Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Bar Keep!

I want the following drinks!

A Brain freezer
A Brain Tomber
A Brain Fart
A Brain Buster
and
A Brain Buner

Now please. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Hmmm,.. getting ready for the upcomming #se4 chat session with MM I see. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Atrocities, I hate to break this to you but the cantina is now closed for business.

We have no beers or other drinks, save for the bottle of spitfire I am drinking, and Mac's eternal beer mug.

we have no booze for sale here, and are merely using the cantina as a method to make some money by getting Erax slaughtered.

Mac is only here as no where else will put up with his "funny smell" and let him stay!

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

No BEERRRRR????

That makes me made enough to flog Britney Spears with a sumer sausage.

It is at http://wegotcards.com/create.cgi?cardid=20212

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

While everyone is entertained whacking Mrs. Spears with a sausage, Erax zaps Sid, who does not pass out but lets him go. He crawls behind the bar, presses a hidden button and vanishes down a trapdoor.

Once inside, he grabs a pair of bolt cutters and frees himself from Bugz, then runs far away from the devil bunny and sets up some more defenses.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Erax, you can run but you can't hide.

And this is a real sign that the cantina is dead and buried and has shuffled off this mortal coil.

In the old cantina, if Britney Spears turned up, the clientele would not have repeatedly hit her over the head with a sausage. What they would have done might well have involved sausages, but certainly not in the "assualting craniums" use!

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

*Dogscoff swaggers up to the cantina, tanned and fat after two delightful weeks in Sri Lanka. He's eager to celebrate his recent wedding by buying a round or Arrak for everyone, getting thoroughly drunk and then and performing a traditional Sri Lankan wedding dance on 'Tigga's head (while wearing somewhat less than traditional pair of football boots.)

The place deserted. A "closed for business" sign adorns the door. Dogscoff's face drops. His beerbelly droops dejectedly.

Alone and fighting back the tears, he stumbles off to the nearest off-license, buys two bottles of the cheapest available vodka and heads for the beach. As darkness falls, he uses one bottle of vodka to get a decent driftwood-fire going and the other to salute the memory of a most illustrious establishment. Ghostly images of amiable mayhem flicker in the flames...

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

In a corner of the cantina that was once called the Royal Booth a tattered Viking crawls from under the table, followed by a Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz clone.
"Hmm, did I miss something?", Rollo ask himself as he watches the tumbleweeds rolling by. "Umm, and yeah girls, my middle name is really Charly...".
Grabbing a keg of mead from his personal storage under each arm the thirsty Viking leaves the cantina. He spots a fire off the distance.
"Okay ladies, let's head for the beach."

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Warning : this post contains links to excessively silly sites.

Erax runs ever deeper into the Cantina's less-known recesses, and stops cold when he rounds a corner and sees enough Aliens to make H.R. Giger run home calling for his mommy.

"OMGWTFOMFG!!!"

Little does the Boss know, however, that Erax was created by the Xenomorphs, aka 'Aliens'. As soon as they see him, they grab him and put him to work around their hive, then start climbing up, looking for something to eat.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

The fire flickers on the sand. Dogscoff and Rollo sit staring out to sea, sipping their vodka and mead occassionally and generally looking narked off.

Growltigga walks up and sits down next to them. The occassional bang and crash from the cantina indicate that Erax is frantically building barricades against the marauding businessmen.

You know chaps, says the great if destitute cat, how far down in the basement do you think Erax will get before he realises that the cantina is actually built on top of a large hive of "Aliens" (a la the movie of the same name). I have only been feeding them diet yoghurt for the Last couple of months and they must now be absolutely starving. I wonder if they need some tortilla wraps with their Brazilian hors deuve?

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

[quote]Originally posted by dogscoff:
[QB] *Dogscoff swaggers up to the cantina, tanned and fat after two delightful weeks in Sri Lanka.

You spawny get, I havn't had a holiday since September and am really feeling it. Sri Lanka? where were you? I thought it a rather lovely place indeed when I went there back in 1997

He's eager to celebrate his recent wedding by buying a round or Arrak for everyone, getting thoroughly drunk

Congratulations, I had no idea that your young lady (assuming that it is a young lady) had had the poor sense to agree to marry you http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif I assume you caught in a moment of weakness, such as when she was shopping for shoes or something. We need some getting thoroughly drunk round here. As you can see the cantina has died a death!

and then and performing a traditional Sri Lankan wedding dance on 'Tigga's head (while wearing somewhat less than traditional pair of football boots.)

As a mark of respect for the new Mrs Dogscoff, I will not remove your happy sacks for that remark, nor will I employ Erax's freshly roasted red hot poker in its traditional fashion!

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Well it's our first holiday in two years (and probably our Last for another two=-) but we had an unprecedented chance to splash out at the travel agents so we did. And decided to take the opportunity to get married while we were at it- less hassle and expense than doing it at home.


<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Yeah, it still is. There's a real sense (or there was to me) of growth and increasing prosperity over there. Things are pretty hard for a lot of ppl there but you get the feeling that it's getting better.
And the food, the scenery, the wildlife, the local beer and the climate is just superb. I had a fantastic time.

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Actually it was her idea. We booked the holiday/ wedding then bought a ring back on April 1st. Then we texted/ mailed our friends/ family and they all thought we were joking=-)

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Right, in that case...

*Dogscoff stands up and walks toward the cliffs above the beach. He finds a particular spot, turns due east and starts counting his steps. The others look on in bewilderment. Eventually he stops and starts digging a hole in the sand. Within minutes he has struck something solid. Rollo and 'Tig help him excavate a large wooden box, which upon opening contains 36 bottles of finest Vaxin Absynthe.

"One of my emergency stashes."

'scoff pops the top off a bottle of the green stuff and passes it round.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Does she approve of your gaming time spent on the computer? be careful in the area scoff, take it from one who has been married 30 yrs,, Some wives think you spend to much time with the essance then you do with them, (jealousy) http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Congrats on the nuptials....

just some ideas Mac

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Well we've been together for 9 years and living together for 3 of them so she knows exactly what she's getting herself into. We do come into conflict occasionally over my computer use but I generally limit myself to an hour or two a night and then binge when she's not around (she works shifts and has occasional weekends away at college in London). When I'm neglecting her for the PC it's usually a sign that something else is up (ie I'm worried about money or something) and she recognises that and knows how to get past it.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

That pretty much describes our marriage. We're on different schedules, so I tend to hit the PC when she's not around, except when I'm worried about something else - usually money.

Unfortunately, that worry has become something of a constant this year. We needed to achieve 3 major goals to get past it; one of them is achieved, one looks like it will be achieved within 30 days and the third will have to wait until next year.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

The current Mrs GT is the same, but she watches vast amonts of television, or spends cash shopping when she is not savaging sheep and slaughtering the local wildlife.

I dont watch television much so tend to go on the computer in the evenings, or when the witch queen of cheshire is out spending more cash shopping

but this weekend, I have a lads trip to Dublin..

that combined with the rubgy, will be marvellous.

and what is wifey doing when I am supping the guiness? shopping!" what else!

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Hello guys,
Hope everyone is good.
I miss the place.

We have two computers and cable access so it is not an issue.

Wish I could think of something funny or provacative to say but ...

< bends over moons Growltigga :: Runs for the door >

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

ah, good Gryphin, glad to see your up and about, and Mooning the wiley old furry feline, brings back memories of the old cantina, (besides he deserves the shock http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif (now keep your hands off my pizza and watch out for the rose bushes http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif )

as mac signs off from the switch board, he turns around, sees GT standing in the middle of the room, mumbles to himself, what the heck, turns around, bends over and gives the wiley furry toothless one a 2nd shot for the price of one LOL
for old times sake.... Yahooooooooooo iiii eeeeee

Feeling much refreshed, mac pulls up his drawers, walks over to his portable table, picks up a fresh pizza laying on it, picks it up, sees the Gryphin laughing off to the side, and lets fly,
SPLAT,,

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

LOL


rolling on the floor Mac

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

http://www.starchamber.net/

If any one has played this please let me know what you thought of it. Thanks

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

OH MY GODDDD, it shouldn't happen to a cat.

I have just been mooned by two people who have absolutely no idea what the concept of bottomly hygiene means!

I mean really, Gryphin's back passage is like a sludge pit, a gaping cess pool that looks like one of those sticky toffee puddings you used to get given at school. It really is the jaws of hell - yuk, and as for the stench?!!!

I mean, you would have thought that a purveyor of the "Gryphin position" would know that airtex Y fronts are meant to be changed at least once a month, and not left to harden until they need remving with a blow torch and a welding gun.

YYUK

and as for Mac's fudge tunnel, you would have thought that the colostomy bag would stop a lot of problems there, but rather than cobwebs, we have a gaping pit of bottomly doom!!!!! rectum? too damn right after seeing that aging withered knackered old ring piece. His backside looks like a bloody pizza, one with extra anchovies and bits of pineapple (I dont want to even know what they are!!)

I swear I saw Amelia Earhart, Buster Crabbe and Lord Lucan waving at me from there

I am frankly scared to assault either of the filthy swine with the red hot poker handcannon as the methane gasses obviously evident in their back passages could lead to a violent catastrophic explosion...

and shouldn't someone tell them that underwear should be laundered occassionally, and not held together by funny yellow marks and stubborn understains...

Growltigga leaves the cantina and sounds of violent puking can be heard

Yuk

[ November 17, 2003, 12:52: Message edited by: Growltigger ]

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

CNC, sorry havn't tried it, but will ck with my 2 sons

just some ideas Mac

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Narratio, a new comer to the bar sits nursing his beer (it's an orphan... poor thing).

"Bartender! A refill here if you would, and get a dozen fresh humans for the horde of Aliens in the corner would you. Oh, and do you know the number of the Customs and Immigration boys? I think some of those Aliens are lacking in Green Cards."

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">* A gang of C&I officers enter the room and set about the Giegeresque gaggle with rubber gloves and probing devices. What follows can only be described as... messy.

*Meanwhile, on a fairly-close by beach where the horrendous screams and hissing of the forementioned event are but a mere whisper above the roaring of the ocean, dogscoff awakes to the smell of roasting meat. He's gone and passed out with his face in the embers of the campfire again.

'Ugh... ouch... why is everything green? Bloody absynthe, never again I swear. I need some breakfast... and a skin graft.'

Dazed, confused and still seeing everything through a chemically-induced green filter, he staggers back toward the Cantina in search of Tribble wings, antiseptic cream and maybe a small shot of absynthe to smooth out some of the rough edges.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Walks in having been through the Reffresher unit. Hears the sound of the kat retching. I wonder what caused that.
Checks in with mac
how ya been Doc?
Really, don't tell me my evil discusting twin was here? Ugly was it? ewwww. I can imagine. Our mama tryed to teach him better but her pleadings he dnyed, that leaves only him to blame casuse mama tried.

Too bad I did't think of it. Would have been fun to moon the old 1kitty. Must be ruogh being a daddy though I would thnk father hood would have prepared him for my evil twin
Oh well,
< bends over :: moons mac with my spotlessly clean cheaks >

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

"Ooohhh" cries Growltigga as he is subject to another violent spasm of vomiting, "your cheeks may be sparkling clean (if spotty, hairy and crinkled like sandpaper), but your back passage is full of tagnuts, whinnets and hairy crusty bits which is just puke-inducing.

And as for the Eye of Set winking at me, YURRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKK, huck huck a hucka hucka buick buick buick buick"

Growltigga continues throwing up the contents of the world in the corner.

Note to self: new rule in wrecked cantina - anyone flashing the "eye" is Banned for life

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

I have done some research into this phenom of "mooning" at the University of Alogramis Cheeks. It appears that this custom started sometime back in ancient times, exact date unknown, but does appear in many records handed down thru the ages. It began as a sensual act and was considered most sexual in nature. It was usually done in pagan rites during a full moon, thus the term "mooning". It was also used in battle among the more civilized tribes and was used as a weapon against their opponents. The process was that before a battle, the army would indulge in a horrendus orgy of gluttony of various concoctions. On the following morning as the enemy advanced, they would lift their kilts/drop drawers, turn around, bend over and then at the order, produce an extreme amount of methane which was aimed toward their foe. Of course this depended on the wind at the time. Alas, sometimes when the wind was wrong, the army would have to withhold their combustional attack, which in turn made for a very "long" day. There are documented facts concerning this, where whole armies disintegrated just due to wind change. The concept is forthright and interesting as to the varius aspects of mooning in ancient times to the present. Further research shall enhance many many hours of study, however, Due to other commitments I shall have to put it off as I have other pressing research projects to complete. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif

The 2 moons over the British Isles as illustrated by the most recent expose, have been heralded by many as the shining light upon the waters. It apparently has been mentioned as a form of artistic expression and many photographs of the moons have been taken and have been sent to the Furry Feline to adorn his established residence, so he may fully capture the true essance. I understand that some photos have been encrusted with a tinge of lamperous settings to make them seem alive for the beholder. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif


just some ideas mac

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Cue even more horrible sounds of vomiting from the great cat.

Not fair, not fair, at no time have I resorted to showing Gryphin and Mac my rectum, or any other person's bottom that wasn't nice and peachlike like those of the FBW's.

As for pictures of the bottoms in question, you can stick them up your, ahem, back passage.

Revenge will be sweet, and will most definately involve a deoderiser

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Realizing the cat is still in dire straights
Rapidly assessing the situation.
Clearly he has been infected with a hallucinogenic virus that causes him to see his worse nightmares.
Reaching into nowhere I pull out a syringe firing pistol
Whossh
The great cat is now vaccinated and will recover in 2 seconds. Undoubtedly he will be grateful to me for assisting in his recovery and will bestow upon me unlimited free drinks for mac and me. It helps that it was part of the cure I programmed in along with knowledge of how to do the Gryphin Position

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Hmmm, strangley enough I feel better, and I seem to have developed a whole new level of understanding of the carnal acts!!

But worryingly, the recent torrent of bottoms being flashed at me seems to have steered my normal manly genes toward fancying blokes.

In fact, I have never realised how attractive old Gryphin is, may be I should give him a big wet kiss on the backside. That moustache is rather cute.

Come here you little cutie you!

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Erax crawls up into the cantina to see what's going on...

Eeep !! Now THIS is scary !!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

He hurriedly runs back to the Alien lair and crawls into one of the empty alien eggs to hide.

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

Ooh, a nice Brazilian "Enrique Iglesias" lookalike, come here you lovely man and let me give you a big love bite you handsome thing you

Ooh, would you like to join me and Gryphin for some intimate tete a tete, or maybe just a big juicy kiss on your bottom?

Re: Ye Olde Phong\'s Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth
 

A muffled voice is heard from inside the egg : "Mmmph. Mmmphno Mmmphank Mmphyou."