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- - Jokes and Riddles Centre (http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/showthread.php?t=9958)

narf poit chez BOOM

September 4th, 2003 09:00 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Quote:

The copper wus leggin' it afta this geeza darrn the chainy when iz torch fell n e bugg'd darrn the ol' apples n pears e nearly brarn-trou'd imself', und e stretch the swannie t see is ol' dear stand'n dare in the buff.

near as i can tell, a cop was chasing somebodey and climbing a chain-link fence when he dropped his flashlight. during which, he or somebody else, lost his pants.

Quote:

READ THE OFFICIAL POOP REPORT STORIES:

No Thanks!

[ September 04, 2003, 08:10: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

dogscoff

September 4th, 2003 04:04 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Quote:

3. There are two pLastic jugs filled with water.
How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

If the barrel in question was that of a double-barrelled weapon, you could pour one jug of water down each http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Quote:

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Boxing day.

Oh, and Narf, you're not even close, I recommend a correspondence course at the Dick Van Dyke school of painfully bad cockney.

Wardad

September 4th, 2003 11:42 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Can you say the "B" word... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

9 things to hate about everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the Last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their butt!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb--s?

[ September 04, 2003, 22:43: Message edited by: Wardad ]

narf poit chez BOOM

September 5th, 2003 07:04 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

a few points to cool your temper.

Quote:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

automatic reflex, some people talk with there hands.

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

the remote is an item they own, nobody wants to lose something they own.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

yes, but you can't have a cake and eat all of a cake.

4. When people say "it's always the Last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their butt!

yes, but what they mean is it's the Last place they would look.

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

it's an exclaimation of suprise.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

there being exesivily polite. you can then growl at them before they actually ask there question. and you do have a choice. you can ignore them.

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

advertising is at least 50% lies. in this case, their trying to convince how much better it is. consider this back-up for your analysis.

8. When people say "life is short". What?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

what they mean is life is going by fast.

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb--s?

the bus might have come and you might have missed it. in this case, there asking 'do i have to wait a long time, relatively, for the bus to come around again?'.

yes, i know you probably got this off a website. but if these things bother you, you really need to relax and listen to what people are really saying. because, for some reason, humans don't always say what they mean, even when there communicating what they mean.

the mouse is analytical tonight.

dogscoff

September 5th, 2003 10:17 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Quote:

yes, but you can't have a cake and eat all of a cake.

Oh yeah? Watch me....

*Dogscoff rapidly devours a large gateaux in the cookie-monster style.

Urp!

See?

geoschmo

September 5th, 2003 02:21 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

[quote]Originally posted by Loser:

Quote:

That said, look here. You know you want to. You can get things like the following.

Oh man! That is so cool.

Here's a few more we might, or might not recognize. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Quote:

It makes the examinaci�n to the protection of disowned the points of the chain!

The planets of the mineral are the thing more better possible.

Its development is narcotic!

We found many that I placed the rich ones of the zones in the form of vicinot of the star.

We admired its new progress.

They have speeds to him arrives of them in an angle. He we must be war.

Exactly if we not trusted the option are not violent species. We explained the war with carefree they company.

We concerned unfortunaty the one which their activities do not leave them chosen good. The war they has come from the way.

They had dissolved them during the Last mark! It has a war!

Their cities are burned by our fire vengeful!

narf poit chez BOOM

September 5th, 2003 08:28 PM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Quote:

Everything, that one that is being broken outside the B here, is cut
he one and the free wax he becomes that he stabilized to each moneies,
hearted, around to this in paying of the order. The form extracts the
given mine yesterday, the troUsers that the probability of ptthhb,
where it is attributed, extracts each Qian in the necessity.

can anyone venture half a guess as to what this might have been?

Quote:

This gift of this, if an English expression (calculation) with having of two the a to translate, that is sensible between 5 diverse Languages? The authors of the software of the translation of SYSTRAN had had probably never to say this intentional use of the relative program. In date 2003 of July, it almost has the place with something to give the affluent return to the translation of the text of the software that seriously comes launchings from a language, that to spill itself repairs in the values and leggibili the other grammaticale he and in the conclusion of grammaticale of one for the technology of the language. But software equips this, of which it follows with the 10 translations with the same part of the text does not stop. The abundance requested, since then that sustenations of this time that one of the return of the direction of Willeextrangeiras and for English halves is and of her that does not answer sequitur with an almost certain similarity with the pipe of the accumulation totally. "Telephone" old man of the man of Emfatizou; Game;? Something is lost and to the times it benefits to something. They arrest it! he examines

this survives rather well. 3 times.

[ September 05, 2003, 19:40: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

Loser

September 6th, 2003 01:23 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Quote:

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
a few points to cool your temper.

Angry man ranting about things that don't really matter is funny. I know some people don't like this style, but George Carlin, Dennis Miller, Hunter S. Thompson, Dennis Leary, and even Jerry Seinfield make quite a bit of money off making people laugh at this stuff.

That said, look here. You know you want to. You can get things like the following.

Quote:

excess 9 all to to be hated things,:

1. Popolila not with its pulse when to request by the time... I know, where my pulse of the detonation that I am bar, where hell I am with you? I move in my cramp, if I to request, of where toletta?

2. They stop the person, that one that can above obtain to list ulteriorly of its cook, the end to try ignition the zone completes the external part of the game of the television, because it rejects, to the game of the television and the change to go the advice manually.

3. If people said "Oh, would wish to make him her cakes straight and to eat too". Putrefa the right part! Good which is a cake, if you he cannot eat them?

4. If people always to "it passed of the place you look" opinion. He is natural. For which hell he to continue the lheo to occupy the one that based? People do this? Who and where is? Its extremity goes that it gives an effect!

5. If people to say with the commentary of the film of "did, see that?" To lose, I did not pay $12, the end to come to the film of I he and the alla.vista to the premises from the repaired floor.

6. People, those too much question?" "Can I ignited around to the attitude you;... he requests. One chosen did not give, given it really here to the forms the sun of already?

7. If he is new something it turns ' e! mejorad�. Which is he? If it is new, therefore never he gave to something before him. If it is an improvement, later something before it must have and.

8. If people to say, "life are short". That thing? The life is the thing more of possible length putrid, the those all same ones that never! That thing can do that one you are longer you?

9. If you stop to take well-taken care of of the sweep-bus and you them "Has have the necessity somebody, until yet?" of the sweep-bus; it comes. If the sweep-bus to come, deaf person -- of S it arrested here?

Krsqk

September 6th, 2003 04:06 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Maria had a small lamb, small lamb, marcature small, Maria had a small lamb that that trapunte this began that the snow was the woman of the objective of the woman.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Here's a list of the new features in WinXP that's probably more accurate than the standard one:

Quote:

The edges of Windows XP with dispositi again you, program improvement and the tools to him. He sees what___s of the news; he makes the examinaci�n of a Exkursion of the maintenance; They approximately inform to the programs the fact that Windows XP, including that one the systems, contains accessore of the equipment and the communications and the programs of the maintenance. Lee to contain of the article of the complete descriptions, the end to obtain the main duties of the beginning for the conclusion. He tries the marks for him is in the glossario, trusting not very. He in line learns the advantages of the celebrity of his copy of Windows XP.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

And this one, which started out as "Do you, John, take this woman, Mary, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward?":

Quote:

For Kong Shi during of grippi of two days and for and of this woman and von maul to the left of the progress wedded to woman, is is he political it due to the signal of the marcatura, cyon of the part, that he and disappears, has?

The progression there was especially amusing. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

[ September 06, 2003, 03:18: Message edited by: Krsqk ]

Kamog

September 6th, 2003 06:56 AM

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre

Quote:

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />
Everything, that one that is being broken outside the B here, is cut
he one and the free wax he becomes that he stabilized to each moneies,
hearted, around to this in paying of the order. The form extracts the
given mine yesterday, the troUsers that the probability of ptthhb,
where it is attributed, extracts each Qian in the necessity.

can anyone venture half a guess as to what this might have been?<hr /></blockquote>Everything outside is broken! He cut up everything, including the ball of wax, and didn't pay for it. I'll extract the price of my troUsers from him, using whatever means necessary.

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