Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

The hooded figure, head down on the table in front of him, mumbles incoherently in his slumber.

"....(mumble, mumble)....(muffled shout)...GASOLINE!...(mumble, snort, mumble....)"

EDIT: 1500th reply to the thread! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

But the bar is closed...

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Ashton plants explosive charges on the closed sign, and on the doors, and whistles while walking away, pressing the detonation button. BOOM!

Not anymore!

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

"The Bar is open, except to all who threaten the patron beverage of Her Majesty the Queen."

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Guess I'll have to quit working on my nefarious plot to rid the world of that most horrible of beverages.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

the old wize one, puts up the open again, remodeling completed, bar and kitchen are open, FBW are on duty for your cuisine pleasures......

(of course the cost of the remodel was put on Tim's and Richard's tabs and Gt's to help spread the cost around http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

bump http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Hey, that hurt!

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

bump, have to keep it a going, before the Fyron Minions, eradicate the thread http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Don\'t let this place die!
 

So Mac, does this make you one of those 'Things that go bump in the night'? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Re: Don\'t let this place die!
 

just because I'm older then most of you young whipper snappers doesn't mean i still can't do the "bumpity bump http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif hohohohoh

cough cough have to recharge .......

Re: Don\'t let this place die!
 

must waaarn all new forum members,,, do not, repeat, do not.. mention in any form the "O" word http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Okra?? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Onomatopoeia? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: O\'s??
 

Orthography?

Re: O\'s??
 

Here's a hint: it's a vegetable that begins with O. It's a vegetable that has many layers; it's a kind of bulb. You cut it and it makes you cry.

But here's an old question that nobody seems to know the answer to: What does "circle the wagons" mean??? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif

Re: O\'s??
 

On... oh. Okay, shouldn't say that word.

Custom of bringing the wagons into a circle when being attacked, hiding in the center and having the advantage of attackers having to move through the circle to attack.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

"Circle the Wagons" in reference to Gryphin. Before your time NA http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif Almost before my time here.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

The door opens with a bang and a burly barbarian strides into the cantina (eh sorry, bar/grill) carrying a rusty (yet pointy) spear.

Hushed whispers can be heard at the tables.
- Could it be ?
- Nah it surly can’t. He’s gone forever to richer hunting grounds.
- It sure looks like him.
- Smells like him too..

The big barbarian walks up to the bar and orders his favourite drink (silently crushing the tiny umbrella hoping nobody will notice) and turns to watch the crowd. Some old faces, some new. Some a bit greyer, some young pups grown into men. All still ugly as hell though.

Tracing runes of protection in the air with his rusty (yet pointy) spear he creates a magic bubble around himself and whisper the magic word: Onion

Tons of onions starts falling from the rafters pinning the proprietors to their seats. Only the Primitive one is free to move in his magical bubble.

Being sure of having everyone’s attention the big guy smiles and says: Missed me ?

Hi guys, been a while.

Got an e-mail yesterday from one of you about poker and I realised I have missed yall and owe you a little update. My Poker playing is going great and I’m now playing semi professionally. Mostly grinding at mid levels at the internet but I’ve also done some of the major live tournaments. Yet to score in those though so the big riches have eluded me (so far). Still, making more dough now than I did working full time. I’m also working on a web project that may or may not be launched in a few months time. No time for any SEIV unfortunately.

Drawing another rune, the Primitive one conjures up 200 French Chefs. Ecstatic they picks up the onions and runs off to make French Onion Soup.

Hmmm,
Why do you all have tears in your eyes. Is it the onions or is it me http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Hello, Primitive, welcome back, it's good to see you here. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Good to see you again Primitive. Been a while. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Renegade slinks off to his customary corner, hood firmly entrenched over his head, trying not to gag as the horrid stench of foul root-like vegetables overwhelms his olfactory senses. Green eyes gleaming beneath the hood, Renegade rests his head on his hands, attempting to sleep...though with the horrible stench, it's not likely.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

sitting at my corner table beside my fake window with the fake rain drizzling down I notice the tall burly barbairin walk into the bar. I was mildly amused by the torrent of ongions, but ongions make me Fart! I let a few dozen silent (but stinky) gas leaks escape my buttocks..

LoL, welcome back Primitive, I'm still lurking, your post caused me to de-lurk. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

..now back to the land of lurk..

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

That and the "Gryphin Position" was the topic at the time when I first stumbled into the Cantina.

I didn't stay just for that mind you http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Welcome back Primitive, has your journey into Poker provided you with a deeper insight into "pillage, then burn?" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/smirk.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Hi Primitive, good to see ya back and to know your poker is going well

in regards to circle the wagons.... in this essance of use on this particular theme, it does not mean the common tongue of circling the wagons to fight off menacing, hairy nasties... It pertains to a certain form of enlightenment to satisy the urges of ones basic nature. However, the theories and hypothosis that were put forth to describe said ritual have still to be approved by the Gryphin who is now the Grey One. In conjunction with "circle the wagons" another form was also put forward which was the "Gryphin Position" alas, this too has never been fully explored or explained and the theories, conjectures, and hypothosis and descriptions of this raw, basic, natural, ritualistic behaviour has never been fully explored, ratioinalized, or admitted to by said parties involved in the original discussions of these 2 most memorable rituals. For further inforation, I would suggest you go back into the archives and look back when the lst cantina was born and the discussions concering the aforementioned were lst brought up and discussed. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif If the great furry Kat Growltigga is around, he may further enlighten you on these topics as he took part in the initital discussions with the Gryphin)now Greyone), myself, Tesco and a few others. it makes for good reading and is one of the classic discussion threads. (ps. if you blush easilty, then this discussion is not for you) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

The old wize one watches as the back again essance of Primitive laughs and moves away after casting forth the banned "o" word. He's been gone to long, the wize one muses, he forgets, no one is immune to the "O" gods....
just then the roof of the cantina raises up, and the largest, most ugliest of giant Onions looks down on the small, puny, primitive.. One never learns it belches forth, and then the thin covering slides down and envelopes primitive and his failing force field.... he is dragged up screaming, crying and begging for forgiveness, but alas, it was to no avail.... A huge maw opens on the countenance of the Onion God, and swallows the primitive, with a crunching sound, and then gives forth a loud belch, smiles and leaves leaving behind a a disolved force field, and a slimy, grease mark where the primitive once stood...... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

He might also enlighten you as to the use of the venerable Red Hot Poker Cannon™. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

"Mushrooms!" Turin blurts out randomly.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

you know full well that there was nothing random about that blurting.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Yes, but without seeming randomness, it's more of a call for challenge than an invitation of mayhem... so I had to try for random.

[i]Turin holds his forearm up as it to check his watch, and several slimey grey shapes materialize above the electronic device on his wrist. With the push of a button, the fungal projectiles streak in rapid fire succession at the "miserable vomitous mass" named Puke and plunge messily into his disheveled form... spraying several patrons with his bile-like essence...[i]

<EDIT:> "Weeeeeeeeeeeee! 700 posts..."

Re: O\'s??
 

the mass of bile undulates, and soon small lumps appear on its surface. as the vomit coverd shroomlings erupt back out of Puke, he takes a swig of 151 and (after quickly gargling) sprays it out over the regergitated mushrooms.

with the wave of a bar candle, the litte formation of vomitey fungi are ignited into burning mushrooms of doom, and they march with flaming menace towards Turin's table.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

We need another hybrid animal invasion to liven things up I think.....

Re: O\'s??
 

what? flaming, bile-covered mushrooms aren't good enough for you?

Re: O\'s??
 

"For those wanting to place an anonymous tip about Strat to PETA, there's a pay-phone in the back."

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

"..What?"

Re: O\'s??
 

You know, I believe my food processor robots are still around...

Re: O\'s??
 

The "Burning Mushrooms of Doom", now sentient food-stuffs since embued with the essence of Puke, seem unaware that their high level of malice is not paired with high stature! As they march amongst the tables in ranks of three, scarring and charring the floorboards in their wake, their tiny new lives of hatred are snuffed out one-by-one by the unwitting boots of B&G patrons. A solitary flaming fungus reaches the table of the Turambar, whereupon he makes a disgusting sound in his throat, hocks up a pearlescent green loogie, and extinguishes the fierce little beast with a flippant "P'tui".

No, apparently flaming bile-covered mushrooms are not enough! Oh well, easy come easy go...

Re: O\'s??
 

[i] A long, slow trembling sensation starts to rumbled through the ground beneath everyones feet. Slowly, but steadily, the vibrations grow in intensity. Cups rattle over and off the edges of tables, pictures on the walls tilt madly and fall crashing to the floor, pointless bling-bling jingles like Santa's sleigh-bells......

Then, with a tremendous crash, the front doors fly open and through bursts a man in a stained and dirty lab coat. He dashes into the middle of the room, pauses and cathes his breath.

Then, as the smell of something....just wrong....begins to permeate the room he suddenly stands bolt upright and screams...."<font color="red">RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!! THE SKUNKUPINES HAVE BROKEN LOOSE, AND THEIR HEADED THIS WAY !!!</font>", turns and flees out the door again. He can be heard mumbling something about hybrid animals and having "oopsed" again.......

