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-   -   WALLY WORLD Employment Application (http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/showthread.php?t=23229)

Atrocities March 21st, 2005 08:38 PM
WALLY WORLD Employment Application
 
After my most recent trip to the mighty Wally World, (Not the actual name of the store) I have come to the firm and unshakeable conclusion that some stores are a magnate for low life, trailer living, dirt floor loving, goat ropen, buck tooth, fight looking, dumbasses of the world, but they also employ them.

Which prompted me to want to apply for work there. Below is a copy of the Wally World Employment Application.

Quote:
WALLY WORLD EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION
Version 2.0 (Thats is your nose picking finger and "the finger" finger for those of you who caint count.)

If you can read this, then theres no point in continuing.

Note: Assuming you can read and write, please fill out the application as completely as you can.


WELCOME
We here at the Wally World believe in keeping things simple. Fill out this here application, sign it, and y’all is hired.

NOTE: High School, college or university graduates or GED holders need NOT APPLY.

Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue [_] Jessie James [_] Billy-Joe-Bob [_] Billy-Beth

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Former or Current Occupations (mark all that apply):
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician [_]Kmart Employee [_] Goat Roper [_] Bull Rider [_] Prison Guard [_] Inmate

Education: 1 2 3 4 None (Circle highest grade completed)

In Case Of Emergency Contact: (Please note that 911 does not count.)
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet [_]All of the above

Personal Information:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ Truck
____ Kitchen
____ Bedroom
____ Bathroom
____ Shed
____ At work
____ On you

Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Have you ever been on: (Mark all that apply)
[_] Geroldo
[_] Jerry Springer
[_] Cops
[_] America's Most Wanted
[_] UFO Abductions Report
[_] Dr. Phil
[_] All of the Above
[_] Other (Please Explain:)

Have you ever been arrested for the any of the following: (Mark all that apply.}
[_] Drunk In Public
[_] Driving at night with your lights off while hanging out the windown with a deer rifle.
[_] Having sex with animals
[_] Having sex with animals while being drunk in public
[_] Shooting up road signs
[_] You don't remember, you just woke up in jail.
[_] All of the above.


Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
[_] Lov’in Your Relatives
[_] Hooters

_______________ Number of times you've seen a UFO
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs after seeing a UFO
_______________ Number of blurry pictures you took of UFO
_______________ Number of family members who are aliens

Are you an alien? Yes or No

How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:______________________

How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know

What languages can you speak?
[_] Hill Billy
[_] Red Neck
[_] Hill Billy Red Neck
[_] Ridge Runner
[_] Buck Tooth Coal Miner
[_] Southern French Hill Billy
[_] Eing-go-leash
[_] Other (Please Specify)_________________________

Why do you want to work for the Wal-Mart?
[_] To pick up chicks
[_] To get a discount on bullets
[_] To eat at McDonalds
[_] To steal stuff
[_] All Of The Above
[_] I don’t know

If a customer comes up to you and asks you where something is, what do you tell them? (Circle which applies) Correct answers qualifies you for the Management Program.
A. Duh I don’t know
B. Tell them to leave you alone
C. Give them a dirty look and go for your gun
D. Shoot them
E. Spit a gob of chew at their feet
F. Give them precise instruction: “Y’all wanna head down this here’n isle until you all come to the gun rack, then make a right and go do south until you comes to the fish’ in poles. Turn north on isle 11 just past the tackle boxes and head on up until you comes to the big cross isles. You can’t miss it, cause its right there in the middle.
D. All of the Above.


Put Your Name here:_________________________________
(If you cannot spell your name, mark with an "X"

Wally World employees get a 10% discount on Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, T-shirts, boots, Pork Riegns, Chilly Beams, Ammo, fishing stuff, and cinder blocks.


Kamog March 22nd, 2005 03:54 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I wish there were a Wal-Mart near where I live; the closest one is about an hour's drive away. They have a large variety of goods at reasonable prices. I heard they were proposing to build a Wal-Mart at another location that's closer a couple of years ago, but the local small store owners protested so they couldn't go ahead.

Atrocities March 22nd, 2005 04:11 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Wal-Mart is one of those companies that makes its own customers by putting the companies that once employeed the people that now must shop at wal-mart out of business. They are a self feeding parasite of a company and should be broken up by monopoly laws before they bankrupt America.

