Re: Powerless
 

I am sorry Peter, i did not have the possibility to help, otherwise i would have done it.

Havis of Ulm

Re: Powerless
 

I tried twice, but I can not seem to connect to the server.

Re: Powerless
 

Server was down. In the future, use this thread for server problems and information.

Re: Powerless
 

The elders are growing old pangeae,let's not try to take to long in bringing down some walls

Re: Powerless
 

Just waiting for Caelum.

Re: Powerless
 

Sorry guys, have been away from computer for several days(construction work underway) and currently cant connect to the server.

Re: Powerless
 

I can't connect either. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/frown.gif

Re: Powerless
 

Me neither

Re: Powerless
 

Most of washington state has been out of power for the past couple days. It could be a little while before Sheap gets the server back up, depending on where it is located.

Not Powerless
 

Power has been restored. Server should be available again tonight.

Re: Newbie game 2 [Open]
 

Server is back up. Atlantis, Pangaea, Caelum, Ulm are out. Timer is running, 24h starting now.

Approaching Storm
 

The necromancer focused, putting all of his energy into keeping the beast moving. As it lumbered across the plains, the ground shook. Not only was the necromancer on the wicked thing’s back but so were several other beings. They were three lizardmen on one long seat strapped to the back of the creature and a human on another facing the lizardmen. The human looked at one of the lizardmen.

"Anything elssse?" the human asked.

"Nothing that I have not told you already, my lord" the lizardman answered.

"Very good, Dingir," replied Sissassuss. He turned his head toward the lizardman wearing gilded scale armor. "What isss new on your end, Namchadnessssar?"

"Ulm and R’lyeh are continuing to battle each, and there doesn’t appear to be a clear winner, yet. Agartha and Abysia are near death. Both of their months are numbered. The most important thing I have to report is that two Ermorian assassins have been found and killed in the mountains. I have given out orders to the various armies to step up their efforts in weeding out any more of these evil humans from our lands. Such a move by Ermor seems to indicate that they are preparing to invade. We must remain vigilant, my lord."

"Agreed." Sissassuss turned his head to the final lizardman. "Update, Ama’ushumgalanna?"

"We are still working on repairing the building, my lord. I believe we may require your magic to actually get it operational once everything is cleaned up."

"Very well, get it cleaned up quickly." Sissassuss looked out at the horizon. Flashing thunderheads were approaching the plains, and rumbles were heard in the distance. "A storm is coming."

Dingir looked in the direction of the storm. "You know, I often see the citizens of C‘tis commit the worst of crimes during a storm. Everybody is running for shelter. You walk down a street you normally wouldn’t, and you get robbed and murdered right there. It is all very disturbing."

Sissassuss squinted at Dingir, examining what he said. Then he looked out at the storm again, in deep thought.

Re: Approaching Storm
 

Sounds like some-one is summoning behemoths http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Re: Approaching Storm
 

An unexpected event has occurred in Sheap's Server.

A clumsy farm animal has reset the turn timer. Faith is increasing but the turns seem to go slower.

---

If Ulm doesn't play by the original time I will go ahead and force host. This is in about 12 hours from now. Say, 12:30 PM US Pacific time on the 21st.

Re: Approaching Storm
 

Hello,

I might not be able to get in turns between the 23rd and 26th due to visiting my mother (who might or might not have access to the internet).

I will try to get the turns in, but can't promise anything.

CharonJr

Re: Approaching Storm
 

Forgot to force host the server at the appropriate time. Turn is up now. Sorry about that.

Re: Approaching Storm
 

Charon: Could you get a temporary sub to keep your turns going? That way, you wouldn't fall behind quite as much.

Anyone Out There?
 

I'm bored. Has anyone had a national hero show up yet? I have not.

Re: Anyone Out There?
 

I've gotten that big blue blob guy Auluudh, but then again I am playing with foolish Luck/Chaos scales.

This game has proven very educational so far on the merits of high morale troops. I'm starting to think that I'd be better off without buying PD or slave troops at all, just because their 8 morale causes me to rout as soon as somebody trips and gets an owie.

In other news, Ermor's gem income has really shot up during the past few turns! If I was a militant god I'd go investigate for some of these acashic-searched uber provinces! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/evil.gif But I value our peace too highly! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/smile.gif

Re: Anyone Out There?
 

Most of my C'tis troops have morale of 9! Of course I have access to high priests and lizard kings for sermon of courage.

Ermor makes me nervous. They are the only Western Alliance nation that borders the mountain pass, and their forces along the border grow every turn.

Which reminds me, I have seen some of your battles with Ulm, and I thought I saw an initiate of the deep or something like that in one of your armies but he didn't have commander status! Was I seeing things? Oh, and since C'tis has good relations with both you and Ulm, we have no intention to interfere with your war.

Re: Anyone Out There?
 

Aboleths start with enslave mind and, against independents, Fire Rear is a pretty effective order with that attack. Hence the enslaved, non-commander Initiates of the Deep.

Re: Anyone Out There?
 

I can assure you guys that Ermor is a peaceful nation. We have always looked upon R'lyeh as our wet friends and C'tis as our friendly but mysterious neighbour.

I did had some luck with site searching (and capturing Abysias capital earns me 5 more fire gems) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif but with national heroes I am not as lucky... haven't got any national hero so far.

Re: Anyone Out There?
 

C'tis didn't realize that sending assassins into a neighbor's lands was considered friendly.

.
 

Exscuse me i will not still be able to play until jan 2 beacause, ill be out of town.
Happy new year!

Havis of Ulm

Choosing Sides
 

Ama’ushumgalanna opened the wooden door and closed it behind him. He was in an underground room. It had a pair of torches at the door he just walked though and another pair flanking Sissassuss’s chair. The circular room was large enough to allow shadows to dance on the edge of the room. The Sauromancer approached the God of C’tis, who seemed to be waiting calmly in his chair. The earthen floor was soggy and he could hear water dripping from the ceiling.

"You sent for me, my lord?"

"Yesss, Ama, I have two tasssksss for you," Sissassuss replied with his usual hiss. "Firssst, I want you to get the Conclave to ssset sssome ssslavesss to ssstart digging a hole jussst outssside the sssity."

"A hole?" asked Ama, clearly confused.

"Yesss. It doesss not matter where, just ssso long asss it isss outssside the sssity. I want it big and deep."

"Is there anything in particular that we are digging for?"

"Not really. The sssecond thing I want you to do isss deal with a rebel in the Conclave."

"There is a rebel in the Conclave?"

"Yesss, the Sssauromanssser isss attempting to sssow dissscord in the Conclave. He mussst be ssstopped. C’tisss isss at too a fragile posssition at thisss time to have dissssent amongssst high ranking officialsss."

"Who is he?"

"You may know him asss Ama’lishia."

"My brother?! You must be jesting! My brother has always been loyal to the nation!"

"Your brother hasss grown jealousss of you. He believesss that creating unhappinessss in the Conclave will resssult in you being forsssed to leave my ssside. He wantsss your posssition. Your brother’sss loyalty isss not to the nation but to himssself. He mussst be dealt with."

"I will talk to him."

"No! You will...," Sissassuss paused for a moment, trying to think of the right word, "passsify him."

Ama, looked at the ground, trying to make a decision. He kept staring and pondering. Certainly he was not going to do what he was thinking. He had no choice though. Or did he? Finally he raised his head and met Sissassuss’s gaze.

"Very well, my lord." Ama’s words came quickly. He immediately turned and left the room.

Dingir appeared from the shadows at the God’s side.

"Are you sure it was wise to send him to deal his brother?"

"We will find out sssoon enough. I mussst make sure that Ama will remain loyal to me and the nation. He hasss become powerful, and I would hate to have that power backfire."
----------
Ama’lishia had been working late that night. He was getting drowsy at his desk when he was startled by someone entering the room. He looked up and saw his brother.

"Ushum! What brings you to my office so late at night?" Ama’lishia stood up and extended his hand.

"I hear you have been trying to undermine the nation," Ama’ushumgalanna said with a somber look on his face.

Ama’lishia’s smile faded away, and he lowered his hand. "Sissassuss is doing the undermining. He is destroying C’tis, and you are helping him to do this."

"So you admit it?"

"What? Admit to trying to save the nation? Of course I admit it. Listen brother, you have to quit helping him."

"He is the God of C’tis."

"So says he! Open your eyes and ears. Do you not see the riots in the streets? Do you not hear the C’tissians cry for the lost Council? The evidence of our nation’s undoing is all around us! Sissassuss is destroying all that we hold dear about C’tis. Join me, Ushum, and we can bring peace and order back into the Swamp Kingdom."

"I will not betray Sissassuss."

"So instead you betray your nation?! Loyalty is nice, but blind loyalty is for fools. If you will not move from Sissassuss’s side, then I guess I will have to save C’tis myself."

"I can not allow you to do that."

The two brothers stared at each other for a moment. They both knew what was coming. Ama’lishia knew he could not overpower his brother.

"Guards!" Ama’lishia cried out, hoping they would scare his brother away. Ama’ushumgalanna just stood there though.

"They have already been dealt with," Ama’ushumgalanna said grimly.

Ama’lishia paused for a second, thinking about what he should do. Then he through a fist at his brother, hoping to knock him to the floor. Ama’ushumgalanna dodged the attack and grabbed his brother’s wrist. He quickly placed his other hand on Ama’lishia’s shoulder.

"Ahhh! What are you doing?!" Ama’lishia cried out in agony.

"The Hand of Death destroys all," replied Ama’ushumgalanna in a heartless voice.

Ama’lishia looked at his brother one last time and saw a void where there used to be a person. He had become a mere instrument of destruction for Sissassuss to use. Then, everything went dark.

Re: Choosing Sides
 

Ulm, T'ien Ch'i, and Pangaea, you guys have about two hours left to take your turns.

Confrontation
 

It was raining in Minz, a steady drizzle that leaked from the leaden sky like sand from a broken hourglass. Beneath the rain and the sky lay the mountains and, beneath them, the plains of Minz spanned from horizon to horizon, lush, fertile, and full of life. Today, however, the plains of Minz had become a place full of death.

Arrows sped through the sky, thick as gnats on a rotten fruit, above bellowing Steel Warriors and into the chaos of the R'lyeh ranks. The glassy-eyed spawn of R'lyeh paid them no heed even as the shafts fell, wreaking unimaginable carnage amongst the melee. Nearly every arrow found its mark amidst the swarming R'lyeh host; hundreds of Slave Warriors and Lobo Guards flopped to the muddy ground, filled with more wood than most trees.

But the spawns of R'lyeh felt no fear, save for that of their terrible masters, and they pressed manically on, crashing into the Ulmish lines with overwhelming numbers. Though each Warrior of Ulm is tall, well equipped and skilled, the incredible numbers of their foe gave momentary pause to their blades and, for a moment, it seemed as if the lines would be broken.
But at that very moment, the Wizards of Ulm unleashed a terrible new weapon, summoning the Steel of the Earth to the surface and releasing it in geysers of razor-sharp blades into the sea of R'lyeh soldiers. The blades were not mortal to the Warriors of Ulm thanks to their might and thick armor, but they inflicted even more carnage upon the minions of R'lyeh than the flights of arrows, if that was possible. Even the prophet of Sijansur himself, the mighty Tsagosh, was overwhelmed by the onslaught of blades, arrows, and Ulm Warriors.

The sea of spawns, visibly reduced but still vast, receded from the battlefield, leaving behind their uncounted dead and an ankle-deep red mud that stank of rotting fish and seaweed.

