Abrubtly halted.
 

So after threatening it many time (Mostly to myself) I've ran out of excuses so here's my first stab at a game story. Any comments would be good, preferably nice ones http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif
Here goes nothing http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/eek.gif

"The King is dead! Long live the King!" - Anon
2399.7
Whatever else was said about the Ocelonian constitution and a great deal was but mainly behind closed doors, it was at least clear. If the Presidente died during his term of office then the vice Presidente took over until new elections were held. Of course the one flaw was that the law was written before President Marks refused to hold elections and declared himself El Presidente for life, with 100% accuracy as it turned out.

2399.8
The word on the street, well the very quiet word among trusted friends, was that it was between vice Presidente Rogers and Admiral Bosnitch for next leader of the Ocelonian Republic. Rogers had the parliament on his side thanks to years of being Marks’ liason man, he also had the law on his side. However Bosnitch was a hero from the Breves rebellion and more importantly had the armed forces and all the guns on his side. Only a handful thought that Marks’ son Phil had a chance, he had no obvious power base and no legal leg to stand on. All he had was his father’s request he take over and a handful of loyal friends, not enough to take on the armed forces and parliament surely?

2400.0
The official meeting room of Presidente was only recently re-decorated, to fit in with the new incumbent’s tastes, and those tastes were whatever was needed for holding long, involved and technical discussions about important matters of state, which this next meeting promised to be.
“Gentleman the reports from the ship yards and research institutes are clear. The Ocelot Republic is ready to launch it’s first long ranged, fully crewed space craft. The Navy has prepared to alternate designs, design Alpha fitted with long ranged tanks or design Beta fitted with a rotary nuclear missile launcher. So it is this council’s job to decide which design we go with.”
“I believe it is a clear decision Mr Presidente”, Admiral Watson said “We must go with the armed design, to send our men out unable to defend themselves is unacceptable.”
“Defend themselves against who? None of our radio telescopes have picked up any signals or found any evidence of alien life. No it’s just a waste of valuable space.” The position of Dr Felix and indeed most of the research ministry was well known.
“I agree with Dr Felix, but for different reasons. If there are aliens out there then sending out armed ships would send entirely the wrong message, far better to go out unarmed and in peace.” The foreign ministry could be depended upon to take any line that would limit the military’s power, so Taunolin was almost as predictable as Dr Felix.
“Unless whoever we do meet isn’t friendly! What then?” Admiral Watson thundered.
The arguments raged back and forth with no-one changing anyone else’s mind, although the only opinion that mattered was that of the Presidente, who was keeping quiet and watching the arguments. Finally he spoke.
“Your arguments are all convincing gentlemen, sadly they are also all contradictory. However I have decided that design Beta will enter production. Frankly I believe that at this stage exploration of local space is our priority and as such the extra supply tanks are more important. But I want the plans for the missile equipped version kept updated and ready for crash production if we do encounter anyone. Meeting dismissed.”
As the council members filed out vice Presidente Sheldon stopped by the head of the table for a word with her boss, “I really thought you’d go with design Alpha, you really surprised me there.”
El Presidente Marks leaned back in his chair and grinned. “In politics the day you stop surprising people is probably the day before someone surprise you out of a job.”


"Every adventure requires a first step. Trite but true." - The Cheshire Cat
2400.1
It was the grand launch of the ORS Pegasus, the first true spaceship launched from the Ocelot yards but certainly not the last. As the ship eased itself from its docking clamps and out of the bay into orbit the invited guest held there breath at this incredible first step, all except a small group in the yard managers office. This small group weren’t breathless as they witnessed the Pegasus, make their races first step into the stars, mainly because they’d watched the real first launch the previous week. The most basic rule of grand official launches: Make sure you’ve already tested it before the VIPs get anywhere near it. But for Presidente Marks, Admiral Watson and all the others who’d been in on the secret it was still both proud and reassuring to see the Pegasus making official, if not actual, history.

On board even Captain Micheal Delap had to time to enjoy the moment, the crew had been in almost continuous training for the last month and were the pick of the recruits. Last weeks launch and shakedown had been a great nerve calmer as the Pegasus had passed with flying colours, apart from a series of minor and easily fixed problems. But now shakedown was over and the time had come to head for the nearest warp point. Even as he thought his stomach suddenly turned a loop, it was all well and good the scientists saying it was safe, that the ship and crew would survive perfectly well, the fact remained he was expected to throw his ship into a large spacial anomaly. Still he could hardly claim it was a surprise, he’d always known he’d have to do it if he joined the navy, but… Well to be honest he’d always thought a different officer would get the first command and so he wouldn’t be the first. He grinned to himself, thinking he was probably the only person to graduate top of a class wishing they hadn’t worked as hard. OK they’d cleared the yard, time to go.
“Helm set a course for the warp point, Engineering full cruise when you’re ready.”
“Course laid in Captain, and the Chief reports full power on your command.”
Ahh Lieutenant Commander Vickers, he’d been lucky to get her as first officer. She had looked certain to get a command, instead here she was on the Pegasus.
”Excellent Commander, let’s go make some real history.”

As the Pegasus cruised across the ship streamed back data, this when combined with the information from the shakedown was enough for the Ministry of Research and the Rolls-Royce engineers to produce the MkII Ion Engine, which was incorporated into the design of the Pegasus Batch 2. The updated design was passed to the shipyards currently laying down the next ship in the class.

Finally the Pegasus was on the brink of the warp point. Captain Delap had ordered all bar a skeleton crew to take a break in the preceding hours, he wanted everyone bright eyed and bushy tailed for this.
“All stations confirm readiness before we go in.”
“Reports in all systems 100%, we’re in as good a state as possible.” Said Lieutenant Commander Vickers.
“Very well, Helm take us in.” He breathed in and blinked before entering….

“Captain we have entered the Cignus system, no damage reports but sensor systems still distorted and all ship velocity has been lost.” Vickers reported
‘That was it?’ thought Delap to himself, ‘Unbelievably easy.’ Out loud “Helm, take us in full power. Vickers get those sensors up pronto, I want to know what’s out there. Comms see if that bock of tricks from the R&D boys works and get onto Naval Command.”

For Presidente Marks and the council the news from Cignus was good and not so good. The good news was obvious; the Pegasus had made it and warp point travel was possible and had no obvious side effects on people or ships. While if you’d asked the council they would all have professed complete confidence that the Pegasus would be fine, there wasn’t a single member who hadn’t had at least one sleepless night worrying about them. The less good news was that the Cignus system like their home system contained no planets with breathable atmospheres. It did contain several colonisable planets, but they would have to be domed. So the Pegasus had been ordered to push on to the next warp point while the shipyards worked on the next in class, the Pioneer.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Stories! Yay!

Tell us more!

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Good story, slight inconsistency though..... you sadi design Alpha had supply tanks and Beta had a Capital Ship Missile, but later on you say you want Beta "because the supply tanks are important".

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Whoops completely missed that, sorry. Anyway here's the next bit, hope everyone likes it and it's mistake free http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

“The whole art of war consists of guessing at what is on the other side of the hill.” – Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington
2400.2
The launch of the ORS Pioneer was always going to struggle to match the huge celebration that accompanied the launch of her sister ship, but everyone involved gave it their best shot. So as the ship slipped out of the dockyard to start her shakedown cruise the bands played and the crowds cheered and onboard Captain Julia Locke and the crew sat back briefly to enjoy the experience. “Helm lets put the ship through her paces, the faster we get this finished the sooner we can start the real mission.”

For the navy the launch was joy tempered with apprehension, the Pioneer was still an unarmed ship. There’d been no sign of any alien life in Cignus or on any of the long range radio telescopes, but that didn’t calm all the nerves. With both ships on route to their warp points to continue the exploration there was little to be done at the Admiralty, bar approving the plans for Ocelot’s first colony ship being built in the hope that a planet with an oxygen atmosphere would be found, if not then a domed colony it would have to be.

“Doctor that is excellent news, when can we expect any tangible results though?” Asked Presidente Marks.
“It could be many months and much of the work will be theoretical but with so many minds at so many institutions all across Ocelot breakthroughs are inevitable.”
“Thank you Doctor, please keep me informed of any further breakthroughs.”
As the Presidente leaned back he reflected on the last few days, the shipyards had expected that the recent material sciences development could be adapted for larger ship hulls within a month and the vice chancellors association had agreed to co-ordinate university research with the Ministry of Research. Despite all that he could barely wait for the next warp points to be explored, ahh the excitement of discovery, even by proxy, was intoxicating.

2400.3
As Pioneer entered the Styris system the scans revealed what everyone was hoping for, two rock worlds with oxygen atmospheres. Captain Locke smiled to herself, her crew had found one of the things that El Presidente had sent the navy out to find, other worlds to colonise. The supply situation was better than expected, the MkII Ion Engines were more efficient than the old MkIs, so after scanning the system and sending a message back to Ocelot the Pioneer set course for the next warp point.

As the Pioneer was travelling across the Styris system the Pegasus completed its jump into the Balosnee system.
“Captain sensors coming back momentarily… we’re reading unknown contacts and an inhabited planet!”
Delap’s first reaction was it must be a sensor error. “Confirm that isn’t just a sensor error”
“Confirmed sir, all diagnostics check out 100%. Additional information coming in the planet’s population has to be in the billions and is heavily industrialised. There’s also some kind of orbiting space station.” Lieutenant Commander Vickers reported
“No ships?”
“No captain.”
“That simplifies thing, if a first contact can be simple. Well people you know the drill lets go through it, nice and slow with no mistakes. Comms get a message back to the Admiralty they will want to know about this you can be sure.”

It took several days, but eventually the language problems were overcome and communications became possible. Captain Delap discovered that the planet was inhabited by a race called the Jraenar Imperium who bore an alarming resemblance to short dinosaurs. He just hoped they weren’t as aggressive, but he knew that he was just projecting his stereotypes on to them, hopefully…

After much discussion and every department that could have a say chipping in, as well as many ministers with nothing useful to say but a desperate need to contribute, it was decided. The Pegasus would try and arrange a non-aggression treaty with the Jraenar and that the Pegasus should stay at least a couple of sectors away from the planet, partly to avoid angering them but mainly so she had a head start if she had to run.

The council meeting was particularly stormy as the matter of the next ship design had to be decided; with the Corvette sized hull perfected there was an additional 30kT of space to fill. The doves, lead by Taunolin wanted supplies or indeed anything non-military so supported the proposed Starchaser design, while the rest of the council wanted to at least be prepared for the worst and backed the Javelin design with its twin rotary launched nuclear missile launchers and reinforced bulkheads to increase survivability. The matter was decided when the Presidente backed the Javelin and the first in class would be the next ship to be built after the colony ship was completed.

2400.4
"We do not entirely trust you. Your treaty can wait for now" - Transmission from the Jraenar Imperium planet

It was not a good way to start the month all agreed. On the other hand it wasn’t the worst news, at least they weren’t at war. The Pegasus was reporting that the Jraenar had launched a colony ship and a 150kT vessel, designated the Azul class. With a communication relay buoy deployed the Admiralty decided to pull the Pegasus back for refit and re-supply. Captain Delap wasn’t sad to be going, sitting that close to an unknown alien race who had just refused a non-agression treaty, in an unarmed ship was not good for the nerves.

Back on Ocelot the first coloniser vessel was launched and set course for the Styris system to colonise one of the breathable worlds there. Filled to the gills with brave souls looking to start a new life on a new world she expected to make planet fall within six weeks, her progress would be watched by the whole planet, there was racial soft spot and respectul attitude for pioneers and you didn’t get more pioneering than starting life on a new planet

The month ended with the Pioneer entering the Cerebus system, however it was nothing but a massive asteroid belt. Of great interest to scientist and astrophysicist, but not exactly what Captain Locke had been hoping for, still she reasoned, if you always succeed and found what you were looking for you wouldn’t appreciate it. With that though she order the Pioneer to carry on to the next warp point

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" – A Tale of Two Cities
2400.5
The month started with the Pegasus returning home to a hero’s welcome, half the planet turned out for the ceremony when she docked at the yard, or so it seemed to Captain Delap. As the dock crews started the refit Delap was down on the planet at the Admiralty meeting Admiral Watson and going through his debrief.
“First off Delap I want you to know that no-one blames you for the Jraenar rejecting the treaty, you followed procedures perfectly and did sterling work on getting their language translated.”
“Thank you Admiral.” Delap was totally sincere, he had been worried about that ever since the message from the Jraenar had been relayed to his ship. It was a massive weight off his mind and he couldn’t wait to tell the rest of the crew.
“Next captain you may have noticed the other ship in the dockyard.” Indeed Delap had, it was hard to miss. The Javelin was hard to miss, the first true warship in the fleet and she looked it. Sleek lines only disrupted by the twin missile tubes and the exhausts of the engines she looked dangerous even at rest. “Well we want you to have her, you’re the only captain with any experience of the Jraenar an as the Javelin is heading back that way we want you onboard.”
“I’d be honoured sir. Is the rest of my crew being re-assigned as well?”
“Some of the Delap, but we’re keeping back Lieutenant Commander Vickers and a few others.”
Delap’s mind raced, why was Vickers being kept back? He hadn’t given Vickers a bad performance review, he hoped she wasn’t taking the fall for the Jraenar mission. It would kill her not to be out in space. And who were these ‘few others’? Admiral Watson watched the reaction on Delap’s face and smiled, it was good to see that sort of concern in a captain for his crew, time to put him out of his misery.
”Don’t worry Delap, I suppose I’d better tell you what’s happening just to calm you down. Vickers is being promoted to full Commander and we’re giving her the Pegasus. If anything she gets the best part of the deal, the yard superintendent estimates 6 weeks before the refit is finished, so Vickers is going to get at least a clear month of leave. You however will be lucky to get a weekend as Javelin is all but complete.” Delap visibly cheered up as the Admiral spoke and by the end both men were smiling, the conversation then turned to a detailed debrief of Delap’s impressions of the Jraenar.