Evil_Duckie March 22nd, 2005 09:47 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
A good friend of mine used to work for Wal-Mart (corporate HQ) and she told me that if Wal-Mart would be a country, it'd be something like the 12th richest in the world.

Kinda makes you wonder...

Caduceus March 22nd, 2005 11:17 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
There was a MSN special on WalMart a few weeks ago which was interesting. WM (amongst other vendors, pharmaceutical companies, etc) rake in the dough. When Sam Walton was still alive, many of the products were made in the US. Since his departure (and death) they have started stocking "cheaper" imported goods. This of course is good for the bottom line and in fact they are expanding into different countries at an alarming rate. I don't know where I'm going with this message aside from the fact that consumers in the US like being able to stop one place, getting a DVD, buying dinner and getting detergent. I'm not sure what can be done to reverse the invasion of WalMart into small-town economies nationwide. Even in the small town in which we live, we have a WalMart. County population in 30 000. City population, 3000.

Atrocities March 22nd, 2005 10:22 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I also watched the Frontline episode, which the MSN special based its report on, "Is Wal-Mart Bad For America" and I would have to say yes yes it is.

Azselendor March 24th, 2005 03:31 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Vermont, if memory serves, has been able to hold wal amrt largely at bay by requiring it to only open new stores in existings buildings to "Preserve Historical Integrity".

Then in parts of northern california, people have been voting down wal mart supercenters for years despite the company's best efforts.

I know where I live, walMart is buy up swaths of land in walking distance from my house is preparation to build a supercenter and then a distribution facility nearby.

Phoenix-D March 24th, 2005 09:35 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
What bugs me a lot about Wal Mart is the number of people that complain about it..then continue to shop there.

Hello? Have some @%! principles, please? Its not that much more expensive elsewhere.

Atrocities March 25th, 2005 02:59 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Well you cannot always shop where you want. In my case WalMart had what I needed and none of the other stores did. I will complain about what ever I want, and still shop there because if I do not shop there, then I will have nothing to complain about..... Speaking of complaining, any one here own a Ford?

The_Tauren13 April 18th, 2005 10:04 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
lmfao... did you write that up yourself or get it somewhere?
Any objections to me sending it to friends and wal-mart employees the world over?

Atrocities April 20th, 2005 10:02 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I borrowed it from the Red Neck Drivers License one and added a few things to it. Send it along to anyone you want. Besure to let them know that WalMart is not the end of their lives, its the beginning of new slave wage lives. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

Leslie May 14th, 2005 03:54 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I shop at Walmart, but to be honest I don't have much choice on my income. I would rather I didn't have to.

But I know what Walmart is all about.

They are not about their workers, and they are not about unions.
They are certainly about buying their goods from foreign sources regardless of how they were made.

And they are about the owners making money while telling north americans screw you and your jobs.
And sadly, we still buy from them.

Gandalf Parker May 14th, 2005 09:20 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Its a very capitalistic nation so we cant help it. Yes I hate what Walmart does to my town but we hit it about once a week.

I cry at the loss of the local gaming stores, but I still find it cheaper on the net. I wish the family restaurants were doing better but I still shoot thru the fast-food drive-in. I would love it if our town had more concerts and events but I watch them on TV. And I BARELY force myself to do business with the local Mom&Pop computer store instead of buying a Dell or Gateway.

Gandalf Parker

deccan May 15th, 2005 09:23 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
Leslie said:
But I know what Walmart is all about.

They are not about their workers, and they are not about unions.
They are certainly about buying their goods from foreign sources regardless of how they were made.

And they are about the owners making money while telling north americans screw you and your jobs.
And sadly, we still buy from them.
Geez, it's whiny posts like these that make me want to scream "Get some economics education people". Honestly, what do you, as a customer, want a company to do for you? Think about it.

Gandalf Parker May 15th, 2005 10:34 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
EXACTLY RIGHT.
But then after that, get a community.

Usually college age people have no problem with it. All they want is the most they can get with their money. Its perfectly logical. Its later when they have familys, own a home, been there awhile and have desires which extend to the type of community they wish they were able to live in. Thats when they earlier "logical" choices start biting them in the ***.

And thats where the battle comes in. The numbers, and therefore the dollars, are on the side of the new adults and new families. The voting, especially at levels less than national (state, county, city), are with the home owners.

