OT: Hit Movies that Blow Chunks
 

We've all seen them: Rave reviews, but something about them just doesn't sit right when we see the trailers. But based on those reviews, we take a chance.... and can't get back out of the theatre fast enough!

Well, here's my top two in this "genre".

The English Patient
Chicago

Feel free to add to this. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

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A.I.

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Titanic*

Not a horrible movie, but the hype-to-enjoyment ratio was wayyyy out of whack. And then when it took home Best Picture, I was outraged.

I have to stick up for Chicago, though. I enjoyed it tremendously.

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A.I. was a good movie until steven spielberg got his hands on it. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif
stanley kubrick died befor he got around to filming.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">hehe guess we have different opinions on Kubrick. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif that reminds me on some more candidates for the list: Every movie every made by Stanley Kubrick. (like Full Metal Jacket and Clockwork Orange. and did he do Blue Velvet?)

[ October 05, 2003, 23:36: Message edited by: DavidG ]

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">David Lynch did Blue Velvet. (Now there's a candidate for heavy psychosomatic drug therapy for you...). And I may have to grant you the listing of Kubrick's later stuff to this list, but I would definitely deny you one of his first and best. HINT - a quote from it is in my sig... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

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I enjoyed Full Metal Jacket. Well, not sure 'enjoyed' is the right word (much as I can't really claim to have 'enjoyed' the Shawshank redemption, but list it in my top 10 favourite films), but it was a damn good film.

Bad films?

Twister: (You know they're evil meteorologists because they drive a black car. Walked out of the cinema on this one it was so bad.)

The Thin Red Line: (Too long, too much angsty inner-monologue, wtf is going on anyway?)

Titanic: Just crap, really. Although you do get to see LdC drown at the end, so it does have at least one redeeming feature.

Anything with Sylvester Stallone in it. It's a sad state of affairs when the most enjoyable film of a person's career is "Stop or my Mom will shoot."

Anything (ie much of Disney's output) that takes a well-loved classic story that has stood the test of time (Winnie the Pooh, Hunchback of Notre Dam, Beauty & the Beast) then inserts a few cute, marketable comedy cartoon characters, lots of inappropriate accents, changes the original ending to bland, generic schmaltz and then flogs the result back to the world (the story's original owners), shrink wrapped and repackaged with a line of franchised Happy Meal toys.

Pretty much anything based on "a true story" or "true historical accounts" if it then goes on to disregard the truth and rewrite history completely.

Anything specifically designed to make small children pester their parents into buying them crap (pokemon et al)

Came across The TV.Cream top100 films list today. An interesting selection from an excellent website, and no Star Wars in sight. It's fairly UK-centric, but take a look. There's a few in there I'll be hooking out of the bargain bin.

--
If I seem bad tempered today, it's because I am. It's Monday morning, for crying out loud.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">It must be Monday morning - you're repeating yourself. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

[EDIT - I'm bucking for a promotion - can you tell? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif )

[ October 06, 2003, 10:24: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

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My vote goes for "The name of the Rose" (Sean Conery as a detective monk) I literally fell asleep during this movie due to it's total lack of action. (the trailer made it look like it had much more action than what was actually there.)

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

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anything lifetime, but then again, everyone knows that stuff is usually not so great

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Dumb & Dumber. Any Movie that can make you *feel* the seconds slowly ticking away can't be very good. Why TBS shows it constantly is a sign of either A) Lack of nothing better to put on, or B) It's really popular down south, which would explain why the Atlanta Hawks suck so bad in the NBA.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

Mortal Kombat 2. If they haden't replaced Raiden with another actor, then it might have made it worth spending the $6 to see it on a matinee show when it first came out. But the acting is worse than the first film (which wasen't absolutely horrible), and even the special effects look childish. Oh, and TBS shows this film often too.

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Fargo and Dumb and Dumber are two movies I have never managed to finish. I get this sympathetic shame thing and I just can't watch it.

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Fargo is a good movie, my vote for one of the worst "big movies" goes to Cast Away..

Tom Hanks talking to a volleyball... for hours.. about nothing...

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Dumb and Dumber is the best comedy ever made, IMO. It's one of those movies that's so stupid it's funny. Which is sometimes the best comedy you can make. Just my overated 2 cents worth. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

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They might both be great movies. I don't know. I can't enjoy them. They hurt my brain.

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Here's a good debate..

"Which of these was the biggest waste of time.. Waterworld or The Postman?"

..strange, for some reason they both remind me of 'Titanic' http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

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Hmm, hmm, can't think of a better place to drop this bombshell....

