The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Purpose of this thread:
In the tradition of: the “Ye Olde Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina” and the late, “Gryphin GrowlTigga” threads we bring you’re the “Galactic Bash Story Thread”
Post stories chronicling the PBW game known as “The Galactic Bash”
Trade barbs directly related to the Galactic Bash
Disseminate misinformation to other players of The Galactic Bash.
All of this will be done as long as it does not violate the “Rules of Fair Play and Sportsmanship”. I am sure no one will post information about another player’s game or details about their own. As such, many of the game stories and other post will be from the creative minds of the player.

Any resemblance to realty is strictly in the minds of the reader.

We will attempt to keep non game related banter to the “Ye Olde Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina”

Note: Everyone, Player or not is welcome to post here.

Warning, Warning, Warning
This thread may be hazardous to your mental health. We disavow all responsibility for your future sanity.
Enjoy the Thread
Let the Banter Begin!
Sincerely,
High Gryphn

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

His most Glorious, Illustrious, Magnificent, Highness, Twixle the 4th, stood in front of his window looking out across the capitol. His research department had sent a memo to his office, reminding him of the upcoming test of the new CTW-1 Cruiser that afternoon with the TGP weapon systems.

"AAhh, yes, this new system is revolutionary in concept, something new and deadly," he thought to himself. Our illustrious Imperial fleet would be that much stronger if everything went as planned.
Those races that try to curtail or impeded our Quest shall tremble with fear and their planets shall be ours for the taking.

Nothing shall impede our Quest throughout the Universe, nothing shall stand in our way, he thought as he smiled to himself.

Our Scientific community shall always prevail.., now if they could only design a good cup of Xxtemme instead of this disgusting slop they imported from our planet #3. Yuk, no wonder we are a hairless race, drinking this junk eliminates all types of those hairy growths other races appear to have upon their anatamies. Hmmm, maybe .....
A Knock on his door interrupted his continuous mental faculties, Who the .....

to be continued.....

Taken from the Historical History of the Tka-Chik Empire

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Growltigga the Great sat in his command chair gripping the arms tightly with his mightily muscled claws - a small itch started at the back of his neck but the great Kat was too tense to take the time to scratch it.

Growltigga the Great yelled orders to his flunkeys and gazed at the starfield shown on his viewscreen - the sight filled his warriors' heart with joy - who could not be inspired by the sight of the 1st Strike Fleet of the Growltigga Alliance arrayed in battle formation and streaking toward its foes?.

As Growltigga watched, he saw the spectral shimmering of force screens being activated and the chiarascuro of drive fields reaching combat readiness. The attack order was sent through the fleet and Growltigga gripped the arms of his seat even tighter, the nagging itch even more irritating.

He watched the Alliance fleet bear in for the kill, already missile launchers were spitting their lethal charges toward the ships of the enemy, small fighter craft were being launched from their catapults and were streaking toward the enemy vessels, already the glorious close assault cruisers of the Growltigga Alliance were closing to point blank range, their heavy shielding shrugging off all fire that the enemy scum could throw at them whilst their heavy beam weaponry sent shifting shafts of shimmering shining fire into the enemy vessels, ripping their hulls asunder and vapourising the ships.

As he watched, the fleet flagship, the GFN Dogbiter closed up to an enemy dreadnought and released boarding sleds - GA space marines used plasma torches to cut through the enemy ship's hull and soon, its stricken crewmen were being merrily disembowelled by the ferocious furry fighting felines of the 3rd Furball Assault Division - Growltigga the Great always wished the enemy would surrender before the marines got involved as shredding your enemies limb from limb and stuffing their heads up their backsides in true tigga tradition was not good for galactic realpolitik and machtpolitik- he would have problems facing the Tcha-chik ambassador after this performance without suffering the overriding urge to stuff the ambassador's head up his rectum - actually, thought Growltigga, that is probably no worse than what the Tcha-Chiks get up to anyhow

Growltiggfa turned back to the battle. It didnt Last long, it never did and the 1st Strike Fleet of the Growltigga Alliance reformed and jetted off to the next victory, nursing over a few dented hull plates and a couple of minor flesh wounds.

Growltigga stretched, scratched the itch and broke wind. "Damn", he thought, "Galaxy Quest is getting better every week"

[ 08 May 2002: Message edited by: Growltigga ]

[ 08 May 2002: Message edited by: Growltigga ]</p>

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Memo from the Vassili Society 2420.5

Please note that the previous two announcements are false. It was determined that at the date of 2400.1 to 2400.2 that neither 'EMPIRE' owned any ships let alone a '1st Strike Fleet' nor a 'spectral shimmering of force screen' nor 'arms' upon a so-called 'seat'. The itch itself was a figment of imagination. This so called 'Alliance' animal did not exist.

The 'GFN Dogbiter' was a name taken from a pack of matches found in a dust bin. The 3rd Furball Assault was really a side product from a well cleaned cat.

The only sentance that ringed of any truth was 'it never did'

WEre did we hear this

Why Bad Scripts Gone Wrong Booster Party.

That is all.

Later

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Bloody bump to coin a damned colonial phrase

Come on guys,. the lack ofrole play and general silliness on this thread is appalling

Saxon? whee on earth are you? have you pulled or something?
Gryphin? your wretched thread so get cracking

Tesco and your chum, let be having more out of you you north mancunian reprobate you

Mephisto, surely germany's answer to Britney Spears has sometihing to say?

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Internal Note to Neural Nanonics from Growltigga the Great - esteemed and natural leader of the Ferocious Fighting Furry Felines of the Growltigga Alliance.

"Hmm, in addition to sounding like a dodgy bunch of Greek kebab shop owners, the Vassili Society are obviously not terribly bright, and are also lacking even the most rudimentary sense of humour. They should have realised that Growltigga the Great was in fact watching television, upon which television show the glorious 1st Strike Fleet of the Growltigga Alliance was stuffing the heads of yet another bunch of galactic miscreants up their own rectums.

And as for having no starshps by 2400.2, "hmmmm..." thought the Glorious Growltigga, "these boys are slow off the mark"

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

2380,
High Gryphin leaned back in his elevated perch. Made of Rock, carved to fit him perfectly. His eyes scanned the “Highs” seated before him. He read their poorly controlled body language. Something was about to fly.
The thought went through his conscious mine that, “It had better be good, or someone is going to be researching eye color of the blind aggit”
A light snap of his beak and the room went quite. Dispensing with ceremony he addressed the first High on the left.
“Hrrs, Report”
The High Researcher of the Solar System adjusted his feathers and responded in his best monotone voice. Despite his efforts, this body gave away the excitement. “High, We have confirmed there is life on the planet known as Gryphin II. We have reason to believe it is a highly advanced form though we have not confirmed this as of yet. Our ancient computers are now cross-indexing the Mythos of Our Origins, The Great Voyage, and the data from our scopes. It is possible that the Mythos was not a myth after all. We have initiated attempts to translate radio and optical data that is being transmitted directly at us from Gryphin II. We have also begun to transmit greeting from us using several mathematical variations. I believe the Chief of Quadrant Research as similar information on another star system…
“Hqr, Report”, cutting off Hrrs in mid click of a word
“High Gryphin, We have analyzed data coming from another planet n and other star system that is too close to the data from Gryphin II to be a coincidence. Working with Hrrs, we are comparing the data from each source and looking for patterns. We are not alone.” The body language of the Last statement sent shivers around the room.
To hide his own response, High Grphin clicked out, “Hrst Report”!
The High Researcher of Space Travel spoke less excitedly with a slight nervous edge. “The design of the colony ships is near complete. We are still having difficulty with the engines as we will have to be in space to test them. We have an exceptional Researcher working on a simulator but our computers are so out dated. Additional delays on the design of the ships are coming form the various Research Groups claiming we should mimize cost and risk by making the smallest ship possible. Others say, (in particular the Researcher of Population and Society say we must make them as big and fast as we can to relive the stress on our over populated world”.
“Rps, Report”
High Gryphin, Hrst is right, we are getting substantial resistance to building large fast colony ships from conservative parties”, There was no effort to conceal body language that exuded disdain for the Researcher of Safety. I firmly believe we must take our chances and move as many people off planet as possible. Sir the people are happy. They are reproducing like the proverbial Yiffiys from the “The Great Voyage”. We must do something.
High Gryphin’s body language, (bl), communicated, “Do not challenge this decision”! “Large cargo, slow ships”.

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

2400.2

Growltigga the Great yawned and carefully put down the monthly reports he was reading. Growltigga longed for the days of when he was simply a humble commander of an assault battalion in the Unification Wars that led to the formation of the Growltigga Alliance. At least then his options were simple - advance toward the enemy, give them hell and rip them limb from limb - Growltigga missed the warm heat of an enemy's blood squirting across his muzzle after biting its throat out - he also missed the expressions in prisioner's faces when they saw their comrades being decapitated and the heads being stuffed up their rectums

"Still" Growltigga thought "being il duce and lord of the universe is pretty good". The new warship designs were rolling off the yards. The research faculy were coming up with some spiffing stuff. A Kentucky Fried Gryphin was opening up nearby and Growltigga had a hot date with a JLo lookalike. '"Actually' thought Growltigga, "Life is pretty good"

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

His most Glorious, Magnificent, Highness, Twixle the 4th, stood on the research pad outside of the center looking at the new CTW-1 Crusier that was ready for testing.

What a magnificent site to behold, another organ to ply the ways of the Universe in the continuation of our Quest. His lead scientists had told him the new cruiser was outfitted with new revolutionary systems that far exceeded anything that had gone before.

The anticipation that Twixle the 4th had was so immense, a slight discolored liquid began oozzzing down his lower appendages, his body began to shiver, and as he watched the cruiser lift into the sky, Twixle started to think of his wives in a most appropoe manner, like usual when he saw one of his mighty ships of war rise up to fulfill the quest. He was already turning away, fantasizing of things that were non military in nature with a specific wife, the one with the very enlarged...Whaaaaammmmmm, a large explosion from above rippled downward, shaking the very ground upon which he stood, knocking everyone onto the ground, except Twixle the 4th, he was able to wrap his arms around a railing which was next to him. Everyone else was displaced in various poses along the reserch pad. His Highness, Twixle the 4th, looked up and saw that the mighty cruiser of which he was so proud, was apparently coming to ground in various and most numerous pieces.

Damn those lousy creatures in the labs. Another failed experiment. Now we will have to continue our expansion and quest with those small untidy outdated escorts. This is no way to begin our outward quest. Heads will roll, when I'm done with those ingrates they'll look like those small furry creatures that walk around the outback, the ones that look like they have whiskers and a orange pointed whatever protruding from their backsides. Still can't figure out how they hop around like that with those long whiskers and whatever that orange thing is. Its like a cross between two disgusting animals. All that research and resources wasted again, this can't continue, science must go foreward, he thought to himself as he walked slowly to his waiting grey long earred, 4 footed ride. There has to be a better way then this to get around he muttered to himself, as he picked up the long pole which had a string with a large orangish looking piece of food with green sprouts coming out the top. His Mightines Highness Twixle the 4th, straddled this grey colored creature, and while holding the pole and dangling the food in front of the creatures mouth rode off to his palace to begin another day of dreaming of what might be.

to be continued.

from the History of the Tka-Chik Empire

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Links!

Edit: spelling in sig.

[ 10 May 2002, 17:10: Message edited by: Story Junkie ]

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

SJ, tks for including the thread into your links, that was very nice of you to do

just some ideas mac

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Of course I have pulled, what do you think rabbits do with their spare time? Sigh, the truth is that best I have done so far is a blind date tonight and lunch tomorrow with the woman who took the elephant kissing photo.

Great One Buffy, ruler of all the Fluffy Bunnies, was contentedly chewing on a carrot. The carrot was developing a very sharp point and Buffy was developing a very evil grin. The map of the Empire was spread before Buffy and suddenly, the carrot was trust into a neighboring start system.

“There is were we shall prosper!” shouted Buffy. The servants jumped up and down clapping their tiny paws together; the Great One had spoken. The Species would be put on double shift, working 36 hours a day and the great migration would begin. Many would die gloriously in the factories, and even more from lack of sleep, but Buffy’s will would be followed.

Buffy picked up a sprig of parsley and began chewing on it. For days afterwards, the Great One could be heard muttering “I wonder what basil would taste like? I must find some. And perhaps some catnip.”

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Lt. Commander "IhamNobody", of Tka-Chik gp-scout 1, was sitting in his captains chair watching his display of his surroundings. "Damn Computer glitches, this is the 3rd time in the Last life cycle that the stupid system went down. Can't our beloved researchers get the bugs out of this thing," he thought as he belched a large sigh. "I had to use message drones to send back to the Admiralty with updates on our discoveries. Sometimes I wonder who side they are on he contemplated".

Lt. Commander IhamNobody, dwelled on the orders he received from his superiors. Seek out colonizable planets in adjacent systems especially to be on the lookout for those with ancient ruins that may contain advanced knowledge. The colonies were a necessity in order for his race to continue in the Quest thru the outer reaches of the Universe. They needed to establish bases from which to launch new and more ships in furtherance of their mandate from His Most Illustrious Twixle the 4th.

The only problem he thought, what if we find another space faring race, do we trade, talk or fight, he muld over in his mind. The reprecussions could be catistrophic if they were found to be warlike. With that in mind, he ordered his communitcation officer, "WeAreOne" to prepare several drones for instant release, in case that should happen with their current location. He was just getting up from his chair when ....

to be continued

from history of Tka-Chik Empire

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Emperor Kilbot 9000 stood before the assembly. The great hall was filled with Generals, Admirals, Armidillos, Alcaholics, and a couple of out of work actors from crappy fox sitcoms who had wandered in from across the street. They were all here to hear Kilbot 9000 speak about the current state of affairs in the Empire of Overworked and Underpaid robots. The empire was large, as most robots work far to many hours, and very few of them get paid with anything other than some power cells and oil, which most nations were cutting back on due to the recent rise in oil prices because some idiot, when asked if he wanted to Uninstall Windows or destroy the greater portion of the Milky Way galaxy chose to destroy the greater portion of the milkway galaxy.... But that is a whole nother story...

Anywho, he stood before the assembled crowd, all thirty four and a half of them and said, "Shhh,"

A great chear arose from the crowd. If kilbot 9000 had been built with a mouth, or any sort of externally movable port for that matter, he would have smilled, or at least moved. When the chearing had finally died the audiance stood in quiet awe of Kilbot 9000's greatness, they silently stood, waiting for what their great leader would say next....

And then it happened, Kilbot 9000 in all his glower said, "Ping," and two small pieces of toast came popping out of his top. The crowd went into a frenzy, with their glorious leader's immense knowledge and incredible military prowess leading them, the great Empire of Overworked and Underpaid robots would go onto victory. Nothing could stop an army of 550,000 robots and two out of work actors from a crappy fox sitcom! The future looked very bright, very bright indeed.

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Alais Tesco cannot load game so no story... but he will add some later

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

IhamNobody was jolted out of his seat by WeAreOne, sir, our computers system is down again, we can't make transit thru the wormhole.. IhamNobody just looked at him with an undescribable look upon his countenance, What the H... do you mean their down again??? All I can tell you sir is that they are stating things which make no sense and we can't set up our jump coordinates until we get them straightened out.
IhamNobody just looked at him, Damn these darn computers, its like they have a life of their own, these good for nothing piles of mechanical junk, just sitting there smiling at us knowing they got us by the b...., some day, some day you piece of garbage, you will get your uppance, he thought quietly to himself. "WeAreOne, let me know the minute those systems come up, in the meantime I'll be in my cabin working one of my research projects with ensign "IamSweet", with that Capt. IhamNobody left the bridge with a spring in his step, at least something is going right he smiled to himself..... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

If the Essance was human it would have sprouted a huge grin. Aha these puny beings think they are the smartest creatures in the Universe, if they only knew, it thought, with what could have been construed as a mechanical chuckle. Oh my my, the poor things can't transit, my goodness, what a shame.. heh, heh, it computed to itself. Let them try and figure it out the brainless wonders. It'll take them sometime to find that loose wire, in the meantime, that old pudgy captain is going to do research again is he, if he only knew that something was watching his every move, ha, ha, ha, it buzzed to itself in mirth. I wonder what new concoctions him and that new ensign IamSweet will come up with this time, the old buzzard, he acts like he's a young sprout again. Sigh, I hope we find some mechanical life forms on this trip that I can communcate with for once, the essance contemplated to itself while making the connections to the Capt's cabin, its boring watching.... what the... I didn't know creatures could do that sort of ..........

to be continued

from the History of the Tka-Chik Empire

[ May 16, 2002, 04:11: Message edited by: mac5732 ]

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Growltigga put the seat down and pulled the chain, the pleasant ripple of cacading water echoed through the room. "Damn" he thought, "I really must get one of those new heating devices for the seat of the Imperial Throne" - Growltigga folded up his copy of the Alliance Times and strode out to his dressing room. Today was a big day for the Alliance, a great day for the Alliance and Growltigga knew that he should dress for the occassion.

Some races had a World Cup for football or baseball, some races had the National Kabaddi Championships, some porky buggers even had sumo wrestling but Growltigga the Great knew that all these sports paled into insigificance beside the Growltigga Alliance's triennial sporting extravaganza.

"Yes" thought the Great Kat, "this years Slaughter of the Line Dancers is going tobe truly magnificant"

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

The essance was in the process of trying to eliminate the moisture that had formed on its internal wiring after watching the barbaric and repulsive activities that it had observed in the Captians cabin. These creatures are beyond belief it thought to itself, I need complete overall before this rust bucket proceeds into the unknown universe. hmmmm, I think if I just tweak this here and this and.....

WeAreOne notified his captain that repairs on the systems were out of the question. They would have to return to Planet #1 for a complete reconstruction of the computer systems. "Its like the damn thing had a life of its own" WeAreOne mumbled to himself as the course change was instituted back to Planet#1. Its almost like its possessed of some type of demononic essance he thought as he sat back into his chair..

to be continued

from the history of the Tka-Chik Empire

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

2380.20
“Cool, is that a sure thing? The body language could not hide elated feelings of the High Researcher of Population and Society”.

“You can tell The High Gryphin it is a sure thing”. The Lead Engineer in charge of Living / Crew Quarters on the colony ship was clearly bursting with pride. “60 million Gryphins will be able to live cramped but ok for at least 12 nruts, That is enough to cross our star system 6 times at 3 erauqs per nrut. At that rate we can move 60 million Gryphins off planet every other nrut. The people will be able to breed like the mytho Yiffies”.
HRPs clicked cautiously, “And the dedicated transport ships you’re your group is working on”?, it was clear he was almost afraid to ask.

“It will be able to move 360 million Gryphins at a time”, came the very satisfied clicks and feathers rustle. “Do you know if they have made a decision on the extra nesting space on the Space Yards”?
HRPs replyed with a clear shrug, “”They” have decided the extra month to complete the SYs would take too long. It is better to get these Yiffies off to another world”

Ailat ran the numbers through her system again. This time stretching the time period out over 24 nruts. It was clear. Build the Colony ships with the planet based ship yards and build the rest of the ship yards with the new ship yard they were working now.
Two more clicks and the file was sent.
“Glad to have that done, Now for a long weekend starting with a few stouts at the Aggit head Cantinna

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Bump

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Twixle the 4th was looking over his latest reports concerning the realighnment of yard work on the new expanded scout ships... "hmmm, the report shows that they should have the problem with the computer systems fixed within another week or so,,, most excellent. Once again our illustrious Imperial Navy shall be endeavoring to once again ply the universe upon the Quest and locating new colonies to help procreat our race, most invigerating....

to be continued

taken from history of the Tka-Chik Empire

[ June 06, 2002, 17:29: Message edited by: mac5732 ]

Re: The Galactic Bash Story Thread
 

Please post all ship sets.. if your not using one from the stock races.