Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)
 

I just converted this to PDF format. It is 145 pages thus far. That is a lot of pages for a story that only about 25% written.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)
 

145 Pages! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif

If you keep this up it will be a full blown novel! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)
 

Any One Want an update?

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-21-04)
 

2360.5

Innocent Times

The summer was nearly over and the class of 2360 was eager to graduate this day and begin their military careers as officers of the Global Alliance. As a large group of the men and women that would soon become the fiftieth class to graduate from the Pandoran Military Academy gathered in the assembly area for the ceremony, the spectator stands began to fill. The day was a hot one, easily the hottest of the year, made even more miserable by the humidity of the southern continent this time of the year. Krellor was a horrible month to hold a graduation ceremony thought Thomas Allen Christopher, a brass, confidant looking, and handsome young man as he tugged at his cadets dress uniform attempting to adjust its uncomfortable fit.
“Out of ten months in a year, why in the hell did they have too chose Krellor to hold this damn ceremony in.” Muttered Tom to himself as he wiped the sweat from his forehead and looked over at the stands and felt sorry for the spectators who would be sitting there out in the open with the sun baking down upon them. The fit of his uniform left something to be desired and he began to tug on it again.
Tom hated wearing the tightly fitting uniform nearly as much hated this place. The climate of the southern continent was as unfriendly as a group of drunken upper classmen looking for more beer money on a Rossday night. Tom hated the Academy nearly as much as he hated leaving it. It had become his home over the Last sixteen years and now it was time to leave. As he sat watching his classmates gather in the assembly area, he pondered his life with some regret. Not having a family, and being raised as an orphan, was a constant reminder that there would be no one in the stands today for him. His adopted father had recently passed away, and his mother was too ill to make the trip. The loneliness that he felt this day was an empty feeling that ate away at his heart like a virus leaving him to feel depressed on a day that he should be feeling exaltation.
“Tommy boy!” Yelled one of his classmates, and closest friend Devon Gore the Sixth, as he made his way through the crowd toward him carrying two glasses of juice. Knowing Devon, the juice was no doubt heavily spiked with Brandon weed whisky, his favorite intoxicating beverage of choice.
“Why so gloom my man?” He asked as he sat beside him and handed him one of the glasses. “This is the first greatest day of the rest of your life.” He said cheerfully. “A toast to our coming glories, my they be grand and glorious.” He finished with a smile.
“Devon, are you drunk?” Tom asked him as he sniffed the drink he had been handed.
“You better believe it.” His friend said in joyful manor.
“What am I going to do with you?” Tom asked as he drank the contents of his cup, crushed it and threw it to the ground. “Cheers.” He said simply and stood up to walk away.
“Wow, wait just a minute there.” Commented Devon as he too stood. “Just where do you think your going?” Tom playing the amused part, bowed slightly and said, “Why to the drink cart my Prince, our glasses need refilling.” Both men laughed and walked together toward the refreshment stand on the other side of the assembly area.
“You know you’re not alone.” Devon said to him kindly. “You and I have each other, and the many women of this planet to keep us company.”
Tom smiled at his friend warmly and considered the time they had spent together having a good time womanizing and chasing about the planet over the years as Cadets.
“Devon what are we to do now?” He asked in a whimsical tone of voice as they walked up to the refreshment cart and each of them took a glass filled with juice that had obviously been spiked against regulations.
“Why my dear friend we serve the Alliance and my father with honor and distinction, advancing in rank until we are both Supreme Generals.”
“Easy for you to say, promotion won’t be an issue for you.” Commented Tom without thinking. He immediately regretted what he had said but the damage had been done. Tom had grown to know Devon Gore like a brother, but he had never before seen the expression that was now etched in his friends face.
“I earn my rank Tom, I expect nothing from my father but his thrown some day.” Tom realizing that he had offended his friend and offered an apology.
“Hey Devon, I didn’t mean it to sound that way.”
Devon relaxed and let out a smile from ear to ear.
“Hey look it’s Erin and Mira. You know you should marry that one.” Devon had said joyfully, having forgotten Tom’s remark. Tom had learned long ago that his friend was somewhat peculiar in that regard. Something’s bothered him while other things seem completely unimportant. Perhaps a result of his royal upbringing Tom thought to himself as Devon waved at the two ladies.
“Come on Tom, lets not keep the future Mrs. Christopher and her friend waiting.”
With that both men made there way toward them, drinks in hand.
“If she will have me, I would gladly marry her.” Tom replied honestly as they approached the two lovely looking women in dress uniforms.
“Well, Mira is a fine women and she would make a fine wife.” With that the two men joined the two ladies, also cadets about to graduate, and together they walked off toward the courtyard where the graduation ceremony was about to take place.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)
 

Of course we want an update http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Good thing you choose to do so anyway http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...ies/tongue.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)
 

Yup. I guess I got bored Last night.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-21-04)
 

2369.6

The Decree

It was truly a dark cloud of events that were now rampaging across the planet with hurricane force. King Chandler Gore the Fifth, having declared himself Emperor, ordered the attack of several Alliance member states. Emperor Gore had decreed that all members of the Global Alliance were to adopt the strict laws of the Salideen Religion. Any member state that refused would be subject to invasion and pacification. Many of the Alliance’s member states denounced the Emperors decree and were subsequently invaded. Their leaders were executed and the populations bombed into submission.
“The Senate will never support these actions. I mean how could they?” Tom said as he read the morning paper vid. From the tone of his voice, Mira his wife could tell that he was truly concerned over the current state of the Alliance.
“Tom, King Chandler has gone insane and broken the Alliance by attacking its member states. The Senate, what is left of it, has no control over him now.”
“My God!” He said with shock in his voice, “This means civil war.” Tom looked out the window of their apartment at the heart of the Capitol city, which lay before them.
“This civil war is going to tear our planet apart Mira and we are powerless to do anything.”
Tom threw the paper vid across the table angrily.
“Now that the Praetorian Republic has condemned his actions, its only going to be a matter of time before they vote to succeed from the Alliance and you know damn well what that will mean.”
Mira smiled softly as she leaned over and hugged her husband. She was truly a beautiful woman, one of the prettiest on the planet. She had long black hair that was softer than anything Tom had ever felt in his life. Her deep green eyes were gifts from Salideen himself and possessed the power to pierce a man’s soul. Her skin was soft and tan and smelled pleasantly of helter roses. Tom smiled as she embraced him; all that really mattered to him was that he had her love.
“I am sure the leaders of the Praetorian Republic know what they are doing. The King would never dare attack them over this.” She said softly.
Tom and Mira both knew better than to believe this, they were both officers in the Global Alliance and they both knew that by condemning the King and his actions, the leaders of their home continent, Praetoria, had put them all in harms way.

