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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Alarmed beyond all natural reason at the horrid sounds of Betty Bob, the aging banana breasted hillbilly-ette, having her evil way with poor S'Katchoo's body, Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat yells "hit the deck" at the top of his voice and watches as Taz, Kamog and possee hit the dirt and do their damnedest to bury themselves in the fetid sod.
"Bertha" fires up and the Captain, yelling something that sounds like "eat hot plasma you evil minded, foul, fetid, disgusting and obnoxious ladyboys" lets rip with all four barrels, together with a few thermal and incendiary grandes for good measure. Commander Dogscoff joins in the fun with his smart gun and for a couple of minutes, the planet surface is covered with plasma and machine fire, and explosions... The guns stop firing, and the Captain, removing large cigar from mouth, eyes the scene, 9 of the harpies are disintegrated, the other is clutching onto Kamog and sniffing his flowers (well, I think it is his flowers). Kamog, stop flirting with that alien ladyboy and find ot where S'Katchoo's brain is.. We need to get him back in action quickly before the ministrations of Betty Bob mean that the next Bartrek episode is called "The Quest for S'Katchoo's happy sacks" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain: Ships sensors show that the attacking females? came from a point 100 meters away on a baring of 276.93 from your location.
I have scanned the area. It seems to be heavily shielded bunker like building. I have locked the ships phasers on the site. On your command I will attempt to take out the shield. I have also started a Ship Surface Scan (SSS) I think we may have “Picked up something” at the Fart Point station. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
After the action Taz picks himself up and surveys the scene...
All this gratuitous violence brings a tear to Taz's eye - so much like dear old Tazmania. Speaking of eying, Taz is relieved to see that the Alien that was giving him the eye is no more. However; Kamog is not so lucky! Perhaps Taz can 'distract' the alien with the 'Kamog fixation'. After a moments thought, Taz brings out his .50 cal Desert Eagle 'noisemaker' and, walking up to the Kamog smitten alien, places the barrel to the alien's head. (For better hearing http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif ) He then pulls the trigger. Taz figures that the alien is suitably impressed since it seems to 'pass out' from the sound. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif 'OK Kamog, let's find the door or whatever before more critters are attracted to your flowers'. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Thank you for saving me, Taz! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif
* Takes some tricorder readings... * I'm getting a reading on the structure that Power Man has discovered. There is a door, and I'm reading the presence of some sort of passageway leading from inside the building to underground. Let's head over there, in that direction... when the shield goes down, we can enter the subterranean area to search for Mr. S'Katchoo's brain... |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Mr Power Man, change the frequency of the phasers so that they take out that shield without blowing the hell out of the bunker. Make it so.
On the bridge of the TSSS Phong's Head, Mr Power Man pulls out his mechano spanner and twiddles a nob under the phaser control board. He pushes the fire button and lo, the phasers take out the shield. Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, on point, sidles up to the door of the bunker and opens it, a long corridor heads off into the bowels of the planet, the away team sneak down it until they reach a sign that says "Medical lab and brain storage area this way, turn left after the harem". Hmmm thinks the great cat, we may not find S'Katchoo's brain but it looks like we will have a good time! |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Meanwhile, back on the TSSS Phong's head...
Two big security guard ensigns (wearing red shirts) interrogate the captured alien in the brig. Security guard: "Where have you taken Mr. S'Katchoo's brain? You will tell us now!" Alien: "I'm not telling you anything!" The security guard takes out an agonizer device which he got a from the evil mirror-image guys from Last episode, and tortures the alien... Later: Security guard: "Tell us, where is the brain?" Alien: (crying) "Brain and brain, what is brain?" Security guard: "What is underground, below the surface of the planet?" Alien: "That's the buried city where the givers of pain and delight live..." Security guard: "Givers of pain and delight?? Hmm, I better warn the landing party..." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*dogscoff stops firing to reload, and only then realises that the battle finished half an hour ago.
He looses off another couple of round and a grenade just to be on the safe side, then hurries to catch up with the rest of the away team. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
The plucky away team sneak down the corridors of the underground city, they follow the signs to the harem the door of which is, unfortunately, locked.
"Taz, open this door" says the captain. Taz kicks into superwhirlwind speed and demolishes the door. They look inside into a vision of Arabesque delights. A beautiful tiled room has a gentle fountain as its centre point and yes, louging around seductively on some divans are about 20 of the galaxy's most beautiful maidens, fortunately wearing enough clothing for say only about 2 girls. There is also a demur female Taz as well! Growltigga starts frothing at the mouth and all that can be heard is the sound of ther away team's fly buttons pinging off the ceiling. Is this just a distraction to keep our intrepid away team from S'Katchoo's brain. Will someone be able to override Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's hormones? What will happen next? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*Senator Raging Deadstar smiles as his diVersion works, he types in a command from the Deadstar homeworld and waits as it is sent across many satellites to the room that The away team is found. A panel opens and a flawless duplicate of a earth pop singer named kylie minogue saunters out in the skimpiest lingerie and kisses Jean luc le Grand Chat and begins to beg him seductively for a night of passion*
Is Growltigga strong enough to overcome his hormones now? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Taz notices his captain's plight and moves to block the view - only to be intercepted:
http://www.tazworld.com/anim/6.gif Can it be? Can this diabolical trap be the end of the away mission? Will the captain be overcome by his greatest weakness? Will Taz ever be able to break free? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
"We have to stay focused on our mission! Everyone, remember we are here to recover Mr. S'Katchoo's brain! Our duty is to -..."
At that moment, across on the other side of the fountain, Kamog catches a glimpse of the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Kamog is tranfixed. She turns her face towards the door, and their eyes meet. It was like magic. Suddenly, time stood still. Mission, duty, responsibility - all these things faded away. The only thing that mattered was to be with her - and deep inside he knew it that it was right, that it was meant to be. The room, the other crewmembers, and everything else became a formless blur, as Kamog walked towards her, as if in a trance. A thousand visions flash in Kamog's mind: romantic candlelight dinners, hiking in the mountains with her, going shopping together, quiet moonlit walks in the park, the wedding day, their first baby... Looking into her eyes, Kamog hands her the bouquet of flowers, as she smiles radiantly. "I have been waiting a long time for you", she says, "and I have found you, and I will never let you go." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*dogscoff, transfixed by the beauteous creatures before him, tries to resist. Somehow, he summons up the will power required to smash himself repeatedly in the groin with the butt of his flamethrower.
When he recovers consciousness he finds himself in a considerably less amourous mood and therefore temporarily immune to the enemy's allure. His plan succeeded, he proceeds to assist the rest of the away team in the same fashion. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*Senator Deadstar watches on through the security camera, wincing with every blow dogscoff delivers to his groin. He watches intrigued as Jean luc Le Grand Chat moves in, holding the kylie clone in his arms and about to whisk her to the "private back room" when dogscoff appears and painfully hobbles over before ramming Jean Luc in the testes with the butt of his flamethrower repeatedly. Jean Luc can be heard shouting obscenities in a high pitched squeal*
Personally i think thats a breach of protocal, I know i wouldn't let my first officer ram me with the butt of a flamethrower in my happysacks, unless it was absoloutly, unavoidably nessercary! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif Anyway you have 38 Posts to find s'katchoos brain, surely enough time for the Captain to have his way with the clone. Boy are you in for it now Dogscoff http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif *Suddenly the amorous beauties begin pulling phasers and bLasters out from under the silk duvets that line the floor and aim at the away team!* "Captain Jean Le Grand Chat, you will surrender yourself and your team and drop your weapons. You are now priosners of out exalted empire!" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Kamog is sitting with his girl by the fountain... he pulls her closer... just as they are about to kiss - *WHACK!!* Dogscoff unexpectedly comes up from behind and smashes Kamog in the groin with his flamethrower. From the force of the blow, Kamog bonks his head onto the girl's face, knocking her onto the tiled floor. There is a big splash as Dogscoff hits him again: Kamog falls into the fountain, his face contorted in pain.