There was a momentary peace, there in the rain, as the wounded gasped their last gasps and the living sucked in great lungfulls of the foul air, momentarily thankful for continued life.

But even as the once-numberless horde of spawns dwindled, dark shapes appeared behind their ranks; huge, tentacled, and horrible. From the flanks they slithered, sliding across trails made slick and traversable by the spilling of their minions blood. Behind them billowed a horrible dead-gray fog.

A murmur ran through the lines of Ulm: Sijansur, slayer of men, had appeared. But Mord himself, the godly titan of Ulm, was with his people that day and his command was to stand firm. The faith was strong. Warriors made ready, and volley after volley of arrows was fired at the approaching horrors or into the fog, but to no effect.

Then, with a crack of lightning, the Monsters reached the battlefield and all dissolved to chaos. Men hacked at tentacles and fins only to find their swords pass through the ethereal body of their foe, clank harmlessly against Iron-tough skin, or, worse yet, inflict some small injury only to watch the wound close itself immediately. And though the monsters were ungainly, even helpless-seeming, they proved quite deadly indeed. At last, with their army literally disolving around them, the generals of Ulm crossed their enchanted steel for an oath to Mord and sortied against Gordius, leader of the R'lyeh Mind Lords. Though each felt as if his mind were leaking from his ears (as, horribly, they may have been), each man was driven by a fanaticism for Mord that was beyond cognition. As one, they drove their steel through the four tentacles of Gordius' body, grounding it in the soggy earth before succumbing to the astral predator. And Mord was not blind to their sacrifice. With his remaining magic, Mord opened the sky and called down His Wrath upon the pinned Gordius, blasting its body with one Thunderstrike for each brave general. With it's highly conductive ironskinned flesh and steel grounding, Gordius writhed with electricity for an instant before bursting like a tomato squeezed a Jotuns fist, showing the field with smouldering tentacles and ichor.

Seeing the triumph of their faith, the Ulmsmen let out a raged cheer, and the remaining Aboleth Mind Lords trembled in sympathetic dread; thoughts of Mind Lord mortality, especially great ones such as Gordius, were anathema to the Great Race and shook them as the death of a million slaves would not.

But even as the Mind Lords faltered, the fog rose up as a great wave, blotting out the cowering monsters and hiding the fields of the dead. Silently, it crested and fell across the ranks of Ulm. And from the blood-drenched fields of Minz, only screaming was heard.

Re: Confrontation
 

Wonderful stories! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Confrontation
 

Bah sorry about the stale turn all, I was out of town. I should have no more stale turns for now on http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Confrontation
 

Sorry about the stale turn(s) I dont remember the last time i checked this game. Tien'chi has proved a bit of a bore for me. If no one can be found to replace me, ill just set myself to ai.

Re: Confrontation
 

I warned i was out of town

Re: Confrontation
 

What news, elsewhere in the land?

Does the triple alliance of Kailasa, Ermor and Sauromatia still hold? What earth-shaking deeds have they gone on to accomplish?

Sauromatia has climbed to the top of many graphs, though I have neither heard nor seen any sign of their empire.

Atlantis seems to be growing.

Any other interesting events going down?

Re: Confrontation
 

C'tis feels safe with the second largest military, and we are dominating in research.

Re: Confrontation
 

Things are exciting in the lands of Pangaea. We have eliminated Agartha and turned our attention to Tien Chi.

Re: Confrontation
 

Sauromatia's empire is built upon the bloody fields of countless foolish independent nations, whose foolish opposition saw their rebellious leaders executed and skinned alive! The bodies of the Light Infantry of genericprovince #1 and the Light Cavalry of genericprovince #2 are piled high in skinless piles, in which they are piled without skin!

Then there were some troglodytes and some heroes in otherwise normal provinces! That took some more time! But now there are piles of very big and irregularly shaped skins, for glorious Sauromatia did defeat their foul forces and take trophies from their flayed hides!