Leslie May 15th, 2005 01:07 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Given a choice, given the power to snap my fingers and make it so, given the ability to make the ideal the reality, I would make it so.

Canada would make goods made by Canadians for Canadians, and we would not do ANY business with ANYone outside of Canada.

Want our wood, come here and buy it in Canada.
Want our beef, come here and buy it.
Want our water, come here and buy that if you wish.

Want a car made in a car plant in Canada, come here and buy it.

Etc etc etc.

But business seeks out business. It's the nature of business.

Canada (and the US and several other nations too) doesn't need the trade from other nations external to it.
Look around you, consult a good atlas describing natural resources locations.

Canada, the US, and Russia are easily the most resource rich locations on our planet. Partly of course because our nations also know what's involved in the searching out of same.

We really don't need the trade, but yet we can't resist it.
A bad habit none of us seem to wish to break.

We produce resources so that we can sell the resources so that we can get the money to buy the very things we could have just made ourselves in the first place.

It's really quite crazy when you really look at it.

We are in a trap of our own creation.

And we further magnify it though clever hurdles.
We have so many unions.
The unions demand more money.
The businesses have no recourse but to charge higher prices.
Or in some cases, move to getting the product made elsewhere by non unionised cheap labour.

The end result. A unionised worker, that is slowly making himself a liability. The more we unionise, the more we encourage business to not even use the worker.
Yet the worker has not stopped needing a means of gainful employ.
The business has not stopped making the product.
But we are increasingly unable to afford it, if made locally by expensive unionised workers.
So our only recourse, is to take our money to the business that has scorned the unionised way, and had the product made off shore by non unionised means.
Thus the product drops in price, and it gets the sale faster than the more expensive local union produced item.

Unions are not some sort of "enemy".
But unions are indeed part of the "problem".
Part of the solution is to not permit ANY goods to replace locally produced goods.
Some will call that "protectionism".
Rightly so, it IS!

Until we alter the circumstances, the circumstances will remain.

What do you hate more, the business that will sell goods made by slave labour.
The consumer that will buy goods made by slave labour.
The unionised worker that insists on constantly being paid more and more, just because they have been there an increasing sum of time.
Or all of the above?

Right now, wargames appear to be a product I am actually able to say is made often closer to realistically.
I can point to Canadian companies.
I can point to US companies.
I can point to European companies.
All apear to be made in a way, that rewards buying locally.
They appear to be more expensive when bought from foreign sources.

deccan May 15th, 2005 08:01 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
Gandalf Parker said:
And thats where the battle comes in. The numbers, and therefore the dollars, are on the side of the new adults and new families. The voting, especially at levels less than national (state, county, city), are with the home owners.
That's a good observation Gandalf, but there's nothing there that says "Walmart is Evil!" What it simply means is that Walmart and its like fit the needs of a specific demographic and does that very well, but certainly, the very presence of a Walmart in the neighborhood would be offensive to other demographic segments (notably the richer, snootier ones). Nothing wrong in that.

deccan May 15th, 2005 08:06 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
Leslie said:
Given a choice, given the power to snap my fingers and make it so, given the ability to make the ideal the reality, I would make it so.
I don't even want to wade into this mess. But hey, you have a right to your opinions, so long as you understand the consequences of what the real life application of your policies will entail: namely, a much, much lower standard of living than that which would be posssible otherwise. And of course, so long as you understand that in any democracy, your opinions and values would be weighed against the opinions and values of your fellow citizens.

Leslie May 15th, 2005 11:38 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Deccan, its a myth we even need money. Humanity merely can't just do the right thing for the good of it's people ala Star Trek world.

Thus we pursue gainful employ.

If Canada sealed it's borders, no one in or out, guess what, yes among other things like immigration plunging to zero the businesses in Canada would of course be selling exclusively to Canadians.

Zero outside competition would mean a business had zero competition.
It's not like this will ever happen, just an observation.

Simple human greed is the reason for wanting more than is required.

Here I sit, and my current income is actually well below poverty line, according to what I am told.
I am more well off than a friend of mine earning 18 bucks an hour that lives at home.

I have a wife, son, a place to live, clothes on my back, nice food in the fridge and a few select luxuries.