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

good gods, man. sentient gloop hurling floorboards? incoming skunkupines? and why did Ashton just run into the broom closet? Doesnt he know that time machine was sold on ebay weeks ago?

but wait, theres a method to this *ow* -- who hit me with a floorboard? -- method to this madness. That gloop is pulling up floorboards and making a track. it leads from the door, to the...

just then dozens of small creatures covered in black spines with white racing stripes pour through the door. they are coralled by the reshaped floorboards, and they run in a nice arcing path to the broom closet.

non-chalantly, puke closes the door behind them.

a cry of suppries is followed by yelps of pain, and a slowly wafting but increasing stench.

man, now how are we going to get the smell out of here? and how long do you think it will take them in that closet with Ashton, before they run out of quills?

And is this gloop going to clean its self up, or *ow!* hey, quit hitting me with floor boards!

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

the old one watches the goings on, smiles and mutters to himself, ah,, everything is back to normal here... he then orders his usual brewski, bacon, eggs, hash browns and rye toast...

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

RD Quickly grabs one of his comically over-sized six-shooters, the ones that fire 7 shots. There's the sound of impossibly loud gunshots, a rotten smell and interesting curse words.

"If you're monsters touch anything behind this here bar, it's on your TAB!"

The announcement is made less intimidating by a clothespin on RD's nose.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Re: O\'s??
 

covered with scorch marks, and with splintered chunks of floor boards sticking out of him, a look of panic washed over puke's... ...features

in slow motion, RD shakes his head as the lead skunkupine calls out the order: "Fffffffffiiiiiiiiii-----"

Puke leaps through the air, and describes a gracefull arc towards the bar "iiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrr-----"

As a large mass of vomit, Puke can disable his olfactory senses when the need arises. But more important things need to be saved. With a wet *splork* he lands.

"rrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee!" and the skunkupines discharge their oily stench. RD is coated with truely horid things, and his eyes begin to burn and water.

Fortuneatly, a large mass of vomit is covering all of the taps. With a newly formed pseudopod, puke turns on the one labled "Spaten" and with the two little shovels on it. Ahh. the beer is safe.



what? no one else thinks its good that their taps are covered in vomit? what?

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

As if the pandemonium wasn't enough as it was, an eardrum-rending scream suddenly penetrates the Cantina, getting louder and louder.

"Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnn!! !!! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHNN NNNNNNNN!!!!!"

All patrons get a stunning (literally, the scream's pitch is high enough to paralyze the brain stem for a short while) demonstration of the Doppler effect, as a figure recognized by some as The Dreaded Strategia bursts through the front door, crashes through the bar, creates a gaping hole in the rear wall, leaves a trail of destruction through the back area and smashes right through the rear wall, to vanish in the night, still screaming.

Re: Not Quite THAT Poor!!
 

Perhaps the stench of the skunkupine is also effecting his brain, but as they discharge their stinky weeapon RD is hit with an image, that of growltigga and the glorious fights of old, the red hot poker cannon.

He raises one of his six shooters and fires a bullet at the lead skunkupine's... 'jacksey'. The result is a incendiary explosion which RD misses the brunt of, passing out from the awful smell behind the bar.

* Cartoon Physics state that noxious gases are flammable.

Re: O\'s??
 

Many noxious gasses ARE flamable. I think the particular you are after, is that in cartoons skunks would be farting methane instead of spraying an oil.

As if I didnt already have enough scorch marks on me from the Texan's blaster, RD's muzzel flash sets of a FAE generated by the skunk emissions. The skunkupines are blown across the room, and bounce about, rolling like pillbugs.

The pressure wave blows Puke off the taps, and spatters him all over Turin.

Great, now I have to re-coallesce.

Re: O\'s??
 

Re: O\'s??
 

The old one looks at the possible Brewski Destruction. THATS IT HE YELLS

HERE YE HERE YE, THE BREW TAPS AND BREWSKIS ARE OFF LIMITS TO ALL MEYHEM AND VIOLENCE IN THIS HERE CANTINA. THEY MUST BE PROTECTED ALONG WITH ALL FBWS....

VIOLATION OF THIS SHALL BE UNDESCRIBABLE

SOME THINGS ARE SACRED AND THE TAPS AND BREWSKIS ARE SOME...


Completeing his long winded speech. the old one thks the putris mass for protecting the brewskis and gives him a medallion which will protect him from the lew worshipers...
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif