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OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
After a week of frantic preparation, the Tigg-scoff bithday party is ready to begin. The gates to the Party palace are thrown open and the jostling masses outside are admitted. Creatures of all species and persuasions from across the galaxy file in and seat themselves at the plush tables, admiring he opulent decorations and attractions around them.
The giant rotating Kylie statue is the centrepiece, squirting out champagne as planned. Teams of cheerleaders can be seen on the sidelines, practising their moves for later when they will support the FBW tag wrestling tournament. Screams, followed by the gurglings of auto-cloners can be faintly heard as competitors in the Bill Gatres clone creative pain threshold competition practise for the big event. Hundreds of "Tiggettes" - sexy women in little more than Tiger ears and tails - are performing amazing feats of trapezery above the tables. Everyone is just starting to get into the swing of things when the music stops and a drum roll commences. It breaks into funky music and the dimmed lights give way to lasers and spotlights which pick out the first guest of honour. It's Dogscoff. He makes his way through the crowd, shaking hands and receiving thanks for the party along the way. Doris (his Valkyrie personal wellfare enforcement officer) follows, wearing slinky black number which not only shows off her impressive curves but her terrifying array of concealed weapons. Dogscoff eventually arrives at the central table, which overlooks the honey-filled wrestling pit and has still an empty seat reserved for Growltigga. The party can't start until he's here. I'm sure he'll make a good entrance... |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Like the first ripples upon the waters of the ocean which lead to mightiest tsunamis, a wave of silence echoes out across the party palace, gathering strength as it grows. All fall quiet, the cheerleaders stop cheerleading, the Bill Gates-clone abUsers stop abusing, the FBW wrestlers stop rubbing in the baby oil... all is quiet.
All heads look upwards, shifting shafts of shimmering fire are weaving across the heavens, sparking in the night in glittering bursts of actinic fire. The crowds tremble for verily, they are aware that they are now in the presence of majesty, glory and power in all its incarnations. The chiaroscuro of lights coalesces and focuses on one glittering point, a ball of fire gathers there and the crowds can feel that something great and wonderful is beginning to form there. The silence is shattered by the most god-almightly loudest guitar powerchord in the history of mankind, a guitar shaped starship erupts from the glowing ball of fire and on the flat top deck, a tuxedo-clad Growltigga can be seen standing, with Sophie Marceau, Ines Sastre, Claudia Schiffer, Heidi Klum and Cindy Crawford arrayed artfully at his feet. Around him, the reformed members of Queen launch into "We will rock you" and the crowd go wild. The spaceship settles by the VIP suite and Growltigga, looking more debonaire than Piers Brosnan and more sexy than Brad Pitt, walks over to his seat. He nods to Dogscoff and raises his arms, all goes quiet again as the mighty kat turns to faces the adoring crowds... "Courtesy of Tigg-Scoff plc, let the party begin, the bar is free all night" Hundreds are trampled in the ensuing stampede |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
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With a fanfare, the preliminary bouts of the FBW tag-wrestling begin. Four fully oiled FBWs begin writhing around at the bottom of the honey-pit, with one of the delightful Cue Cappan girls from Madame Ooloo's acting as referee. The crowd goes silent at the spectacle, and Dogscoff has to physically restrain Tigga, who is ready to use the diving board straight away. "Save it for later, mate. Trust me, it will be worth it..." |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
BOINNGG BOINNNG BOINGG BOINNGG
wibble wibble wibble frisnet GRRRRRRRR!!!!! |
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Warnning, Warning, Warning
The Galactic Wide Famous Gryphin Positon will be demonstrated here befor your very eyes, (or what ever sensory organs you have). We would like to emphasize this is not for the weak of heart, (or what ever organ pumps your what ever it pumps). As such the live demo will be held in the newly built Gryphin Growltigga Stadium. :: points over there :: Attend at your own risk. Mangment denys respociblity for your health. (GT you might want to insert some leaglese here) |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
I cant insert any legalese, I am too busy dancing
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Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
(8) 100 bottles of beer on the wall
100 bottles of beer if one of them should happen to fall 99 bottles of beer on the wall (hic) jusstt lovve biiirrrthhddayyy parties... haaaappppy Birrtthhhhdaayyyy, pass the brewskis.... celebrating mac |
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Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Sachmo, the champagne is coming out of her perfectly formed and pert breasts....
Mac, there is free brewskis all night so you dont need to fill up your colostomy bag for later... you can have fresh booze until midnight tomorrow.. Growltigga sidles off onto the dancefloor wondering where Claudia Schiffer got to |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
GT, my profuse salutations to you and dogscoff on you Day of Days, also my profound tks for the free brewskis.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif I shall try and endeavor to indulge a weeeee litttllle bittt before the Taz shows up http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif also don't want to be to incapacitated during the upcoming wrestling matches and demonstrations..... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif but afterwards the contents of the brewskis shall be running most swiftly throughout the party room enhancing those within to partake and enjoy themselves to the next level of fullfillment...
partying Mac |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
And don't forget kids, the whole event is being broadcast live on Pay-Per-View!!! All profits go to an adorable little charity, "Viagra for Aging Tigers"! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif
And, of course, select freeze-frames will be captured and stored in special vaults protected by stasis fields; said storage to continue as long as periodic donations are made to the "Gryphin Position Memorial Fund" and "Circle the Wagons Beauty School Scholarship Program". All donations, initial and periodic, may be addressed to Tigg-Scoff PLC... but don't go claiming these donations on your tax forms, as Barry is getting indigestion from dining on revenue agents... |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Wow, a champagne squirting Kylie!
Wow, a honey filled wrestling pit! Wow, clone torturing! Wow, tiggettes! Wow, cheerleaders! Wow, funcy music! Wow, free beer!! Yeah, cool party guys, you two are too good for us! Congrats from me! Having fun already! Now to search for the idiot who trhew a pie in my face! Ohh, he's going to get some beers from me! It was afterall a good throw and a very good pie. |
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Whheeeeeeeee
Waheeeyyyyyyyy Yeeeeeee Haawwwwwwww sounds of very happy partying Tigga cavorting on dancefloor with bevy of beauties whilst clutching a champagne bottle fade into distance |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
...Suddenly a loud roaring sound is heard from outside the building. A few of the less enebriated guests look out the windows and see what looks like a small tornado approaching fast.
Said minature cyclone enters through the door (No time to open it!) and, pausing only slightly before the statue, makes it's way to the center of the festival. With one final flurry of activity, it tosses out all kinds of party hats, favors, confetti, amd noise-makers and resolves itself into... The TAZ. Weeehoooo! LLEEEEEEETTTTTTSSSS PPPPAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTYYYYY!!!!! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
aahhh the good Taz has showen up at Last, ahem, GT its time to bring out the reserve brewskis, the liquid refreshment is really going to flow,
Bring on the wrestling matches and the Gryphin Position demonstrations......(hic,hic) 100 bottles of beer on the wall, l00 bottles of beer, (belch) Oh and see if you could serve some of Tescos and Pukes sauces with the chili, ahh what a feast, brewskis, chili with special sauce, babes, Liz Hurley look a likes, sigh,,,, as Mac upends another brewski, and orders the large bowl of chili, eeeeeeeyyyaaaahooooooo (hic) a still partying mac |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
1-2-3 cha cha cha, 1-2-3 cha cha cha
Damn this is a fine party, 12 hours in and I am drunk as a Canadian at his daughter's wedding but still dancing with anyone who can keep up... Oops, better go, Ines Sastre says she wants to take me for the Last lager waltz |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
left step-left step-right step-kick
left step-left step-right step-twirl left step-left step-right step-kick left step-left step-right step-star jump left step-left step-right step-kick left step-left step-right step- "Ow I'm bad" Growltigga gets that horrible feeling of being the only one dancing in a very large auditorium indeed. Yep, its only me and Kylie Kylie?? where'd she come from Growltigga and Kylie break into dance routine from "Cant get you out of my head" |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Old Mac is sitting at his table, Liz Hurley look a like on his lap, 2 super large bowlsof chili,1 with Tesco's sauce and the other with Puke's in front of him, a pitcher of ice cold Coors, Party hat upon his noggin, party favors scattered all around, singing most blusterously, tapping his feet to the music which in turn caused the LH look a like on his lap to jiggle most deliciously, watching the Tigga gyrate his anatamy all over the dance floor in some sort of barbaric ritual and toting a mug of some type of liquid refreshment in each paw. AAHhh can't get much better the this, Where's that old Dogscoff, passed out in a cornor somewhere, he should be joining the "KAT" out on the dance floor with some lucious vixen on his arm....
a groggy but still partying Mac (ps I'm on my 3rd colostomy bag http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif ) |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
quick-slow quick-quick slow
quick-slow quick-quick slow quick-slow quick-quick slow quick-slow quick-quick slow EEEKKKK!!!! sorry Kylie quick-slow quick-quick slow quick-slow quick-quick slow quick-slow quick-quick slow quick-slow quick-quick slow the dulcet tones of 'Girl from Ipanema' echoes round the auditorium as the party settles down for the first slow dance 'erection section' of the evening, Growltigga glides past, rose in his teeth, Ines Sastre on one arm, Heidi Klum on the other and Kylie Minogue sitting on his shoulder da dum dum dum dum da da da da daaaaa da dum dum dum anyone seen that bit in Some Like it Hot with Jack Lemmon, that's me that is |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
After Timstone drank enough beer he wanders to the DJ booth and asks him to play real dance music.
Within a few secs Deep Project, Groove Coverage, Fluke, Public Domain and Brooklyn Bounce resound throughout the auditorium. Like a regular partyanimal Timstone dances (?) with his girlfriend across the dancefloor. Knocking the occasional visitor of his/her feet (hey, what can I say they were in the way!). After all the requested songs were played by the almighty soundcontroling DJ, Timstone and his girlfriend cool down with a nice extra large beer. Wow, what a party guys, give me more! Salute to Growltigga and Dogscoff! |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Trajan runs into the party, appologizes for his tardiness, and begins to imbibe fine english Ale, begore the bar is closed.
Bottom's up FBW's and drinkers all...for today we dringk to two great personalities. CHEERS! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Trajan |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Whoa. Man.
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Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
boy,
Wait till they all wake up and realize this was once huge dream. |
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wow, that's not fair Major Gryphin!
Nobody can be that cruel, I hope... |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
The party's OVERRRRR. The Partys Ovvverrr (singing out of tune) hic, hic, belch
Oh my head.., the day after is always such a bummer, pass the alcazelzer, sheeeessseee, mumbles Mac as he stumbles out of the party room, (apparently he must have indulged to the point of falling asleep) ohhhhhh boy, need a good hangover remedy, hmmm beer with raw egg has been told to refresh one after a night of carrousing? Let alone the gurggling noises coming from Mac's stomach (too much chili with Tesco's and Puke's sauces...) pls talk quietly, hangover zone...... Anyone know some good old fashion remedies for hangovers THAT ACTUALLY WORK ????? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif A groggy under the weather Mac (belch) [ September 19, 2002, 14:25: Message edited by: mac5732 ] |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Mac,
IMHO--- The only real cure for hang-overs (other than not drinking in the 1st place) is sleep and youth. As I have gotten older (33 now) my hangovers have gotten substantially more debilitating. There sooooo many cures for symptoms of hang-over but nothing makes it totally go away until I sleep it off. This site provides a several answers: http://www.hungover.net/top10_readers.asp here is another: http://www.hairytongue.com/thecure/ Anyhow...I am glad that the party was such a success. Cheers! Trajan [ September 19, 2002, 17:58: Message edited by: Trajan ] |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Trajan, I thank you for the advice (belch), I agree with the older you get the rougher it is.... I'm a litttlllleeee bit older then you, (but not the oldest on the fourum http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif ) I have found that if you lay down while hungover (over the yrs) that space and time seem to merge into a swirling, jiggling dance, which makes the time continum most noteworthy for seeing into what the speed of light realy entails. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif
ahaahahhahah,, I shall research those sites you have generously listed (for further research of science of course http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif ) to locate one which may help this poor old sod's pounding head thank you my good man (it was a h... of a party http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif ) still groggy mac [ September 19, 2002, 17:30: Message edited by: mac5732 ] |
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To beat a hangover (or avoid the speed of light). Before you lay down to study the light show drink one can 7-Up or Sprite (or any non-caffeine product) then refill the can with warm or cool water and drink that. The next morning you will feel great, but need to pee REAL BAD! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif [ September 19, 2002, 15:53: Message edited by: President Elect Shang ] |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
There are two relyable methods for avoiding or reducing hangovers:
1) Abstenance 2) Drink as much water as you do alcahol. |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
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Happy birthday, dogscoff. Darn, I missed the party http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif . Looks like you had lots of fun http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif . Rollo |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
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Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
P.E. Shang, I've never heard of that remedy before, I shall remember and try your most illustrious enlightenment on this subject.