Kamog drags himself out of the water and struggles to his feet with great difficulty. He can barely stand up. Then he peeks inside his pants to check his bruises - it looks bad. "Commander! Sir, I must protest! - " Next thing he knows, he's looking down the barrels of several bLasters held by scantily-clad females. Uh-oh, what's going on? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Erax took a wrong turn somewhere, went straight past the harem and ended up in the Medical Lab and Brain Storage Area. He looks around and finds what appears to be some kind of life support device hooked up to a supercomputer.
"Erax to Power Man. Looks like I've found Mr. S'Katchoo's brain, could you please send his body down, together with Dr. Geo ?" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Several girls, grinning evilly, walk right up to Kamog, holding their bLasters pointed directly at Kamog's head.
"OK, OK, I'll drop my weapon!" Kamog drops his phaser rifle to the floor. "But tell me one thing..." "What?" asks one of the girls. "Do you like... ONIONS?" Suddenly, a large hatch flips opens up in the ceiling, releasing a gigantic pile of the vegetable. Kamog dives into the fountain, and the girls look up just in time to see a huge truckload of onions fall on their heads. Within seconds, the room is filled to shoulder-height with the vegetables. There are arms and some nice-looking legs randomly sticking up into the air, flailing, as the girls struggle from under the pile. Kamog is bruised, as a particularly large onion bonks him in the head just as he comes up for a breath of air. In the confusion, however, Kamog manages to grab one of the girls, pull her out from beneath the vegetables, and drag her to the door on the other side of the room. Pulling her by the arm, Kamog runs down the hall and turns left - and arrives at the Medical Lab. Running into the lab, Kamog sees Chief Engineer Erax. He also notices in the room a chair, and hanging above it is a metal helmet-looking device with many wires and antennae sticking out. There's a sign on the helmet that says "Teacher". Kamog draws his samurai sword and points it at the girl. "All right. Tell me how this equipment works." Girl: "You sit down and put on that helmet, and you can learn all sorts of things instantly... " * She picks up some data crystal-looking things.* "I'll be your operator... Now, we're supposed to start with these operational programs, but that's major boring stuff. Let's do something more fun. How about combat training... go ahead, put on the helmet." Kamog: "Jujitsu? I don't need to learn jujitsu. I'm not putting on that weird helmet. Just tell me how you removed Mr. S'Katchoo's brain, and how we can put it back." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
The underground bunker echoes to the wretched screams of Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, nursing his nackered happy sacks and gazing wrathfully at Commander Dogscoff... "oOOOoooOOOOOhhh are you going to get a medal for that heroic action, as well as a random kicking from parties unknown when we back to the Phong's HEad" The Captain surveys the room, Kamog's excellent use of the "O word" has meant that beauties are concussed under a pile of O's... Right chaps, no need to bLast this totty to kingdom come, Mr Power Man, beam these ladies to the brig, leave their weapons behind and pump them full of docility gas - we will save them for later, but dont beam up the young lady answering our questions about S'Katchoo's brain... I want to have a word with her... OoooooOOOooh my nadgers, this shouldn't happen to a cat |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
The Captain, Scoff and Taz limp along the underground corridor and join Erax and Kamog in the medical lab, where the two are questioning the girl.
"For the Last time... how did you remove Mr. S'Katchoo's brain ?" <font color=green>"I don't know any Mr. Scotchoo ! Let me go !"</font> "Very well... Lieutenant Kamog, what are the ways in which a warp engine can be jump-started ?" <font color=darkblue>"Well, you can reroute the warp core distributor negative power coupling to the secondary dilithium array outlet, but first you have to disable the safety override by sending a signal through the lateral nacelle adjustment circuit, so that the computer will think the drive is on. Then you..."</font> The girl begins to go slack-eyed at this relentless stream of Trek technobabble and her head slumps forward. "Ah, hello, Cap'n. We were using our interrogation techniques on this prisoner. You will find that she will now answer any of our questions." [ June 16, 2003, 14:51: Message edited by: Chief Engineer Erax ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Power Man beams just the beauteous creatures into the brig. He leaves behind all of their wepons and most of their costums. The brig is filled with a special blend of docility gas and Spanish Fly. This should make them Really Ready for the Captain's "questioning session."