Newly promoted Commander Susan Vickers looked at her new command and marvelled at the massed crews crawling all over her. Pegasus was going through the full upgrade to Batch 3 standard so her engines were being replaced with the more efficient MkIIs, the long range tanks ripped out and replaced with a rotary launcher and reinforced bulkheads fitted throughout the ship. There was no question that if Vickers had to go back to Balosnee she was going to feel a hell of a lot happier in an armed ship than the first time she was there.

It was later estimated that the arrival of the colony ship at Styris V was watched live by almost half the planet. The ceremony, as the flag was planted and the planet claimed for the Ocelot Republic in the name of El Presidente Marks was repeated endlessly on every news broadcast for days afterwards. There would be other colonised worlds everyone was certain, but one would always have a special place; Hope.

Captain Delap didn’t even get his single weekend of leave, the entire navy was called back from leave and the yard was ordered to rush the Javelin to completion. A transmission had been received from the Jraenar and while no one claimed to fully understand it, it clearly wasn’t friendly: "Your cities shall burn with our vengeful fire" was not what you sent to anyone you liked.

“So Taunolin does anyone have any idea what the message is actually referring to? Could it just be a miss-translation or is this for real?” The Presidente asked his foreign minister at the emergency council session.
“We have no idea Mr Presidente, but we don’t think it was a miss-translation. The Jraenar detonated our relay buoy immediately after the message was sent. I think we have to assume that they knew exactly what they were sending.”
Marks cursed to himself, the last thing Ocelot wanted or was prepared for was any kind of conflict. What had they done to offend the Jraenar? It could be anything he’d have to get Taunolin to pour over every transmission looking for something, but deep down he doubted that they’d ever find out.
“Understood. Admiral how bad is this?”
“Our main problem is lack of information on the enemy, is the planet in Balosnee their homeworld or a colony. While we have only encountered two enemy vessels it would be foolish to assume that they don’t have any more. The Admiralty therefore recommends that Javelin be sent to the Balosnee system to conduct some reconnaissance and try to intercept any attack before it reaches the home system. We would also like the Research Ministry to prioritise weapons research in light of the obvious threat.”
“Very well Admiral get Javelin deployed, Dr Felix have your staff liase with the Admiralty over R&D. In addition I want Hope to start work on a shipyard ahead of any other priority, we may need more ships and I don’t want to be reliant on just one yard. Unless there are any other points, this meeting is adjured.

2400.6
The Pioneer had received her orders, jump into the Praxilla system, conduct a brief scan and survey and then return home for refit. The system showed promise with one oxygen atmosphere world and several rock worlds that were suitable for domed colonies. However while that may have brought a smile to Captain Locke’s face barely a month ago, priorities had changed. Discovering potential colonies was all well and good, but her race was now at war and going exploring in an unarmed ship had lost almost all of its charm. The sooner the Pioneer got back and was refitted for war the better, if the Jraenar wanted a war then she would give it to them!

Captain Delap had the crew running weapons drills all the way through the Cignus system, he didn’t know what he was going to meet but Javelin and her crew would be as ready as he could make them.

2400.7
The second coloniser was launched from the Ocelot shipyard and headed for the Cignus system to establish an outpost nearer the enemy. Whereas the first colony ship had been full of excited adventures looking for a new life, this ship was much more grim faced and determined. The military need a forward base, they were the people to do it. There was nothing more to be said.
The dockyard wasn’t idle for long, almost as soon as the coloniser had cleared its moorings and the camera crews had left workers descended to start work on the second Javelin class corvette.

The Research Guild produced the first results of its labours, the second generation depleted uranium cannon. Although the original first generation had not been included in the proposed design of Javelin it had shown enough promise for development to continue. The naval design bureau instantly began studies to integrate the weapon and compare its combat effectiveness.

Captain Delap ordered the crew to prepare for entry to the warp point, he knew the sensors would be confused for several moments after arrival he wanted everyone ready and prepared to overcome that. All the crew was so focused that the energy spike of the warp point wasn’t noticed until Javelin had already passed the event horizon. Javelin and the Azul corvette passed within less than half a click of each other as they traversed the warp point in opposite directions.
‘How did I miss that!’ Delpa thought to himself the moment the sensors relayed the information to his tactical display.
“Helm, turn us around, full speed pursuit! Commander Jennings sound battle stations, Lieutenant Miller get your birds warmed up and ready to fly.”

Javelin caught up with the Azul two sectors away from the warp point, as the ranged closed Delap order Comms to attempt to hail the Jraenar vessel, because frankly nobody was totally sure if they were at war and Delap had no intention of starting one if they weren’t.
‘Jraenar vessel you are violating Ocelot space. Please turn around and return to your own system.’
“Captain, reply coming through.”
“Put it on.” Captain Delap ordered.
‘It is you who violated and defiled the ancient territory of the Imperium. For this terrible crime you must all be put to fire and the sword!’
“I think we can safely say we’re at war.” Jennings commented.
“Your probably right. PWO time to weapons range?”
Lieutenant Miller was the Javelin's PWO, Primary Weapons Officer and along with the first officer one of the new crew who hadn’t served under Captain Delap on the Pegasus. Right now he was wondering exactly how much difference there was between the endless drills and simulations and a real battle. ‘If you lose a battle you can’t try and do better next time.’ He thought to himself with a grim smile. He forced himself to focus and concentrate on his station.
“Range nineteen clicks, maximum weapons range in 30 seconds.”
“OK Lieutenant open fire at maximum range, Helm the moment he fires turn us around and go to full power.”
Delap, like every member of the bridge crew, had studied the scan data of the Azul and the tentative naval intelligence assessments. It had identified only a single missile tube and ion engines that appeared slightly inferior to the Rolls Royce Isis MkIIs. So he should have a speed advantage but that missile launcher was still a big unknown. Not for much longer Delap thought.

The Hellstorm nuclear tipped anti-ship missile had a range of eight clicks and the two rotary launchers on board the Javelin were capable of sustained rapid fire of one missile every ten seconds. When the Javelin got to maximum range both launchers spit out their missiles and the Javelin sharply turned away and tried to open the range.
“Good work Helm, PWO status of your birds?” Captain Delap asked
“All telemetry good no problems.”
“Captain enemy launch detected, single missile.” Jennings announced
“Get a scan and threat assessment, now.”
“The missile is larger but slower than out Hellstorms. It seems to have a much bigger warhead as well, we definitely don’t want to be on the wrong end of one.”
“Captain the Jraenar ship has outran the Hellstorm’s range. They’re out of fuel.” Miller reported.
“The enemy missile has also burnt out Captain.”
Delap thought furiously, they’d have to close in so that the Azul was inside the Hellstorm’s engagement envelope. But at least the enemy missiles didn't have a range advantage.
“Helm close to within five clicks of the Jraenar vessel then PWO open fire.”

This time both Hellstorm’s managed to catch the Azul, the first hit the engine room dead on, taking out two of the engines with secondary explosions taking out a third engine. The second missile hit the vessel amidships causing massive internal damage. The Azul slowed to 1/3rd speed but didn’t fire.
“Captain I think the Jraenar launcher must have a slower reload time than our rotary launchers, they had a good opportunity to fire but didn’t.”
“It’s a possibility Jennings. Right Helm when Mr Miller is ready to fire close the range and lets finish this.”
As the Javelin came round for a third time the Azul’s missile tube burst into life in one last burst of defiance. While the two Hellstorms homed in on the offending tube, taking it and two more engines out the Javelin had closed in too far and was unable to out run the Jraenar missile.
“Damage report chief!” Captain Delap yelled over the alarms sounding across the bridge.
“We’ve lost two of the engines, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse. The bulkheads absorbed a hell of a lot of the damage” The chief engineer Molby reported.
“Casulaties?”
“We lost five people and a few of my lads are hurt pretty bad but the doctor is on his way. It’s under control. Just make sure you get that bastard!”
“Good work chief and don’t worry we will. Right lets finish this.”
“Captain they have no weapons, shouldn’t we ask for their surrender?” The communications officer asked.
“Why don’t you ask the chief that Mr Popov? Mr Miller open fire when ready.”
The Javelin closed right in on the defenceless Azul and open fired with both tubes, the Hellstorm’s found their targets with lethal accuracy and the Jraenar vessel violently exploded as the main reactor went up leaving little more than floating debris.

When the report and accompanying recording was transmitted back to the Admiralty on Ocelot Admiral Watson came under pressure from some quarters to pull the Javelin back and relieve Captain Delap. Not from anyone in the Ministry of Defence or the Admiralty, but several other goverment figures had mentioned it. It was true that he could have asked for their surrender, but then the Jraenar could also have signalled offering to surrender. And Delap had just lost five men, not counting the two engine hands who didn’t survive their injuries. Hell Watson himself might have done just what Delap did, still he would probably have to run this pass the Presidente as this incident could get all political.

It was only the Presidente, vice Presidente Mary Sheldon and Admiral Andrew Watson for the private briefing on “The Battle of Cignus” as it had started to become referred to. At the end Admiral Watson mentioned the disquiet in some quarters at Captain Delap’s actions.
“Let me get this straight, their problem is that Delap didn’t ask for a surrender from an enemy that declared war on us just for entering their system, had vowed to put our entire species to the sword and had just fired at his ship killing several of his crew?”
“Well when you put it that way…”
“It sounds as ridiculous as it is Andy. Frankly I think Delap deserves a medal but that is a matter for the Admiralty and the Ministry of Defence isn’t it?”
Sheldon sighed to herself, sometimes her boss could be so unsubtle it was ridiculous. Still he had managed to get the job in the first place and she still had no idea how he had pulled it off, so probably best not to underestimate him.
“Anyway Admiral what are the current orders for the Javelin?”
“She went back through the warp point to get a full scan of the system, we doubted we could make the Jraenar more angry with us than they already are, and she’s currently headed back to Ocelot for repairs to her engines.”
“What did the scans reveal” Sheldon asked
“That the Jraenar have colonised another planet and that a second Azul was cruising the system. In light of the Javelin’s damage Captain Delap decided not to engage it.”
“Very good Admiral. I think that covers it all, see you at the next council meeting if not before.” Presidente Marks closed the meeting.

2400.8
This was getting ridiculous Vickers thought to herself, she’d been all prepared to take the Pegasus out as her repairs were almost finished, then at the last minute the Admiralty had pushed her up to Captain and given her the Lively fresh from the yard. Her old ship, and she supposed her first command despite never having commanded it, was instead being given to Commander Stensgaard. Not that Vickers was complaining, the Pegasus was being sent to explore the 3rd in system warp point while Lively was going to the newly established Oberon colony in the Cignus system. Until the colonists got those weapons platforms up the colony was defenceless.

“Not what I expected Reggy I’ll be honest,”
“Those damned dinos are just one warp point away so I’m not complaining!”
Such conversations were common across Oberon, the colonists had expected to be building a re-supply facility and then start work on a shipyard, instead at the last minute they had been sent plans for the ‘Rapier MkI’ weapons platform. Boasting two large bore 2nd generation DUCs, a Hellstorm rotary missile launcher and a ‘Goalkeeper’ point defence system the two platforms under construction would hopefully protect the colony if there were no friendly ships in the system.

Back on Ocelot the shipyards started work on another coloniser, it was clear that the Republic would need additional sources of material to continue to grow, mining, refining and farming colonies would all be needed.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Well I guess people are reading it, the number of views keeps going up. Anyway time to bump it back to the front page with the next part:

“If ignorance is bliss I must be ecstatic” - Alice
2401.0
The month started with Ocelot launching the third coloniser, this one headed for the second oxygen planet in the Styris system. With the shipyard on Hope also completed Styris would soon be of greater importance to the Republic than many provinces on Ocelot.

"El Presidente we've just received a message from the Jraenar."
"Well Taunolin what does it say" Marks seriously doubted it was good news, but hoped otherwise.
"'You must immediately remove all your ships from the Cignus system' it came from a burst transmission through the warp point." Taunolin's voice was flat, during all council meetings he had been one of the leading 'Doves', stridently stating that any aliens they encountered would undoubtedly be friendly. Marks was impressed he'd held together so well after being proved so comprehensively wrong.
"Have the Admiralty and Ministry of Defence been informed?"
"Yes Presidente, they've put the Oberon defence force on high alert and ordered the Lively to the warp point to intercept any attack."
"Good work Taunolin, we'll have to discuss this at the next council meeting. See you there" Marks ended the call and leaned back. 'Have we got them scared?' he though to himself. 'Or is it a threat or a bluff to draw our forces away.' And that's what it all came back to; no-one really understood how the Jraenar thought, perhaps it was a great dishonour not to give the enemy a chance to run away, or perhaps they were stupid enough to telegraph their attacks.

