You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You Might Be A Fat *** Emperor If:

1. You out weigh your own battleship.
2. You need rocket boosters to get from a seated to standing position.
3. Your belt size is measured as Equator.
4. Your people are nothing more than food stock
5. The Last time you were in space, someone tried to colonize you.
6. The sun orbits YOU.
7. You have sixty planets producing food, and thats just for breakfast.
8. You need to use anti-gravity sleds to move about.
9. When you boarded your orbiting Battleship, it nearly crashed into the planet.
10. If you have ever gone to war against McDonalds Consortium for making you fat.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

[sarcasm on]
HEY kiss my afterburners. I can be a Fat Emperor if I want. Because I AM THE EMPEROR! Let the rest eat cake.

Ruling an empire is very fattening because you get everyone else to do your exercising. What? you expect me to whip my own subjects?!?
[/sarcasm]

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

...part of your morning routine is clearing the previous nights dinner plates and snack wrappers off your computer desk before opening SEIV for the next turn (started the night before over a bowl of steaming pasta....)

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

...Any and all contacts with an Organic Race makes you wonder what surprises await in the fridge...

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

... you can check you construction queues, put ships on sentry, transfer cargo, launch/recover units and cargo remotely but not much else because your belly covers the bottom half of the keyboard and your mouse.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Your equivalent of the Mir space station landed on your belly and has just zoomed past Pioneer 10.

You can't attend the celebratory opening of your first Sphereworld because you'd crush everyone to death inside.

A ship enters a freak warp point and comes out your ***.

Your mouth can suck up more than a Black Hole.

Your farts are Nebulas.

Someone fired a CSM at you and it's still stuck in one of your pores.

Your burps are more effective than Level 5 Plague Bombs.

Your breakfast cereal consists of Ringworlds and you still want another helping.

You are your own home world.

You generate more gravity than a black hole.

Those tiny specks that always circle around you are your own Galaxy.

Somebody held a lighter underneath you when you farted and you suddenly find you've launched yourself into another dimension.

You eat 100 Pizza Hawaiis for breakfast --- and the pineapple rings are Ringworlds.

You sneeze and all systems, planets, anomalies, ships, bases, etc. within 5000 light years in front of you were launched into the Greater Magellanic Cloud.

You measure the circumference of your hip with a warp point spanning from one end of the Galaxy to another and still it's too short.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

UPS won't ship you unless you pay 250000000 million x 250000000 million x 250000000 million lightyears of Spice.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

When you yell you cause an earthquake three dimensions higher.

Astronomers from another planet classified you as "Mega-Galaxy" after spotting you through their telescopes.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Your *** is the only access to another dimension.

And no, I'm not just trying to get my Posts up!

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Your war machine is dedicated to conquering fast food industries throughout the galaxy.

You invaded the Taco Bell planet....

You make it a federal felony for your chefs to add vegetables to your dinner menu......the punishment being they are placed on the menu.

(here's a crude one don't read if you have any sense of maturity)

You took a dump and it started a new species.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

ROFLMAO - These are hilarious. Very funny stuff here guys.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Galactus is always begging a dinner invite.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

The mineral value of your planet was permanently decreased by the construction of your throne.

The organics value of your planet drops between 6pm and 8pm every day.

The palace lights are dimmed whenever you use an elevator.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Your sweat is considered toxic waste
Galaxies have been lost in the folds of your skin
When you laugh, the planet suffors a 10.6 scale earthquake
You can be seen from space while standing out side.
The Last time you passed gas, you killed 6 billion people.
You once sat on a frigate, and didn't even realize it until the crew tried to bLast their way out.
The rings on your fingers are, that is were, populated ring worlds.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Your planet stop orbiting the sun and start to fall into the void of space.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You are of the Harkonen blood line. (See if any one gets this one)

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Not true. Jessica is of the Harkonnen line, and so are her son Paul Atreides, aka Muad'Dib, and all his descendants, who provide abundant counterexamples.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Ok, if your Baron Harkonen re-incarnate. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