The good Doctor has Mr. S'Katchoo ready to go. On Mr. S'Katchoo's head is a pretty little hat with lots of little blinking lights. The doctor has an old TV/VCR remote that he can use to tell Mr. S'Katchoo's body to go forward, rewind-er Back and a special everything else button. Power Man beams the Doctor and Mr. S'Katchoo's body down to the away team. "Good luck finding and replacing Mr. S'Katchoo's brain Guys" "Captain, I would like to report that the SSS (Ship Surface Scan) has found "Nothing Un-Expected". I am starting a SSSS (Sub Surface Ship Scan). |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
The Captain finds himself nodding off after Kamog and Erax's bLast of Trekkie technobabble..
Bugger, they will be learning klingon next and translating the barsnacks menu into it - what is tribble wings in klingon anyhow? The brave captain looks up as Dr Geo (who has been awfully quiet recently) and the body of Mr S'Katchoo beam in.. Right young lady, answer me this. Why have you stolen Mr S'Katchoo's brain? how did you do it? and do you on a first date? |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
The girl starts mumbling answers to the Captain's questions, her eyes still closed.
"We stole the brain to be our Controller... the Controller circulates our air ... keeps the city warm ... makes the lights work ... purifies our water ... this new Controller is strong and powerful - it will run our city for many years." "We used the trilaser connector and sonic separator to remove the brain... we learned how to do the surgery by using 'Teacher'..." (She vaguely gestures towards the metal helmet-type device.) "And of course I do, on a first date! And on every date! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif " |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Right, that's just what I like to hear. Mr Kamog and Mr Erax, as our resident engineering geniuses, please build a new controller for these poor young ladies. Something that will Last a good few years and make them very friendly (if you get my drift) to us.
Dr Geo, even though you seem to have lost the ability to speak (maybe it was those hillbillies), please assist our intrepid engineering crew in this. I have a sneaky feeling that we need to do this quikly, as I am sure a klingon battle cruiser will turn up and need a good thrashing..... and Taz, please will you stop playing with Mr S'Katchoo's controls, breakdancing is so undignified in a science officer |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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"this new Controller is strong and powerful - it will run our city for many years" Isn't this the bumbling, disco loving, dogscoff yearning science officer? Since when did he become strong and powerful??? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif *Senator Deadstar leans back in his chair and sips his drink* Too bad that my fleet with a planet destroyer has almost arrived. I doubt even the Phong's Head could get through 3 Deadstar Battlecruisers and stop the Planet Destroyer irradicating Jean Luc Le Grand Chat and his away team! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Hmmmm, thinks the great Kat, no wonder that Mr S'Katchoo's brain is great and powerful. It is completely under utilised so is almost as good as new!
I wonder how Mr Kamog and Mr Erax are doing on the new brain... Thinks to himself, I also wonder if Mr Powerman has finished the weapons and shield upgrades to the TSSS Phong's Head. With these new modifications, we will be a match for anything, even three Deadstar Battlecruisers and a Planet Destroyer! Hell, we could even whip a load more as well http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Excellent. After you, sir.