And then there was a mutual defense pact that resulted in Abysia disappearing, and thus many wonderful fields of soot were made available for the mighty legions of Sauromatia to march over, waving banners made out of the skins of their enemies, which were piled in massive piles of skinlessness from previous skinnings!

A Hole
 

The taskmaster cracked his whip at a slow moving slave.

"Work faster," he barked. Another taskmaster came up to him and started talking in a quiet whisper.

"So have you figured out why we are digging this hole?" One of the slaves overheard this and threw the taskmaster a nasty look. "Get back to work," he yelled, cracking his whip.

"No, not yet," replied the other taskmaster as the slave walked away. "I think that Sissassuss has lost his mind. I can’t believe that he replaced the C’tissian police with those pale riders."

"Well, at least the riots are down. A fact I am surprised by. I thought that after the public found out about Ama’lishia’s death, chaos would reign."

"I heard that all they found left of him were some ashes."

"Well, I heard that he was eliminated, because he was trying to build a resistance against Sissassuss."

"All I know is that it was a major loss. He was the only one in the Conclave who was ever against taking independent territories."

"Too bad there are not more peaceful Sauromancers like him."

"Quit fraternizing!" The two taskmasters quickly turned around and looked up to see Namchadnessar standing at the edge of the hole, glaring down at them. They immediately separated, walking in two different directions on the scaffolding. "I hate taskmasters. They’ve no sense of honor," he muttered to himself. Namchadnessar glanced at the sky. It was another hot and humid day, just the way he liked it. His gilded armor gleamed in the sunlight. His armor was a matter of pride to him. Namchadnessar had spent most his life climbing through the ranks. As a lizard lord, he was well known, but it was when he led the C’tissian army to victory after victory against the wild independent forces, that he became a hero. Unlike most commanders, Namchadnessar preferred fighting on the front lines alongside his troops. Such actions were impossible after he got stuck with a spear in his leg. He had a limp ever since then. Slowly, his heroic deeds got outclassed by more powerful beings, but he is still a hero to C’tis.

Namchadnessar looked down into the hole. It was large and deep. There was scaffolding everywhere. The predator lizardmen chipped away at rock with pickaxes. Taskmasters made certain that everything kept moving smoothly. This was the first day he actually saw the hole. Normally Ama’ushumgalanna would oversee the project, but Namchadnessar needed some air, and Ama, as Sissassuss would refer to him, looked like he could use a break. He suspected that Ama was behind his brother’s death, but that was a matter Namchadnessar would prefer to not talk about.

Namchadnessar saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned around and saw Sissassuss approaching him.

"Greetingsss Namchadnessssar. Where isss Ama?"

"I relieved him of his duties for today. It looked like he could use a rest. Should I go get him?"

"No, I jussst need you to get everyone out of the hole."

"Why? Are you not satisfied with the progress?"

"The progressss isss acssseptable, but it isss time for me to finish the job."

"Very well." Namchadnessar alerted some of the taskmasters to get the slaves out of the hole, and returned to Sissassuss’s side. "Is there anything else you want?"

"Return to the sssity with the diggersss. I wish to be alone."

"Very well."

Sssuperb
 

Ama’ushumgalanna walked through the twisting tunnels. His feet caused the small amount of water that had collected on the floor to splash. Torches were placed periodically throughout the tunnels so that when the light of one had almost ended, the light of another began. The air was damp and warm, perfect for a lizardman. Ama’ushumgalanna finally reached the end. He pushed open the wooden door that stood in front of him. There sat Sissassuss in his chair. Ama’ushumgalanna looked at one area of the room and noticed a small well.

"So that is it?"

"Yessssss," Sissassuss drew out his hissing longer than normal. "I trussst you know what to do."

"Of course, my lord."

"Sssuperb. Let usss rid the world of sssome of it’sss illsss." Sissassuss rose out of his chair, walked past Ama’ushumgalanna, and closed the door behind him.