In orbit of Ocelot Pioneer was crashed through her refit and despatched immediately to the Cignus system to back up Lively. Commander Wilkinson would have preferred a shakedown cruise before deploying, especially for his first ever command, but he fully understood that when you're at war a few corners have to be cut. As she left the system Pioneer passed Javelin heading the other direction for repair and re-supply at Ocelot. 'If I can do half as well as Delap has, that'll do me' Wilkinson thought to himself as he approached the warp point.

Pegasus reported back to Ocelot that the Paradas system contained no oxygen world, but several rock worlds and two more warp points. The Admiralty order commander Stensgaard to head back to Gamma and transit the remaining unexplored warp point. The Ocelot shipyards were ordered to start work on the next colonisation vessel, which was expected to be finished within the month, thanks to an improved design.

"Captain enemy craft just emerging from the warp point!" de Valio yelled at his captain
"Helm lay in an intercept course, full speed. Time to intercept?"
"27 hours captain, assuming no change in enemy course or speed." Her first officer de Valio replied.
"Threat assessment?"
"Seems to be an Azul class identical to the one engaged by Javelin captain, but detailed scanning is impossible at this range." The sensor officer called out.
"Then lets get closer and find out."

As the two ships closed the Lively's sensors confirmed that the Jraenar vessel was indeed an identical Azul class. Both ships raced towards missile range, but Lively got her shot off first before turning to try and open the range. This forced the Azul to enter the Hellstorm's no escape envelope in order to get her missiles away and despite her crews best efforts both missiles homed in and struck the Jraenar vessel, one in the stern destroying two engines while the other doing severe damage to the mid-section.
"She's down to 2/3rds speed Captain." de Valio reported
"PWO try and target her weapons with the next volley."
The second volley from Lively did indeed hit the Azul in the weapons section taking out her missile tube and inflicting heavy damage around her crew section.
"Good shooting PWO! Well orders are orders so let's see if they want to surrender. Comms send the message"
Vickers wasn't entirely happy about this, for starters she had no way of securing the enemy vessel and no spare personnel to guard any prisoners if the Azul did surrender. 'And spending the entire journey back to Ocelot having to watch for any sign of treachery is not top of my wish list.'
Luckily, from Vicker's point of view anyway, the Jraenar vessel didn't respond.
"That's a relief." Vickers commented. "Let's finish this."
"Yes captain."
Lively then closed in for the kill with her last Hellstorms fracturing the hull into sections with secondary explosions reducing those into even smaller pieces.

Presidente Marks and Admiral Watson were in the situation room watching the relayed reports from the battle. When the Azul was disarmed both men visibly sagged with relief as the tension flowed out. When the Jraenar vessel didn't respond to the call for surrender the Admiral turned and started to speak
"It's what we expected and it'll probably help take some of the flack of Captain Delap."
"Still I think it’s a bad sign. If an individual ship in a hopeless position won't talk to us then what chance of any negotiations? I think we're in this war for the long haul." His Presidente answered.

2401.1
The month was only a few days old when Pegasus reported that she had found two new oxygen worlds in the Benthan system, thus complicating the plans for the newly launched colony ship. Did she head for those tempting planets two system or play safe and set-up a domed colony in the home system. Finally the Presidente himself intervened and ordered that the safer option be taken. Until there had been adequate exploration in that direction no colonists were to be risked on the frontiers. With that issue decided Commander Stensgaard set course back to Ocelot to refill his depleted supply tanks.

The third colony of the Republic was founded in the second week of the month, Crofty was the first mining colony and the first task of the colonists, after getting over their hangovers, was to start work on a radioactive material refinery.

Lively re-entered the Balosnee system and reported that the Jraenar had build a second space station in addition to another colony ship and a vessel of unknown configuration, but seemingly unarmed. Captain Vickers was order to proceed with maximum caution and attempt a better identification of these vessels. Pioneer was order to follow Lively through the warp point then investigation beyond the other warp points to try and determine the extent of the Jraenar Imperium.

Back on Ocelot Captain Locke's work at trials command was nearing completion. The design of the Falcon class was complete and ready for submission to the council for approval. Hopefully it would be approved and be commissioned within the month.

2401.2
ORS Falcon, while based on the same hull as the Javelin class was radically different in her weapon load out. One of her missile tubes had been removed and replaced with a modified 'Goalkeeper' point defence system from the Rapier platform. Fitting a 'Goalkeeper' to the Javelin had been considered, but had been stopped by two problems. Firstly the weapons technology of the Jraenar wasn't known, if they had used projectile weapons their was no point having point defence and secondly the system had been designed to fire from a stationary or slow moving platform. In space speed wasn't life but it was very important, so slowing down in the face of enemy missiles wasn't an option. However trials command had convinced the Admiralty that this problem had been fixed and so the Presidente had authorised construction, on the condition that Captain Locke captained her. In his words
"You say it'll work perfectly, so it's only fair you're onboard if it doesn't. Good luck captain."
So with those words still ringing in her Captain's ears, Falcon headed for Oberon as a staging point to Balosnee and the Jraenar.

The mining colony on Medford was also founded that month, but wouldn't be able to ship anything out until the Hope space port was completed which was scheduled to take almost three months. Still that was no excuse not to work so construction of the first phase of the mining project started.

With almost impeccable timing the Ministry of Research announced that the project to upgrade the Hellstorm missile had been completed barely days after the Falcon left orbit. The Hellstorm Mod 2 had a 25% more destructive warhead and an extended range out to 10 clicks. The new missile launchers were integrated into all existing ship designs.

'Things are just going from bad to worse.' Captain Vickers thought to herself. The Jraenar had just launched two 200kT class ships within a week and a second coloniser had been launched only a couple of days later. 'If they come after me before Javelin arrives…" She rapidly stopped that thought and focused on the colony ship she had been ordered to pursue. The council had decided, after a very stormy debate, that enemy colony ships were fair game, provided they got a chance to surrender.
"Course and threat confirmation." She asked.
"It's confirmed captain she's unarmed and on a collision course with us." de Valio answered.
"Very well if they want to die lets make sure they don't take us with them. PWO open fire, helm keep us well away but within missile range."
During the following slaughter Vickers felt sick to her stomach, what kind of captain would try a suicidal ramming attack on a warship in a ship full of civilians? The battle may have been efficient and one sided but it wasn't quick, a 300kT ship takes a lot of missiles before it goes up and Lively expended a large amount of her magazine before the ship died. So much that Vickers asked the Admiralty if she could return to Oberon for re-supply, the request was granted and with considerable relief Vickers turned to leave the system.

2401.3
Development of off world resources continued throughout the month and the latest coloniser set course for the final coloniseable planet in the Ocelot system.

Pioneer discovered that the Gorn system adjacent to the Jraenar home system not only contained no enemy presence but also two oxygen atmosphere planets, as such it could be important in any future expansion plans. However with more than half her supplies expended Commander Wilkinson order the crew to set course for Oberon and a re-supply rather than explore further.

Javelin entered the Balosnee system in the middle of the month and got a nasty surprise to find a third 200kT vessel in orbit of the Jraenar home world. The Admiralty order Captain Delap to pull back and rendezvous with the Falcon. The two vessels were then to operate together, with Delap as senior officer. 'It'll be nice to meet Julia again, but even together we'll still be out numbered and out massed. This could get interesting.' Delap thought to himself

2401.4
Unlike the colonists of the other domed worlds, on Gobi the dome may well have been fitted even if the atmosphere was breathable. Gobi was the driest most arid world in the system and the dome structure had to be specially adapted to cope with the extreme temperatures. Still the vast mineral wealth beneath the planet's surface would make it all worth while or so Jamie Bell kept telling himself. He'd joined an off-world mining company as a chance to see the other planets for free, now he was realising what the price was. Gobi would become a prosperous place to live, but not until the mines were in full production and that was going to be months of hard work.

For the admiralty it was a quiet month with Pegasus returning to Ocelot for refit with Hellstorm Mod 2s, while Lively's crew managed barely one ten hour pass down to Oberon before their ship left orbit straight back to the frontline. Javelin and Falcon met up in the Cignus system and jointly proceeded through the warp point to find the three Jraenar ships operating together away from the planet. Naval intelligence had code named them the Bolivar class and they were completely in the dark as to capabilities or weaponry. Delap was ordered to hold position and wait for Lively to arrive, she would be followed by Sword the first of the Batch 2 Javelin's with the new Mod 2 Hellstorms. However he was ordered to engage any targets of opportunity without exposing his force to needless risk.

2401.5
Despite the situation on the Jraenar front the Presidente had personally ordered that the shipyards produce a colony ship, which was despatched to the Cignus system to set-up a research compound. The technology edge the Jraenar seemed to possess had to be cut back, so the Ministry of Research had been ordered to start its first colonial facility.

Despite the arrival of Lively Captain Delap knew that he was in trouble, while the numbers may still be equal those Jraenar ships were still 50kT each larger. All he could do was wait for Sword with her newer missiles to alive and hopefully give him an edge. Sword was still some two weeks away but when she arrived Delap had decided to go on the offensive, assuming he was still alive.

Hope colony had completed the Styris system spaceport and the merchant ships had started establishing convoy routes between the systems. The shipyards of Ocelot started on a new Javelin Batch 2 while the Hope colony laid down the hull of Pegasus Batch 4 as it could be completed in less than a month.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

AIs NEVER take non-aggression as a first treaty unless you're signing it in wartime. To get the AI to accept a treaty propose a Trade treaty, they'll probably agree to that most of the time.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Oh I knew that, I just couldn't see it working for the story. If you think about it, they've just discovered that they aren't alone in the universe and that the aliens are very nearby. Oh and the aliens are 6ft tall agressive dinosaurs. I couldn't see El Presidente asking for a trade agreement before a non-agression pact, it just didn't seem right.

Plus stories are always more exciting when your fighting someone http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...es/biggrin.gif

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Which mod are you using? I mean, you MUST be using a mod, if you say they removed a Hellstorm missile (thought that was Capital Ship Missile at first) and replace it with one point defence cannon, so you'd replace a 50kT missile with a 20kT PDC. Also, you state the Jraenar missiles are slower and shorter ranged, which doesn't fit with stock CSMs.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Uhhh my own mod of great mystery. Essentially any idea I saw from other mods (ultimate ship size, the repairing crew quarters from ST 1.75 and loads of others), a selection of my own ideas (mounted rail guns, chain guns and fleet tankers) and the guts of the TDM AI tweaked to use the new weapons I chucked in. It all seems to work in the test games as the AI was designing and building all the ships, but how it actually works, well fingers crossed.

Anyway CSMs were kept the same but I added a seperate missile family, 30kT launcher, faster but less damage resistance and does less damage. So a 20kT PDC and a 10kT supply pod take the place of a 30kT launcher.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

HA, I thought you we're ussing Devnull....... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/frown.gif

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Could you post that mod here? I'd be interested.

<font color="red">WARNING:</font> If you do there will likely be parts of your mod showing up in Capship.....

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Well.. Frankly I'd be surprised if it did, I'm not entirely convinced its balanced and there's not really any big changes, a few new weapson and ship sizes and some odds and ends.

But if anyone would like a look I should be able to post it tommorow (no internet where I'm staying so I can't do it today.)

And hopefully I should be posting the next part sometime today.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

As (sort of) promised the next chapter!

"I've heard self-reliance is a virtue. Now you've heard it." The Cheshire Cat
2401.6
Captain Delap breathed a sigh of relief, the tactical display showed the Jraenar ships heading back to the planet. He just hoped they'd keep on that course, or anywhere away from him, until his reinforcements arrived.

Despite the war effort it had been decided that exploration should continue, even if at a reduced pace, so the Batch 4 Pegasus class Loki was sent from Hope to transit the final unexplored warp point in the Styris system. The Admiralty had convinced the council that additional ships were needed to join Javelin's squadron so Hades was despatched the moment she finished her shakedown run.

Sword transited the warp point with big news for Captain Delap, as all four ships were to work together they were now part of Task Force One, under Delap's command.
‘Working together watching a superior force sit in orbit around their home planet,’ Delap thought ‘I think we can probably manage that. It’s the not getting killed part that may be tricky.’

Back in Cignus the colony ship set down and the colonists disembarked and founded Helix. There was little time for celebration however as constructing a spaceport was a high priority, so after a big party on the first night the work started first thing the next day. Of course it didn't start quickly for some people who'd enjoyed the party too much…
In orbit Pioneer was ordered back to Ocelot for refit with the new Hellstorm Mod 2s, while the shipyards began work on the first transport ship. El Presidente and the council had decided those not only was Ocelot getting over crowded but that additional population on the colonies could only make them more productive and so help the war effort. So the yards began work on the first Rover class transport.

2401.7
This was not how it was supposed to turn out Commander Linton thought to herself. Loki should have found an exciting system teeming with lost alien cities and amazing stellar phenomenon. Failing that a couple of large oxygen worlds would have done. Instead they’d found a large asteroid belt in the Bersallis system and no warp points. In short a useless dead end. When the scans were complete she’d set course back for a refuel and then maybe find something exciting in the next system.

While Linton may have been disappointed it was but nothing compared to Commander Bell’s annoyance. ‘Report to the shipyard for induction and preparation for your new command.’ Yeah and if they’d told me it was a damn transport ship I might just of not turned up. Still Gold Rover was his new command so he’d better do a good job and hope for a promotion.
“Helm set a course for Oberon. Lets gets these damn colonists on their way.”
‘You never know some of these guys could end up working on the new shipyard there that builds my next ship.’ Bell thought.