But I have to make choices like the rest.
There is no beer in the fridge.
I can't smoke (not that I would, brain dead habit at best).
No car, but considering I have no where to go.
No dancing on the weekend (but no where to go either I suppose).
No lottery tickets.
No Bingo night.

It's annoying that so many think they absolutely must have some things in order to be "well off".
My clothes are not at all brand name.
I rent my place, even though I sure wish I could just buy a home.

Our whole society is built on a lot of idiotic misconceptions.

I enjoy a nice enough standard of living. There are a few gaps admittedly.
But it's amazing how well I do with how little I have.

I have nothing supportive to say to persons that support unionised wages that exceed 10 dollars Canadian an hour.
Doesn't matter what your job is, a human is only in need of so much before it qualifies as excess.

The work force is progressively killing itself off for wanting more than is really required.
Walmart is the response to asking for to much.

deccan May 16th, 2005 12:25 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
Leslie said:
Deccan, its a myth we even need money. Humanity merely can't just do the right thing for the good of it's people ala Star Trek world.
I'm fine with that. I disagree of course, because I do want the good things in life, in fact, I think that these are the only things that make life worth living. But I understand and accept that everyone has their own sense of values of what is "good".

Gandalf Parker May 16th, 2005 08:29 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
No, Walmart has been proven to be damaging to the local economy on more than the usual levels of "big chain coming in". Towns are correct in trying to keep it out. And if I was younger, more motivated by my own ethics, I would probably have the fortitude to boycot it. But Im weak and continue to shop there (but at least I try to feel bad about it)

Atrocities May 16th, 2005 02:57 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
PBS Front Line did a story about the WalMart. "Walmart is it good for the US" I believe it was called that. Look it up. Very interesting peace.

Leslie May 16th, 2005 11:02 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
deccan said:
Quote:
Leslie said:
Deccan, its a myth we even need money. Humanity merely can't just do the right thing for the good of it's people ala Star Trek world.
I'm fine with that. I disagree of course, because I do want the good things in life, in fact, I think that these are the only things that make life worth living. But I understand and accept that everyone has their own sense of values of what is "good".
I am not objecting to your objection, merely wondering if you really understood what I have been saying.

I have many skills. I am a capable woodworker, I am a capable teacher. I could just make bookcases if I wanted to, and I could just teach basic history or geography if I wanted to.

And if at the end of the day, I could go and get food at the grocery store, produced by farmers that farmed because they liked being farmers, sold by grocery clerks, that worked in grocery stores because they they liked being grocery clerks. Money would not be required if no one wanted money for doing what they did.

The farmer could get their farm machinery made by companies with workers that enjoyed making machinery in plants.

And the grocery clerks could send their their kids to schools where teachers simply taught becaused they liked to teach.

You see what I mean?

Human society doesn't actually "need" money in the absence of greed. Greed is a petty emotion that keeps us down. It is an immature emotion, and illustrates us for what we truely are, a petty little species.

Our high tech toys can't hide the true nature under the skin of our species.

It is a cycle that we pursue willingly.

Is Walmart "wrong"?
Well only if you think my ideal world would be "better".
Otherwise, Walmart is about making money.
And the business of business is making money.
And unless it is "illegal" certifiably illegal, then objecting to how they make money, is merely objecting for the sake of objecting.
Comes down to just resenting that they have something that you don't.
Greedy competitive behaviour.

If you owned Walmart, would you be happy to be making all that money?

Mephisto May 17th, 2005 07:02 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Leslie, in your world money-and-trade-less world you wouldn't even use a computer. No one would make enough computers just for the heck of it for the whole world while most of the world could not build one.
Economy is a bit more complex and "greed" as you told it (the desire to trade for things I would like to have I call it) is something that keeps the world go round (and not living in my dark cave). Just my 0.02§.

Atrocities May 17th, 2005 07:07 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
Mephisto said:
Leslie, in your world money-and-trade-less world you wouldn't even use a computer. No one would make enough computers just for the heck of it for the whole world while most of the world could not build one.
Economy is a bit more complex and "greed" as you told it (the desire to trade for things I would like to have I call it) is something that keeps the world go round (and not living in my dark cave). Just my 0.02§.
Well said.

