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Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Here is the link to the first page of my own story. Thank you.

http://www.shrapnelgames.com/cgi-bin...3;t=011023;p=2

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

AT: Just got round to reading it, nice to see everything coming together. I'll ask again though, any chance of posting the entire story somewhere? It would be much easier to read that way than picking through this thread.

As for the nukes... remember that a nuke fired against a target in space (ie against a ship in se4 combat) would be far less devastating than one that detonates in a planetary atmosphere, because in space there is nothing to carry the bLast wave.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Once I have the rewrite done I don't see a problem with posting it somewhere. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Still intriguing.
Want more!

--------------------------------------
No complaints about the substance but some about the grammar and spelling.
I'm swedish and we don't seperate words as much as the english language does, so some of these corrections might be wrong, there where more wordseperations aswell but I'm uncertain as to how it's handled in the english language.

Hey, I only know two languanges, english and swedish and I don't know any of them perfectly!
so some spelling suggestions are propably wroong, I'm quite uncertain about "aide" especially!

Anyway, the story is so good that I'd like the spelling errors corrected, the auto spellers suck!
If you want me to stop critizing say so and I'll happily oblige, but I'd appreciate if anyone checked my stories. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Ruatha
------------------

arms out stretched
A space to much I think.

They dragged me onto the bridge and dropped me on the deck right in front of him as he sat in a command chair that look a lot like a thrown.�
Should be throne.

of your life rotting away in the hell of my dudgeons!�
dungeons

now sitting cross legged on his thrown.
crosslegged and throne

You many win this war Devon
may

�You�re mad!� Hissed Tom as he quicky came to his feet and was stomach punched by the rifle butt of one of his Alliance guards
Tom is allowed to bring his alliance guards with him?? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

and it drove him down on one knee but he never took his eyes off of Gore
Hadn't he just drawn himself up to kneeing position?

by slammed him face down
slamming

hand and started to slowly stood
stand up perhaps?

regards to you�re farther
your and father

and it hurt to breath.
breathe ??

what was no expected
now

Tom thought for moment, there was something else, some familiar now.
was it something or someone?

of the bridge exists
exits

standing out side watching as the great
outside

see Richard, his aid, as he came
aide ???

just barely out ran the bLast
outran

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Not very many people read stories any more.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

But we are some who eagerly awaits all new episodes....

Good stuff.

Btw, do you want me to spell/grammar check or is it just annoying? (Won't do it anymore..promise)

[ March 09, 2004, 18:28: Message edited by: Ruatha ]

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

here and there, occasionally.

that segment was good.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Thanks guys. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

I am re-writing the whole story as I go, and that is a time consuming process of epic proportions. There are over 80,000 words in this story, and I think I just added another 10,000 in the Last five hours.

It is easy to lose focus of the story when you don't work on it for a long time. Even with good notes, it can be difficult to get back into it.

I hope the re-write clears up a lot of grey areas and adds more depth and character development to the story.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

A nice read. Good work. Look forward to reading more soon.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Oh yeah, this will keep me happy for a while. nice work At.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Any one read the new prelude?

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Yeah, I read it. brilliant. Once you have the entire story up I'll take an afternoon off to read it. BTW, check your PM.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Not yet, but I will.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

I think it is far more difficult to go back through and re-write a story than it is to write it in the first place. I have a new found respect for story editors.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

there is only one job in the whole world that is not harder than it looks...*sigh*...my dream job...mattress testing... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

LOL, right. I would think the worst job in the world would be poop anyalist.

"Humm, this crap looks like crap to me."

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Paradise Hotel. Nice!

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

I really need to get off my arse and just get back into this story. I know that it doesn't have a huge following but still I would like to finish it.

I have the whole story worked out for the most part, it is just going through it and re-writing it so that all the peaces fit.

I wonder why it is so hard to do something that is really kinda of fun. Its like a chore that you know you want to do but you never get up the motivation to ever get it done.

Why is that? I mean when I started the story a year or so ago I really enjoyed writing. I guess circumstances change and priorities shift.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

I guess it could be the rewriting...
That usually takes some fun out of it, as you've already done it once?

I'm a devote fan btw. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Quote:

Why is that? I mean when I started the story a year or so ago I really enjoyed writing. I guess circumstances change and priorities shift.

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">I find this too. I still enjoy writing O&C but it's more like work now and harder to get started on a new chapter. I think the reason is that when I started te story I could write any damn thing I liked without worrying about continuity, whether it fitted into the plot I had planned (because I didn't have a plot planned=-), whether I'm giving away too much or too little information. As you get deeper into the story, you need to spend more thought on these things, and that drains some of the fun out of it.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

I have to agree, details can draw a lot of resources out of your mind and make the writing process a bit more problamatic, however I have always loved that kind of a challenge. But lately, like you said, it has just become harder and harder to get into it.

Like today, I sat down with the intent to do some writing on the story, but I got sucked into mIRC #se4 and pppppppffffffffffffttttttt there went the day.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

When I am not so depressed, not so burdoned with worry, and mod is right I can write a lot in a short time. It is the journey not the destination that matters. However as of late starting that journey has become a destination in and of itself. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

DS do you still belong to that writers forum from a year ago?

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Is it really a year? I don't really go there very often. It was full of unfinished stories, and very little scifi. Nice enough ppl, but the content just wasn't right for me. I posted there Last month to notify them of my new URL, but I doubt anyone followed it up.

As for the writing... I don't know. I have ups and downs with it, and in the middle of the downs I tend to just keep telling myself that sooner or later there will be an up, and then patiently wait it out. No point trying to force it, imho, just wait. Design another 18 shipsets in the meantime http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

Eventually you'll get so pissed off at yourself for not writing all this stuff that's been sitting in your head for the Last X months that you'll actually sit down and start writing and... suddenly... it's not as bad as you thought it would be.

Be patient with yourself, and have faith in your own abilities. It will come.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

They seemed by helpful but were kind of a bit confrontational for my tastes.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Some were and some weren't. THe guy running it (Bmat) was nice. Had there been more aliens and less elves I might have stayed=-)

BUt yeah, there were some ppl who just couldn't appreciate constructive criticism.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Ya I noticed that they seemed a bit more focused on the fantasy side.

Hey man if a cop from back east can write a coupld of fantasy books and make a nice living, then who are we to complain. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

I would love to beable to just sit down and write all day and all night without the fear of having to be somewhere or be doing something. To just be burden free and in the mood long enough to get a nice sized story written.

But RL is what happens to you while your busy making other plans.

I do wonder though if we could ever get any of our stories here on this forum web book or real book published.

It would be nice..

Oh ya, I have been working on the re-write and I am happy to say it is going well. Most of my "plot holes" now have plausable explaminations (sp) and I am adding a lot more substance to the story to give it more depth. I hate reading it and getting the feeling that I am reading a Japanize movie translated into english. You know - rushed and corny.

I have the pre-story all worked out and will be writing it soon. Oh and its good too. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

I developed many of the characters more deeply and fleshed out the story a bit. Things, I hope, should now make more sense.

The story is currently 75000 words. I wonder how many pages that would be in Hard cover or paper back.

Damn I need a lap top.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Atrocities:

F%&* the rewrite. have fun, and clean it up later, if ever. I'm still a fan. Always will be.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

A rewrite of a the Last chapter. It does a better job of explaining the path for the next chapter. Enjoy.

Gambit

As General Green existed his staff car, he looked about the area casually with some caution and noticed that he was not alone. The General had not become one of the United Global Alliances highest ranking military officers by being carefree and careless about who was watching him. It didn�t take him but an instant to spot his newest shadow as he tried to sit inconspicuously in a blue ground car parked next to the curve about six hundred feet down from the entrance of the Paradise Hotel.
Green had become accustom to being observed by others, it came with the job, but this new observer had only appeared on his radar the day before ironically just after he had spoken with that wretch Senator Kordesh. Green knew to play it cool, as he had his own men watching his back, and they to had taken notice of the Generals new shadow and were well prepared to step in and take action in an instant if the need arose.
Having satisfied his curiosity, he closed the door to his staff car and headed for the main entrance of the Paradise Hotel.
The Paradise Hotel was located in the heart of the city of Vanalder and was one of the oldest and most lugubrious hotels on the coastline. Many considered the city of Vanalder as one of the most elegant and magnificent cities on the continent located some sixty miles from the Capitol. Vanalder was well known as a hot spot for discreet politically incorrect relationship and furloughing Senators on weekend trips with their mistresses. Green could careless about the city itself, as far as he was concerned it was a cesspool for the rich and powerful, one that he would clean up when he became Chancellor. Greens attention refocused as he entered the Hotel and was greeted by the bellhop.
�Hello sir, can I be of service?� Asked the bellhop politely.
Green had no interesting in staying long so he ignored the hotel employee�s greeting as he walked by giving him no notice on his way toward the Hotels lifts. Greens objective was a simple one, meet with Kordesh, get him to agree to help him and then move onto the next step of his plan.
Green, having been informed that General Christopher had survived the destruction of Discovery Base, was in no mood to be pleasant. When Kordesh�s aid opened the door to the suite, Green grabbed the man by his shoulder and forcible tossed him out into the hall and slammed the door shut, locking it so the man could not re-enter the room. Even if he were to try one of Greens men would have intervened and rendered him unconscious.
�Now general,� Commented Kordesh from the next room, �That is no way to be treating my aids!� Kordesh attempted to sound sarcastic with a hint of anger in his tone but he knew that if it were him, he would have most likely done the same thing or better, have someone do it for him. As Green approached, Kordesh slowly began to stand. He was holding a drink in his left hand as he came to a standing position and offered his right hand to Green. This only served to anger Green even more. This little man was attempting to patronize him and he would have none of it.
�Why do you have a man following me?� Demand Green directly as he walked over to the bar and fixed himself a drink.
Senator Caparo Kordesh simply gave Green a whimsical look. The kind of look a person gives when his plan is exposed yet that too was according to plan.
�Only a precaution General.� Commented Kordesh politely.
�A precaution!� Barked Green hostilely. �Call off your man before I do.�
�Well that depends General.� Commented Kordesh dismissively as he took a sip from his drink. �Which man do you want me to call of? I have four following you.�
Green simply looked up at him, expressionless but yet not.
�Very well.� Said Kordesh as he sat back down in his chair and relaxed.
Green continued to stare at Kordesh as he wondering if he were serious or not about the number of men he had following him. Concluding that Kordesh was not a man to make light jokes, and that it was more likely than not true that he did indeed have four men following him, Green mentally bumped him up a notch in his book of people not to underestimate. Green finished mixing his own drink and casually walked over and sat down in the chair next to Kordesh.
�So General what is it you wish to speak to me about?�
Without saying a word Green sat his drink on the table, reached into his upper pocket and pulled out a small device. He activated it, than sat it down on the table between them. He then picked up his drink again and leaned back.
�A precaution.� He said with some sense of satisfaction in his voice.
�Are you afraid that I am recording this conversation General?�
�Yes.� Replied Green simply.
�Very well General, we will play by your rules.� Kordesh leaned back in his chair and pulled from his pocket, his own privacy device, activated it and set it down on the table next to Greens. He then politely nodded to Green, a subtle gestured indicating that he wanted him to start talking. Green taking the hint began talking.
�I know for a fact that your organization wants Benton gone, and I am in a position to accommodate that desire.�
Kordesh had expected something along this line but was never the less moved by the directness of Generals statement.
�What exactly do mean General?� He asked.
�I require your assistance to remove an obstacle that lies in my path.�
Kordesh looked puzzled, an act to be sure.
�Really General, and what kind of obstacle would that be?� Kordesh was smiling as he spoke, he was attempting to play the conversation as a joke and that irritated Green.
�Don�t play coy with me Kordesh!� Barked Green hotly. �I know all about your organization and how you have exploited it to maintain power!�
�And exactly what organization would that be General, the Senate?�
�You know damn well that I am talking about the Secret Investigation Division. You have violated your oath of office and have been using the S.I.D. for personal gain.�
�Oh that organization.� Replied Kordesh with a little more emotion than he cared to show. �For a minute there I thought you were accusing me of running some secret order or something.�
Greens face began to turn red as his anger began to build.
�I can see that I may have dramatically over estimated your ambition and willingness to preserve your own ***.�
�Really General, what do you take me for; a fool? Surely you don�t or you would not have asked to speak with me. So please come to whatever point it is you wish to make or leave.�
�You�re going to help me become Chancellor.�
�Right!� Replied Kordesh almost laughing as he spoke. �And if I refuse?�
�If you refuse to help me then I will expose your organization and ruin you.�
�General if this meeting is about the Special Investigations Division?� Kordesh seemed humored by Greens threat. �Then we could have had this meeting in my office in the Capitol.�
�I am talking about your covert operations. Something I do not think you would want our esteemed Chancellor�s spies to learn of.�
The smirk on Kordesh�s face was all but gone now. Green had finally gained his full attention.
�What covert operations?� He asked simply.
�Well I need not list them all, I will list one; Talos.�
Kordesh felt his heart skip a beat. He knew full well that Green was fishing for a response, one that would tip the scales in his favor. A control point so to speak that Green could use as leverage. Kordesh was a disciplined politician and far to skillful to fall for such an obvious tactic so he chose to down play Greens comment. He simply smiled and offered the only logical response he could.
�I have no knowledge of any S.I.D. operation by that name.�
�Really.� Green said as he pulled some documents from the inside right breast pocket of his jackets and tossed them into Kordesh�s lap. He than took a slow sip of his drink as he observed Kordesh and waited for his response.
�I must say that this is excellent Brandon Weed Whisky Senator.� Green commented as he swirled his glass slowly round observing the dense amber liquid contained within it. �Quite smooth.�
Kordesh had done nothing. He simply held his own glass with both hands. His eyes betraying nothing, not even a hint as to what it was that he was thinking which was the pleasant thought of seeing Green tossed from the balcony to his death.
Green new that Kordesh would be hard to crack, so he would have to play the game well.
�Those are documents that outline operation Talos. An operation approved by the S.I.D. Director.�
�And that involves me how?� Kordesh asked smoothly.
�According to Leonard Parks, you know Leonard, the acting Deputy Director of S.I.D.? Well he seems to recall quite clearly that six months ago that you came to him with operation Talos, and that you personally planned and authorized the operation.�
�Leonard is mistaken.�
�Oh I assure you Senator that all the incriminating documentation is sitting right there in your lap. Your duplicity is well documented. Leonard may be many things, but a fool is certainly not one of them. As the Deputy Director of S.I.D., he kept a very detailed logs of his activities and was more than willing to part with them for the right price.�
Kordesh said nothing.
�I can see from your lack of comment that I have your full and undivided attention now.� Green took another sip from his drink before continuing with is his train of though.
�My God man what were you thinking when you devised this operation? The assignation of the John Lesser, Head of the Space Exploration Division, gained you what?� He asked with some sense of sincere curiosity.
Kordesh sat his drink down and picked the papers up out of his lap and slowly unfolded the multi page document. He read through it without comment being careful not to show any expression at all.
Green simply observed him intently without speaking.
�These are most interesting documents General.� Kordesh finally said as he lowered the papers. �If you now know of the operation and fail to reported it, then you are equally as guilty of its crime under Government Article two-nine-zero-three as those who authorized it.�
Kordesh�s expression was stone cold. His face was a blank slate. Green knew that no reaction was a reaction and that denial often more than not, was far more telling of the story than an open admission. Green knew he had him and there was nothing Kordesh could do to escape his grasp.
�I take it you noticed the name of the man who authorized this operation?�
Kordesh just looked on showing no emotion.
�I could careless about your little covert operation to monitor members of the senate and those of the Chancellors staff, or about the assignation of John Lesser, what I am interested in is something far more important.�
Kordesh was slowly growing concerned as he fathomed the obvious. Not only had Green uncovered top-secret documentation regarding ongoing covert operations, but he also had proof that Kordesh directly ordered the assignation of John Lesser. The very thought of this was enough to enrage him and he seldom became enraged. The fact that one of his own men betrayed him was proof positive that he had grown complacent in his duties and had become a liability to things and people far more important than himself. This week had not gone well for him and if the Triluminary learns of this latest failure, the week could end very poorly.
�For the record I am not interested in reporting your operation Senator. On the contrary, I do in fact want it to continue, however, I want copies of all the reports submitted by your people. Especially those for the Vice Chancellor.�
�You are going to kill her?� Commented Kordesh coldly.
�No,� Replied Green simply, �Your people are going to do it for me.�
�I take it that she is the obstacle that you spoke of.�
�With Oranotie dead I become Vice Chancellor.� Green stated matter of factly.
�I am sure that this is only a stepping stone for you on your journey toward the Chancellorship.� Observed Kordesh as he tossed the papers into Greens lap.
Green simply smiled. Not a polite smile mind you, but the kind of smile that illustrated the presence of pure evil.
Kordesh could feel the weight of Greens black mail already. It was a package far heavier than any other that he has had to burden. He needed time to think. He knew that his survival would ultimately come down to his ability to carry out Greens plan while keeping his involvement in the action hidden from the Triluminary.
�Very well General. Its your game.�
�Oh by the way, don�t bother looking for Leonard, I assure you that he is quite well hidden.� Commented Green flatly as he finished off his drink before placing the empty glass on the table. He picked up his privacy device, took the documents that Kordesh had tossed into his lap and placed them both back into his pocket. He stood and walked without speaking another word from the room. As soon as he had exited the suite and entered the lift, Kordesh�s aid came back into the hotel room.
�Sir is everything alright?� He asked with some concern.
�Everything is fine Henry. Please cancel my docket for today and send for the car. We are going back to the capitol.�
As soon as his aid left, Kordesh spoke out load.
�We have a problem.�
�Indeed.� Responded Trax in his usual cold and stoic voice.