By the time your done eating dinner, its breakfast time.
The Last time you went out into public, wearing yellow, people attempted to hail you.
Your flag ships name is the ISF Twinky Monster.
If ISF stands for I'm So Fat.
If your food bill is higher than your annual military, colonization, ship maintenance, and power bills.
If the Last time you bathed in the ocean, you turned it into a sea of death.
If the Last time you jumped, they had to use six dreadnought to pull you free of the crator you created.
If your shoe size just happens to be the same demensions as one of your large heavy destroyers.
If you are considered the National Strategic Oil Reserve. (Think about that one.)
The Last time you got to close to the sun, you began to smell bacon cooking.
The Last time you went to Risa, the inhabitants tried to push you back into the water.......
You national anthom is the McDonalds theme
Your national Emblem is a donut
You have survived the Last sixty attempts on your life because the bullet could not penatrate your fat.
Your fat is also your armor. See above
That stretch mark on your belly is also called the Grand Cannon, complete with its own tourist industry.
You have ever had to use a Quantum Graviton Beam on your belly button.
You have ever had to use a Quantum Graviton Beam on your mouth.
Your people refer to you as, and I quote: "Emperor Black hole."
You were sucked into a black hole and plugged it.
Your toilet is a black hole.
By using a black hole as a toilet, you plugged it.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

The Universe's largest oranic intelligent supercomputer evolved in one of your pores.

Your barbecues won't even be lit without 100,000 Harkonnen Flame Tanks. (Emperor: Battle for Dune)

Your teeth will chew up Sphereworlds.

Your first Sphereworld is still lost - your scientists presume it's stuck between your teeth and you hane't noticed.

Your farts outrange Plasma Torpedoes.

Your farts at their maximum range are stronger then Plasma Torpedoes fired point blank.

You moved one of your fat heaps around your waist and you potted the entire Greater Magellanic Cloud into a massive black hole, instantly winning a game of billiards in a higher dimension you didn't know about. (The dimension AND the game)

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

?

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

One of the largest taxicab companies in the US is Yellow Cab; they paint their taxis bright yellow. To flag down a cab so it will pick you up, you "hail" it.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Oooh, I see.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You pull apart Ringworlds to use them as toilet paper http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

You scratch your nail across a blackboard and everyone within 100 lightyears dies of the shockwave, and everyone within 1000 lightyears is deaf instantly

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Somebody has to say it:

When you sit around your empire, you really sit around your empire.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

ROFLMAO - Very good one. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

The Space Food Empires universe no longer exists.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You breathe deeply and crush the entire Greater Magellanic Cloud to death against the Great Wall. (Not the one in China, I explained it b4 in the SEV: What's on your Wish List thread. Look it up there.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

People start to classify you as a black hole.

Your homeworld is a sphere world, and is full with only 1 billion people living on it.

Every time you try to go through a warppoint, you won't fit.

You try to eat the organic ships.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Because of YOU.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You have smaller fat emperors orbiting around you...
While aboard an orbital space station, you influence the tides...
When you step on the scale, it says 'To be continued...'
Your Empire's tailors have had to change 'One Size Fits All' to 'One Size Fits Most...'
You take your Royal Imperial Cloak the the cleaners and they tell you they don't do curtains...
Your Royal Imperial shoes need license plates...
McDonalds has to change their signs every time you eat there...
Your portrait has to be painted from orbit...
You go to sleep in a field outside your palace, and when you wake up, you've been zoned for commercial developement...
Everytime you turn around your subjects have a Welcome Back celebration....

And finally,
After a trip to Rigelon IV, you are diagnosed with an incurable flesh-eating disease... And the doctors give you 37 years to live.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If getting out of bed in the mornign causes a polar wobble - sixty lightyears away.
If your commanders and navigators have to give you a 'wide berth'
If during a parade, a kid points to you and asks his mommy "Mommy, why isn't that baloon flying?"
If you fear japanese whalers are trying to assisnate you.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If people ask you why you're sitting on the floor, but in truth you're sitting on a chair. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/shock.gif

Cheers! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

rotflmao

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Very very funny stuff guys. ROFLMAO. These are hilarious.