Gandalf Parker May 17th, 2005 08:19 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
But the Federation did it. Are you saying we are doomed to be the Ferrengi?

deccan May 17th, 2005 09:42 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Here's an excellent critique of Star Trek's Federation, including its nonsense communist economics:

The Fascist Ideology of Star Trek: Militarism, Collectivism, & Atheism

Atrocities May 17th, 2005 09:58 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Thanks, I always knew there was something wrong.

Sirius January 9th, 2006 01:20 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I've never stepped foot in a wal-mart. I'm fron Los Angeles. I've heard of one somewhere out of reach here, but I'm not tempted to go down just to save a handfull of nickels.
btw, I can't believe I read that whole application... The part that amused me most was the discount on 'chilly beams'. lmao.

Atrocities January 10th, 2006 06:20 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
We aim to please.

I can say with some degree of honesty that I was standing in side of a Walmart, along with about 3,000 plus other people, on christmas even. They gave a "the store is closing in X minutes" ever minute until the store's official closing time came and went. Despite having at least 3,000 plus people in the store after closing time, they only had six check stands open.

We got out of there around 10:30 pm. They closed at 6:00 pm. N e v e r A g a i n! - until next time.

Mustang February 23rd, 2006 12:57 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I don't see why you guys are slamming Wal Mart but not all these smaller, supposedly innocent companies. Your local independent grocery stores and resturants don't give their workers higher wages than Walmart does, nor are they not motivated by greed. So almost all capitalist enterprises, Walmart or otherwise, are "evil" if you want to look at it that way.

What disturbs me is how Americans abuse soo many people in the world and don't even care. It's soo distant and unfamiliar that it almost seems surreal from our point of view, but the West has de facto enslaved many third-world workers. Tin miners in the Congo must mine tin in totally unsafe working conditions, haul it literrally a hundred miles on their back to market, only to have their employers sell it for five times the employee's wage. It's true that the miners took the job out of their own free will, but only because they had no other way to feed their family. Technically they aren't legally slaves, but tell me, is that the way it really works? In Columbia, several employees at Coca-Cola bottling plants tried to unionize once. Shortly afterward, many of their family members suspiciously "dissapeared". The heads of the bottling plants euphemistically denied that they did anything, but at least when the unions dissolved the attacks ended. Hershey's chocolate makes use of cocoa provided by African slave plantations. Yes, real, legal slaves. Of course, not many Westerners even know about how much pain they cause, and don't really care. There are certain companies that make a point of only buying from factories that have safe working conditions, and they sell shoes for $80 (you could buy them from a sweatshop for 1/4 of that). These are only A FEW examples of what happens in the world. And we won't even get into the meat industry and animal abuse.

Leslie is right about how the need for money is overrated. The fact is, we spend money not because we gain something from it, but just because we have money and might as well spend it. Sure, plasma screen TVs are expensive, but there are plenty of other, cheaper things that you could do other than watching TV that would be even more fun. Talk with friends, play sports, whatever. What do you think people did before they had all the crap we do today? Were they unhappy? No. In fact, they were much more content than we are today. It's okay to buy stuff. Just only purchase what you genuinely think will make you happy. You really don't get any extra happiness by buying four SUVs and a remodeled kitchen, because you will quickly take them for granted.

This dosen't mean that we should turn America into an omish commune. A wealthy nation allows for more money to be sent to things like foreign aid and healthcare. All I'm saying is that money, up to a certain minimum point, does not equal hapiness.

Atrocities February 24th, 2006 03:46 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Mustang, Front Line did a peace on how Wal Mart is runing the US economy titled "Is WalMart Bad For The US" that aired in 2004.

It was a real eye opening peace that might answer a lot of your "why do you hate walmart" questions.

Additionaly if you have ever shopped at walmart you know that their customer service is about as good as one would get at the local flee market. The stores are often staffed with the not so bright and poorly motivated indviduals who mostly appear to be decidedly of the lower brow and income type. This is not meant to be offensive to any one, but it is the unmittigated truth of the situation and many people happen to acknowledge this fact as factual. I mean when your total combined employee education level is about am 8th grade average, then your not employing the brightest folk. And popular opinion is that this is just the way Walmart likes it. Stupid people do what they is told and they don't talk back neither.

Baron Munchausen February 24th, 2006 05:13 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Also see Walmart: The High Cost of Low Price, a documentary where they show former Walmart managers describing how they are specifically trained in how to cheat their employees out of over-time pay, and to tell them how to apply for government assistance like foodstamps and medicaid to help prevent the need for Walmart to provide either decent pay or benefits, thus subsidizing Walmart's profits. The DVD is only $12.95:

http://www.walmartmovie.com/

You can also keep a running tally of all the lawsuits, labor disputes, and general mayhem that Walmart is involved in at:

http://walmartwatch.com/

Mustang February 25th, 2006 04:48 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
And all the other companies don't do this? Really, if you want to stay away from all companies that mistreat their workers, don't shop ANYWHERE. I've already mentioned the abuses that Americans perform overseas in my previous post, pretty much everything you buy in America is made in a sweatshop somewhere. So it makes no difference whether you shop at Walmart, Target, or Joe's Family Owned Local Bakery.

Baron Munchausen February 25th, 2006 10:46 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
No, other companies do not do this, or else Walmart wouldn't have been able to undercut them. This is easily verifiable in the coverage that describes how much worse Walmart jobs are than the jobs they displaced. Companies that did provide medical insurance and did pay much higher wages (full-time and over-time) went out of business competing with Walmart because of its extra-ordinary ruthlessness. Walmart really is worse than most other companies and is driving job standards down.

Mustang February 26th, 2006 12:49 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I see your point. Thanks for clearing that up. Before I thought most of the people protesting against Walmart were either welfare state supporters or hating Walmart just because they've been conditioned to hate big companies.

Lowering wages ultimately means less consumption, which hurts productivity because less people are making consumer goods, which makes everyone poorer. This eventually hurts the businessmen too, but they're only interested in short-term profit so don't really care. But we should not criticise just Walmart. I've heard that Target has similar policies, and I'm sure many other corporations do also. Don't just single out Walmart, damn them all.

And noone's yet said anything about how almost everything we buyin the West is made in sweatshops and/or by de facto or legal slaves. If we consider that as an issue, we shouldn't shop almost anywhere (there are still a few companies that make a point out of treating their workers, though, like No Sweat, but their products are three times pricier). My point is, what are YOU guys going to do about it? Complain? Write your congressman? As long as Walmart sells things cheaply, noone is going to care.

Baron Munchausen February 26th, 2006 04:39 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
If I were anything more than another grunt like you I wouldn't be posting on these boards... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

But I do try to pay attention to the more extreme cases of abuse (like Walmart) and not support them. So, I do not shop at Walmart anymore. Similarly, I try not to buy Hormel products (although they've got a lot of other brands and it is hard to know them all) because of their awful record on treatment of workers and even safety (in other words, it is also simple practical self-interest to not buy food products made by a company that doesn't seem have the will to follow safety regulations).

You're certainly right that nearly all corporations are offending human rights and dignity somehow or other. Since this is 'the way of the world' we can't expect to create large change very quickly or easily. But given some degree of awareness and choice among ordinary people, at least we can have some sort of influence and perhaps keep things from getting worse.

Atrocities March 17th, 2006 07:49 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
My point is, what are YOU guys going to do about it? Complain? Write your congressman? As long as Walmart sells things cheaply, noone is going to care.
Haven't we done something already? We posted here about it, we spread the word about the high cost of low cost.

Walmart has all but killed most of the retail and independant stores around here so most folks have no choice but to shop at walmart. I try to avoid it as much as I can but I am guilty of buying things there as well.

Sertorius July 3rd, 2006 04:59 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
"After my most recent trip to the mighty Wally world, (Wal-Mart) I have come to the firm and unshakeable conclusion that Wal-Mart is not only a magnate for low life, trailer living, dirt floor loving, goat ropen, buck tooth, fight looking, dumbasses of the world, but they also employ them."

Really, Now? The last time I was in one of those dumps it was third world city. Your application has since been updated to be printed in Spanish in support of Bush administration immigration (or lack of) policies.

Pvt Hudson July 5th, 2006 08:13 PM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
I dont shop there because they carried censored albums, they dont carry certain computer games, and its grungy http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

Andrew Lonon July 10th, 2006 10:03 PM
You need room for more digits -> ‘Elvis and UFO’
 
I read this post way back and thought it was funny. But something bothered me about it, something that I could not figure out. Then it hit me::

That looks a lot like my resume.