I haven't bothered to go see any movie in theaters for a full decade now. The Last thing I saw was The Addams Family in 1993. Movies are just so utterly stupid anymore that I don't even want to risk the $7 to check one out. It'll be out on video and/or DVD in a few months anyway. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

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My choice for worst movie ever made is Dune (like Blue Velvet, another totally bizarre David Lynch film). But since it wasn't really a hit, it probably doesn't qualify for this list.

So, my vote would have to be Star Wars: Episode One. Talk about a disappointment... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

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No one mentions Matrix 2?

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">It's funny because I liked them both very much. I guess there is no accounting for taste. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Heheh I was gonna mention Dune too. Amazaing how such a great book can be made into such a bad movie.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Since Dune is my favorite SF book of all time, I had very high expectations. Unfortunately, I have been disappointed in most films made from good books: the Lord of the Rings, Dune, etc. After reading the bad reviews, I didn't even go to see the Postman or Starship Troopers (two more of my favorite books).

I think most books are just too long for the movie format. The BBC made a pretty decent Dune series, but it took six hours of story to do the book justice. Short stories can make very good films, though. Blade Runner was an adaptation of a short story called "Do Androids Dream of Electronic Sheep?" (I believe by Philip K. Dick).

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i liked the dune movie better than the dune book. why? the book was boring. the movie had big, huge, massive worms.

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There's a movie called Screamers that's a pretty good adaptation of a short SF story. In case the title does not ring a bell, the following quote might.

"This is Don Giovanni. Come down. Over."

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that is to say, the worms were the only really interesting feature in either and they were more interesting in the movie.

if you don't expect movies and tv to measure up to books, it's enjoyable.

the series 'jeramiah' has made a good showing, so far, i think.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Actually, Do Androids Dream Electric Sheep is a whole novel. We Can Remember It for You Wholesale and Minority Report are, I believe, short stories.

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I hated Dune, the book, to the point that I never finished reading it, but this was a long time ago. Maybe I should give it a second chance.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/blush.gif You're right on all counts, Loser, my mistake. It's funny how PKD is all the rage these days. He was on the fringes in the sixties and was apparently quite bitter about his lack of notoriety. Times change...

[ October 06, 2003, 20:09: Message edited by: Chronon ]

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Meh...one word. CONTACT :-) worst movie ever made next to Ishtar.

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America's Sweethearts
Star Trek Nemesis

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He's not as much of a rage as you might think. You'll still find more of his stuff in a good used books store than in a Big Chain.

Blade Runner and Total Recall are not recent movies. I figure they make a PKD movie every decade or so.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Heheh I was gonna mention Dune too. Amazaing how such a great book can be made into such a bad movie.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Hey, I loved that movie! Granted, I watched the movie before reading the book (IIRC I was eight when it came out) but it helped to shape my ideas of what it is to be more-human-than-human, and fed my burgeoning messiah complex. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The thought that one could shape the world with a word is a powerful (and somewhat biblical) concept. When I finally did read the book I was bitterly disappointed that the wierding way was so horribly misrepresented. Once I finished the book I vastly prefered the true Version, so much so that I even pursued the martial arts (and some yoga), at least partially, in an attempt to gain some small understanding of prana-bindu. Needless to say, Dune is one of my favourite series.

My, that was a little OT.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">the one with the underground worms attacking the trailer park in the desert? i loved that, Kevin Bacon is so danmed funney.. Michael Gross put on a good show too. Oh wait, that was Tremors. Screamers had its good moments, but it was painfully bad in places, too.

block busters that sucked? I hated T3. in fact, im not too fond of most of the recent blockbuster movies. i mean, kangaroo jack toped the charts! granted, there was nothing else out at the time, but it was popular, for crying out loud!

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Since Dune is my favorite SF book of all time, I had very high expectations. Unfortunately, I have been disappointed in most films made from good books: the Lord of the Rings, Dune, etc. After reading the bad reviews, I didn't even go to see the Postman or Starship Troopers (two more of my favorite books).

I think most books are just too long for the movie format. The BBC made a pretty decent Dune series, but it took six hours of story to do the book justice. Short stories can make very good films, though. Blade Runner was an adaptation of a short story called "Do Androids Dream of Electronic Sheep?" (I believe by Philip K. Dick).</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Starship troopers is a cool movie. Very different from the book (which is good in a very different way). You just have to not take the movie seriously.

Although how anyone can take a movie with lines like:

"You're just a big, fat, BRAIN BUG, ain'tcha?"

seriously is beyond me! Denise Richards attempts at acting are always quite funny too - oh, how I laughed!

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*peers in QuarianRex's ear...*

*...Hey, i can see a light at the end of the tunnel!*

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Oooohh... contact. I'd forgotten (blocked out?) everything about that. But yeah, now I'm reminded, it really was muchly badly bad. Awful, in fact. One might even go so far as to say "heap o' ****e."

If you hadn't noticed, I really didn't like that film.

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My friends and I had a darn good time watching "Contact"! Of course, turning it into a home Version of MST3K helped tremendously. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

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Yeah turning it into a joke fest was the only way I survived that movie http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif most of the people I knew that watched either can't remember what happened or fell a sleep outright.

I wonder if they did something to the film that made it so that it causes blackouts and memory loss? hmmm maybe so you'll forget how bad it was and watch it again?

Yeah the funniest part though was a PRIEST!!!! A FREAKIN PRIEST!!!! that boffed what's her name only an hour after meeting her, not bad for a guy who ain't supposed to have sex AT ALL, he's a man of the cloth you know.....satin, silk, linen you know whatever your bed sheats are made out of he'll be 'in the cloth" ;-).

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Was he a priest? I thought he was a preacher...

Am I wrong or are you being romanocentric?

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Yeah he was a preist....and what is Romanocentric?

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Roman Catholic priests are (supposed to be) celibate. Anglican/Episcopalian priests are not. They can marry. I think 'Eastern Orthodox' priests can also. By assuming that a 'priest' must be a Roman Catholic priest you are being 'Romanocentric'. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ October 07, 2003, 22:06: Message edited by: Baron Munchausen ]

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Wow, I liked most of the movies listed here. I geuss I just have a bad taste in movies.

The only one I really have to agree with strongly is "The Postman" Which is sad, because it was based on such a good book. They cut out everything! Changed the whole story, and the ending (god aweful) They cut out the squire of sugarloaf mountain!!! He was a pivitol character! The problem is they took the main character and tried to make him something greater then he was. Arrgghhh! What's worse, they didn't even do a good job of making a completely different story, like with starship troopers, they just sort of meandered about doing nothing. And that ending, eck.

As for just about anything based on a true story: Men of Honor, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Airplane!

Of course, I am probably the only person to utter the phrase, "Oh my god, that movie is so terrible! I love it!

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Oh and another movie that SUCKED was "LOST IN SPACE" I mean it was oooooookay if you let it grow on you but paying to see it was such a waste. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

Okay well the term Preist is restricted to catholics (cept for eastern orthodox) Other denominations refer to them usually as follows:

Baptists: Preacher
Others: Minister

Thus the good ol' joke "A preist, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar." ("Preist= Catholic, Rabbi= Jewish, Minister=Christian.)

There yah go :-)

And even if he was an "orthodox" preist he shouldn't be nailing someone after knowing her for all of one hour http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif .

[ October 08, 2003, 11:47: Message edited by: Starhawk ]

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What about vicars? Where do they fit in?

As for Lost in Space... so many plot holes I can't even be bothered to explain them. In fact i think I need to watch it again just to remind myself how bad it is.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">oh... my... god... they exported Lost in Space to other countries? It's a true wonder that we have -- erm, had -- any credibility left in the world even prior to the Shrub presidency.

Season one isn't so bad, but two and three are surreal in their awfulness. Have you seen 'The Great Vegetable Rebellion'???

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We were talking about the 1997 movie....I think it was 97?

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*LOST IN SPACE SPOILER*
Like it matters, but anyway...

At that moment in the film when the spaceship is destroyed and (almost) everybody dies there was a brief silence. It was just a couple of seconds, but the whole theater was quite for long enough for me to to stand up and cheer.

When I sat back down a friend hit me. All in all I think I won.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">No, looks like the Anglicans do, indeed, call their clergy priests.

Also, though most Catholics are not aware, there are other non-protestant Christian churches, all of which predate the historical foundation of the Catholic church. That is, the adoption of Christianity as the State Religion of Rome.

These would be, among others, the Coptic Church, the Armenian Church, and the Jacobite Church. All of these have priests and bishops as well.

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<font size="2" face="sans-serif, arial, verdana">Baron, you'd be surprised. We got all the Irwin Allen series down here. Lost in Space, Land of the Giants, Time Tunnel, Voyage Beneath the Sea (some of these names may be off because I know them by their names in Portuguese), all of which I watched as a kid. We got just about every series that ever was on American television, from the Muppets to Dallas, except the Brady Bunch and Beaver.

Most of the stuff produced from the 90s onwards, like Buffy or Babylon V, is only available on cable though. And cable is still expensive - not horrendously expensive as it was a few years ago, but still expensive - so I don't have it.

Heh, if you had inserted some subliminal pro-American propaganda into those shows back then, you'd have taken over the world without even trying.

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I was so disappointed by Lost in Space...

But then again, Wing Commander came pretty close... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif

[ October 09, 2003, 22:47: Message edited by: TerranC ]