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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Commander Taz/Guinan, thank you for mending the transporter, please energise....
The away team appear in the transporter room of the TSSS Phong's Head. It is a relief (I can tell you) to see the transporter operator not wearing a minging ginger goatee beard The heroic Captain Growltigga takes the turbolift to the bridge... the doors open. The Captain evaluates the situation and whips out his phaser, horribly aware that whilst he and his brave colleagues have escaped from the USS Ginger Minger, unfortunately, the ginger bearded weirdoes transported onto the Phong's Head have not been returned to their own dimension... Phasers to stun, let's kick some ginger backside |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Make it so Mr Power Man, I would like to know where those wretched Deadstar space scum have gone to.
I feel that they have meddled with the TSSS Phong's Head and thr adventures of Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat and his intrepid crew once too often, first they interfered with out negotiations at Fart Point, secondly, I am sure they were responsible with our being beamed to the USS Ginger Minger, and third, the rotten swine shot at this ship... If they want to meddle with the Galactic Federation, then we need to show them that the price for meddling is losing your hands at the wrists!! Hmmmmm, we have a few Posts left for this episode, I suggest that in true Startrek TNG style, we spend the rest of this episode dealing with the personal problems of one of the crew... How about Taz's furballs (they are you know!)?, Deanna Gryphin's angst about his cleavage?, Commander Dogscoff's propensity for clenching apples between his buttocks?, Mr Power Man's homicidal tendencies?, Mr Kamog's abuse of poor animals? Mr S'Katchoo's mind melding abilities as employed in cottaging? My own tyrannical, violent and ever so charming propensities? PS I am a black tiger on this episode, no orange fur on me! PPS Mr Kamog, report to the captain's ready room. I need to have a severe word with you about abusing Barry. By the way, cover yourself in a nice Hollandaise sauce and dont wear your uniform. Barry says the threads get stuck between his teeth [ May 20, 2003, 09:02: Message edited by: growltigger ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
dogscoff rematerialises on the transporter pad, and is almost immediately aware that something is wrong.
"Something wrong, commander?" Asks Erax, who is manning the transporter controls. "I think someone ('Tigga) is trying to get rid of me." Replies a weary dogscoff. "Someone rigged the transporter so I'd end up in a completely random parallel universe." "Yes," says Erax, honking his comedy red nose "you certainly don't look like you belong here." With that, Erax flaps out of the transporter room in his size 18 shoes, just as the 'Tigga from this dimension walks in. He stops to squirt 'scoff in the face with water from a pLastic lapel-flower, before chastising him for not wearing his ClownFleet regulation giant green wig and baggy troUsers. 'Scoff sighs, goes over to the transporter controls, gives them a kick and steps back on the pad, hoping this time he will be sent back home. [ May 20, 2003, 11:20: Message edited by: dogscoff ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
"Engineering to Bridge. Cap'n, all our transporter problems seem to be fixed now. The computer says Commander Scoffo and Lieutenant Kamog are not aboard.
I could rig the transporters to trawl the dimensions for them, if you wish." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*dogscoff rematerialises on the transporter pad, and is pleased to see that 'Tigga has beamed 'scoff back personally.
"I see you changed your mind about banishing me to another dimension, Captain." says 'scoff. "Why are you calling me Captain?" Says 'Tig. "The illustrious and manly Captain Fyron is in charge of this ship." *Without another word, dogscoff kicks the sensitive workings of the transporter and steps back onto the pad. [ May 20, 2003, 14:50: Message edited by: dogscoff ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Thank you Mr Erax, much as it hurts me to say this, it is a matter of tradition for the Galactic Federation that we never leave anyone behind, be they dead, wounded, drunk or having a quick knee trembler after hours. I suppose you better trawl the dimensions for our errant hirsute muppet of an executive officer.
Please also bring Kamog back as I have an appointment for him down in cargo bay 1, infact, I have a large vat of hollandaise sauce and dijon mustard to go with that appointment as well... Hmmm, Mr Power Man, is there any sign of a trail of those Deadstar warships? this is a new contact for the Galactic Federation, and although the Deadstar Continumummummum have shown they are hostile, we should really make an attempt to contact them peacefully Note to Mr Power Man, always make sure shields are always up, the phaser banks are charged and a full spread of photon torpedoes are ready to be launched..... I dont trust those sneaking deadstar scum! |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*dogscoff materialises on the transporter pad, and is delighted to see that the transporter operator looks a lot like Holly Valance and is dressed only in a thin layer of strawberry jam.
