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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
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3a: Replace moose with beaver as needed. |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
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3a: Replace moose with beaver as needed.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">LOL http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Another Canadian icon being abused. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The real challenge is how to fit in the maple leaf! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Replace "blonde" with "Newfie" as the one who does something stupid in the joke. I never understood why they make fun of people from Newfoundland...
I have a coworker who is from Newfoundland. When he moved out of Newfoundland, people didn't call him by his name, they called him "Newfie". And in a lot of jokes people told, the Newfie was the one who did something stupid. Needless to say, he was not happy with the prejudice that a lot of people had. [ February 02, 2003, 17:50: Message edited by: Kamog ] |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
(tbontob fingers itch to start a discussion on the sorry plight of Newfoundlanders, but refrains from doing so as the topic is supposed to be one of the "funny-bone".) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Oh heck! Maybe bring something up that is partially on topic. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
Is there any connection in the "moose" or "Newfie" jokes and the fact that there is 1 moose to every 3 or 4 Newfoundlanders in Newfoundland? |
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
> On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to
> visit the coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Popemobile > was driving along the beautiful shoreline in an area where Canadian > tourists typically inhabit when there was an enormous commotion heard just > off the headland. He drove closer to see what it was. > > Upon approaching the scene, he saw a man in the water wearing a Montreal > Canadiens hockey > jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. > > At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Toronto Maple > Leafs jerseys roared into view from around the point. > > Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's > ribs, immobilizing it > instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Montreal fan from the > water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. > > They bundled the bleeding, semiconscious man into the boat along with the > dead shark and then > prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the > shore. It was the Pope summoning them to the beach. > After they reached shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said, > "I give you my blessing for > your brave actions. I had heard that there was bitter hatred in your > country between the fans of the > Leafs and the Canadiens, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not > true. I can see that your > society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as > a model on which other countries, like this one, could follow". > > He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust. As he departed, the > harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?" > > "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact > with God and has access to all of God's wisdom. " > > "Well," the harpooner replied, "he doesn't know a thing about > sharkfishing. Is the bait holding up okay, or do we need to try a > Senator fan?" |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
LOL
Good joke, tesco! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Obviously, you live in the east. Ontario? Toronto, perhaps? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Wish I had heard it in the middle 80's when we had intense rivalry between the Oilers and the Flames. Guess who would have been the shark attack victim? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
I am Canadian!
Go to that site and go down to the 6th file that says, "I am Canadian!" It is a funny clip. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
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It is a TV commercial for a Canadian Beer called, you got it, "Canadian" and is usually shown when a hockey game is being played. I still get a chuckle out of how us "poor little" Canadians are maligned by the "supposed" Americans. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif And what do we Canadians do when the repressed rage suddenly breaks through? We pull his shirt over his head like they do in hockey! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif If you can, try to "see" the commercial. It's much funnier. |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
now for some canadian trivia...
WHat is that called when you pull the shirt over your enemy head and punch him a few times... |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
A Hockey Game?
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Q: How many Cannadian women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY! TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE! I'm sorry.... What did you ask me? |
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
remember
http://buzz.ca/fun/chretien.html and post the link http://www.shrapnelgames.com/cgi-bin...;f=23;t=008010 |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
President George Bush called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest
condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "George, the Canadian people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the Prime Minister. "I do need your help," said Bush. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Chretien. Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Bush. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Bush. "No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to America." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white & blue in color; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the Prime Minister, "and print 'MADE IN CANADA; MEDIUM SIZE' on each one." |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Some light bulbs are difficult to change. Like the ones on a high ceiling above a staircase. There was a light bulb like that in a house I used to live in, and it stayed burned out for years. I don't live there anymore, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's still burned out.