Task Force One was not a happy place if your happened to be from the sensor section or had just come off night watch. ‘Captain Delap’s on a rampage.’ was the word going around all the ships in the task force and that didn’t cover half of it.
“How do you lose three enemy frigates? I mean that’s over half a million tonnes of metal it’s not like its hard to miss!”
“Well captain they must have found the gaps in our sensor coverage and slipped out through the unexplored warp point, it’s impossible for them to have got through the other warp point in the time they had.” Lively's sensor officer answered. He had been on watch when Lively had stood turn as lead sensor ship, so it had fallen to him to explain.
“But we don’t have that on sensor do we?” Delap retored instantly
“No sir, but it is the only plausible explanation.”
Delap forced himself not to shout back at the Lieutenant. Yelling his throat raw, while it would cheer him up, was counter productive and wasn’t going to help morale on any of the ships. He was the task force leader, time to lead.
“That is true. I want all sensors crews on all vessels running constant drills, we are not going to be caught out like this again am I making myself clear?”
“Yes sir.”
“How long until Pegasus arrives?”
“Four hours, according to their last transmission.” Jennings answered.
“Close enough. We have orders to engage targets of opportunity and I think that Bolivar and transport in orbit fits the criteria. I want Javelin and Falcon ready to leave within the hour, in our absence Captain Vickers is taking command of the task force.”

As the two Ocelot vessels closed in on the Jraenar home planet it became clear this would be easier than they thought, the space stations were unarmed shipyards and the transport vessel was running as fast as it could.
‘At least the transport’s captain isn’t as suicidal as that colony ship Vickers told me about.’ Delap thought. Try as he might he couldn’t, or perhaps didn’t, want to understand that sort of mentality.
“Sensors do you have a fix on that Bolivar yet?” he asked
“Faint, but we’re reading two missile launchers with slightly different configuration than an Azul and different energy emission patterns.”
“Threat assessment.”
“She’s seems slightly more manoeuvrable than an Azul but not faster, unless she’s holding back. The missile tubes are an unknown, at least as good probably better than an Azuls.”
“Have you passed the good news to Falcon?”
“Yes sir and they confirm our reading and assessment.”
“OK close to maximum range then open fire”

Both ships crew’s were well drilled and Javelin's crew had been in combat with Jraeanar before, they were trained, prepared and composed, right up until:
"Missile launch!” Jennings announced to the bridge
“What? We’re still 10 clicks out.” Delap replied
“Confirmed two inbound missiles.”
Delap went with his first instinct.
“Split and run, let’s find out how much legs these missiles really have.”

As Javelin and Falcon turned and went to full power they soon found out that the Bolivar’s captain had launched at maximum range as the missiles burned out at ten clicks. ‘That was lucky, that Captain shot his bolt too early. If he’d held his fire we’d have assumed they were standard eight clickers and might have got caught. Doesn’t solve our problem though, how do we get close enough to launch without being hit ourselves?’ Delap thought. ‘Wait a minute..’
”Mr Miller what were targets of those missiles?”
”Both missiles were targeted at Falcon sir.”
“So either he didn’t or couldn’t spit his fire. That’s our way in. Turn us around and get me Falcon on comms.”

“I can’t see any other way, it’s our only chance Julia. Unless you’re really sure that Goalkeeper of yours can take out two missiles before they hit”
“It’s untested and I don’t think this is the best way to test it. I can’t see any better plan and you are officer commanding. Let’s do this and hope you're right”

Both ships entered range of the Bolivar which again opened fire with two missiles at Falcon which turned to run, but Javelin kept on going to close the range.
“We’re on limited time here PWO, we should have time for two volleys before they return fire, but it’ll be tight. Nothing fancy just take the best solution you can and get reloading.”
”Aye sir.”
'If they've improved the reload time on that ship we are in trouble.' Lieutenant Miller thought to himself. ‘The Captain was right about them not splitting their fire, he’ll be right about this. And if I say it enough times I might even believe myself’


The first volley was outrun, but the manoeuvrings cost the Bolivar time and speed so the second volley homed in with deadly precision. The Hellstorms hit the middle of the drive assembly knocking the Bolivar down to 2/3rds speed and doing massive secondary damage, but not before the Bolivar managed to get two missiles away on Javelin. While Javelin ran, Falcon, having outran her missiles, closed the distance and engaged with her single tube. The first took out one of the Bolivar’s launchers and heavily damaged the other while the second volley destroyed the bridge and the remaining tube.

“She’s dead in the water Julia, do you want to finish her or get that transport.” Delap asked
“I’ll take the Bolivar” Locke replied slowly
“OK, after you’ve done that start on those shipyards. Delap out”
The victorious euphoria Locke had been feeling had all evaporated during that brief exchange. ‘How can that be the same Michael Delap I knew back on Ocelot? Calmly talking about destroying a ship full of civilians.’ ‘What had happened to him?’ She asked herself.

The transport never stood a chance, neither did the orbital shipyards. However after watching the fate of her sister yard, and being on the receiving end of a full Hellstorm barrage, the commander of the remaining yard asked for a ceasefire so he could evacuate the civilian contractors onboard. After a quick discussion it was agreed, but any hostile action would result in instant retribution.

The battle had been a nasty shock to all in the Admiralty and the Ministry of Defence, it was clear that ship for ship any vessel with Mod 1 Hellstorms would be outclassed. With that in mind the shipyards were ordered to crash research on 200kT vessels and Lively was pulled back to the Oberon yards for refit.

2401.8
News of Captain Delap’s victory raised morale throughout the fleet, well almost all the fleet. For Commander Linton it just emphasised how far from the action Loki actually was and for Commander Bell… Suffice to say the entire crew kept well clear of him for a few days.

The latest colonisation vessel set course for Styris, while Pioneer having finished her refit headed for Oberon as a staging point to the frontline where she would join the blockade.

‘Well at least we’ll know for next time’ Locke thought. While it was true the Jraenar had indeed evacuated the station, they had also filled the damaged station with demolition charges and detonated them the moment the last shuttle cleared. ‘Saves us the missiles I suppose.’
“Enemy vessel being launched from the planet, erratic power fluctuations from the engines, I think they rushed it just for us.”
‘Which we’ll probably need now’ Locke thought to herself with a grin
“Javelin on the comm link.”
“Put it through” Locke ordered.
“Same plan as last time, no need to risk being fancy let’s keep it simple.” Delap didn’t beat around the bush.

The Jraenar vessel, despite knowing the fate of the last Bolivar again fired both her missiles at one target, confirming that Jraenar launchers couldn’t cope with multiple independent targets. The combat was swift and efficient, although Captain Locke did take a chance on live fire testing Goalkeeper on am enemy missile. The results weren’t positive, yes it could track and hit Jraenar missiles, unfortunately it took two sustained bursts to destroy them.

Back on Ocelot the Admiralty was pleased with the way things were progressing, the Jraenar home world was blockaded and a significant amount of their ship building infrastructure had been knocked out. The only fly in the ointment was the relatively poor performance of the Goalkeeper system in its field trial, something for the R&amp;D boys to work on, if they ever got a chance in between all their other work.
Admiral Watson however was thinking about a bigger problem, the Jraenar colony or colonies. The only plan they had for dealing with them was either forcing them to surrender, but he held little hope that would work judging by their ship captains or destroying them from orbit, which he was certain would work but had little appetite for. ‘There had to be another way’ he thought ‘and perhaps there was.’
“Get me General Kirkland on the line.”

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

So as requested the wonderfully named 'Epp' Mod as used in this story.

Just to check the views keep going up but I haven't had any comments about the actual story. People seem to be reading it but is it just out of morbid curiosity? No-one can quite believe how bad it is?

As for why it's named Epp, well I have no idea. There may have been a reason but that was long ago lost in the mists of time and alcohol. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

The next part! Now with added plot and additional back story.

2401.9
The Javelin Batch 2s continued to enter the fleet at a rapid rate with both Grafton and Saintes launched and sent to the frontline. The yards were then given an unexpected break, the final work on 200kT sized hulls had been complete, but the new designs hadn’t been approved for construction.

"So Admiral how do your designers plan to use the extra space on the new ship hulls?" Presidente Marks asked
"We have encountered one major design problem, we can only fit three Hellstorm launchers on board, but that leaves significant spare space in the hull. So we decided to go radical, the R&amp;D boffins have used the sensor scans we’ve gathered along with a bit of ingenuity to reverse engineer our version of the Jraenar heavy missiles. We've designated them the Brimstone class and they pack 50% more warhead than a Hellstorm."
"Any disadvantages?"
"They won't fit on standard rotary launchers, they need a special launcher almost double the size. This means we can fit a twin Hellstorm launcher and a Brimstone tube into these new hull sizes as opposed to three Hellstorm tubes. The designers think, and I agree, that the advantage of having a heavy hitting missile as an option for the captain in addition to the faster Hellstorms will be invaluable."
"Well I don't see any problems with that Admiral, however your other proposal… It's not going to be popular on the council."
"With respect I only need your approval, not that of the council." Admiral Watson replied, carefully avoiding meeting his Presidente's eyes.
"If I have to force it I will, but there's no point unnecessarily aggravating people. Usually."

In Balosnee Captain Delap, with the Admiralty’s agreement, ordered a re-deployment. He would take Javelin to Balosnee VI to recon the planet and attack the colony ship the Jraenar had launched just days ago, while Pegasus would take Javelin’s place in Task Force One. While it was a risk sending Javelin out on her own, it was felt to be worth it to prevent yet another colony being founded.

As expected the proposal for the Leander class frigate passed the council with minimal comment and orders were issued for the Oberon shipyard to lay down the first hull. The Ocelot yard was ordered to start on a Coloniser. With the war going well and the economy stable with no deficits the council seemed to be ending on a good note, however Admiral Watson had not yet made his main proposal
"As you all are aware the fleet has made great progress repelling Jraenar aggression and taking the war to the enemies home systems. However this success has left us with a problem: What to do with the Jraenar colonies. We cannot leave them, as they will contribute to the Jraenar economy and so war effort, indeed we have confirmation that at least one has shipyard capabilities. We don't have the fleet strength to blockade every colony so that leaves us a stark choice: Capture them or destroy them from orbit. I have no intention of ordering the mass murder of civilians, regardless of species, so my staff, working with the Ministry of Defence, has worked out a plan to capture the Jraenar colonies. I would like General Kirkland to continue as this will be as much an army operation as navy."
"Thank you Admiral. Conducting a planetary assault is unlike any problem the Ocelot Army has ever had to face, even opposed beach landings do not come close. As such the ideal solution would be specially trained and equipped units formed specifically for the mission. However time constraints rule this out, our best case estimates have such a unit taking a year to be equipped and trained, assuming no problems in developing orbital assault craft, which is probably unduly optimistic."
Heads around the table turned to Dr Felix who nodded his agreement. Developing from scratch not only a new form of warfare but a new type of craft would inevitably encounter delays and difficulties.
"Therefore the best option we have is to use an existing army unit, deployed by modified ship to surface shuttles from an orbiting transport. With this in mind we would request that the Gold Rover be re-assigned to military duty and that we start work on converting the shuttles immediately." General Kirkland finished
It was vice Presidente Sheldon who asked the question that was buzzing around
"Which army unit or units are you proposing to use?"
"The unit chosen will have to be familiar with the latest generation of powered personal armour and at full operational readiness. Ideally they would also have just completed a full scale exercise to sharpen their skills. With these parameters there is only one choice of unit and we're confident we have made the right choice." Kirkland responded
"And that unit is?" Taunolin bristled
Admiral Watson stared straight ahead and in a flat voice said
"The 3rd Wessex Regiment."
The chill in the room was sudden, several members of the council snapped their heads round to glare at the Admiral.
"Very impressive, I can see you put a great deal of work into this. If there are no objections I think you should get straight onto this." Marks broke the silence in the room
"El Presidente I can't believe.." The trade minister tried to break in
"Can't believe what? If you think you know more than our two most senior and experienced military commanders then I think we could all benefit from your insights." Marks made 'insights' sound like it was a particularly nasty disease.
"Nothing El Presidente."
"Excellent, it's agreed then. A very productive meeting ladies and gentlemen."

As the meeting wound down Sheldon walked over to Marks.
"What on earth was all that about, when the Admiral mention the unit I thought some of the council were going to kill him!"
"Well it goes back a couple of years to how I got this job in the first place."
Sheldon's heart jumped. So it involved about how Marks' became Presidente. It had been bothering her since… well it had happened.
"It is however a long story, get these orders all implemented and I'll tell you this evening."

Javelin closed in on Balosnee VI and the Jraenar colony ship in orbit. Despite Popov's best efforts the Jraenar captain refused to surrender, indeed he tried to ram the Javelin. Not that Captain Delap minded, civilian or military, it didn't matter he just wanted to kill some Jraenar and so Javelin did, with ruthless precision.

