stiff as a board, and he's made like a ship and keeled over (we mustn't let Powerman have a monopoly! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif ).

As he lies there, it is noticed that he has pointy ears. People on science crew might recognize him as Lt. Gwai, a science officer, who tends to be very curious, plays with gadgets waaaaay too much, and has overclocked his tricorder (among other projects he is rumored to have).

* now, could someone please cart me off to sickbay? I have an intense case of Super-Allium poisoning from those darn On . . . allium cepae!!*

[ May 05, 2003, 04:35: Message edited by: Gwaihir ]

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

Kamog to Bridge: "Hull repairs are complete, sir. Warp engines are on line and at 100% efficiency."

Having completed his tasks for the day, Kamog returns to Holodeck #4. Noticing that #4 seems to have a power outage, he moves on to Holodeck #3.

Hey, what's this sign on the door? "To enter here say -" he almost reads the rest of it, but stops just in time, having remembered the bad experience he had a few days ago.

Kamog: "Computer, load program Kamog-Alpha-3-Epsilon-8-Gamma-14."
Computer: "That program has been deleted. Please select another."
Kamog: "How about FBW-CTW-2500?"
Computer: "That program requires command level authorization."
Kamog: "Uh, then just load whatever."
Computer: "Program loaded. Enter when ready."

Just as Kamog is about to go into the Holodeck, he hears a loud rumbling noise coming from upstairs.

That was from the Bridge! I better go up there.
... ...wow, a pile of food!

Kamog goes to the barbecue station to have some burgers.

Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">OOC: From what i'm gathering along the way is that the rules are more loose than Easy Edna on the corner over there ->

Easy Edna: *HIC* "Need company tonight, big boy?" *BURP*

I don't think we've decided on uniforms, but there are characters here from TOS and TNG, so it's likely fine for you to pick whoever you want (that hasen't been taken yet) and run with it.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

OOC2: Instead of Turbolifts, how about we use Demoralizinglifts! Whenever you get in one, they degrade you non-stop until your destination. And they can be voiced by the assistant-air traffic controller from the movies Airplane & Airplane 2 (the balding possibly gay white guy).

(EG) Demoralizinglift: "Where did you buy those shoes? And that shirt! God their awfull. And that haircut looks like a brillo pad that's been washed in the toilet of a mexican restaurant! Did you choose this career or did they draft you from the Sperm Donation Clinic?"

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif