.com.unity Forums - OT: Star Wars Episode 2...

--insert obligatory spoiler warning here--

First off, let me say that there are very few movies I like. Most films I've seen suck to varying degrees. So please don't flame me, just ignore me. But I feel I have to get this movie off my chest.

Lucas has one thing going for him, that's his mechanical imagination. Either he or his group of creative wizards are able to invent the most terrific looking, and physically believable space craft and weaponry. Simply stated, they're beautiful.

That being said, I can now unequivically state that this filmed smelled worse than a large turkey farm at two-thirty on an August afternoon in Texas.

The acting was so, so, so so bad I caught myself breathing extremely deep heavy sighs after most of the lines. After I saw the preview, I thought "Oh No! Blue Lagoon in Space". Instead, I got some dork( who had the be the absolutely worst casting choice to play who really needs to be the deepest character in the who series, Darth Vader - aka 'Annie') drooling all over a cute chick with a nice navel, perfect hair and overly red lips, as the two pretend to be torn up in some forbidden love between them that no one can believe and....-oh nevermind-

The ensemble of Jedi were equally as brilliantly stupid, hanging around impotently like a bunch of space wussies while the Dark Side is busy doing their home work, preparing for the inevitable battle between good and evil (they deserve to win!). The snobs finally get off their cans and go rescue Annie and Obi and Ms. Belly Buttons right before they become lunch for some pretty cool looking monsters ( who should have finished the film for us!). Whilst they are being surrounded by the hoards of fighting robots, they are all to quick to make some really stupid, corney remarks about the situation.

-- As an asside, Lucus dishonors the 'good' Star Wars Films when he has ol' Annie say "I've got a bad feeling about this". --

Yoda was the best actor, mainly because he is a cute, green muppet with grammar issues. The battle scene at the end with him and Lord Sarumon was the only 90 seconds of the film really worth watching.

I know its Star Wars, but come on.., an enthralling and intense adventure story is one where your characters face life and death decisions and some how find a way to survive with some level of believability. This gives a film credibility. This film had none. The Jedi in one scene would have supernatural powers, and in the next could not see the noses on their faces. The Tummy Queen gets her back slashed by an enlarged, rabid cat-thing, experiences a head on collision in a land speeder that she is driving with no seat belt, is shot at a thousand times at close range, and finally falls out of a high speed space-ship chase at a fairly 'low' altitude in the course of fifteen minutes, and some guy comes up to her while she's on the ground moaning, says "Are you alright?" and she springs up with perfect hair and makeup and says "yes!" And runs off as if there's a bikini sale at "Just Add Water". (this was one of the lowest moments of the film)

I will try to restrain from ranting about Annie's little cat nap after his arm flies off and then he stands up and looks around like nothing happened.....

One could second guess almost every event in the film, and they threw so much foreshadowing into it began to bore.

And what was with the Sound of Music part when Mistress Abs is running through the fields about to burst into song?...Man, talk about a bad photographic idea.

And please...Jar Jar. Come on, why did Lucas have to make this 'mistake' again. I know they toned him down some what and told him to shut up and just collect his SAG-scale pay, but the mere sight of him is loathesome to Star Wars fans. At least now some of the hate for Jar-Jar is validated because he was the one to nominate the Evil Emperor to his all powerful post....and why does Master Yoda surrender his Clone Army to the Emperor I'll never know.....

Ok, so now we have five of these movies down, and one more to go. Unfortunately, Lucas now has locked himself into a very predictable story for Episode III, leaving no surprises:

-Mrs. Sexy-Stomach has twins from her not so secret marriage with Annie (Lea and Luke).
-Luke is somehow deemed worthless, so he is sent to live on that silly desert planet with Annie's 'step brother', while Lea lives the good life with her midsection-exposed mother.
-Annie gets his face burned real bad in some fight, probably with Obi-Wan, and catches Athsma.
-Little Bobba grows up to be big Bobba and runs around hating Jedi.
-Kermit/Yoda go off and lives in the woods somewhere
-ObiWan lives in a cave much like Mullah Omar is doing now, keeping a close eye on 'young Skywalker'.
- Jar-Jar makes his third film appearance, and still is not killed off. And yes, Lucas will make it a speaking role...
- The Death Star plans that Dracula posseses end up in Lea's hands, and Darth Pop's chases her.

Someday, I'll tell you what I really think of this film.