[ June 18, 2004, 08:53: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Dogscoff sits at the front, booing, hissing and throwing popcorn whenever General Green comes on stage.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Thanks, the next chapter should be out soon.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Saving this for summer reading after the wedding, So you'll have a few days to get the next chapter up, then I can read em both. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
Anticipation!

BTW, I agree with DS: We don't like Green, booo http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

[ June 19, 2004, 02:01: Message edited by: Ruatha ]

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

If your getting married, congradulations. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Just remember this simple rule: "If she ain't happy, you ain't happy." - Jeff Foxworthy.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Part XXXII

Futures Price

Senate meeting chamber R-11 was a small dark wood paneled room with old-fashioned lighting and age stained walls that had been horribly neglected for years. It was considered to be an old �storeroom� by most but in fact was one of the most secure rooms in the Senate Complex. Its high tech privacy equipment insured that the room remained bug free and its appearance kept the occasional curious soul away. The chamber was one of the older rooms in the Senate Complex and was deliberately long over do for remodeling. To say that the chamber was a dismally depressing room, made all the more so by the fact that it was overly heated by the mid day sun and lacked the cooling ventilation shared by the rest of the complex, was an accurate statement. The designers of this room wanted the people in it to be as uncomfortable as possible as the Senate oversight committee was questioning them. However in their zeal to make the room uncomfortable for the witnesses, they also inadvertently made it uncomfortable for the senators who were conducting the interviews. So over time the room fell out of favor and became little more than a storeroom for old furniture and such. However occasionally those who wished their conversations to go unnoticed would hold meetings in the little uncomfortable room out of sight and mind of those who might take notice.