*dogscoff keeps one eye trained on 'Tig at all times, acutely aware of the fact that he may soon be a target himself. Suddenly, there is a loud crashing in the undergrowth, and a fully-grown bull mozzie charges forth. It's huge- it has to be at least a quarter of an inch long. It will make a fine trophy. Wary of the danger such a beast could pose, 'scoff and 'Tig carefully clip armour piercing rounds into their pulse rifles, blissfully unaware of the the 8-ton rabid carnivorous dino-spider sneaking up on them from behind. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Power Man to Captain:
I have completed the weapon and shield upgrades. By re-routing the phasers trough the main dilithium array unit and adding in a tri-phase modulator to the main energy output I have tripled the yield at only 45.98 % the energy needs. The shields now are triple redundant and can even use any impacting energy to rebuild themselves. I have added extra lenses to our "All Seeing Eye" sensors this has greatly increased their "steely gaze". I have boosted your photon torpedo's yield to 274.67 % better than before. I have also added a few additional surprises that I am just "itching to use". I have completed the SSSS. "Nothing Un-Expected" to report. Proceeding to "Next Phase". Oh by the way Captain. Sensors indicate that a "large Multi legged creature" is sneaking up on you from behind. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif LOOK OUT !!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Before the Captain and Dogscoff can turn around, they hear rapid gnawing and gulping sounds. As they finish their turn all they see behind them is Taz picking his considerable teeth with a long 'toothpick' resembling a large spider claw.
BUURRRPPPPPP! "Nothing to see here - I just having little after-action snack to keep up my strength." "BTW, any idea why Taz is bit tender between his legs?" asks the memory-challenged marsupial. [ June 17, 2003, 16:40: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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Erax thinks to himself, now how am I going to do this. The controller bit is easy, all they need is air, water and heating, we can set that up in a minute. But make the young ladies friendly ? If I knew how to do that I wouldn't have become an engineer ! He looks over at Kamog. No help there, that's for sure. And Dr. Geo seems a little absent today. I guess I'll have to do things my own way. "Erax to Power Man, I am setting up one of these medical consoles to interface with the Phong's computer, please open up a channel." He accesses all of the female personalities the ship's computer has on file and tries to find a common denominator that would make them all 'friendly'. Suddenly he sees it ! "Erax to Power Man. Please send us the following equipment..." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Boy that is some list Chief Engineer Erax. What are you putting together??
I can see were you might use a verteron pulse unit, or a master control logic box, and some of the other items. But what are you going to do with a gross of chocolate covered tribble wings, a case of "El-cheepo" bubbling wine, and a case of raw ousters?? Any way I am sending down the stuff you wanted. Any thing else ??? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif [ June 17, 2003, 18:45: Message edited by: Power Man ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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Anyway... The requested items arrive. Erax quickly separates all the consumables and puts them away in the fridge (medical labs always have these !), then sets up an underground city controller unit with self-repair capability in place of S'Katchoo's brain. Now for the hard part. He reprograms the city's video network to run a few ads at prime time, advertising the Phong as "the most amazing woman's shoe store this side of the energy barrier, for a limited time in orbit over YOUR planet !" There... that should bring them all in. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*Bored by all the hi-techery, dogscoff reflects on just how deeply disappointed he is that he never got to fire his oversized space-marine style weapons at anything but figments of his own imagination.
With 26 Posts left and nothing to do but watch these engineering types fiddle about with their "controllers", he packs his pulse rifle & grenade launcher and decides to go mosquito hunting. Also, a nice stroll might help sort out the funny walk and castrato voice still lingering from that Last little incident. Anyone care to join me? Who knows what kind of mosquitos they have on this planet. [ June 17, 2003, 12:10: Message edited by: dogscoff ] |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Good idea Dogscoff, all we have had to shoot on this away mission so far is some weird deadstar female monster type thingummywhatsits.... no real competition or challenge.
As the techno-nerds (they would have to be American) are building their engine, and Taz is cleaning his fur, I think I can go and enjoy myself a bit with you Dogscoff with a bit of hunting. Should put a bit of apetite for, ahem, interrogating our lovely lady prisoners later You never know, I might just recall you smashing the but of your rifle into my "pouch" when I am trying to find something to aim at |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Kamog takes his tricorder and scans in the architecture and design of the beautiful tiled room with the fountain, and also captures holographic images of several girls.
When we get back to the ship, this will make a very nice holodeck program... |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Captain to Mr Power Man, beam down some nasty evil lizardi things with lots of teeth from the Phong's Head menagerie. Dogscoff and I need something to kill.
Erax and Kamog, stop taking photos of nice young ladies and get that brain in place. Has anyone found out why on earth the beeyoooootiful young ladies chose Mr S'Katchoo? (other than the fact that he is a disco queen with an underutilised brain?).... and who is this funny senator deadstar who keeps making sotto vocce comments on the airwaves? someone please shoot him |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
"Mr Erax" says the captain as he gets into his loading robotic suite and proceeds to take the "Long Legged Heron Flying Over Dark Mountain" karate stance...., "stop getting cheeky with me m'boyo, you get that controller in place with immediate effect. If Dr Geo is not available for the operation, you might have to do it"
"HeeeeyyyahhhhH" the sight of El Kapitano springing through the air in his loading suit amazes all onlookers. The Queen lizard puts up her dukes and a battle royale commences!! Cry havoc, and let slip the cats of war!!! Bang bang biff biff crunch shriek heeyahhh bang bang biff biff pow thwack biff biff take that you vicious lizard scumbag biff biff twok crunch snff snff snffff thump |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
At Last!
*dogscoff goes into another trigger happy frenzy. By the time 3 minutes have elapsed, he and 'tig are covered head to toe in lizard guts and out of ammunition. Only the giant queen-lizard remains, so dogscoff has a couple of big power-assisted loading suits (like the one from aliens) beamed down for the big finale punchup. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
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I'm an engineer, not a doctor ! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Taz, always ready to learn some new violence, produces a large notepad...
Quote:
bang = 4 biff = 8 crunch = 2 shriek = 1 -> I assume this is the queen http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif heeyahhh = 1 pow = 1 thwack = 1 take that you vicious lizard scumbag = 1 twok = 1 snff = 2 snffff = 1 -> the long form of snff? thump = 1 -> really hope this is the queen http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif OK, Taz got all of that... go on... |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
The bell rings and round 1 is over. Over heroic Captain strides over to the red corner in his loading mechanoid, slightly dented, sweating and swearing profusely with just a touch of blood from a small flesh wound.
The Queen Lizard is a tad more battered, and still plucky and raring for the fight. Dogscoff mean while is having a nice chat with the young lady in the bikini who parades around the ring with the round numbers... Ding ding seconds out Round 2.... Heeeeyaahhhhh rroowwlll thump bash biff crunch snap crunch awooga twok biff bash kick squeal snff snff snff snff pow cowabunga bash bash biff oooh you nasty little iguana crunch smash bite chew fnar fnar bash poke gouge biff twok munch snap bash biff roowwwwllll bugger crash biff bang boff twok biff crunch slam squeal CRASH...... The Queen is down for a standing count....... |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
oh hell she is up again biff baff boff crash bang whallop take that you evil scaly skinned varmint hack slash gouge crush bash biff bong ecky ecky ecky ftang bish bosh jobs a good 'un twok pow baff crunch OUCH crush slam punch biff baff boff...