One problem tho…. You need room for more digits in the ‘Elvis and UFO’ section. I would suggest:

_______________ Number of times you've seen a UFO
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

~Andrew

scout32 July 13th, 2006 04:52 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
What a load of elitist bull hockey. If you do not like Wal-Mart then do not shop there.Also, those supposed documentaries are nothing more than anti-capitalist propaganda not unbiased reports.Making insulting remarks about the employees & customers is childish.

Atrocities July 17th, 2006 01:24 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Scout32, it might be childish, but its loads of fun. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif And if you read the whole thread you point has been made for you.

Atrocities July 17th, 2006 01:34 AM
Re: WALMART Employment Application
 
Quote:
WALLY WORLD EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION
Version 2.0 (Thats is your nose picking finger and "the finger" finger for those of you who caint count.)

If you can read this, then theres no point in continuing.

Note: Assuming you can read and write, please fill out the application as completely as you can.


WELCOME
We here at the Wally World believe in keeping things simple. Fill out this here application, sign it, and y’all is hired.

NOTE: High School, college or university graduates or GED holders need NOT APPLY.

Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue [_] Jessie James [_] Billy-Joe-Bob [_] Billy-Beth

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Former or Current Occupations (mark all that apply):
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician [_]Kmart Employee [_] Goat Roper [_] Bull Rider [_] Prison Guard [_] Inmate

Education: 1 2 3 4 None (Circle highest grade completed)

In Case Of Emergency Contact: (Please note that 911 does not count.)
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet [_]All of the above

Personal Information:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ Truck
____ Kitchen
____ Bedroom
____ Bathroom
____ Shed
____ At work
____ On you

Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Have you ever been on: (Mark all that apply)
[_] Geroldo
[_] Jerry Springer
[_] Cops
[_] America's Most Wanted
[_] UFO Abductions Report
[_] Dr. Phil
[_] All of the Above
[_] Other (Please Explain:)

Have you ever been arrested for the any of the following: (Mark all that apply.}
[_] Drunk In Public
[_] Driving at night with your lights off while hanging out the windown with a deer rifle.
[_] Having sex with animals
[_] Having sex with animals while being drunk in public
[_] Shooting up road signs
[_] You don't remember, you just woke up in jail.
[_] All of the above.


Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
[_] Lov’in Your Relatives
[_] Hooters

_______________ Number of times you've seen a UFO
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs after seeing a UFO
_______________ Number of blurry pictures you took of UFO
_______________ Number of family members who are aliens

Are you an alien? Yes or No

How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:______________________

How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know

What languages can you speak?
[_] Hill Billy
[_] Red Neck
[_] Hill Billy Red Neck
[_] Ridge Runner
[_] Buck Tooth Coal Miner
[_] Southern French Hill Billy
[_] Eing-go-leash
[_] Other (Please Specify)_________________________

Why do you want to work for the Wal-Mart?
[_] To pick up chicks
[_] To get a discount on bullets
[_] To eat at McDonalds
[_] To steal stuff
[_] All Of The Above
[_] I don’t know

If a customer comes up to you and asks you where something is, what do you tell them? (Circle which applies) Correct answers qualifies you for the Management Program.
A. Duh I don’t know
B. Tell them to leave you alone
C. Give them a dirty look and go for your gun
D. Shoot them
E. Spit a gob of chew at their feet
F. Give them precise instruction: “Y’all wanna head down this here’n isle until you all come to the gun rack, then make a right and go do south until you comes to the fish’ in poles. Turn north on isle 11 just past the tackle boxes and head on up until you comes to the big cross isles. You can’t miss it, cause its right there in the middle.
D. All of the Above.


Put Your Name here:_________________________________
(If you cannot spell your name, mark with an "X"

Wally World employees get a 10% discount on Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, T-shirts, boots, Pork Riegns, Chilly Beams, Ammo, fishing stuff, and cinder blocks.

I want to offer my sincerest appolgies to the employees and customers of "the big store that every one goes too who's name starts with the letter 'W'" for having promoted the negative sterotype of said store franchise, their employees, and customers. The big "W" is a fine business, owned and operated by outstanding people. Albeit this was merely a joke designed to promote humor, it unfortunetly offended more than it enterainted. For that I do apologize.


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