D.T. I shall leave that up to the rest of the party goers to decide, as yours trully is not up to making a decision right now http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif But I must admit in my regards, that, Indeed somethings at the present time do appear to be double or triple, hmmmm where did that L.H. look a like go http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif The Gyphin, abstinence is not allowed during the riotous, gyrating, swishing, celebrations of birthday bashes with those who engage in the ageing process. (especially after one pass 30, let alone those years that come after the nexes of 50 ughhhhhhh) does it help? NOPE, but it sure is fun trying to regress back to ones younger, carefree, wild, lustful days of yester-year.... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Its only the morning after that makes one swear additional oaths of "never again" http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif Now in addition to the light speed of viewing and the thundrous roar of a cat walking across the cantina floor, I find myself utilizing the Inner Sanctum in very observant haste to engage the tidy bowl diety in regards to my glutonous and wanton digestion of chili with Tesco's and Puke's sauces while researching which of the two ..... Excuse me a momento..... OUTA MY WAY..., MOVE......,,, (Inner Sanctum Door Slams) all is quiet, a FBW walks over and turns on all the fans within the cantina..... Taz, removes a new box of air fresheners and begins handing them out to the other FBWs, he also appears to be studying the "ON..." (word is not printable unless one wishes for strange happenings upon oneself http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif ) for removal of undesirable air streams currently flowing within said establishment...... http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif One H.... of a party the Tigga and Dogscoff threw..... a........... mac [ September 19, 2002, 18:01: Message edited by: mac5732 ] |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Yup...definately did post the same URL twice. I guess I am getting a bit slow with the CTRL-C CTRL-V key's. Anyhow..it is repaired. Here is the 2nd URL http://www.hairytongue.com/thecure/.
And for good measure...one other. http://www.hangoverguide.com/over/clinic/ |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
A rumbling noise can be heard from a far. Mac looks on as his dentures rattle in his glass ala Jarrasic Park, taz stops spinning and barry cowers behind a Tigg Scoff battle crusier. All of a sudden a huge transport ship hovers above the party, leaving many regulars seconds to move their ships. It slowly parks and the smoke clears, The party stops and for a minute their is silence, except dogscoff yelping in the background from "special attention".
The next few minutes are field with everyones eyes and mouths on the floor as a couple of thousand newly appointed fbw's run out. RD walks over to GT. "Sorry i been late, kinda been down. But heres the best selection of girls from my empire, GT is a god as far as women are concerned there." GT Happily signs the relevant forms to take control of the new arrivals. "Anyway the other FBW's must be getting tired, plus i had to surrender lol to my friends empire, so they won't be pleased to find a system of ugly women." GT Recruits a couple of hundred and asks them to come in 5 at a timeto his "office" Thats gonna be one happy cat http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
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IM SMILING, IM SMILING
To paraphrase Tony the Tiger of Frosties fame, "FBW's, 5 at once, theeeeyyyyyyyyrrreeeee GREEEAAAATTTTTTT" |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Yeah, we must investigate this. Whilst the rest of us danced the night away at the party, you must have been kidnapped and beamed with the kinkapoo joygun (installed at the back of the cantina for particularily querulous clientele) to make you think you were having a good time and partaking on the Gryphin position with assorted FBWs and WIRs
Thinking about it, I dont actually think the person who gave us the stageshow of the Gryphin position was you.. thinking about it, there was a funny smell in the air at the time, a bit like parmesan cheese, and there was an empty bowl of chilli by the stage as well as a bottle of a 'brewski' whatever that might be... and thinking about it further, the poor FBW's did look like they had been shot with a "forgetto beam" Hmmmm, elementary my dear Gryphin, Mac wanted to take your place for TGP and CTW show, he obviously inconvenienced you, knocked out the FBWs and then stole your, ahem, thunder... My esteemed legal synopsis would suggest repeated beating with a large baseball bat with 9 inch nails banged through it as suitable punishment [ September 20, 2002, 13:02: Message edited by: Growltigga ] |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Since I am unable to partake in cartoon violence I will have to ask someone to stand in for me.
Any volunteers? |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
you want volunteers for beating Mac round the head with a baseball bat studded with 9 inch nails, why kind sir, I do beleive I will happily take over that service for you as suitable recompense for earlier legal advice provided to you
Now, where is that CTW glory stealing philandering sycophantic FBW-abusing amnesia-inducing, shindle shanked smelly old tosspot Mac when you need to give him legal correction? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif |
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Hey! Don't hurt that poor old Mac! He's too old to witstand your punishment!
Shame on you guys, partaking in assaulting elderly citizens of this cantina! But also shame on Mac for abusing his fellow visitor of the great TiggScoff party! I say lonely incarseration for about 7 days. |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Timstone, objection overruled.
Mac has cheated our chum Gryphin from showing off the famed 'Gryphin position' himself. You should realise that the whole cantina concept originated from the revelation about 'circling the wagons', the 'gryphin position' and 'furry line dancing'. To cheat Gryphin from his moment of glory is a heinous, foul, immoral and mortal offence indeed. By partaking in the 'Gryphin position' at the Tig-Scoff party, Mac had shown that he has stamina and is hale enough to be chastised by repeated blows with a baseball bat studded with 9 inch nails. An offence like Mac's needed appropriate punishment, but the trouble is knowing Mac, he might well enjoy it. |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Okay, I understand.
Then give a beer and I'll be happy again. |
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Blame the old guy huh???? pick on us old timers. sheeeesseeee
The evidence is put forth by a lawyer for pete's sake, thats says it all http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif Contrary to the ascertations of one furry, halucinating feline, I must confess that during the time in question, yours truly was quite drunk to the point where he was in never never land dreaming about Liz Hurly...., and therefore was in no proper condition to conduct any type of research into demonstrating the CTW or TGP. However, investigating the evidence as put forth by one who is covered in fur and a questionable lawyer to boot http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif , it seems that some unscruplulous rascal partook upon himself the expediant performance of hands on refreshment in regards to expiditing his enjoyment by incorporating himself into said demonstrations. In regards to the evidence found, Yours truly would have only been up to finding his way to the inner sanctum and the tidy bowl diety due to the chili cuisine along with numerous brewskis that were imbibed upon during said bash. In looking further into this allegation, I have researshed the whereabouts of certain members of the cantina and have found the following to be without upstanding and solid alibis. Tesco Saxon Memphisto Puke Geo Dogscoff Any of the aforementioned, or for that matter, all of them could have perpetrated this type of mischief. I say all as there were more then one FBW involved in the demonstrations (of which I must state I missed due to incapacitation http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif ), and therefore a group excercise in the demonstrations would not be out of the question. I have interrogated some of the FBW involved and they have provided some knowledge that might enhance the apprehension or indentification of said perpetrators. However, all of the above must be questioned lst in order to ascertain they side before further investigation is conducted. Now who do YOU think it was from the above list? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif or was it someone else http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif a still recovering mac |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Hmmmm... your aged incapacity, doubtful smell and poor standards of personal hygiene do make it exceedingly unlikely that a FBW, even under the influence of the forgetto beam or even, dare I mention that which must not be mentioned (the dreaded nymphobeam), would go near you let alone engage in any naughty acts..