Re: Sssuperb
 

I have received information from allies telling me I am at war with Ryleh, is this true? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Sssuperb
 

Lord Cathbad,

This message is being sent as we siege the capital of Ulm. It seems a new pretender has usurped the throne of Ulm and that is the reason for the unexpected attacks against our people. He is now holed up in the last stronghold as our forces destroy what is left of the Ulmish kingdom. Everything goes as expected in our war verses the aggressors except for one thing my lord.

A messenger from Rlyeh has come and explained it is not our right to defend our people or be agressive towards those that would attack us. We have been given an ultimatum and our "friends" from the sea seem to have ambitions that are not in the best interests of Pangaea. Last month sir, a fight between our people was adverted by chance that some renegade Ulm rebels retook a province.

I am sure messengers will be sent from Rlyeh to our capital and I thought you should know the complete situation before negotiating. Also my lord, our closest ally has sent messengers to our force saying he will not help us if war is waged between us and Rlyeh. These are dangerous times and our neighbors grow envious of our success.

Haiphastos, Centaur Cohort Commander

Re: Sssuperb
 

Pangaea and R'lyeh have patched up their differences without bloodshed. Yay, fluffy bunnies!

Re: Sssuperb
 

Currently, Sauromatia finds itself attacked by two countries. It shouldn't be too hard to guess which two.

Re: Sssuperb
 

Only three hours left to go Potatoman.

War!!!
 

It is time Ermor. It is time for destruction, chaos, and death. It is time for blood to be spilled and lives to be lost. For too long the Serpent Kingdom has stood by while your nation has enslaved our brothers and used them as pawns in your deadly game of chess. No more, we say! C'tis declares war upon the filthy nation of the Great City! May your rivers run red and your people burn! The fields of Ermor shall turn black, for death is upon you. It is time Ermor, it is time.

Very Sincerely,
Dingir
Lizard King and Prophet of Sissassuss

Re: War!!!
 

Ermor was attacked by both Ctis and Rlyeh this turn and now we find ourself in a 3 front war. The attacks by both of these nations were performed in very similiar matter by just a few SC slaying my defenceless PD and some legions that was guarding against trespassers.

Ermor will now gather their strenght and fight back the invaders. Ermor calls for any nations bordering these aggressive nations to take action now. If Ermor and our allies Kailasa falls, the lizards of Ctis and the Mindlords of Rlyeh will for certain split the world between them and destroy all the other nations, this is your chance to take action.

Re: War!!!
 

Several months ago:

There was a sudden blast of light, and consiousness abruptly returned to Tsagosh. He tried to move, tried to blink, but could not. There was an upwelling of panic, and Tsagosh retreated into his memories.

He had been surrounded on the sopping battlefield of Minz, hewing down scores of Ulmish Steel Warriors, but their legion was too vast and his position too exposed. He notched his blade taking the head off a warrior's maul, lost his shield to the constant shower of arrows, and lost his leg to a Ulmish greatsword. The victorious warrior stabbed through one of Tsagosh's hearts and charged off to the front, where the Mind Lords had just taken the field, leaving him to die. And then he had been somewhere else, back in Atlantis. It was as though he had returned to time before his adbuction, before his torture and enslavement at the tentacles of the Mind Lords. It was freedom. Then, suddenly, he was here. Paralyzed, helpless, and once again enslaved.

A wave of panic rose again, but Tsagosh drew strength from the memory of Atlantis, and forced himself to look about his surroundings. The room was large and well lit by candles, and the plumes of warm smoke issuing from them pooled beneath the thatch ceiling like the tentacles of a great gray jellyfish. The candles were placed around a dozen or so giant clay figures, laying upon slabs and attended by a wizened old slave witch.

"Ah, Prophet," said the slave "you're awake. I am Xi, the Golem crafter, your servant. Do not be alarmed. You probably have many questions; unfortunately, I may only answer two. The rest, you should save them for your communion with our master, Sijansur."