As Kordesh sat in his chair, he loosened his tie and fanned his hand in front of his face to ward off the vile smelling smoke that was rapidly filling the room. As he stared at Chief Senator Leroy Tabion who was toting heavily on one his exotic White Tipped Cigars, he thought about killing the man, however he quickly replaced that thought as he pondered his meeting with General Green two weeks ago and what had been discussed. As the room slowly filling with the choking sweet yet pungent smoke coming off of the Chief Senator�s cigar, Kordesh considered his options. Should he kill Green or try to turn the situation to his advantage. He spent the Last two weeks trying to find the source that had leaked the information to Green but with no success. He knew that Green could not have turned his man and acquired those records without significant help and that alone caused him the most concern. As he thought quietly to himself the door on the far end of the chamber opened and two men and two women stepped in. He recognized them all immediately, one was Raymond Elliot, the Chancellors Vice Roy, and the other was General Thomas Christopher. The first women was Lisa Oranotie, the Vice Chancellor of the UGA, and the other women, who took a seat next to the Chief Senator, was Kendra Kelly the Senator from southern province of Norwin.
�Senators.� Said Elliot as they all took their seats across from them. �Today I am here to you to ask for money and you will give be giving it to me.�
�Is that right?� Asked Tabion as he took a deep drag off of his cigar and exhaled in the general direction of Elliot.
Not missing a beat, nor showing any sign of offense Elliot continued confidently.
�What I am about to tell you is considered top secret and therefore classified under article two-six-two of the planetary security act.�
This grabbed the Chief Senators attention as well as that of Senator Kelly.
�Please continue.� Commented Tabion as he corrected his posture and sat up more attentively.
�Succinctly put, we are not alone in our universe.�
For the first time in his life Tabion jaw slacked allowing his expensive cigar to drop onto the table before him. The shock on his face was clear.
�Surely not?� Responded Senator Kelly in an exasperated tone of voice.
�I assure you that it is quite true Senator.� Replied the Lisa Oranotie humbly. �In fact General Christopher here nearly lost his life to them two weeks ago.�
Somewhat regaining his posture and having recovered his cigar, Tabion cleared his throat and spoke.
�It has been widely discussed and heatedly debated that we, the people of Pandora, are alone in the universe. Our religion clearly states that we are the chosen of God himself and we alone were given special disposition to live on Pandora under his sovereign protection.� He took a drag from his cigar and continued. �Now you come in here and tell us that our entire belief system, indeed the entire religion of the planet is wrong?�
�Enough with the religious Dayton fodder get to the point.� Barked Kordesh impatiently.
�As I was saying Senator.� Continued Elliot, �Our long held belief that we were alone in the galaxy was in correct. We are not alone.�
�And now I am willing to wager that your going to say you need money to begin building a star fleet to combat these aliens?� Joked Tabion sarcastically.
�That is correct Senator.� Replied Lisa without hesitation and in a very serious tone.
Half laughing Tabion put his cigar down and leaned back in his chair. �You have lost your minds, all of you if you think for one moment that I am going to believe for an instant that there is Alien life out there. I don�t know where you get off making these wildly blasphemous accusations, but rest assured I am not buying into them. You especially Elliot, are all those parties and signal women finally having an effect on you?�
Kordesh sat their without saying a word, he knew full well what Elliot and the Vice Chancellor were talking about and did all he could to repress the beads of cold sweat that were beginning to form on his forehead.
�I assure you Senator, I am quite serious. So serious in fact that I am here today on direct order of the Chancellor himself.� Replied Lisa as she began to loose patience with the Chief Senator.
�Raymond what is it that you are saying?� Asked Senator Kelly politely.
�Senators we are not alone. We were never alone and now we know this and must act before it is to late.�
With that Tabion picked up his cigar once again and took another drag from it. He sat there quietly for several seconds without saying a word.
�Do you have any proof of this?� He finally asked in a serious tone. �If you don�t you might as well get up and walk the hell out of here right now and stop wasting our time!�
�We do.� Responded Elliot �You all know General Thomas Christopher, currently Director of the Space Exploration Division. Two weeks ago General Christopher and his team encountered and fought these aliens on the Victorian Glacier.�
�The nuclear bLast?� Asked Senator Kelly.
�Yes.� Replied Tom. �We had no alternative. Doctor Brook Mentor and his research team discovered a crashed space ship some seven months ago while conduction tests on the glacier. The military was brought in by order of General Green four weeks ago and assumed control of the site once word of the discovery leaked. Two weeks ago I flew up there to meet with Doctor Mentor to discuss his work and assess the situation when for some unknown reason the ship began to emit a strong power reading that went far beyond our ability to measure. Shortly thereafter we gained entry into the ship and were attacked. It became clear that the alien creatures that inhabited the ship had survived its crash in some sort of status and somehow our activity revived them. They were extremely hostile and possessed a keen sense of military tactics and fought with a viciousness that I have never before encountered in my life.�
�Aliens?� Asked Tabion slowly. �Aliens as in little blue men?�
�No Senator, Aliens as in humanoid creatures that attempted to kill my staff and I and if not for the intervention of a nuke, would have successfully freed their ship and would be at this very moment be involved in destroying our world.�
�Oh my God!� Said Senator Kelly as the color in her face drained.
�Don�t tell me that you are buying into this fodder Kendra?� Asked Tabion sarcastically.
She flashed him a dirty look but said nothing.
�What do you propose?� Asked Kordesh half hoping this was all some sort of bad dream. If not for the growing headache he was now beginning to experience, he would have concluded that this month was all some dreadful nightmare designed to test his resolve.
�Simply put we need to fund the rapid development of space capable ships, planetary defenses, and the formation of both a space born navy and military.�
�My God, do you realize what it is you are asking for?� Senator Kelly said as she took on the look of a startled animal in some ground car�s lights.
�Yes Senator, I do. We need to develop a means to defend our planet from alien invasion.� Elliot Said.
�A project of this size won�t be kept a secret for ever. Once word leaks that we are building up our space program people will begin to panic. They will assume that we know something that they do not and we all know where that will lead.� Commented Tabion as he put out his cigar and reached for another.
�That is true Senator, and that is why the Chancellor will address the planet later this week announcing that the S.E.D. will be turned over to civilian control for the purpose of commercial development of space. General Christopher will be re-assigned to the new military agency, the Pandoran Defense Force while Carl Wilhelm, the current Director of the Division of Space Exploration and Planetary Colonization will assume the role of Director of the S.E.D. once it has been turned over to Civilian control.� Replied Lisa.
�In the mean time we will be establishing the infrastructure, develop the technology, and begin the formation process for our new space born military. It is the Chancellors intentions to tell the people of Pandora that we are going full force into the future with the development of our planets space program however the formation of the Pandoran Defense Force will be kept classified until the time is right.� Elliot said as he pulled some papers from his brief case and handed them to the Chief Senator. �Satellite images of the alien ship and statements from those who saw it. Proof Senator that we are not alone.�
�How long was this ship under the ice?� He asked in response.
�As near as we have been able to determine, it crashed Pre-Sylvanian.�
�Oh my.� Senator Kelly said softly. �That�s impossible!�
�The data has been confirmed. One thing is for certain, their technology is incredibly advanced compared to our own, and it has been since before our civilization even began.� Elliot said seriously. �All the information that we have is in these briefs.�
�General Christopher what do you deem the threat level from these aliens to be?� Asked Senator Kelly. �I mean if you destroyed their ship and it was incredibly old what are the chances that more of them will come?�
�Senator I would rate them as the single most severe threat to this planet since judgment day. Shortly before the ship was destroyed, our communications monitoring station at Andover Base detected a signal coming from the ship. It was directed into space and we believe it to have been either a distress call or a homing bacon.� Replied Tom honestly.
�Assuming we grant authorization for this project, what are your intentions Elliot?� Tabion asked as he thumbed through the paper work he had been handed. It was clear now that he was taking this far more seriously than he had earlier.
�All ongoing programs at the Space Exploration Division would continue under civilian control however with a higher focus on technological development. As we discussed the Pandoran Defense Force would be formed who�s first priority would be to establish a recruitment and training operation for the men and women who will eventually command our ships and their crews in space. Secondly, and equally as important, they would begin the development of space weapons and build our first military exploration craft that will be construct at the S.E.D Space Complex near the Capitol City. The S.E.D. will focus on developing colonization technology and the development of other technologies as needed.�
�As I see it, we have little choice in the matter now. If we are not alone in the galaxy, then the beliefs that our society have held so dear for so long are false. We will need time to educate the people and counter the Salideen religion.� Commented Tabion sadly. �I am afraid that many of our citizens will resent this and claim that we are forsaking the very religion that saved our planet from annihilation. That we are inviting Gods wrath down upon us and they will do everything in their power to prevent, stall, inhibit, and disway our attempts to educate the population as to the truth that we are not alone.�
�It is going to be a long hard journey Senator, one that we must all commit to now and forever.� Replied Lisa solemnly. �We must put to rest this belief that we are unique in the galaxy for it is an out dated and naive view of our universe.�
�I assume that both the Space Exploration Division as well as the Pandoran Defense Force will have a Senate oversight committee?� Asked Tabion.
�Yes.� Replied Elliot simply.
�Well then we will need to find a chair for this new committee.� Said Tabion as he looked to other senators.
�I will do it.� Replied Kordesh.
�So be it. Senator Kordesh shall chair the oversight committee for the civilian S.E.D. and P.D.F.�
With that they all slowly stood, shook hands and left. As Raymond Elliot and Tom Christopher walked into the hall of the Senate complex, they stopped and said their good byes to the Vice Chancellor. As she walked away Raymond turned to Tom and said. �If they ever find out what it is we are going to really use the money for, they will execute us.�
�Then they must never know.� Commented Tom stoically. �No one must ever know for it�s the price of our future.�

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Atrocities, your story just keeps getting better. I enjoy it and I do not see where you made any major mistakes that takes away from the story. Glad you added more to it and since you did it has given me background story ideas for the Mod I am helping with The Galactic Conquest Mod.

I am sure you recall my email about this Mod. I want to ask again if I may use some of your story ideas with our own background story? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

You have a genuine talent for writing dude. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Thanks, and Have fun with your mod. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ July 05, 2004, 21:00: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Hum, very little feed back means very few people are reading this story. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif Is it that boring?

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

No, it's a great story! You just posted it over a holiday weekend and I myself just now found it. Just like "Empire of Man" stories. Just now found them. Location and timing kind of buried it. I'll be waiting.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Atrocities,

Sorry for the lack of feedback! I was just able to read this today, but I have to agree with the accessment...the story is great and you are definately honing your writing skills!

Just keep writing, and we'll keep reading! You can bank on that. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Thanks for the kind words. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif You are all far to generous.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Atrocities your story is a must read! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif

I really do look forward to each new installment.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Thanks. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

I have spent a lot of time figuring things out for the story, things that I never thought would matter, but do.

Like explaining why the Salideen Religion was so powerful and how it effected the very culture of the race. The reason the planet was named Pandora, and why there are no other humans or better yet why these ones were so primitive if they came from a space faring human culture.

It has been a lot of fun to write.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

Now I've read the Last two chapters (rewrite and the new one) and I want MOOOREEE!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)

this is one of the Best fanfiction that i have read, i realy enjoyed it