“He's no longer the King Mira, he has declared himself Emperor. And these recall orders tell me something that I don’t want to believe.” Tom said as he picked them up from the table and looked at them. “Our leaders are recalling all military men and women to help defend Praetoria.” He looked up into her eyes, and felt the weight of the world upon him as he spoke. “These recall orders can only mean one thing, they are expecting an attack and that will lead us strait into a civil war.” She released her hold, breaking their embrace and sat in the chair opposite of Tom’s. She was no longer smiling.
“This holly war that the King,” She paused, “That the Emperor has brought upon us is not your fault Tom. You must know that.” She said solemnly as she took her husband’s hands in hers. “No one could have foreseen these events. The loss of that shuttle did not bring this war upon us. You have got to accept that this is not your fault Tom.”
“Isn’t it though? I mean if not for that shuttle disaster, Gore would not have had the ammunition he needed to gain the support of the religious right. This war would never have come to be if only we had succeeded.”
“Gore is insane, he ordered the murder of half a million people because they refused to accept his decree to abandon their way of life and adopt the beliefs of the Salideen Religion. That is not something a sane man would do.”
“You know what we must do?” Tom said softly. Mira said nothing as she softly nodded yes.
“It’s only going to be a matter of time before we are arrested.”
“Why?” Mira asked in an alarmed tone of voice. “Why would they want to arrest us? We are not absent from our duties, we haven’t left the city or committed any crimes.”
“The King, I mean the Emperors decree that all members of the Global Alliance are to strictly follow the laws and beliefs of only the Salideen religion condemns us. Think about it, the Salideen religion is the belief that man was created on Pandor in the image of Salideen himself and to explore the stars was a crime against Salideen punishable by death.”
“I don’t understand?”
“I am one of only a handful of men who have ever left our planets atmosphere. Under the Emperors decree I am now a criminal, as are all those who have ever worked in any capacity for the Space Exploration Division. There is no way that the Emperor is going to allow you and me to remain free.”
“Tom that’s crazy!” She said dismissively. “Devon won’t let his father harm us.”
“Look Mira, I know this sounds ludicrous, but Devon has changed, and you yourself just said that his father was insane. Trust me, they will come for us and Devon won’t stop them. Our only hope is to leave the city and head for Camellia before they do come for us.”
“But our careers?”
“There over.”
Just then the door chime announced that they had a visitor. The sound of the chime startled both Mira and Tom and they both let out a light laugh.
“I’ll get that,” Tom said as he stood.
Mira went about cleaning up the table and organizing her paperwork for the day. She was assigned to house duty during her pregnancy and was given accident reports to review.
Tom walked to the door and looked at the outside viewer. It was his commanding officer Lt Colonel Robert “Bob” Benton. Tom opened the door and saluted.
“Good day sir.” He said as he waited for the Colonel to respond.
“Oh relax Tom,” he said as he stepped into the room. “Your on leave, no need to salute me.”
“Thank you sir.” Replied Tom. “In that case may I offer you a drink?”
“Sounds good.”
“Take a seat Bob, I’ll let Mira know you’re here and get that drink for you.”
“Wait.” Said the Colonel quietly. “We need to talk privately first.”
Tom could not hide the concerned look that spread across his face. He simply nodded yes and gestured that they should enter his study. Once inside Tom closed the door and locked it. Went to the bar and poured two glasses of Brandon Weed Whisky. The Colonel had taken a seat in the Studies couch and accepted the drink from Tom as he sat down next to him.
“What’s going on Bob?” Tom asked.
“You and Mira are in danger, you both need to get out of the city by tonight.”
Tom could feel the blood leaving his face, he felt the sudden urge to black out, the kind of feeling that one gets when one is delivered extremely bad news.
“What?”
Bob leaned forward and as he spoke. “There is a transport, the Hiru, leaving the city tonight from the East Transit Platform. You both need to be on it.”
“Why are you telling me this Bob?” Asked Tom after he drank the entire contents of his glass in one gulp. “How could you possibly know that we are in danger?”
“Not just you Tom, but all of us. I am leaving as well with my wife and children.”
“My God!” Tom said as he fathomed the situation. “We were, Mira and I, just discussing this.”
“Discussing what?”
“The possibility that we would be arrested because of my involvement with the S.E.D.”
“Well your correct. The order to arrest any and all personnel connected with the Space Exploration Division came down from Head Quarters today. I don’t think they realized that the order would first come through my office though. Or perhaps someone at HQ did and wanted to give us advanced warning, I simply don’t know, but I do know one thing, we have less than thirty hours to get the hell out of this city and off this continent.”
“How many others have you told?” Asked Tom.
“You’re the first on a very short list.”
“How short?”
“Short.”
Tom’s expression began to take on a more serious look. “Bob we have to warn the others.”
“Tom we have no time. And if word leaks that we’re planning on leaving, we are all dead.”
Tom considered this for a moment before responding; the thought of not telling so many people that their lives were about to be forever changed was haunting.
“There must be a way to warn the others.”
Bob finished his drink and stood. He was not happy about his decision to limit the number of people that he would be telling, but the choice had been made.
“Make sure you and Mira are on that transport tonight Tom. Make damn sure you are.”
Tom just looked drained as he walked the Colonel to the door. His thoughts were racing as they exchanged their good byes. Tom stood silently for a moment, attempting to calm himself. ‘This cannot be happening.’ He thought to himself.
“Tom who was it?” Asked Mira. She had stepped into the greeting room curious as to see who had come to the door.
“Pack some things, we’re leaving tonight.” Said Tom as he looked at his wife.
“Tom what’s wrong, who was that?”
“It was Bob Benton, he said we need to leave the city by tonight.”
Mira looked positively bewildered. The shock on her face was a clear as glass.
“What the hell?” She finally asked as Tom headed for their bedroom and she followed.
“Tom we are not leaving our home!”
“Mira,” Tom shouted not really meaning to. He looked down at the floor for a second, then back up at his wife who now had the look of a scared child. He took in his arms and softly spoke, “We have to go.”