"Firstly, I know how you got here. Prophets of the true God aren't easy to come by and, fighting at the front lines like you do, the Mind Lords foresaw that his valuable property might become damaged. So he placed a subtle spell upon you- whenever your body dies, your brain reappears here in my lab. In this very jar, in fact." the slave gestured towards a distressingly small glass jar, similar to the kind fishermen use to store bait.

"Whereupon," the slave continued "this humble servant" a curtsy "is ordered to place it within a new body, a fresh engine of destruction for the heathen. And so I have Obeyed."

Tsagosh tried to reply but could not move his lips.

The mage chuckled. "Secondly, do not be worried. It will take time for your brain to adapt to its new vessel. You shall gain full use of your new body in a few weeks, but it will be necessary to re-train it for combat. I am sure that your master can tell you more than I of His plans for you, but he has hired a strange warrior from T'ien Ch'i to train you in their manner of bare-handed fighting. It sounds exciting."

She grinned, then glanced back towards the other unfinished giants.

"But I have my own tasks to accomplish, and my timetable is short. Try to rest, your holiness, if you can."

As the golem crafter returned to her work, Tsagosh returned to the memories of Atlantis. Someday, he would return.

Re: War!!!
 

Hey Ermor, got enough longdead archers? I mean, my God!

Re: War!!!
 

I would have already pointed that out, but I was too busy rapidly decaying into nothing.

Also, the weather forecast for anyone near Kailasa can best be described as 'dark, the sun blotted out by the masses of trolls, with a constant howling gale of bladewind.'

Re: War!!!
 

Umm, Mr. Kailasa, sir? Yes, umm, what does the glhf mean in your message?

Re: War!!!
 

good luck have fun

Re: War!!!
 

... And welcome back to the Dominions News Network. As the world's only secular news network, DNN is your number 1 choice for unbiased ascension coverage, 2 years running.

Tonight, we join our Field Reporter Dennis Hardbody in Troll Land, where he has exlusive coverage of the ongoing cataclysm that has gripped the southwestern populace tightly in icy tentacles of fear. Dennis?

Thank you Jon. The scene here in Troll Land is one of unfettered desolation, and from what I've learned, the nations of R'lyeh and Kailasa are both responsible. It's like a moonscape now, Jon. I need a special helmet just to survive out here.

What happened Dennis? Are there any survivors?

Yes Jon. Fortunately, anyone that was able to burrow down more than a mile beneath the Earth's crust was able to survive the battle's collateral damage. Otherwise, well, it would have been a good time to invest in a Crystal Heart or really hope for the success of your pretender.
As for the cause, Jon, eye-witnesses tell us that both the Kailasan and R'lyeh armies were spamming the same spell- Gifts from Heaven. For those not versed in high level battle magic, this spell grabs giant chunks of rock from outer space, some weighing more than an Earth Mother, and hurls them down at our defenseless Earth. This is an Extraordinarily deadly Spell, Jon. There really is no defense after you have been hit with a piece of rock the size of a tropical island, some of which are radioactive, or on fire.

How many times was this spell cast at Troll Land, Dennis?

Reports are sketchy, Jon. A mole that we interviewed via Gift of Reason was not willing to comment and the other witnessess have marched on with their army or passed on to the Celestial Sphere, a place that has denied entrance to this foreign correspondent. The one thing I'm sure they all agree on is that there were certaintly enough gifts from heaven to go around. Our experts estimate that almost 50% of the earth's kuiper belt "got lost" sometime last night. With this kind of destructive power as the plaything of pretending gods, this reporter can only hope that the R'lyeh and Kailasan armies learn from the lesson of Troll Land, or their eventually victory will be pyrrhic at best. Jon?

Thank you Dennis. Now if you've been counting days obsessively, wondering "Is this a good time to enroll my child in a youth Frungy league?" you're not alone. Our reporter Greg Manslab investigates the sordid underside of youth Frungy; the details may suprise you. Story at 11.