"The council's problem with the 3rd Wessex goes right back to the last big army re-organisation under my father. Essentially the Wessex has always had it's own particular oath, not to council, parliament or even the office of El Presidente. Their oath is to the people of Ocelots and the values and traditions of the Regiment, which when you think about it is a hell of a loophole. However a posting to the Wessex is one of the prime assignments in the military so trying to get it changed would mean facing down most of the General Staff, most of them have served in or with the 3rd."
Marks explained
"That doesn’t explain the reaction today." Sheldon replied
"True, but the fact that they backed my bid to replace my father and that several members of the council backed other candidates does."
Sheldon was shell-shocked. Why had this most elite of military units backed a non-military man for the Presidency when Admiral Bosnitch had been in the running. Navy army rivalry couldn't be that bad could it?
"With the greatest respect, why did they back you not Bosnitch?"
"Admiral Bosnitch was a political creature, not a military man. Most of his career was out in logistics, administration or other desk jobs. More than that he was a reckless loose cannon on his few actual commands. A man like that heading the entire military? That terrified most of the armed forces." Marks replied with a smile
"But what about the Breves rebellion? He was a hero!" Sheldon retorted
"To the public maybe, but to the forces. They knew the real story, not the spin put on it by Bosnitch after the event. Breves started as little more than a few farmers annoyed that the local council hadn't installed a much promised irrigation system, then a drought hit and things escalated. The farmers went in force to the council hall, the local police tried to stop them but they forced their way inside to confront the councillors. One thing lead to another and suddenly it's become a hostage situation as some of the farmers had brought along their shotguns. What was needed was a police perimeter and a negotiator to talk them down and get a solution, unfortunately what Breves got was vice-Admiral Bosnitch who was commander of the local sector. Seeing a chance to get some publicity and make a name for himself he took two marine battalions and air support down to the town hall, for a bunch of annoyed farmers! But to give Bosnitch his credit he did spin it well, rebels threatening the rule of law, military coming to the aid of overrun civil authority all that jazz. Very well done, so well that my father was forced to promote him up to full Admiral just to keep a closer eye on him and keep him out of trouble."
"What?! If what you say is true then he should have been in front of a court martial or something." Sheldon exploded
"Ahh but to do that would mean admitting that the Ministry of Defence, and by extension El Presidente, didn't have full control of the military. As a way to spread panic and alarm admitting that military units can do whatever they want free of government control is fairly high up the list."
"But Bosnitch could do whatever he wanted, you just told me as much!"
Marks sighed, he'd had high hopes for Sheldon. Then sometimes he wondered if she'd learnt anything.
"There's an old saying 'The truth should be heard on all occasions, but spoken as events dictate'. Does that make things any clearer?"
Enlightenment spread across Sheldon's face. Then just as suddenly was replaced by confusion.
"So I can see why the military wouldn't back Bosnitch, but why you not vice-Presidente Rogers?"
"Rogers had been against the space programme as a waste of resources and wanted the army cut back as there were no threats to justify it's existence. My father had kept him in check, indeed he was the main force behind the space programme and the increases in the defence budget. That breads a lot of loyalty, so as he'd named me as his successor the forces supported me."
"But how did you beat Rogers?" Sheldon asked
"That is a story for another time." Marks replied with a grin

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Right here's a question: Is anyone reading this and/or enjoying it?

Just wondering if I should continue posting the next parts of the story here or not, which should be around tomorrow. Assuming nothing jumps out and buggers the schedule.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Please, go on! It's a good read!

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Yes, I agree. Have not posted on this thread but am reading all and am enjoying it.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Good story, I'm enjoying it

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Same here. Reading and enjoying. Good story.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Are you willing to accept a (very!) thorough critique?

Please keep in mind that I work to a high level, such as shown here:

http://www.rpgforums.net/forumdisplay.php?f=8

And if you're wondering, should I post a story, I *DEMAND* similar treatment -- I don't just do it to others.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

I'd like to thank everyone who's posted and I'm really happy your all enjoying it. Since I started this I've gotten a much better idea about how important praise is to a writer. I delayed replying until I could thank you all in the best way, with the next chapter!


"Do you wish to see the world? Go to the airport - or the optician." - LAT
2402.0
Jamie Bell wasn't a happy man. In fact Jamie was seriously considering a complete change of life after six months on Gobi. The mining complex was complete, from the vast polymetallic block caving operations on the northern continent to the deep level precious metal mines where he worked and Gobi should have become a bustling exciting place to live. Which it had, up to a point. Sure Gobi was exciting, but it was a repetitive excitement. Saturday nights here were some of the wildest in the Republic, but nothing new ever happened. Same people, same pubs, same cycle: work your shift pattern, get really drunk any chance you got and chase after the waitresses at the bar. No changes, nothing new, no challenges. 'Time to face facts Jamie boy, you need a change of scene and a change of career' he thought to himself.

The scientists on Hope lived a life opposite to the miners on Gobi, here it was all new and all mental not physical. The latest fruits of their labour was the 3rd Generation of Depleted Uranium Cannon, the first weapon system to developed on a colony. This latest incarnation had the design bureau really interested, sure the range was still short compared to missiles, but the damage was comparable to the original Hellstorms and the rate of fire was impressive. There was definite potential there.

If Jamie had been tempted by the life of a researcher he could have done worse than head out to the Styris system and head for the Haven or Camden colonies. Those worlds, the two newest, were both founded as research colonies, with Haven attracting those of a biological bent with its abundant local life forms. Jamie's bosses however would have liked him to go to Camden, as a miner not a researcher though. Camden was almost as rich as Gobi in mineral resources, but El Presidente had decreed that with the large mineral surplus research to catch the Jraenar's lead was more important than mining. However Jamie had choosen neither of these.

Captain Vickers looked over her ship. 'Looks pretty similar, still looks are decieving.' Lively had finished her refit and now sported the latest Hellstorm Mod 1 missiles. Vickers reflected on the status of the war, it had kind of stalled with no enemy ships to attack, not that Vickers was complaining. The last thing she wanted was to be ordered to attack the Jraenar colonies from orbit when she returned to the front, although she feared it might come to that unless something changed.

Whilst Vickers was worrying over the future, Sword was taking a step into the future. Not that her Captain was entirely happy with that. Captain Collins had so far always been operating under orders, either from the Admiralty or from Captain Delap, commander of Task Force One. Now he was being sent to 'Explore the next warp point and assess any enemy force concentrations or colonies. Engage any targets of opportunity without endangering your ship.' Collins wasn't happy with his orders on many levels. For starters being on his own when transiting the warp point wasn't exactly comforting, as there were still three Jraenar frigates unaccounted for in that system. Then there was the mystery of how to engage a target without endangering his ship, as even Jraenar colony ships tried to ram ships then surely attacking them was endangering his ship as they might succeed. Collins forced the thoughts from his mind, they were about to transit the warp point and he had to stay focused.

The Ministry of Defence decided to take a risk and authorise the construction of the second Leander class, even though the first had not been completed. It was felt that the risk was minimal, given that the design was an evolution not a revolution. Thus the Hope yards started work on that project while Ocelot worked on a new transport to replace Gold Rover which was being transferred to troop transport, even if her commander didn’t know it yet.

"Sensors coming back online, nothing within four sectors, five, six.. Enemy contact at seven sectors, matches the pattern of a Bolivar class." Lieutenant Harding reported from the sensor suite
"Any additional contacts out there?"
"Yes captain, I'm reading two inhabited planets and a Jraenar colony ship in orbit of the eighth planet. It appears to be on final approach for a landing, I’d say she's colonising that planet."
"Has the Bolivar reacted yet?" Captain Collins asked
"A slight peak in energy readings but she hasn’t moved yet."
"Can we intercept the colony ship before she colonises the planet?"
"No sir, we're several days away even at constant full power." His first officer replied promptly after checking the numbers
"So she's off limits then." Collins wondered at the fine distinction the Admiralty had drawn, colonies weren't to be attacked but colony ships were fair game. 'If this war starts going badly that'll be the first rule of engagement to get changed.' He thought.

2402.1
Commander Mark Eaden was a lucky guy and he knew it. By rights Leander should have been given to the most senior operational officer in the fleet, but there was a war on so there was no time to wait for Captain Delap to get back from the front. So Javelin remained as the formal fleet flagship and technically Leander was just on a transfer mission with Eaden as temporary commander. But as Eaden knew temporary commands had a way of becoming permanent if something came up.

Commander Linton was also feeling lucky as she approached the warp point, she'd find something she could feel it in her bones. This time she was right, Loki had entered the Cretirk system which was found to contain an oxygen atmosphere planet which could serve as a jumping off point for further exploration. However with her supplies running low Linton ordered Loki back for refuel after the scans were complete

Just to balance out all the good news spreading throughout the fleet Red Rover was launched in the middle of the month, with a very pissed off captain. Once again the Admiralty hadn’t actually told him that his new command was a transport vessel that was going to be seconded to the Ministry for Colonial Affairs. This translated to hauling colonists, sensitive materials and anything that couldn’t be trusted to civilian freighters.

El Presidente’s weekly military briefing had been growing in importance for the last few months; in fact it was the Vice Presidente Sheldon’s opinion that they were more important in deciding Ocelot's future than the council meeting. With that thought she sat back to listen to Admiral Watson’s summary.
“The switchover in Logistics command has gone smoothly, Gold Rover has been rerouted to collect the 3rd Wessex from their manoeuvres and Red Rover is taking over her old duties. The big issue is command and control down in Balosnee, it’s not flexible enough and can’t respond quickly to changes.”
“I take it you have a proposed solution in mind Admiral.” Marks replied
“Naturally, the Admiralty would like to promote Captain Delap to Commodore and give him command of all ships past Cignus, except for those on specific missions.”
“So why don’t you? Promotions in the forces aren’t political decisions.” Sheldon interjected
“Promotions have to be run past the Ministry of Defence, normally they just rubber stamp these decisions. In this case they refused.” Watson replied
“Did they give any reason?” Marks asked
“There is concern in the Ministry that he’s a too keen on chasing down Jraenar colony ships. It was also his ship that destroyed the Jraenar transport around their home world.”
Marks remember that, it had been a near run thing politically. Destroying a colony ship that was trying to ram your ship was one thing, a transport ship with 300 million people on it was quite another. Now Delap had tried to get their surrender, but still it hadn’t been fun. Especially when one of the networks had pointed out that the total colonial population was barely 200 million.
“I take it your not concerned then Admiral?”
“Javelin did suffer casualties when it engaged the Jraenar sir. That crew had been training together for months so he knew them all personally.” Watson replied
‘So he’s going to want some vengeance.’ Sheldon interpreted the un-spoken subtext to herself.
“It’s an operational decision Admiral; if you’re sure about Delap I’ll have a word with the Minister for Defence about getting approval.”
‘Your decision, but if Delap goes crazy then I’ll hold you responsible.’ Sheldon had no trouble picking up Marks implicit message. From Admiral Watson's face reaction neither had he.

The newly promoted Commodore Delap looked at the system map and briefing from naval intelligence deep in thought. The system looked secure, that single Bolivar Sword had found was the only enemy ship within any range and all industrial activity on the Jraenar, as the enemy home world was being called for short hand, appeared to have stopped. He reached his decision.
“Signal Pioneer she’s being sent through to Gorn to recon for enemy presence, I want Lively to back up Sword in case that Bolivar tries anything.” He ordered Lieutenant Popov.
“What are you going to do about Falcon being pulled off the blockade?” Commander Jennings asked him.
“I’m going to send Task Force One to tighten the blockade around Jraenar; they’ll still be close enough to intercept any ship that tries to head towards the home system.” Delap replied

Collins, who hadn’t yet received the news of Delap’s promotion had decided that the Bolivar qualified as a target of opportunity, especially now it had left orbit. The battle was a cat and mouse game with both sides cautiously testing the other. It soon became clear that the only way to launch a missile inside a no-escape envelope was to enter the enemy missile’s no-escape envelope. With neither captain willing to risk that and ballistic missiles not having a chance at the long range both sides withdrew. ‘Not what I expected.’ Collins thought. On balance he was pleased, he may not have destroyed the enemy, but he’d survived. ‘And I drove him back from the warp point.’

The Admiralty agreed and deemed the battle a tactical draw but a strategic victory. They also reassured Captain Collins that there was nothing more he could have done without taking dangerous risks. With higher damage missiles and more tonnage the Jraenar ship could have taken more hits and deal out more damage. That made a stand up missile duel almost suicidal. The only pleased people in the building were all on Rear Admiral Flynn’s staff, for reasons the Admiral was explaining to Captain Locke.
“As you know Falcon is being pulled back for a refit.”
Locke nodded, with the disappointing performance of Goalkeeper Falcon was going to be fitted with twin tubes like the other corvettes in the fleet.
“Well Trials Command has changed the plan slightly; Falcon is to be fitted out with two of the new 3rd generation Depleted Uranium Cannons instead of missile tubes.”
Locke was shocked. Half the number of tubes had been bad, but no tubes! Flynn acknowledged her shock and carried on
“Falcon is still a test bed ship, so standard rules apply. If you, or any of your crew of course, wants out then they can leave. We’ll be expecting a determined operational evaluation on this one.”
‘Determined operational evaluation’ was a euphemism for launching aggressive patrols to seek out the enemy instead of a more cautious approach. It was a lot more risky, but would get quicker results.
“I’ll need some time to think about this and I will want to see at least some specifications of these DUCs before I commit.” Locke replied.
“That’s reasonable, when Falcon enters shipyard I’ll be there to meet you and your crew and tell them what I can.”

2402.2
Fenris was the second Leander class vessel to be launched and like her sister ship she was sent straight to the front, unlike her sister she was allowed a decent shakedown cruise first. With the low level of enemy activity there was no need to rush things; the crew could take their time.

The same could not be said of Gold Rover’s crew. After picking up the off-world detachments of the 3rd Wessex she was rushing back to Ocelot to pick up the modified assault shuttles and the remainder of the regiment along with the command staff for the landings. Still ever since Commander Bell found the ship was being re-task to assault transport the mood of the entire crew had lifted as he cheered up.

In Balosnee Commander Eaden found out that temporary commands also had a way of being temporary as he was ordered to rendezvous with Javelin so Commodore Delap and a few other officers could transfer to Leander. When all the transfers and promotions were complete Leander carried the flag of Commodore Delap and was under the command of Captain Jennings. Commander Eaden and his second in command Lieutenant Commander Miller had Javelin which was to head back to Oberon for refit. Everyone who transferred did so with a bit of regret, Delap and Jennings would miss Javelin, while Eaden was going from the new fleet flagship to the old one. ‘Still at least this command is permanent.’ he thought.

‘This is more like it.’ Delap thought to himself as he looked around his new ship. ‘A big strategic map, conferencing facilities and a lot more space.’ Somehow it was only now that his promotion felt real. It was difficult to be a Commodore in the oldest and most out of date ship in the fleet. ‘But she was a good ship.’ Delap reproved himself. ‘Time to start on those status reports.’
The reports told him that Pegasus had taken up the blockade Javelin had been carrying out before she left and that all the other ships in the system had good supply levels and no major problem. They also told him to do nothing about the colonies until Gold Rover arrived but that he had full operational freedom to engage enemy shipping and scout out enemy positions.

The latest R&amp;D colony, Kessel, was also founded during the month and the Research Ministry was promising big breakthrough soon thanks to all the new labs. El Presidente commented that he’d believe that when he saw it. By coincidence on the same day Kessel was founded Pioneer entered the Gorn system. The system proved to only contain two Jraenar colonies and no enemy shipping so Pioneer returned home after reporting to Commodore Delap.

“It’s pretty quiet out there Phil. I think the Jraenar are on the rope, unless something happens soon I may be forced to believe those naval intelligence estimates.”
It was just El Presidente and the Vice-Presidente alone in his office.
“Your right, it’s been a very quiet month on the Jraenar front. But is it a nothing happening quiet or just the quiet before a storm. If those estimates are wrong and they haven’t been forced to scrap their fleet. If their colonies are more productive than we think and those frigates are just out beyond the next warp point…”
“You’re saying we should slow down the colonisation programme and strengthen the fleet?”
“When we’ve got a few more Leander’s out of the shipyard I’ll be happier certainly. Because it’s not just the Jraenar is it?”
Sheldon nodded, she’d read the report too. The foreign, defence and research ministries had tried to work out if there would be any more alien races out in the universe. Their conclusion, based upon the number of potentially habitable planets the navy was encountering and the very advanced life being discovered Haven, was that it was almost inevitable that intelligent life had evolved elsewhere in the universe than just on Jraenar and Ocelot. The estimates of the biologists had some of the species on Haven barely a few thousand years from sentience, not even the blink of an eye in universal terms. The Jraenar Imperium may or may not be on its last legs but there were other species out there, hopefully friendly, but judging by their first encounter neither of them was betting on it.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

First of, a comment on formating. Since most internet based formating can't place tabs in the text (especially not on forums) it is considered standard to use a double return between paragraphs. Most word processors will handle this alright, though some word / grammar checkers throw fits. Ignore them; for an internet based presentation format accordingly. As a result, you also often have to use "***" set between a set of paragraph returns to indicate breaks. Often such an approach is centered; sometimes it isn't.

Second, a comment on my critique style. I read through the story, and anytime I have to pause to parse a sentence or paragraph, or something *really* eye jarring catches my attention, I look at it. Generally I go ahead and pull it out for your review, along with what I think is wrong and any possible solutions I see. If I don't see any I don't offer them, but I don't look hard so feel free to ask me if I can think of anything (though be aware that the turnaround time on such a request won't be great; I can be relied upon to have access to the 'net on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Other days are chance and guesswork. So if you ask sunday, I could very well take until wednesday to respond. If you ask late monday, it could take untill Friday since my access is in the morning -- though I will try not to leave you waiting too long.

Now, on to the meat of your story...

This sentence needs to be made clearer; place some commas or dashes to break up the clauses. At the moment you have to struggle to connect "Whatever else was said about the ocelonian constitution ... it was at least clear" from "and a great deal was but mainly behind closed doors". I'd suggest "constitution, and a great deal was -- mainly behind closed doors -- it was at least clear".

But thats just me, and I'm in love with dashes and parenthetical expressions.

Again, propper comma use to break up and delineate the sub-clauses. This sentence is a little muddy, starting at "not enough..." though I think the solution will need to come at "forces and parliament" as thats when it starts to break down when reading through it. Maybe "friends, surely not enough to take on the armed forces and parliament" or use a comma to break surely off.

This needs to be broken into two sentences and clarified, badly. Past saying the room has been redecorated for the new "owner" and that a long, important meeting was going on, I got lost. I think you said that his tastes were functional; not sure.

Gah, where to start. First there is the "The navy has prepared two alternate designs" that you need to change. Second, as someone who often falls into melodrama, I can recognize the tendency. You can just drop the "are clear" and "gentlemen" if you like. Or better yet, just delete everthing after gentlement and tack that onto the next sentence. The middle sentence is OK other than the change, though I think you might want to look at the fourth one.

First sentence seems a little long. Maybe split the "keeping quiet" sentence off and splice it into the next one -- dunno how -- or better yet just drop it entirely. Your choice.

Bleh. I think you need to clarify your clauses again, but this sentence doesn't read well to me. Also, on the next sentence I don't think you need a capitol after a colon; I believe they are considered one sentence.

Again, use commas to seperate out clauses -- a good rule of thumb is to read it out loud and put a comma everywhere you pause while reading it. Just remember that that is a rule of thumb; you might not need a comma where there is a pause or you might not pause where a comma is needed.

I think you can break that in two sentences at the comma, they don't quite go together IMO.

Um, why did his stomach suddenly turn acrobat? Was it because the thought was uncomfortable or they were headed through the jumppoint (obviously not, considering the next sentences, but the sentence remains unclear and does come first)?

Clarity check: did they only just discover jump points (as I was given the impression) or did they only just figure out how to go through them?

Also, "full cruise when you're ready?" doesn't quite parse. "Crusing speed when ready" would; "full speed" would; full cruise doesn't make sense. At the very least, append speed to it.

And put a comma after "Ahh" in "Ahh Lieutenant Commander...".

Bad clause parsing; as it reads the pegasus is cursing across the ship. Add a comma and define cruised across (cruised across what?).

Too much game mechanics; replace with "improve the Ion Engines" or "Ion Drive" and split off a new sentence "The change was incorporated". "Batch 2" doesn't seem right; consider "mark II" or simply have the next ship be "the design of the next Pegasus".

"Bright eyed and bushy tailed" was a nice touch, BTW.

Wow, they know where they are and they haven't even seen the place yet? Good navigators -- or a small plot failure. How did they know they were in the Cignus system? Was there a probe of some kind sent through first? Did they deduce that from the way the warp point lay in space? Was it simply decided "Whatever is on the other side will be names "Cignus"?

And I'm sorry, but the ship was simply sent on to the next warp point? No detailed medical workup or engineering examination? Makes game sense, but does that really make sense in real life?

oh, and as someone else mentioned (and I missed), there was a slight dialogue flaw around which design was chosen -- alpha had tanks, beta missile, and they chose beta for the tanks?

Oh, and BTW -- why isn't the military insisting on armed ships to combat the (inevitable) onset of piracy? With no way to keep order in space, they have to know its coming! Sure, the pirates won't be well armed, but if they plan on making colonies then (presumably unarmed) freighters will be traversing space -- criminals won't be able to help but attack such juicy targets!

OK, enough picking of nits. Onwards to part 2 -- and be as mean to me as I am to you!

***

Since the events are one-shot deals, how can they always be doing something? Also, the sentences don't quite parse right, even without that. Consider rewriting.

I do like the next sentence there because it has a wonderful flow.

Also, why are they so desperate to get a hold of a colonizable world, even if its not an inhabitable one? Population pressure? Or just left-over bits of game-mechanics?

A few days?! Sorry, that doesn't make sense. Add in a bit of techno-babble if you want -- some kind of UT with a linqual genius -- but you need to do something!

Also, check the next sentence, as I think you need to break the clauses up a little.

Again, go back over this one. I think you need to split it into two sentences.

Hmm, that sentence doesn't quite make sense either. I recognize it as a responce taken directly from the game, but it could be used to support the concept that while you can be understood across the lingual barrier, there is something not quite right with the translations.

Can you say "run-on"? Good. Then fix it http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Also, I think you need to add some commas to break up clauses.

Try splitting it into two sentences.

You need a transition between "have her" and "you're the only" -- try just adding ", as" and see if that works. Also, there seems to be a minor type in there.

Either there is a typo in there, or something really weird is going on. And don't worry if it is a typo; I've done worse that change the name of a ship (and omit part of a clause) in the past. Much worse.

Skipping on a little, "MkIIs" doesn't read quite right. Mainly because of my screen, but I'd suggest getting rid of the "Mk" abreviation or changing it to "MKII" for increased legibility.

Try re-writing this sentence. I also strongly recommend re-writing the declaration of war; simply droping vengeful would do fine. Unless you are trying to say that they did do something by accident.

Also, why is it that they can't build more ship-yards in orbit of the homeworld, Ocelot?

And at this point, I'm wondering what happened to the suggestion that Mark couldn't take the presidency -- was that resolved "in the background"? If so, deleting the build up would be smart.

A click is one kilometer. If they're nineteen clicks away from an enemy ship, then they are practicaly right on top of it!



[/quote]Hell Watson himself might have done just what Delap did, still he would probably have to run this pass the Presidente as this incident could get all political.


[/quote]

"Hell Watson" is an odd name, unless you meant "Hell, Watson himself..."

Hm, not quite clicking. Dunno why -- but it doesn't seem to fit for me. I think part of the problem is the "It was only the...for the private briefing". The phrasing doesn't seem to quite fit; try "Only...were present for the private briefing..." and possibly seperate "as it had started to become referred to" into a seperate clause, and rewrite it.

On the rest of the briefing, it strikes me as odd that the President thought that people being upset over the captain not calling for the Jraenar to surrender was a little odd. I'm sorry, had the Jraenar been totally uncumminicative or had a history of refusing surrender -- especially if they used surrender as a tactic to ram or otherwise turn the tide of battle! -- but as is, calling for surrender would have been the "oppropriate" thing to do.

On the other hand, on a personall basis I wouldn't think less of him for it; I just understand easily those who do. It is one thing to annihilate an opponent; another to back him into a corner.

By the way, why do you spell president "Presidente"?

Also, from now on I won't describe / delineate the varius sentences that need commas added somewhere. I'll just put up quotes with no comments. If you want me too, I'll stop, but finding variants on "Need a comma here, there, and somewhere else" is a little difficult.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I had someone this picky go over my early work. He didn't pick on the same stuff -- in my case it was mostly use of adjectives / adverbs -- but he did pick, hard. At everything and anything he could find.

I wish -- and I wish very, very hard -- that DIH49 was still around picking at my work. I miss him.

In addition to a lot of missing commas, I think you need to break "Taunolin's voice was flat" from the rest, or possibly rewrite the entire sentence. It doesn't hang together right, even ignoring missing commas.

I think you have a tense error there. Or something.

A nice touch.

Missing commas.

Was that "ordered" instead of "order"?


I think I've burned out, sorry. Wasn't able to give any real advice on the rest of it -- just more of the same.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Says whom? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

You have to make your post with HTML (there is a drop box above the big text field). This will not work with editing pre-existing posts, but it will work for new ones.

Code tags dont seem to be working correctly, so you might have to quote this post to see the HTML tags.

<font class="small">Code:</font><hr /><pre> <p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p>

not indented</p><p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p>

not indented</p><p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p> </pre><hr />

Output:

<p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation with lots of text so that we get a second line. test indentation with lots of text so that we get a second line. test indentation with lots of text so that we get a second line. test indentation with lots of text so that we get a second line. test indentation with lots of text so that we get a second line. </p>

not indented</p><p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p>

not indented</p><p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p>

Of course, this requires everything to be on the same line, othwerwise you get lots of extra spacing like:

<p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p>


not indented</p>
<p style="text-indent: 2em;">test indentation</p>

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Thats a clever trick, but IMO more difficult than its worth.

But on the other hand, some people like the tabbing...

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Get a good text editor with regular expressions in find/replace. Replace beginning of line with the opening paragraph code. Replace end of line with close paragraph. Done and done.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Comma use and splitting sentences. Meh! Never been my strongest point but I will take a stab at improving it.

OK Batchs I'm using because the navy is sort of based on the Royal Navy, eg xxxx Batch 2. Purely a personal thing.

El Presidente is just when I started I had a mental image of Marks taking over a corrupt bannana dictatorship sort of place hence the title. As for him getting the job, its going to be explained over the course of the story. I know how it happened and I'm saving it up for quiet moments.

Cick doesn't have to mean kilometers. In fact the few times I've heard it used it didn't, although I suppose I should have clarified what I wanted it to mean.

The ship selection section was re-written many times and so did suffer as I really couldn't face reading it through again. There was an explanation of potential piracy but it got lost in the endless (well it felt like it) changes. I really should have scrapped it and re-written the entire section from scratch. Hey ho.

The messages from other races was troubling me as well. You are right that some of the don't fit the story, but at the time I decide to go with them. I think I may take some artistic licence with the next round of messages unless they fit the story.


Here's what I got from the review and can do something about for the next part:
1. Commas. Thrice damned comma use.
2. Check on splitting up sentences as part of the spawn of satan that is comma use.
3. Throw in a few more explanations of assumed things/game mechanic events. Such as racing onto warp points, first contacts.

If there is something else you were trying to tell me that I didn't get please clarify.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Only thing I'd like to point out is that, in general, it is a good idea to post to a writers forum or somewhere similar before posting in a place you feel requires a "finished" product. Personally, I consider any forum such a place http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Just try to have a finished product before you put the piece to a website. So go ahead and and re-write those scenes!

And in case I forgot to mention it, that was a good story, even if I found a lot of problems.

And 1 / 2 are really part of the same thing, of course, so you need to work on them together.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Not a proper update, just an idea that have been rattling around for a while.

Intermission

Most stories are just concerned with the big stories, the epic tales spanning galaxies that change the lives of billions. Such stories however are little more than the sum of all the smaller stories, tales such as this one.

The Rolls-Royce R&amp;D lab on Hope was the biggest off-world engineering centre in the Republic, and home to all their bleeding edge projects. The board would tell you that this was because of their comitment to the colonisation programme. Cynics might suggest that the lax safety regulations were a bigger motivation.
Ted Riley, freshly transfered from the research labs on Ocelotm, was looking at the readouts from the new Spey engine on the test bed.
"That's interesting."
His boss looked over at him, checked his display and then hammered a button. Across the lab sirens wailed out and blast doors slammed down as the safety lockdown procedure started.
"What did you do that for?" Riley asked in a shocked tone of voice
"Because you didn't." was the simple reply
"What?! All I said was 'That's interesting' and suddenly we're in lockdown, what was.."
Riley was interupted mid-flow by a muffled bang as several kiloton of prototype engine energetically re-decorated the sealed test bed area. After Riley calmed down he looked at his boss, who had barely reacted. In fact he was looking a bit smug with an 'I told you so' look on his face.
"OK, how did you know?"
"Simple, this is a development lab not a research lab." his boss, Jameson, replied
"So?" Riley didn't follow at all
"In research everything is overbuilt with huge safety margins, as the purpose is just to prove the concept right?"
Riley nodded, the first prototype had been massive and cost a large fortune.
"In development we have to produce something practical from all the great ideas. First thing to go are the huge safety margins, after all the research guys have ony passed it on to us because they understand the system. There is, however, one small problem with this system..."
"The research department never actually fully understands what's going on?" Riley interupted
"Precisely. So when we hear 'That's interesting.' something unexpected has happened. And unexpected can be explosively dangerous so we go straight to lockdown."
"So what now?"
"Order a cleanup crew to fix the testbed room, call supplies for a new prototype and send the data dump back to Ocelot." Jameson replied
"Then?"
"Knock off early and head to the pub for a few days, till the new engine turns up."
"Gravy!"

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

...I doubt anybody wants to hear 'that's interesting' in a RL nuclear power plant either...

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

What's and "RL nuclear power plant"?

Nice story.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Real-Life nuclear power plant.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Ah. That's interesting.

(Note: purely coincidentally, these were also the last words of the feller in charge of the nuclear power plant at Chernobyl http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/wink.gif .)

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Another random tale of life in the Ocelot Republic

We apologise for the delay in your regular story. Until then we return you to intermission

O'Neill sat back and pulled on his hip flask. At times like this life was good and it would be a crime not to drink. His happy mood was not shared by his companions. The exo-biologist Strasbar wished he was out on Haven while the surveyor Johnston wished she was somewhere that wasn't here.
'Here' was a three person exploration team on Hope, doing the on the ground investigations you couldn't do from orbit or from a plane.
"Nothing on the motion sensor or the IR. Again." Strasbar was doing her level best to ruin O'Neill's good mood.
"Well the survey scans picked up some life signs in this region, so you'd better keep on checking." O'Neill showed no sign of letting Strasbar get to him.
'Why did he get to be boss?' Strasbar asked himself rhetorically. Truth be told he already knew, but didn't like the answer. O'Neill had been one of the last bushmen from Ocelot before joining CREST command and the bosses thought that all that experience should be transferable. If it wasn't bad enough being stuck miles from all the big developments out on Haven he also had to cope with an unbearable boss.
Johnston also wanted to be somewhere else; she couldn't stand life in the colonies, she missed the big cities. She'd joined up to see different worlds and experience a new way of life, sadly she'd found she didn't like this new way of life. Stuck into a long term contract she truly believed life couldn't get any worse than being in a Colonial Recon, Exploration and Search Team.
O'Neill was aware that the rest of his team weren't exactly happy campers, but there wasn't a lot he could do about it. They had a job to do and he intended to do it. Besides he couldn't really understand the problem, Hope was a beautiful planet and if you couldn't appreciative the majesty of the plains on a day like this you had no soul. It sure beat working for a living.
"We're getting a large blip on the motion sensors!" Strasbar yelled out
"Told you so. Where from?" O'Neill replied
"Close, real close. In fact it's getting nearer." The excitement was fading from Strasbar's voice and concern was creeping in. Their job was to assess the area before building work began and chase up some rouge life form readings the survey ship hadn't been able to track down. Strasbar was remembering that there was a missing link in the local food chain, right at the top in fact, and he may just have found it.
"Johnston get back here. Now!"
"I can't see it on the IR! What kind of creature is it!" Strasbar had accelerated through concern, bypassed worry and then raced straight into panic. O'Neill just sighed.
"It's late afternoon and so the convection currents are playing hell with the infra red. If that was a decent military grade model it would filter it, it's not so we get awful resolution. Calm down."
As Johnston arrived back and climbed into the Panther O'Neill hit the accelerator and headed towards the signal on the motion scanner. As he filled in Johnston on the details he checked his rifle was within reaching distance. The survey ship shouldn't have missed anything big and the big six wheeled Panther was a tough vehicle, but you never knew...
As the Panther crested the last slope before the unidentified blip O'Neill slowed the vehicle to a stop. He checked the map, it didn't look good: The creature was somewhere in a small opening in the copse. Of course it could be a co-incidence that the unknown xeno just happened to have run off into the perfect place for an ambush. And women might want an honest answer when they ask if their bums look big.
Still as neither the on-board cameras nor the IR were getting a solid lock on it they'd have to go outside. With that thought O'Neill reached for his shotgun and made to get out.
"What do you think your doing?" Johnston asked "It's crazy to go out, there could be anything out there!"
O'Neill turned to her "Look someone is going to have to get a decent scan of this thing. Surely you want a close look at this thing Gregor?" Gregor Starsbar really didn't want a look and said as much. "Just me then." O'Neill said with a grin.
'I don't believe it! He's actually enjoying this. Is he crazy?' Strasbar could barely believe his ears.
As O'Neill headed towards the centre of the clearing he realised that he was probably breaking dozens of CREST command regulations. He also realised he didn't care; he hadn't felt this alive for years. With all the environmental and conservationists all over the Yettari desert they destroyed one of the very elements they were trying to save. The frontier feel where every day was an adventure waiting to happen. As he walked along, stalking the unknown creature, he knew his forefathers must have felt just like this when they had walked the bush.
"It's getting closer; it's almost on top of him." Johnston was watching the on-board map which was overlaying O'Neills transponder signal and the motion sensors tracking.
"We've got to warn him!"
Just as she reached for the door the creature leapt out of the bushes and charged O'Neill hoping to catch this strange new prey unawares. However you've got to get up pretty early to surprise a Yettari bushman and sadly for the creature it was almost dusk. The Alvis 'Alpaca' desert shotgun was the peak of decades of engineering and refinement. The rapid load system had been copied by the military almost before the first gun went on sale and the seals used to keep sand out of the workings had originally been developed for medical bio-waste containment. Truly a technological marvel, it was no more or less than a desert proof, man portable depleted uranium cannon. In fact if the creature would probably have been honoured to be killed with such a weapon, had it not been a brainless 8ft long, ten limbed killing machine.

In the aftermath the creature was named the O'Neill Chimera and the entire region was sealed off by the government while it investigated. Serious questions were asked of the survey ship as to how they managed to miss such a dangerous creature. The discovery of the Chimera was hailed as the biggest exo-biological find ever. No creature had been found with more than six fully articulated limbs and Hope CREST assignments became the hottest exo-biologist posting in the Republic.

Gregor Strasbar did get his much desired transfer to Haven where he ended up in a lab cataloguing weed samples. So far all his requests for a transfer have been refused.
Sue Johnston was sent to Gobi to do surveying work for a mine expansion project. She is currently one of the 3,764 women on the 38 million population planet and has no plans to leave.
Peter O'Neill was promoted to head up the Chimera investigation team. He also received a lucrative contract to front the latest Alvis Weapons promotional campaign. He plans to retire on Hope and head back into the bush as soon as the government re-opens the region.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Right! Back from the dead by popular lack of demand. After some thinking about the writing style and the comments of various people I'm going for something different. Comments, etc would be nice as always http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/laugh.gif

2402.3
So I'm sitting back in my brand spanking new office waiting for Ted to make an appearance, our new job did start a couple of hours ago so he's badly late. Not that I was here on time either, but I've got a hangover that would have superheroes whimpering. Frankly I deserve a medal just for getting in at all. A loud crash announces Ted's arrival and he's looking worse than I feel. If such a thing is possible of course.
"Nice to see you made it in today"
Ted winces and asks "How annoyed was the new boss that I was late?"
"No idea, he hasn't made it in either." I tell him
"Why's that?"
"Bottle fatigue I'd guess."
Ted's face contorts as he tries to dredge up some memory from the previous night. "But he only had a couple then he disappeared."
"True, but he was drinking Medford vodka."
"Medford Vodka? They don't make vodka on Medford, do they?" Ted asked in confusion
"Not technically I suppose." I reply, waiting for the inevitable
"It wasn't actually vodka was it?"
"No. But it was definitely alcoholic."
"So what is it actually?" Even throw the hangover Ted is starting to get annoyed at the slow progress. I relent, more for my sake than his. All this talking is bad for my head.
"Industrial antifreeze mixed with white spirit."
"Isn't that...." Ted starts
"Immensely dangerous? Allegedly. We'll find out in a few hours." I finish for him
"What's happening in a few hours?"
"Well if the boss hasn't made it in or called someone then, yes it probably is dangerous in his case. He would be the exception to the rule though."
"Exception to the... You've done this before then?"
Sigh. Despite my best efforts he's still got a lot to learn.
"Of course its important that any working relationship has a solid base. A few drinks down the pub speeds this up immensely."
"By getting to know the boss and establishing a rapport?"
"No. By finding out all the nasty secrets the boss would never reveal unless utterly hammered."
"How does that help the working relationship?"
"Well we'll keep on 'working' here no matter what we do, provided we keep quiet about a certain 'relationship' the boss is having."

My education of Ted is interrupted by the boss' boss walking into our office.
"Jameson and Riley right?"
"Yes sir." Best to be polite, I haven't got any dirt on him. Yet.
"I've just been called by your section head and he can't make it in today so I'll be briefing you. Your project is simple; we want the Spey engine technology you worked on at Hope applied to missiles."
That explains a lot. I had been wondering what a pair of propulsion engineers were doing in a weapons research base. Still as we'd been 'requested' to leave Hope we jumped at the chance.
"There were certain problems with that technology, there was a large fuel blowout problem and that unexplained thermal runaway" I interrupt
"I've read the reports of the two major failures. The fuel overflow problem has been corrected and the second failure cannot be repeated, so it was probably a fluke. Of course for manned vessels that's an unacceptable assumption, but for missiles we’ll take the risk."
Ted is fighting manfully to keep both a straight face and look innocent. He's not doing it very well, sadly.
"We'll get right on it sir." I hurry to end this conversation before something goes wrong, like the boss noticing Ted's started to grin. Thankfully he turns and walks out just before Ted bursts out laughing. OK using the engine exhaust as a grill for lunch was funny, but when the sauce leaked out shorting the control circuits and detonating the engine… Well that was even funnier actually. Still it was months ago and he should be over it by now. Kids these days hey?

With the boss dealt with it's time to start the day’s important work, so I open the paper and catch up on the news. New refining Colony out on Proxima, Navy launches a new ship 'Sirus'. Who picks those names really? Pretty routine. Oh what's that - 'Falcon' is in for a refit. That brings back the memories. It really should have been routine, from the engine side anyway, but the engines strangely had a few difficulties during shakedown. Tragic really, I was forced to spend hours with their compromisingly attractive chief engineer 'running down the fault'...
"Hey look at this!" Ted shouts
Fighting back the urge to strangle him with my bare hands for aggravating my head I turn to Ted
"Look. It's a company alert, they've cancelled all leave for the technical services division." He tells me, thankfully a lot quieter. Still that is very odd.
"Something's up. Something big, probably on a military contract." Years of experience come to my aid to provide that very obvious answer.
"But what?"
"No idea, last I heard it was all going well. Dino ships being blown up left, right and centre if you believe the news. We'll find out eventually something that big will make the news."
"If it doesn't?" Ted asks plaintively
"Then it will definitely make the company gossip mill. Speaking of making things, go and make some coffee."
It's important to get priorities straight in life.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

You lucky people! So a bit more expermentation with style and enough commas (hopefully http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif) Given the lack of response (and readers) from last time I'm not expectin much but here goes. Comments would be nice, even if they just say 'For the love of God stop posting this rubbish'

2402.4
"Wake the captain and the commodore. Now!" The tactical officer shattered the silence of the dog watch as he yelled out.
"What is it Brooks?"
"The Saintes is picking up a Bolivar leaving their shipyard."
"Understood, sound battle stations."

Commodore Delap and Captain Jennings were both on the bridge of Leander long before the Jraenar ship broke free of the planet
"Status report." Delap commanded. It may not be his ship, but he was still the boss
"All ships report full readiness sir."
'All ships, all three ships you mean.' Delap though to himself. The fleet may have been expanding at breakneck speed but the dinos still had more colonies than the Republic had ships.
"The enemy vessel appears to be a modified Bolivar class, same tonnage and weaponry but she's out pacing the standard acceleration curve." The PWO, Unsworth, continued
"Blockade runner?" Jennings asked, echoing the commodores thoughts
"Probably." Delap answered. "Get me engineering."
"Molby here. What's the problem." the chief engineer promptly replied to the internal comms.
"No problem here Jan" Delap started
"That'll be a first." Molby interrupted. He was one of the few, along with a few of Pegasus's senior officers, who could get away with interrupting Delap.
"Calm down Jan, I just want you to take a look at the scans from that Bolivar."

The news from Chief Molby wasn't unexpected. The Jraenar ship had stripped everything unneeded and was carrying minimal stores. The energy profile was fluctuating wildly and the ships acceleration was a long way from stable, in short they were red-lining their engines. Despite that the Jraenar ship still had the advantage; Task Force One had drawn up in a loose blockade to stay out of range of the planet based missiles. The temptation was to order the entire force to chase the blockade runner, something Delap was sorely tempted to do, but that would leave the Jraenar homeworld un-blockaded.
"We could pull Task Force Two back to cover the planet while we're gone." Jennings suggested
"That would leave the warp point undefended" Captain Tanner from Saintes countered.
"That's an insignificant risk compared..." Jennings tried to reply before being interrupted
"Shhh. I need to think." Delap stopped all conversation. Now it made sense. The Jraenar ship was on a suicide mission, all the modifications could do were extend it's life prior to being destroyed. So the ship had to live long enough to draw TF 1 from orbit, so TF 2 would be pulled back to cover them and so the warp point blockade broken. When you put it that way it made sense.
"Task Force Two is to stay were it is and step up to high alert. Grafton is staying here while Leander and Saintes chase that Bolivar." Delap announced to the hushed meeting. There was no argument, everyone moved to carry out the command decision.

There was however argument from Captain Vickers, as senior captain she had command of Task Force Two and wasn't happy with the Commodores orders.
"It's crazy leaving just one ship to enforce the blockade can't you see that Mike?"
"Compared to leaving this system opened to reinforcements through the warp point? Look our fleet is too small to do everything, we've got to take some chances. This is an acceptable risk. Sirus and Gold Rover will be here within three weeks, we can't risk that ship escaping and intercepting them, but equally we can't leave the warp point unguarded. This is the only option."
"You're the Commodore. I just hope your right." Vickers cut the comms link.
'You're not the only one.' Delap though to himself.

As 2/3rds of Task Force One continued it's pursuit of the Jraenar ship another Bolivar emerged from the warp point, expecting to find empty space. Instead it ran straight into several volleys of Hellstorm and Brimstone missiles. The fight was short and sweet, provided you were on an Ocelot Republic ship. The fight with the original blockade runner was a bit more involved.
"She's turning around" Leander's PWO announced to the bridge
"Guess they heard about the battle at the warp point then." Jennings commented
"Their mission failed and they can't get home. They're looking for a blaze of glory." Delap agreed
"Battle stations! How long to missile range?" Jennings took command
"Assuming constant acceleration from the Bolivar, two minutes." Unsworth called out.
"So it's the waiting game." Delap had been in this position before, but he still wasn't comfortable. At least when the missile were flying there was no time to think about what might happen.

The three ships raced at each other at full power then launched missiles.
"Missiles away, sir!" PWO reported
"Turn and full power." Jennings ordered
"Saintes isn't turning."
Delap and Jennings simultaneously shouted "What!"
"I've got Captain Tanner on the comms" Leander's enterprising communication officer reported
"What the hell are you doing Tanner?" Delap asked
"That ship can out manoeuvre us and the captain can't be stupid enough to fall for the same tactics as the last Jraenar ship."
Delap and Jennings looked at each other, they couldn't fault the logic.
"Helm turn us around. PWO, lock and load all tubes." Leander was heading back for a knife fight.
Half of the Jraenar missiles had rejected Leander as being outside their no-escape envelope so homed in on Saintes. Those missiles were more than enough to take out half the engineering deck and the entire missile magazine. Luckily the bulkheads around the magazine held, but Saintes was effectively unarmed and fled the battle as fast as possible. Leander avoided the remaining missiles, which out of fuel were ballistic only, and launched her second Hellstorm volley just as the first missiles hit the Jraenar vessel. The enemy ship did it's best, it avoided three of the five missiles, but couldn't evade the last Hellstorm and Leander's first Brimstone. The two missiles obliterated the entire rear end of the ship, iLeander's second volley took care of the front end.
"Saintes status report. Tanner can you hear me?" Jennings was on the comms almost instantly
"It's not good sir. My engineer can't even tell me how bad the damage is." Tanner replied in a croaky voice
"It's that bad!" Delap leapt into the conversation
"No idea sir, it could be. Apparently the damage report machine has exploded."

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

I love this stuff Phil keep it coming after I read through the whole thing when I posted it on my site I got hooked. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/happy.gif

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

It's good. That last bit was funny. Just not enough feeling of tension/desperation.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

I'll be coming back to Sainte in the next bit. I've decided to go for leaving things hanging and not neatly wrapping up at the end of a chapter.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Please start double spacing your paragraphs!

Like this!

And this!

Not This
And this!

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

OK I am missing something. I have no idea what on earth you are talking about. If I stick a double space in it just looks plain ridiculous:

Like this


And this.
Which is a silly chasm, of course it could be different on your screen. So what your calling a double space I see as a quadruple space.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

"single space" is one line break.

line 1
line 2
line 3

"double space" is two line breaks.

line 1

line 2

line 3

"quadruple space" would be 4 line breaks.

line 1



line 2



line 3

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Hmm so I am double spacing it. Frankly I am still confused.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

I am enjoying your fanfic as well.

As to the double-space issue, are you editing in Word and then copy/paste into the post form? If so, try posting into NotePad first, check your spacing, and then copy/paste into form.

Word may be using a style that automatically converts a &lt;CR&gt; into a doublespace and the forum is converting it to just a single &lt;br&gt;. Pasting it into NotePad first should show all those areas quickly.

&lt;/$.02&gt;

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Word for spell check only and I have been checking the spacing. Right here's what I paste into the newpost window before the final read through check. attachment

I could try triple spacing it and the maybe everyone else will see that as double spaced?

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Lines 1 and 2 are the issue. They are single spaced. It might look better if they were double spaced instead.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

So double spacing between lines is that it?

Just for the sake of what's left of my sanity would the spacing point apply to Starhawks story for instance? As on my screen the formating looks virtually identical, baring style differences.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
 

Right I'm posting this and the text file I copied in. This spacing thing still has me confused. I think people want a double spaced after each line, then people talk about paragraphs. Meh. So take the text file and demonstate how you would like it formated. Until then here's my current stab at formating.

Back to Saintes for my first two parted month! Wooo:


"Better to fight for something than live for nothing." - General Patton
2402.4
Lieutenant Commander O'Hara looked on amazed at her Captain. Tanner was so calm it was beyond belief. How did he manage it? He was relaxed. He was untroubled. He was also suffering a vicious head injury she noticed. That would explain it, but what to do? There was only one real option

"Medical team to the bridge." She commanded on the internal comms before striding over to the captains chair.

"Sorry to interrupt sir, but your clearly injured and possibly concussed. I can handle the damage control and I would recommend you get treated for that head wound."

Tanner turned, the retort forming in his mind when he suddenly saw two O'Haras in front of him. Despite his best efforts to focus the image continued to swim around. 'She may have a point.' He thought.

"Very well Commander. But keep me informed of all major developments." With that he made his way unsteadily towards the medical team entering the bridge.

Commodore Delap who had watched the exchange was impressed, not many officers would have had the guts to do that. He'd have to take a closer look at this O'Hara. On the screen she had just started speaking

"I am afraid I can't give a detailed damage report sir, all I can tell you is that Saintes was hit by one enemy missile and we were heavily damaged. Sensors are down, PWO reports no functional tubes and helm barely has manoeuvring power. We're in no fit state for combat"

"Our sensors report no hostiles nearby so don't worry on that account. Is there anything Leander can do to assist Commander?" Delap asked

"I honestly don't know. We still haven't restored internal comms to the engine room. I have sent a runner down to assess the situation and report back."

"Good work commander. Leander out." Delpa ended the conversation and turned to captain Jennings.

"I don't like it Dave, they dinos sent that ship out on a suicide mission just to try and get one ship back to the homeworld. What cargo can be so important that it has to get to a blockaded planet?"

"Whatever it is we stopped it. That's got to be a good thing."

"True. But the cost was too high Dave."

Jennings was nonplussed. "We don't know the casualty figures from Saintes Mike."

"The engineering section was hit by a large nuclear missile, at least one of the crew must have died." Delap replied.

Mike nodded. That was sadly obvious.

"So the cost was too high." Delap finished.

***

In the bowels of Saintes engineering section Chief Sutton didn't have time to worry about the dead and injured. He was too busy working to make sure their numbers weren't boosted.

"Robby power it up." he yelled at his assistant. This should do it, hopefully. Petty Officer Robson made the link, reconnecting the damage report machine to the ships power grid.

"Got it! Good work, now go check in with the reactor team." Sutton ordered.

'Right lets have a look.' he said to himself while reading through the reams of damage report data. 'Engines 4,5 and 6 gone, half the supplies gone, 80% of the escape pods gone, tube one destroyed, tube two autoloader shot, fuel lines cut to the remaining engines. It could be worse.' Then a sudden alert flashed to the top of the report and nothing else mattered. 'Reactor containment cascade failure.' he read. 'Bugger.'

"Are the internal comms running yet?" He yelled at the room

"Been up for a couple of minutes chief." A voice from the dark replied.

"Get me the bridge. They're going to want to hear this."

***

"What the status Chief." O'Hara asked

"We're not going to die in the next few hours put it that way. Half of the engineering section is either vaporised or is floating in space and most of the repairs can't be done in space. The big problem is the reactor, it's rooted."

O'Hara bit back the comment she was going to make. Something more technical than 'rooted' would be good and a few 'maams' wouldn't hurt. But Sutton had the look of a man who'd been hand gliding over Hell. "How bad is it? Will we be able to get back to a yard on our own power?"

"This isn't a damaged reactor. It's rooted. It's going to blow and when it does it'll take the ship with it."

"I thought you said we weren't going to die in the next few hours?" O'Hara exploded at the man over the comms.

"Oh it'll take 15 hours or so, but we will lose containment." Sutton was ridiculously relaxed about it.

"Shouldn't you be trying to fix it?!" O'Hara had resisted jumping out of her chair during her last outburst, but couldn't manage it this time.

Sutton was too numb to care. It was only a ship. Over half of his people were dead or seriously injured and only now was he getting the time to think about that.

"How exactly? It's a containment cascade failure. We have dozens of safety systems, which are now floating in space or destroyed incidentally, devoted just to stopping this happening, because it is unstoppable." Sutton's voice grew in emotion as he remembered what he'd read earlier. Most of the escape pods were damaged. The reactor was going to fail and he couldn't stop it. Bugger indeed.

***

El Presidente Marks hadn't left the situation room since news of the Jraenar blockade runner had reached him. He could have got a feed sent to his desk, instead he had chosen to go to the situation room and watch the battles unfold. Like the rest of the room he had cheered at Task Force Two's success. When Task Force One started their pursuit he willed them on, then held his breath as Saintes vanished behind the nuclear inferno. The sight of her emerging damaged but unbowed would stay with him for years. Lives had been lost this day, but they had not been lost in vain. Or so he hoped. As he turned to take his leave of Admiral Watson a transmission from Leander

"We have a situation onboard Saintes and it doesn't look good. She's suffering a reactor containment failure which her engineer tells me is unstoppable. Also most of their escape pods were damaged by the missile blast. However they've got approximately 15 hours until a breach occurs so we have time to try and find a solution." Commodore Delap was short and to the point.

"We'll get the design bureau and engineering sections right on it Delap. Can you attempt a docking?" Admiral Watson replied while other officers started recieving and processing the data.

"Not a chance, Saintes docking port is warped beyond use."

"Isn't she using an Armstrong reactor?" El Presidente interrupted, remembering a technical briefing from months ago

One of the officers checked a screen "Yes sir."

"Then get them onto it as well." Marks ordered

"They wont like it sir, the management is still angry about losing the Leander contracts and the emergency work on Falcon" Watson replied.

"If they ever want another government contract and want to stay out of prison they will help" Marks reply brooked no argument.

Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story) *DELETED* *DELET
 

Post deleted by Imperator Fyron - Crappy UBB not actually deleting the post... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/smilies/mad.gif