Oh no, now Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat is down on the mat on a count! |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
*dogscoff decides to stop chatting up the eye candy and intervene:
stomp stomp kick punch shriek stomp smash "have you ever had a glasgow kiss missy?" nut kick stomp kick pif paf poof grab throw thunk yargh pound squish squish squish wiggle squish kick slap stomp. His limited reserves of onomatopeia exhausted, dogscoff goes back to the corner to let 'tig finish the job. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Beginning Phase Two
"This is Power Man to all Red shirts: All Red shirts are to report to Holodeck 4 for their annual Target Proficiency Evaluation. All Red shirts report to Holodeck 4." Shortly later in Holodeck 4: "OK People Lets get this under way. Your goal is to hit the target at the far end of the range." 1st Red Shirt Ready Aim Fire… Missed.. Hits their left foot. Ok there. Off to the medic. 2nd Red Shirt Ready Aim Fire… Missed .. Hits their Right foot. Same for you, off to the medic. 3rd Red Shirt Ready Aim Fire .. Missed.. Almost hit Power Man's foot !!! 4th "Red Shirt" Ready Aim Fire .. HIT, A Good Solid HIT !!! Very Good !! ALL RIGHT COMPUTER ACTIVATE "RED SHIRT'S REWARD" PLAN ONE !!! Suddenly the "Red Shirt" is surrounded by a Very High Powered Containment bubble field. The field cuts off all transmissions and blocks all forms of energy from entering or exiting the sphere. At the same time four large attack Droids swing around the side of the ship and attack the two remaining Deadstar probes that have been stuck on the side of the ship. The two probes are knocked off the ship and placed in their own VHP Containment Bubble fields. All of this happens so fast that no signal can be sent out. In the Holodeck 4 "Computer begin Selected Subject Scan on the contained objects." Within the bubble field the "Red shirt" disappears. The sinister form of the Deadstar probe is revealed. Several hatches open up and several beams attack the bubble. But none of the beams can get through. Various blades and cutters are tried but they also fail. High powered antennas attempt to signal out. But not a signal gets out. Finally with a mechanical scream the probe self destructs with a tremendous explosion. The Bubble expands up and almost bursts but manages to contain the bLast. Outside the ship the Last two probes also self destruct. "Computer maintain the bubbles. I want all three launched on a course that will drop them into the local star." Power Man to Captain: "I would like to report that "Phase Two" is Complete. The Last of the Deadstar probes that we "picked up" at Fart Point have been destroyed. The ship has been scanned inside and out. All alien probes have been found and destroyed." In the far off lair of Senator Raging Deadstar all signals from the three probes suddenly stop. (Sorry I broke your "Toys" RD but I can't have your junk mucking up things on the Great Ship TSSS Phong's Head. ) OK folks less than 10 Posts left. Somebody had better start putting S'Katchoo's Brain back in his head. |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Since the fight seems to be Lasting longer than usual, and Taz lost his place taking notes due to the bikini-clad distraction between rounds, he wanders back to the Lab.
Seeing that Erax has disconnected S'Katchoos Brain, he waits for someone to hook it back up... and waits... waits some more... Enough already! Taz grabs Erax and jams the Teacher helmet on Erax's head... a little too hard - Erax is knocked unconscious. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif Muttering various Tazmanian curses, Taz whirls back to the Harem and grabs Kamog. Spinning back to the Lab, Taz places the Teacher helmet on Kamog's head ( a bit more gently this time) and then turns to the control board. Hmmm, buttons for Topics, a dial for Duration, More buttons for This : That : and Other Things! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif Way Way Waaayyy too many buttons!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon8.gif Finally Taz spots a large red button: Everything you wanted to know about anything and a whole lot more. ( OK. It was a huge red button) Taz presses this button and the dial for duration - well he broke the dial - so duration is unknown... Taz the press the smiley button: [ http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif ] With a mighty hum, the Teacher machine activates and Kamog is bombarded with knowledge (and other things). Perhaps too much knowledge - Kamog body seems to jerk and twitch in place and wisps of smoke are seen coming from his ears. Finally Kamog stops twitching and the Teacher machine shuts off... Like any good Mad Scientist, Taz steps back (and rubbing his hands gleefully) waits for Kamog to do something... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
At his point Dr. Geo stumbles into the room. He's completely disheveled, sporting a four day beard and appearing to to be severly hung over. He's wearing a bathrobe and muttering something under his breath about damn third rate assistants and wake up calls.
He grabs Taz by the shoulder and pulls him back from the control panel. "Are you crazy man? You'll scramble his brains for sure that way. Are you trying to kill him?" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Taz looks at Dr Geo...
Taz looks at the Teacher Machine... Taz again looks at Dr. Geo... An idea begins to form... Two is better than only one... The machine is still set-up... Hmmmm.... |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
After a long moment of silence, Kamog's eyes open. An eerie while light emanates from his eyes and mouth. Steam rises from his ears.