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
heres a quick joke i came up with i think
if George W. and Jean Chretien jumped off a cliff, who wins? society |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6, or 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........" >> |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Kamog
You speak words of wisdom |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Couslee http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
Cute! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif We married men are just not getting it! In more ways than one! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
When I first saw this I thought it was another Urban Legend. I have been unable to find any informaiton that contradicts this:
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, she believes that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura that was posted on the Internet. It's funny as well as informative. Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them. 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Lev.1:9.) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness. (Lev.15:19-24.) The problem is, how do tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? (DOH! Pigskin is a figure of speech, they are actually made of cow leather.) 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them, as commanded in Leviticus 24:10-16? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)? I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, Jack |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Proper spelling of Canada: C eh, N eh, D eh
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - You Know You're Canadian When: You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color. You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging. You know what a toque is. You've plugged a car in overnight. You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWSCanadiana..._jokes-cp.html |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
A guy is driving down a country road when he sees a sign, "Apples - $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer why the apples are so expensive.
The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly apples. Here, try one." The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the peanut butter but not the jelly." The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does and he savors a sweet jelly. The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but they're $10.00 each." The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow, these are great and I taste the ham, but not the cheese." The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does, takes a bite and a rich, creamy cheese fills his mouth. The farmer says, "Now, if you really like those, I've got some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're woman apples." The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says, "YUCK", these taste like crap!" The farmer says, "Turn it around." |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
I tend to like jokes which have a pun. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
Here is an oldie... A young man, who was learning to be a priest, was smitten by a beautiful young nun who attended Sunday services. He approached the monseigneur and asked if it was all right to approach her and talk to her. The monseigneur replied, "I don't see anything wrong with that. As long as you don't get into the habit." |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Old joke that was _very_ popular in Russia half a year ago:
Man is kicking the magic lamp and scream: Jinni, you f... son of a b... !! When I asked that we play like France and Argentina THAT is not what I had in mind !!! |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country. I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons. I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice. I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain. And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. For 22 minutes, I'm Anthony St. George, and I'm sorry. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif |
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
That gets an "n" on the meter.
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
nice one tesco
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
It's so nice that you people think garbage like that passes for comedy... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif
[ March 16, 2003, 07:06: Message edited by: Imperator Fyron ] |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
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1 So far the vote is 3 to 1 for it being funny. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Yes, 3 people that have proven in the past that they have twisted senses of humor. Those are not accurate results at all.
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4 to 1
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That is just sad. Very very sad. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
I never find the truth funny when it's 2 degrees off center. Now when it's the thruth the whole thruth and nothing but the truth, That is often very funny, and when it's closer to 10 degrees off center it starts to be funnier still!
..There I did it again! I gave my opinion about the joke currently being polled and managed to stand right smack on the fence and not disturb the balance! Cheers! P.S. and now for something really important.. Fyron, I noticed your new avatar, would you like me to polish and frame it? Or would you rather I simply do a proper 'resizing' and leave it without the frame? |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Just so Fyron isn't the only American giving his opinion on Tesco's joke:
I loved it! Had me ROFLMAO! There, now you've got two American opinions. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
I'll third the american side. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Although it wasn't fall out of my chair funny I still got a chuckle out of it.
Proving once again that Fyron isn't the final say in everything. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif |
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Fyron, did you read the same post I did? I don't see anything racial or ethnic in it. Nationalist, yes, the others, no.
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I aswell wonder, Ethnical? Racist? |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Fyron: You think that's low brow and ethnic? You need to get out more http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
OK, here's one specifically to annoy Fyron. It's a little out of date now, but it really made me laugh a few years ago. Apologies to any japanese reading this: Did you hear the japanese sent a million doses of viagra to the US? They heard the americans couldn't hold a proper election... |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
I enjoyed it.
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Nationalist, ethnic. To-"mae"-toes, to-"mah"-toes.
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Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
At work, I usually include an OT link or text file with my weekly reports. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
So far no one has objected to Tesco's Canadian Apology, not even republican voters http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif . |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
Second thought: (My Opinion)
Guys, don't defend your humor choise. Would an artist defend his work? I don't. Either someone likes it or they don't. I have MC Escher up in my cube, some folks just do not get it. I don't try to explain. Some like Picaso, some like Norman Rockwell. I understand Norman Rockwell but you will never see a pic of his in my cube. |
Re: The Funniest Canadian Joke.
yea... their is this guy at work who has a giant metal red cock hanging up in his cube.... Very very funny. People look at the bird and don't know what to do...
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