If the food caught between your teeth would feed a large planet for a year.
If you are bared from landing on any planet smaller than a huge gas gaint
If the Last time you had sex you crushed the girl
People sky down you in winter.
They had to install a food lift to get the food from your plate to your mouth.
The Last time you tried to see your toes, you lost your balance and squished a small town.
If you have the following sticker on your *** "Caution, May expell poisionous gases at hurricane speeds."
If you anihilated an entire race or Organics beings because you liked how their ships tasted.
If you have ever been harpooned.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If it takes you two and a half hours to turn around.
If bending over prompts the evacuation of your capital world for fear of exposive methane burts
If you are being hunted by a tribe of eskimos.
If you've waken up inside of a movie theatre's backroom with a 'lard processing' machine hooked up to you and the popcorn machine.
If you force the Eee and Drushocka to unite against you.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If you are your own natural resource for oil.
If you have ever been mined for resources
If you have ever been dropped on an enemy world as a bio-toxic weapon.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If the drilled for oil on uranus (building off atrocities' one).
If you are 3 feet taller when you sit down on the floor.
If you the Last person of your race.
If your chef only knows how to work the deep fryer from the Battleship Yamato.
If you are addressed as "Your Hungriest"
If you've had more than 6 palace walls removed to be able inspect your armies.
If You've been labeled as a weapon of mass destruction by your allies and your enemies.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You need a small ringworld to keep your pants up

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If the only thing bigger than your ego and empire's might combined is your pants size, or...
If you can't wear pants.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

ROFLMAO.... Very funnny. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

The Last time you were seen naked, those who saw you went blind.
When you take a deep breath, you suck all the oxygen out of the air on your planet.
If your people have installed a back up beeper on your *** just in case.
When ever you are seen in public, the local robots begin yelling "DANGER DANGER DANGER."
If Lions hiss at you then runaway scared to death. ("He's goin'a eat me!")
You have ever depleted your empires national supply of cream custard in one swallow.
You have ever had to buy all of the seats on a world ship when traveling.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

The reason revolts give you indigestion, - is because this Universe is a morsel of food that's stuck in your appendix.

An Organic race believes you are a Sphereworld and send a colony ship up your ***. It was never heard from again.

An Organic race believes you are a Sphereworld and send a colony ship in your mouth. You like the taste so much, that you order the conquest of the race and then make them your master ship engineers (i.e. chefs.).

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You arrest the Fremen for using the Spice for something other than a means to make your food taste better.

You dissolve the Spacing Guild for using more Spice than you did up to date.

You order the capture of any forum members with a pic that looks like something edible.

You order the arrest of all other forum members for NOT having a pic of something that looks edible.

You instruct McAfee to modify the anti-virus programs to automatically delete the Mushuns Sporacy when found, or else!

When your ships want armor, they simply liposuct some body fat away from you and slap it on their hull. Last report was that an unarmed scout with just a centimetre of emperor-fat armor successfully rammed and destroyed a battlemoon without suffering any damage.

New intelligent life froms start evolving from your liposucted body fat as soon as it's out of your body.

One year later, you go to Rigelon IV again, and contract an even more vicious flesh eating disease. The doctors STILL give you 37 years to live.

First Contact with crystalline races always makes you wonder: "I wonder how big my plates could be if I let them manufacture them..."

Psychic races cannot penetrate your skull with their telepathic powers.

Ancient races start building a generation ship to get the hell out of here at the start of the game.

Pirates thrive under your rule. They can intercept any ship they want, as long as they deliver all the food they capture to you.

You conquer Temporal Manipulation races so they can condense time around your farms to make production go unbeleivably faster, at one harvest per second... and STILL you're hungry.

One month later, you need a BIG ringworld to keep your pants up.

One month after that, you need the total length of a Triple-Molly to keep your pants up.

You encompass several system.

You don't have blood vessels... you have blood WARP POINTS.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

The Mushuns Sporacy is in fact a tiny part of your foot fungus that escaped.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You created the warp points when you were a kid. You had small elastic bands (about 1000 km long) and you stretched them as far as you could without breaking them. This phased the bands into a subspace realm, fixing them in place and making travel through the possible.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

Is this thread still alive?

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If you can swallow your own pride with a side of chinese buffet.
If your behind is known as the "Moon that Launched ten thousand ships"
or if your farts are known as the "Safe Natural Gas that powered a hundred thousand homes"
If you ate your SE4 Cd mistaking it for a mini pizza

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

You sit on your planet, and your *** folds over it. It disappears forever. All that's ever heard from it again is the oxygen escaping from the atmosphere. The fart killed everyone within three dimensions.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

If you have ever had an entire forest planet deforested just supply you with enough TP for a single trip to the bathroom.

Re: You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:
 

TP?

ROTFLMAO