"I KNOW EEEVVVVEERRRYYTTTHHHIIINNNGGGG!!" "A child could do it... a child could do it! OK now, let's get to work!" Kamog sits down at the medical computer station and starts typing at a furious pace. "We can re-attach all of Mr. S'Katchoo's nerve connections by modifying Borg nanite technology", he explains while typing. Within minutes, several different 3-D views of the nanites appear on the screen, and a few seconds later, several thousand units are produced in the medical replicator. Kamog puts on a lab coat, a mask and some latex surgical gloves, and places S'Katchoo's body on the operation table. He opens the medical cabinet and selects a glass vial filled with some sort of drug. There's a very complex-looking chemical formula on the label. Taking a hypo-needle, he injects some of the green liquid into the back of S'Katchoo's head. Kamog then takes the laser scalpel and carefully cuts open S'Katchoo's head. There is an awful *sklunchhh* sound, as Kamog flips open the top half of S'Katchoo's skull. Inside the skull is empty darkness. Kamog takes a syringe full of nanites and deposits them at the base of S'Katchoo's hollow skull. He then opens the brain storage canister that holds S'Katchoo's brain. Inside the container, the brain is floating in life-supporting bio-fluid, and attached to the brain are numerous wires, sensors and tubes. Kamog methodically removes all of the wires and tubes from the brain, gently holds the brain in his gloved hands, and lifts it out of the bio-fluid. Liquid drips down from the brain, and Kamog quickly inserts it into S'Katchoo's head. He then takes the trilaser connector and attaches the blood vessels. Above the operation table, the medical computer screen immediately starts showing a rotating image of brain activity and the nanites begin re-attaching S'Katchoo's brain to his spinal column and the nerve endings to his eyes, ears, mouth, and the rest of his body. Kamog then closes up the top of S'Katchoo's head, and fuses his skull back together using the trilaser connector. Just as he finishes sealing up S'Katchoo's head, a light comes on above the operatin table, and the medical computer displays: "Nerve connections 100% COMPLETE." "That was SO easy! Everything is so simple... I see the universe as a single equation. I know how to increase the ships's speed by 20,000%... how to produce unlimited energy from a drop of water... how to instantly communicate from one side of the universe to the other... - AAAARGGGG!!" Suddenly, Kamog holds his hands on his head and collapses onto the floor, his face contorted in pain. S'Katchoo's eyes flutter open! He sits up. "Where am I?" |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Science Officer S'Katchoo sits up rather abruptly.
"Where am I?" speaks Mr. S'Katchoo in a gravely voice. He then looks around the room and sees Taz, Kamog, and Dr. Geo. Suddenly S'Katchoo's face goes cold and his arms reach out rather stiffly. "Brains...BRAINSSSS!" Taz, Kamog, and the Doc take a step back as Mr. S'Katchoo stiffly gets off the operating table and, with his arms still reaching out, begins to to stiffly walk towards Kamog. A touch of drool begins to drip down from the side of Mr. S'Katchoo's mouth. "Must eat Brains...Braaaaaaains...aaarrrrrrrrrgggguurrrrrrgg ggglllllee..." |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
Ding ding seconds out Round 3
Baff bish baff bosh There can be only one crunch pang doff nut thump pow ching rip snarl tear vrmmm vrmmmm bash kick stomp pow.. Jean Luc Le Grand Chat remembers about the chainsaw attached to the loading bot, vrmmm vrmmmm, it starts up and he proceeds to stuff it in the Queen Lizard's abdomen.. Snarl whimper rip chew mangle tear snarl groan death rattle rip chew mangle tear.. The Queen Lizard is shredded into a hundred small, purple and wobbly peices.... Right, we have a controller on the planet. S'Katchoo's brain is back in situ, we just need a voodoo doctor to exercise his zombie like appetite for flesh (Mr Power Man, please could you do the honours).... Leaving what is happening on the TSSS Phong's Head aside... how'sa about Dogscoff, Taz and me go back to that harem http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave
"Owww... what happened ? Where am I ?"
<font color=green> "Braaains... more braaains..."</font> "Great... I'm in a B-movie." PS : Captain, the harem girls were beamed up to the Phong some time ago. |
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