You still get whalloped round the head with the naily baseball bat for casting dispersions on my career and my integrity. Only paying clients can do the latter. I think it was Saxon. Anyone who kisses Moose is capable of anything, and one of the most apt adages in England is the one that goes "never trust a Canadian" |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
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Abandon the commonwealth! Ditch the queen! People's Republic of Canada forever! ... I'm sorry, I think I had too much coors. [ September 20, 2002, 17:41: Message edited by: TerranC ] |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Phew, the greatested example of mass delusion the galaxy has ever known. Those pleasure beams at the cantina really do work.
Some how they did not prevent hangovers. hmm. wonder who programed that in. |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Gryphin, I am ashamed at you..
YOU might have spent the Last few days in a state of trance but the rest of us had a wonderful drunken sordid fantabulous party with tons of dancing and grooving and loads of music Roll on next year |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
That must be Bill Gates, I think. That A$$w!pe always seems to get the better end of the deal. With Windows he gets all the money and we get all the trouble. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon8.gif
And here too. He gets all the money and we get the hangovers. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon9.gif |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
Hmm,
Speculating, Maybe somebody "beamed" me and I missed the party? Who would do such a thing? The must be an Investigation!!!! |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
*Gradually, the bizarre dreams and string of meaningless sounds that have been streaming through his conciousness begin to seperate, and Dogscoff is able to discern that he is now awake and somewhere very noisy. As conciousness returns further and his senses begin to report back, he learns more things: That he is lying face down, that his limbs are reluctant to move and that it feels like someone is dynamite-fishing in his head. Also, evidence from his taste buds indicates that someone has been using his mouth as a recepticle for month-old chinese restaurant leftovers.
When he can put it off no longer, he opens his eyes. Yes, he definitely is lying face down, that's definitely the floor. Why is it flashing orange though? He blinks a few times and it doesn't stop flashing. A loud rumbling noise ends in a sharp pain in the ribs and what can only be swearing in some language Dogscoff does not recognise. He moves his head to see a big grey lump behind the luggage cart which has just been shoved into his body. The lump speaks, in broken English: "Hey! Get you out my way." "Where am I?" "You in my way, sticky human-man. You get out my way." "What day is it?" "It Saturday. You get out my way or I get security move you." "Saturday? Last thing I remember it was Tuesday. There were these girls, and then 'Tigga opened a bottle of Vaxin Absynthe..." "Shut up you talking and get you out my way, sticky human-man. I call security." Registering pain with every movement, Dogscoff pulls himself into a crawling position and drags himself out of the Druckshokan's path. This action is made even more difficult by the layer of stale honey which coats his entire body. He notes a trail of honey leading from his current position to a waste disposal chute. "That would explain why I'm covered in rubbish" he thinks sourly, "but not why I'm naked, nor why I have these three extra arms." Fragmented memories of a seedy tattoo & prosthetic parlour on some Xiati world come back to him. He was fed up going back to the bar again and again on large rounds, and wanted to be able to carry more drinks. Where was that? "Where am I?" He asks again, as the Drukshockan with the luggage cart moves through the honey trail. "You in spaceport, stupid sticky human-man." "What planet?" "What planet? You stupid stupid sticky stupid human-man. You on planet Mee Nogle. System Kye Lee Li. West Druckshockan Territory. Official most boring colonised planet in Galaxy." "But that's more than 800 light years away. Where's my ship? Where are my Underwater minions? Where are the girls from the party..?" The Druckshockan mutters more insults and shuffles off across the ship loading area to a small transport which is waiting for its Last few passengers. Dogscoff looks up to see a departure board. The transport's number is up there, and it is already 5 minutes late. The ramp closes behind its Last passenger, and the orange flashing hazard lights die as the ship lifts into the air. Dogscoff looks back to the departures board. The transport's details disappear and are replaced by those of the next flight. It's an Abbidon freighter heading into Zynarra space. It arrives here in just over 3 months. 3 MONTHS..? Dogscoff slumps back into his honey-puddle and wonders if he can sleep for that long... |
Re: OT - Tigg-scoff birthday party
*bump*
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