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

UPDATED

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/heart.gif [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon44.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon02.gif[/img]

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

I have spent the better part of the day writing and all that I have to show for it is a longer Chapter II of this story. I had hoped that there would have been more hits on this thread than the one that I did get. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Is this story that bad? Or is it like so many other, the victim of dis-interest?

Any ways, the re-write is progressing, and hopefully RD will soon post the first chapter of this story to the www.spaceempires.net/home Fan Fiction page.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Hey, you know I'm reading it. I didn't read it over the weekend because I wanted to save it for the loong, boring Monday morning at work. And it was worth it, too.

Good to see you re-writing it. The story was great anyway, but I know the feeling of "I wish I'd mentioned XXX 12 chapters ago" all too well. Hopefully the re-write will lead to a tighter story with better continuity.

And it will give me a chance to refresh my memory of events as well. Looking forward to your next post At.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

I took the advise of many and hopefully it will pay off. The first chapter is about 10,500 words and the second is close to 9,000 words.

My biggest issue is with grammer. I tell you I wish I could aford to have a professional proof reader go through the finished story and help fix all my mistakes.

And thanks DS, I hope you enjoy the latest two chapters.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Post it here and we'll grammar check it.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Hey Atrocities, I've been meaning to reread this story, I'm just curious if you started it again or something... It's a bit confusing. Is the first chapter still the first chapter? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif

Help out my poor confuzzled mind and I'll try and get through this collossal piece. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Edit: As for Grammar, I'm not the best at it but when you send me the revised chapters for SpaceEmpires.Net I can have a look through them for you and send back any bits that make no sense http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Edit 2: Ahh, I missed that! It seems you Just Sent me the Revised Chapter http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Actually, I have a new Version for you RD. I can email it to you later today. I should have Chapter 2 done later today.

Revision SENT

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

I know, I just got it. I'll be out for the next 4 or 5 hours today, so Any more revisions won't get missed http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Edit: And a Promotion for me http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon48.gif[/img]

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Congradulations Lt Colonel RD. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 07-04-04)
 

Edit:
Went into the thread and found a new part I hadn't read, oh a new one I thought.
Read it and liked it.
"Part XI Origin", it was good!
Then I saw Mlmbd's reply and saw the dates....
The new forum kicks me back and forth in time!
Someday I wanna re-read it all again in the proper order, will wait til you're finished though.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

http://www.spaceempires.net/home/mod...al_tsunomi.PNG

Artist Rendition of the "Destruction of the Tempest"
“Birds away!’ Yell the pilot into his COM as he spiraled down and under the Tempest on his course away from the big ship. Seconds later the two missiles that he had fired impacted within the hanger of the ship detonating against the mid ship support sub structure and penetrating the aft ammunition magazine before exploding. The force of the explosion not only ripped the support beams that held the overhead Anti Gravity Pod causing it to collapse, but it also ignited the ammunition in the magazine. The resulting explosion generated enough force to blow the large ship in half. As the two flaming pieces of the Tempest fell from the sky, a series of secondary chain explosions began to occur thus sealing the fate of the ship and crew.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Has any one even read this story?

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Believe it or not, I have.

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Dud you know I have (although it's quite a while ago now)

Re: Once Upon The Stars (Updated 08-22-04)
 

Sounds very familar doesn't it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/frown.gif Ice Planet