"Welcome back, your excellency, the females of the galaxy have missed your commanding presence" she says, dropping to her knees in a gesture of (ahem) respect. At that moment, 'scoff feels his atoms tingle as the Erax of the TSSS Phong's Head sweeps the dimensions for him locks onto his signal. *dogscoff materialises back aboard the Cantina, sobbing uncontrollably. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Holly Valance covered in strawberry jam??
Doctor Geo, I know that you are a doctor, not a conserve and general home-economics whizz-kid but please could you give our first officer a sanity check.. he is just a little weird for his own good... Now, did anyone see where that Milla Jojovich clone went covered in taramasalata and hummous? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
"Engineering to Bridge. Cap'n, Commander Scoffo is aboard. We also have another Version of him in which he is an Elvis impersonator, one in which he is a cyborg and one in which he is three feet tall, has glowing yellow eyes and wears a hooded brown robe.
We are now searching for Lieutenant Kamog, I'll send the other Scoffos back to their original dimensions after we find him." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
OK Captain. Shields at “full Strength Relief”, Phasers at “Really Nasty”, and Torpedo banks at “High Interest”. To show our desire for peace I have hoisted the “Let’s PARTY” signal. Maybe we can bring some of the “Good Life” to the Deadstar Continumummummum.
The Deadstar ships appear to be heading to the “Dead Zone”, a region of Null energy that we know little about. Captain ?? When did you dye your hair?? I thought I Just saw you on a lower deck. You were trying to hide your face and feel up a yoMan at the same time. Captain (If it Really Is You) I suggest you hunt down your double-minger and get him off your ship!! Don’t forget to use your own tyrannical, violent and ever so charming propensities and try to get him to take over His dimension. (See we still have some unfinished business in This episode.) |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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*Jawa-dogscoff immediately begins stripping down the transporter for saleable spare parts... Meanwhile, real-dogscoff takes Elvis-dogscoff down to 10fwd for a (dozen) burger(s). [ May 20, 2003, 16:46: Message edited by: dogscoff ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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Erax picks Jawa-dogscoff up off the floor by the back of his robe and carries him to the brig. "Cap'n, we are having some, um, technical problems here, it may be a while before we find Kamog." (how do we know it's a Jawa-dogscoff ? Easy, his goatee peeks out from under the hood). |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*The deadstar fleet quickly disperses in several directions and one of them launches a small craft which heads back towards the TSSS Phong's Head. Eventually after being thoroughly scanned (including what colour the lone female crew members thong is!) the ship is allowed to dock with the Phong's Head. The attractive Talena Atfield pilot Boards the ship and escorted by the red shirts with bulging eyes and are drooling. She is also accompanied by a host of more Jawa's who whilst the deadstar were in the vicinity scanned the ships CCTV and saw a scottish engineer pyhsically violating a jawa, and must stick up for their species honour, despite the fact this jawa has a ginger beard. The red shirts have to stop the jawa from stealing anything whilst Talena has to phaser a too eager Power Man who's hands were getting too close for comfort. She reaches the Bridge and gives Captain Jean Luc Le grand Chat and begins her speech.*
"Greetings from the Deadstar Continuum..." She looks unimpressed as GT slyly eyes her cleaverage. "AHEM Eyes up here Please!" pointing to her eyes. "We may have not got off to a good start but we would like to inform you we did not fire on your ship, we believe it's the work of a bunch of pirates or mercenaries working for a crime lord called Ragnarok. Now we are willing to forgive you for this misconception..." Notices where GT's eyes are heading. "Eyes.... Ok so we are willing to exchange cultural information and beer recipe's, but any form of treaty is far off. Just be careful not to trespass in Deadstar space, we can't be held accountable for any losses to your precious federation! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif Now i'm afriad you'll have to settle this dispute with the Jawa and they demand the engineer who assaulted the jawa dogscoff be handed over for interrorgation and humiliation!" *She heads back to her ship to relax as the jawa begin jumping at GT's arms shouting demands and making a nuiscance of themselves like little children, she smiles wondering how GT will settle this dispute and how they can interrorgate a scottish engineer... maybe showing him a brand new shiny nacelle engine and torpedoing it to oblivion!* |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Luckily for Erax, the bridge intercom was on and he heard this whole exchange.
"They won't take me, no they won't, bunch of strange creatures, It doesn't even look like there is anything under their robes to assault anyway !" Erax hurriedly re-assembles the transporter control panel (cyborg Scoffo, who has been forgotten up to now and wants to get back home, assists him in this) and uses his own signal as a template. He soon locks on to an Erax from another dimension and beams him directly to the bridge. On the bridge, an Erax who wears a red shirt and has a huge, frizzy, bushy beard materializes amidst the Jawas. "I am Comrade Engineer Erax of the People's Democratic Federation of Planets, and I demand to be returned to my ship immediately !" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain Slog, Stardate 12.53 GMT Hmmmm, I wonder where that useless first officer of mine has got to these days, oh well, we are not missing him and the bridge seems a much nicer place when he is not there.
We are cruising at warp 1, slowly picking up the trail of the Deadstar warships which attacked us and then fled after my, ahem, interuption of their normal bridge facilities. There is nothing like extreme force to persuade someone to turn tail. The TSSS Phong's Head is such a relief. No gingers are aboard, and the only person with a goatee is missing What could happen next? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
After three days of unconsciousness, Kamog wakes up... the Last thing he remembers is being beaten up by a bearded FBW in 10 Forward.
Where am I? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif Kamog goes to a computer panel on the wall. "Computer, what is my location?" Computer: "Lieutenant Kamog is not on the ship." Checking his communicator, Kamog notices that there is an order from the Captain. "What, I'm supposed to cover myself in Hollandaise sauce, don't wear a uniform, and go to cargo bay 1? ...Okie Dokie..." Taking off his uniform, Kamog notices that it's not his usual uniform that he was wearing. It has a weird sash and instead of the familar TSSS logo there's a strange inverted-V type of logo. Also, he notices that he's grown a beard. "Now, where can I get some Hollandaise sauce?" Unfortunately, Kamog is totally disoriented and has no clue where he is. He goes to a nearby door and opens it. It looks like somebody's quarters. Fortunately, there's a replicator in the dining area. "Computer, bottle of Hollandaise sauce, please". There's a brief shimmer of light and a bottle appears. Taking the bottle, Kamog starts applying some sauce to himself, but then stops. "Hmm, it's no fun putting this sauce on myself. It will be a lot nicer to have a cute FBW put the sauce on for me. Maybe I can then put some sauce on her... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif " Carrying the bottle in one hand and his uniform in the other, Kamog goes out into the hall. "Uh, oh, I just remembered I'm not in the best of relations with the FBW's lately. I really shouldn't have pulled on her beard. I know! I'll go to the holodeck and get a holo-FBW to do it." Walking down the hall, Kamog notices somebody walking towards his direction. "Uh, oh, it's the Kylie Clone FBW!" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif Not wanting another painful confrontation, Kamog quickly opens a hatch, dives into a narrow service duct, and crawls away. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
...As the real Taz reaches Ten Forward Lounge, he spots his Minger double behind the bar. His double is apparently trying to get the crew to change to NON-alcoholic drinks and seems to be giving the FBWs some hair care tips. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif
Tapping Minger-Taz on the shoulder he points to the Lounge office. Minger-Taz then prances around the bar and spins into the office. Gods! He prances and even spins to the left ! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif Hoping to save this poor creature, Taz proceeds to try to rehabilitate it by exposing it to some more wholesome experiences - (Via 10 Forwards Holo-suite) - Triple XXX 'birds & Bees' instruction, Taste-testing of the 100 most popular alcoholic beverages, Violence 101 for cartoon characters, and the complete course in "How to be a Terror: Tasmanian Devil style." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif Hours later Taz calls Erax and tells him to transport the hopefully rehabilitated Minger-Taz back to the Minger dimension. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif Taz to Captain: 10 Forward secure and ready for another mission. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
The delivery of a large bunch of red roses and expensive perfume to the Deadstar scout ship does the trick and shortly thereafter, the Talena Atfield pilot is resting in Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's muscular arms, at peace with the galaxy after a stonking good meal and a good stonking....
A non-aggression treaty is negotiated between the Deadstar Continumumumum and the Galactic Federation and a mutual aggression pact against the rebel Ragnarok is agreed...... The Talena Atfield pilot returns to her ship, full of warm and happy thoughts for the Galactic Federation.. The Captain strolls back onto the bridge. Mr Power Man and Mr S'Katchoo (where the hell is he anyhow?), locate Commander Kamog and ask him to report to my ready room instantly. Also locate Mr Erax and ask him to report in. Inform security to round up all the jawas and put them into cargo bay 1, tell them also to cover the jawas in a bolognese sauce before they put them in there, Barry has a dicky tummy, tell the two Taz's to assist the redshirts in this endeavour.. Mr Power Man, try and com the doctor for me will you, I need him to think of way to get rid of all the minger gingers on this ship.. Captain to crew, with immediate effect, all beards are Banned, especially on the girls PS chaps, in Startrek, the captain always got his lass, why not here? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Erax takes stock of the situation.
Jawa-dogscoff has been returned to his dimension. Security has fed all the other jawas to Barry. Cyborg-dogscoff has gone back to his dimension too. Elvis-dogscoff is still eating burgers. There may still be a minger-Power Man aboard, but that's Dr. Geo's problem. "This is it, I've been working on this cursed transporter ever since this episode began, it's time for a break !" Erax sets the transporter to automatic scan and pickup for Kamog (with beam forwarding to the brig so Kamog's other Versions won't cause any mischief) and meets his Communist counterpart in Ten Forward for a round of political debate on the merits of scotch whiskey vs. vodka. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
OK Captain.
Taking a clue from Taz, Power Man and the Doctor determine that one way to tell who's minger (aside from the goatee) is give them a scan. All their atoms spin to the Left. Together they hook up the ship's sensors to the transporter and "slide" all the "oddly spinning" mingers back to were they came from. Captain: All of the mingers are off the ship. Records show that we did NOT beam the minger Tigga back!! Captain , one of our "Kitten class" shuttles is gone from shuttle bay 3. I have found it on our long range scanners. It is heading to the Pink Triangle Nebula. I can not tell who is aboard it at this range. This may be were the minger-captain and Mr S'Katchoo went. Permission to pursue and capture Captain ?? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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Suddenly, the lights darken and a disco ball drops from the ceiling. Just as the rear-compartment door slides open, 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees starts playing. Standing up, Mr S'Katchoo joins the Minger Ginger Captain on the dance floor, just as the John Travolta clones from the Disco Universe come out and start dancing. The view shifts to the exterior of the Shuttle, where we get to see it begin to rock lightly from side to side. The bumber sticker "If this Shuttle's a rockin', don't come a knockin'" can be clearly seen on the rear bumper... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat is sitting in his Captains chair day dreaming about his "expieriences" of the day when suddenly across the big screen TV viewer comes a video of RD secretly getting to know Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's female crew a bit "better". RD is trying them all out for size. The look on Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's face says it all; absolute disgust with RD - the leader of the Deadstar Continuum. Then the video cuts out and the face of an dark evil looking figure comes onto the screen - with an eye patch. "Arrr," begins the dark figure, with a growl in his voice he continues, "I see you have a stearrring wheel hanging from your pants Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat, it much be drivein you nuts, Arrr." The figure begins to laugh in classic Dr. Evil fashion at what he finds as funny but in reality no one is laughing and he looks like a complete idiot. "Ahem," he begins again, "I have heard that this Raging Deadstar has been telling you that I am an evil pirate that you need to watch out for; and while this is true to an extent, I am working for a secret organization found withen your Federation. So if you chase me you will indeed be investigated and sought out for destruction by my organization. I suggest you go after that evil RD who is mingling with your crew a bit more then a non-aggression treaty would stipulate." As the screen begins to flicker out this evil figure snaps his fingers and Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's clothes are suddenly gone. "Just something I learned from this person named Q a couple weeks ago. That fellow is a funny one I tell you."
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*Raging Deadstar laughs hysterically at the look on Growltiggers face as he gets dressed and sends the Federation crew back to their shuttle, complimenting the one tigga's had his eye on for a few months. Hehehe a good jiggle around and a few moaning noises fools everyone. He pays the leaving females some cash out of sympathy, i mean do you know what a cats reproductive organs do!! (If anyone's read Red Dwarf The novel BackWards you'll understand) He happily gets dressed and watches the video and laughs again at Jean Luc Le Grand Chats face as Ragnarok totally humiliates him. The grand Goddess steps down from her throne as he leaves and smiles, and kisses him. Deadstar has performed for her well. He prepares the shipment of Clones for Ragnarok and dispatches the ship, with this uneasy peace it was nice to have an ally to fight alongside if war came. The disgraced Talena Atfield saunters in ashamed of her actions, perhaps her failure and accepting a non aggression treaty could work to their advantage. The Clone is sent to a disinfectant after being "tarnished" and it's memory wiped, we certainly don't need GT's lack of sexual prowess making them think thats the standard for men in the universe. You know what they say about cats, no good in bed as they always land on their feet! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif *
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
After escaping from the FBW, Kamog finally makes it down to the cargo deck by crawling through the ventilation ducts.
"Before I report to Cargo Bay 1, I better shave this beard off. I heard that there's a general order banning all beards now... Uh, oh, I don't have my razor with me." Walking down the hall, Kamog sees a phaser pistol in a recharging holster on the wall. "OK, I can use this to zap my beard, and it will be fine..." Kamog sets the phaser to "disintegrate", holds the end beside his chin, and presses the "fire" button. VZZZZTTT! The goatee is instantly atomized into a fine vapor. Suddenly, there's a loud hissing sound to the left. The bLast has hit a plasma conduit, and super hot plasma is leaking out. Electrical arcs are crackling all over the wall, and tons of toxic steam is gushing out. Immediately, sirens go off and red lights come on. Computer: "Emergency. Plasma leak on deck 20. Closing bulkhead doors..." Kamog: "Uh, oh, that's not good..." Kamog runs into Cargo Bay 1, as the bLast doors slam down to either side of the hallway. Inside the Cargo bay, there's a crowd of Jawas covered in balognese sauce, and Barry the T-rex viciously mauling at a couple of them. The instant Barry sees Kamog, Barry drops the Jawas and starts running straight for Kamog, stepping on a few other Jawas in the process. Kamog runs out the Cargo bay, but he is trapped. The hallway is sealed on both sides. In desperation, he ducks behind a couple of panicking Jawas, and holds up his bottle of Hollandaise sauce. Barry comes bursting through the door. Suddenly, there's a shimmer of light and Kamog, along with two jawas, are transported out! "Hey, what's going on? Why am I in the brig?" The two jawas, covered in balognese sauce, muddle around the cell in confusion. "Someone, please let us out..." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Let's leave him iin there and see how hungry he has to get before he resorts to Jawa-licking http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Hmmmm... the sad news for Raging Deadstar is that a fair majority of the female proportion of the TSSS Phong's Head crew have caught a variety of nasty and unpleasant sexually transmitted diseases.
I think they caught these off Kamog and Dogscoff and as our trusty doctor seems to have gone AWOL, they cannot be cured yet. Ragnarok, I am a bit confused where you are doing your evil gloating from? you are not on board, you dont have the power to beam images of yourself halfway across the galaxy, you cannot be in a cloaked ship cos we would blow that from space as soon as we saw it, you are not Q so don't have the power to remove my clothing and strangley, you seem to be suffering from awful hallucinations..... Barry licking Jawa-Bolognese concoctions, Kamog cowering and covered in hollandaise sauce, ooh this is fun... Captain Growltigga signing out, to infinity and beyond! |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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*Raging Deadstar laughs evily as he watches the CCTV Of the ship and smiles as he sees Power Man getting it on with tigga's favourite 10 Forward waitress/love toy, the one who apparently has an exotic STD. RD looks away as he heres Power Man screaming as gigantic ballon sized green warts start inflating from his love pump and as he runs with a towel barely disguising the situation he reaches Dr Geoschmo Med lab. There on the computer screen is a message...* "DR Geoschmo is out. If you're a red shirt ensign with a phaser wound to the toe please report to Cargo Bay 1 with a sauce of your choice for a celebratory "Buffet" hosted by our very Own Barry! If you are Seriously injured i suggest you remmeber that i'm currently "indisposed" helping a FBW Recover from "exhaustion" due to the Captains frivelous activities! They're so much easier to Molest when they're tired....*evil grin face* Still here, Dammit I'm a Doctor not a babysitter for incapable Crewmembers!" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Fortunately Power Man knows were the Doc keeps the "Sticky Wicket" brand penicillin (you know the one that says "Its Good For What Ails You").
He grabs a good "Dose" of the pills. He also takes a tube of Preparation STD ointment (also available in giant suppositories). Returning to his cabin with his cure well "in Hand", he vows to be a "Good Boy". "Next time I'll see a Fuzzy Bunny Dealer from my Card Room. I know they always play with a "clean deck." http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain Growltigga has started an interesting business sideline. Thanks to the internal scanner in the PVC and black leather lined Captain's Ready Room, Kapitan Jean Luc Le Mucho Grande Calientes Saucisson Le Chat is raking it in selling DVD's of his, ahem, intimate liaisons to discerning connossieurs in the galaxy!
The room is available for hire should anyone in the crew wish to avail themselves of this facility |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
hee hee, note that in a fit of Bar Trek-esque related insanity, I have changed my handle to the great captain himself!
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
'Tig, that must be the silliest idea I've heard in my entire life.
Edit : That's why I'm doing it too !! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif [ May 24, 2003, 10:15: Message edited by: Chief Engineer Erax ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Do you prefer the title of Captain Chat or will a simple Mr. Chat do? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
I agree, thats the dumbest thing i heard, shame on you!
Ahh what the heck, I'll do it too! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Note: Does the Galactic Federation allow Captains to have X rated side businesses? Though after seeing your "neotigations" with my emissary i wouldn't be suprised... I'll get my tactical Weapons officer to study this film, maybe it will reveal some of Jean Luc Le Grand Chats combat techniques... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Since there appears to be a pause in the action aboard the Tsss Phong's Head, let me take this opportunity to introduce the latest feature film of our Illustrous Captain:
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/newup...1053920156.GIF This grand production was filmed exclusively in our own Captain's Ready Room and features our own Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat. See the heroic Captain in this his latest amourous 'tail'. See his encounters with Thing One And Thing Two. This production is rated XXX x 10^10! All this is now currently being shown for a limited time in HoloDecks 3 and 4. BYOBB* Show price is a low 10,000 minerals. * Bring your own barf-bag |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Does the Captain do the "Gryphin Position" and "Circle the Wagon" in that movie? I STILL don't know what they are. I'll start saving up my minerals so I can see this show - maybe, just maybe, I can finally learn the secret of what Gryphin Position and CTW are! ...On second thought, perhaps it's not appropriate for members of the crew to see their Captain doing stuff like that... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Kamog, unfortunately no-one (other than the Boston Sex Fiend himself) knows what "Circling the Wagons" and the "Gryphin Position" actually are...
That discussion was the underpin of the whole start-up of the Cantina thread. We still dont know and I suspect, we will not ever find out (and even if we did, we would probably need a medical dictionary, a dictionary of yoga terms and postions and an unarmed combat manual to understand it!!) PS It is probably outlawed by most nations, and probably by some of the more straight-laced religions too PPS Taz/Guinan - "Captain" will do, as will "Skipper", "Boss-man" or "Bwana". To you, "Sir" is most appropriate [ May 27, 2003, 09:31: Message edited by: Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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Gaze upon the video, and your tactical weapons officer will learn a plethora of mystic and arcane Kat Fu moves such as: Stiki Nobi Rumpi Pumpi Licki Slurpi Girli ona toppee Too Wun Fun Bottee Biti and dont forget the infamous Monee Shoti http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif [ May 27, 2003, 13:42: Message edited by: Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Power Man is resting in his cabin.
He desides to watch some movies . He looks at the list of some of the "adult offerings". "I see that the Captian is trying to make a little "scratch" on the side. Some of those titles look interesting. But why are they listed in the "Selected Short Subjects" section?? " Captain, have you gone after the "minger" captian yet? We Last saw hime heading to the Pink Triangle Nebula. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Power Man, I thought I would leave the minger ginger Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat for a "Generations" type of event in a later series!
Dont worry, leotard wearing nancy boys will get their comeuppence and no mistake. Hmmmm.. this thread seems to have slowed down, bit of a boring second episode I feel.... I wonder if we should land the TSSS Phong's Head and revert it back to a cantina? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Twelve more Posts and we can wrap this episode. No, make that eleven now.
Erax is still drinking in Ten Forward BTW. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Fair comment 'Tig. However, we could have noe Last stab at it. Anyone fancy re-hashing this favourite episode?
http://www.johnskeedvabbq.com/Transcripts/RA.html No prizes for anyone who spots the deliberate mistake... |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
We can't turn it back into a cantina, i personally think you guys wrapped it up too soon! In the first episode it was ok cos no-one had a clue on how to finish but this was simple! Beam the mingers back to their dimension, hmm we need to liven up this episode, let me see what i can do....
*Due to the inexplicable laws of the universe which the TSSS Phong's head is travelling through, the one dogscoff created which has a typical star trek attitude (if a universe can have an attitude) the TSSS Phong's head is suddenly propelled into a rip between the minger dimension and this one (this so over done!) and from the swirling colours of energy comes a ship, but it's not like any other ship, it's exactly like the Phong's Head, except for the fact it has a large ginger synthetic beard on the front and has a peace symbol on the top. Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat has to make a choice, surely it wouldn't be right to fire on a ship full of Pacifists, but it's already the second episode and we havn't seen any ship to ship combat and special effects! Will The captain let the Bar Trek series fail so spectacularly? Will he show them the way back home and come across as the peaceful, suave Picard and let us become a cantina again? Or will he show us the tigga we all know and partially like when he isn't shoving red hot pokers up our backsides? The series lies in Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chats hands!* Come on, 9 Posts left! just enough to destroy the minger TSSS Phong's head, keep the Bar Trek series alive! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif [ May 28, 2003, 19:12: Message edited by: Senator Raging Deadstar ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain Slog, article 248.7(b)(iii)(a) fourth codicil (yes, the ink is dry!!) of the Prime Directive dictates that I should always destroy any ship full of namby pamby gusset licking winnet sniffing ginger minger hirsute pansy girly-boys I come across....
Mr Power Man, charge phaser banks, raise shields, load photon torpoedoes, launch defence drones and arm all crew for a marine assault against the ginger minger.... Mr S'Katchoo turns to the captain and says "huge phase imbalance near that nebulae captain, something big and nasty is coming through". In a swirling cloud of incandescence, a large evill looking Klingon cruiser warps into space, and proceeds to head toward Fart Point. "Captain" says Mr Power Man, "they are charging up their disrupters and obviously mean to destroy the people of Fart Point, and probably the brewery too" "Captain to Ensign Patsy, signal the TSSS Ginger Minger, stress to them the gravity of the situation and that we need their help", "signal acknowledged Captain" says Patsy "they will assist and are charging up their pink lycra quantum torpoedoes". Both vessels bear down on the evil Klingons buggers who dont appear to have noticed the two ships... "Fire Phasers, launch photon torpedoes" yells the captain, a fiery bLasts hit the rear of the klingon ship and give a right good buffing. "Shields down on the klingon vessel" yells Mr S'Katchoo, "keep firing" says the captain, "defensive pattern delta, fire pattern omega, trouser staining pattern alpha".. The klingon vessel begins to turn as the USS Ginger Minger closes to point blank range and fires the Pink Torpedoes. They smash into the klingon ship and give the crew a good tickling, and for some reason turn the klingon vessel pink and cerise! THe klingon vessel turns to face the Ginger Minger, "Oh no" says Mr Power Man, "we are too far away to assist them"... What will happen next? we have 6 Posts left to wrap up this episode, creative destruction only please (and keep it real) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain: I suggest we use the famous "Pic a Card" Maneuver.
With that Power Man launches 3 Vary large playing cards at the Klingon ship. One card has a full length photo of a Fuzzy Bunny Dealer in a tiny Dealer's uniform. The other two have photos of some old terrorists. "Signal the Klingons tell them if they pick the right card they will get the Prize." The cards flip over and begin to weave a complex pattern. The Klingon ship turns to follow the cards. Their disrupters fire at the cards again and again but keep missing. Power Man maneuvers the Phong's Head "Lean Right, Lean Left, Lean Right" . "Captain, they have weakened their aft shields. We should hit them now where it will Really Hurt!" "Fire Phasers, Let Loose the Cats of War , launch photon torpedoes" yells the Captain. (Insert several Phaser firing special effects and those neat "thoom thomm" photon torpedo firing shots.) The Klingon vessel is hit and badly damaged by the Ferocious Feline's attack. "Shields down on the Klingon vessel. Their weapons and life support systems are off line." yells Mr S'Katchoo. "Signal the Klingon vessel. Tell them we demand their immediate surrender!" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*Suddenly a little screen appears on the TSSS Phong's head's Viewscreen and minimises to the bottom corner, there in this screen is a very confused Senator Deadstar*
Quote:
*Screen switches to S'katchoo who suspiciously has a large "Buzz Lightyearesque" chin, it seems The Minger S'Katchoo has added a chin extension to hide the ginger goatee he has. My guess is he stayed behind because in the Minger Universe S'Katchoo likes Aggressive Tigers!* *Scene also switches to the brig where kamog is sitting in a corner salviating with large eyes. The camera switches to what Kamog is seeing and there is a Bunch of Jawas but their midsections replaced by cooked ham, chicken and a burger* So so my fellow posters you have to finish the episode credibly with the following stories either continuued to the next episode or finished* What will become of the Minger Phong's head, after helping the TSSS Phong's Head defend against the kling-ons will Jean Luc Le Grand Chat let them return to their dimension in peace, or will they be blown into tiny minger fragments? What will happen to minger S'Katchoo? What will Jean Luc do about the missing Minger Jean Luc and the Real Science officer S'katchoo? Will there be pun-ishment for abandoning ship for intimate liasons with the captain from another universe? And will Kamog resort to Jawa Licking? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Theres your mission guys, as GT always says "Make it so" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif [ May 29, 2003, 18:57: Message edited by: Senator Raging Deadstar ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Erax looks up from his drink as the alarm sirens go off. In his befuddled state, he confuses them with the "intruder aboard" alert.
"Oh, right. Jesh my luck, I take a break fer a few minutesh an' it'sh intrudersh aboard, aye, Engineeer Erax washn't doing hish job, beaming all the aliensh back to their dimensionsh. Better get on with it already, then. Erax and Communist-Erax get up, one supporting the other, and head for the transporter room. After some fumbling with the controls, Erax sends his double back, then scans the ship. "Aye, we 'ave some trans-dim, trans-dim, some folksh who are not from the Phong aboard. Better get rid of them fast." Minger S'Katchoo is whisked away from the bridge. The brig's forcefield is taken down for a brief instant, enough to allow the jawas to be sent on their way. "Now where did that do-nutting assishtant of mine get to ? Oh, right, I had'im beamed to the brig." Erax goes down to the brig to locate Kamog. "There you are ! You look hungry, want a haggis sandwich ?" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Meanwhile in the Pink Triangle Nebula, the TSS Phong's Head Shuttle "Herpes" has docked with several other smaller Ships, such as a Winnebego marked as "Eagle 5", and a silver saucer ship.
Aboard the Herpes, Mr. S'Katchoo is hosting a party. Music reverberates through the hull and everyone is dancing. Mr S'Katchoo, also on the dance floor, butt slams into a large half man-half dog humanoid, and the Minger Ginger Captain slow dances with a smaller thin grey alien with large black oval eyes. Off in a corner, several of the grey aliens are comparing their...aft probing instruments...with the vibrating vegetable belonging to the Princess from Planet Druidia. Suddenly Mr S'Katchoo crumbles to the floor, obviously in agony. The half man-half dog (or Mog) investigates. Mog: "Are you alright?" Mr S'Katchoo: "No... I suddenly felt the anguishing cries of a billion lives, but they're gone now. I feel something terrible has happened..." Mog: "Want another White Dwarf Swirlly?" Mr. S'Katchoo: "Yes...no, I can't. I must return to the Phong's Head and warn the crew. There is a great and terrible force approaching. It might be here at any moment...or in several years. It's hard to tell. I'm not a psychologist you know." The Mog puts a reassuring hand on Mr. S'Katchoo's shoulder. Mog: "There there pal. Here, have a Milkbone." *cruch*crunch*crunch* Mr S'Katchoo: "Computer, set course back to the TSS Phong's Head, maximum speed." Computer: "Sure thing, sweet cheeks!" And with that, the Herpes breaks away from the other Ships and speeds off towards the Phong's Head. Unfortunately, S'Katchoo forgot to tell the rest of the party go'ers that he was leaving, and so everyone who was on board the Herpes for the party is stuck aboard for the Herepes trip back. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Kamog has spent the Last several days locked up in the brig along with two frightened Jawas.
"Hey, is that a nice burger I see?!" ... *blinks a few times* "No, it's a Jawa... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif " A few minutes later. "Wow! A big chunk of cooked ham! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif " *opens bottle of Hollandaise sauce* The image of ham wavers and takes the form of a small humanoid with glowing eyes. "What! It's that Jawa again! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif " Much later... "Hmm, I wonder what Jawa tastes like? Maybe it's not so bad..." Fortunately for the Jawas, they are transported out before they turn into a Moogle's lunch. "Hey, I knew I should have eaten them when I had the chance! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif " Happily, Kamog is saved by Chief Engineer Erax. "Haggis sandwich? Thank you, sir! I'm starving!" Kamog devours the sandwich that Erax brought. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
crackles of electricity spark across the stricken Klingon vessel, plasma is jetting out from the engine nacelles, atmosphere is venting from holes in the hull...
The fearless Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat turns to his communications officer, Ensign Patsy the PVC Pervert, and asks if the Klingons have signalled their surrender. Patsy replies that all she got was someone sounding like they were talking Norwegian with a mouthful of gravel swearing at her.. "Hmmm" thinks the heroic captain, "I guess that means they wont surrender". Mr Power Man, lock on the tractor beam and signal the marines to prepare for boarding". "Captain" says Power Man, "I read a large energy surge on the Klingon ship, they have set their reactor to overload so it will self destruct. Oh no, they are also launching some sort of weapon"... The Klingon captain appears on the viewscreen "you Galactic Federation scum have beaten us this time, we never mind being beaten in a fair fight by a superior tactician as yourself Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, but asking your allies to fire ticlking weaponry at us which paints our ship pink is dishonorable and cowardly... they are an affront to civilised warfare and the klingon warrior code. We will take care of that and have launched our secret high explosive anti minger missile to sort this out". The captain coughs a couple of times and keels over... "Activate point defence weaponry Mr Power Man, try and stop that missile before it hits the Ginger Minger" "It is too far away Captain, it is too far away, hold on, what's this, the shuttle Herpes has appeared on the screens heading towards us at high speed. Oh my god, it is heading for the Ginger Minger and the klingon missile has locked on to it, oh no, scanners show that Mr S'Katchoo is on board." "Quick, beam that mincing pervert off that shuttle" "Aye aye Captain, Mr S'Katchoo is now on the transporter pad aboard the Phong's Head" says Power Man... Just before it hits the Herpes, Mr Power Man manages to intercept the missile with a point defense bLast, the missile explodes and the force of the explosion is so powerful that it opens a dimensional rift to the minger dimension, and propels the Ginger Minger and the Herpes to that dimension!! The dimensional rift disappears... The crew of the Phong's Head is complete. The Klingon ship explodes and space is clear and happy! |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
...Psssst, hey people, Taz is acting up in my avatar thread again,.. y'all should drop by and see what he's doing..
Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
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