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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
GEORGE W. BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question. AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. MARTHA STEWART No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side." That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my fiends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it had a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? COLONEL SANDERS I missed one? |
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That part with Ronald Reagan was uncalled for. That whole thing was reasonably funny until I got to that point.
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But I died laughing when I read some of those. Such as Jerry Falwell.. That was the best one. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif Great http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
NIKE: It just did it JULIUS CAESAR: To come, to see, to conquer. Douglas Adams: Forty-two Mr. Scott: Cos ma wee transporter beam wasna functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain! |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
From: http://web.thock.com/humour/chicken.shtml
************************************ The Star Trek Answers ************************************ Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness. Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it. Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir. Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads. HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off! Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe. Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.) Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre. Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault. Quark: Who, me? Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY... Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son! Troi: I feel the chicken's pain! Kira: It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians. Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist! Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal trans perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir. Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers. The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated. Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug! B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer! Picard: There are four lights! Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer. Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir? Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional? Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time..did I scream this time? Khan: With my Last breath I spit at the chicken... Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission. Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing. Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding. Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog. Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock! Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc! Spock: Fascinating, Captain. V'Ger: To join with the Creator. The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing! Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction. Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them! O'Brien: No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it. Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and... Sisko: It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this? Jake: Check out the babe that just came off that transport! Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do. Sulu: Don't call me Tiny! Sarek: Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned. Mr. Homn: Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's... Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous. |
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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
According to scientists and mathematicians KURT GODEL It cannot be proved whether the chicken crossed the road. WERNER HEISENBERG We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. ISAAC NEWTON 1. Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. 2. It was pushed on the road. 3. It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road. PIERRE DE FERMAT 1. I just don't have room here to give the full explanation. 2. It did not fit on the margin on this side. 3. Crossing the road was the path with the minimum value of propagation time. BLAISE PASCAL It was pressured to cross the road. GEORG SIMON OHM There was more resistance on this side of the road. ALESSANDRO VOLTA The other side had more potential. PAUL ERDOS It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle. ZENO OF ELEA To prove it could never reach the other side. WOLFGANG PAULI There already was a chicken on this side of the road. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? ARCHIMEDES To actualize its potential. STEPHEN HAWKING The first seconds made the universe in such a way that chickens cross the road. ARISTOTLE 1. It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. 2. The other side of the road was its natural place. CHARLES DARWIN 1. It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. 2. The fittest chickens cross the road. RENE DESCARTES It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway. STEPHEN JAY GOULD It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation. EDWIN POWELL HUBBLE There are two possibilities: One that the distance between the chicken and the side of the road that it was on before it crossed is expanding, and the other, that the distance is contracting, and will collapse on itself. |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Hoover Vaccume: it was sucked across the road.
Charlie Brown: why's everyone always picking on the chicken? The Chicken: NONE OF YOUR ******* BUSINESS! [ January 23, 2003, 02:48: Message edited by: couslee ] |
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Why did the pervert cross the road?
? ? ? ans: He was stuck in the chicken. |
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Hahahahahahaha...... LOL!!!
Chicken logic rules! |
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I don't even get the Ronald Reagan reference... must be because he was elected 3 years before I was born! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif
Like the pervert one though http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
I did edit out the more offensive ones. The Ronald Reagan one slipped by.
FYI youngster... Mr. Reagan suffered from Alzhiemer later in life. It was in bad taste. |
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I don't think the Reagan one was a poke at his disease but his "reputation" of being unaware of what was going on around him while in office. I think the reputation was undeserved, but I didn't take the joke as offensive.
What about Heisenberg's Chicken? You can't measure precisly when it crossed the road without changing the result somewhat. Doesn't really answer the question of why though. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif EDIT: Heh, somehow I missed your Heisenberg one in the list. oops. [ January 23, 2003, 19:15: Message edited by: geoschmo ] |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Lol who actually comes up with this stuff, remind me to thank them in a later life when i meet...the chicken http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif
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Some more oldies: GEORGE WASHINGTON: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration. ADOLF HITLER: Because it was his racial destiny to expand his Chickensraum. ZSA ZSA GABOR: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which thank goodness are good, dahling. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take |
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Re: Reagan and fuzzy memories (including my own). The Reagan reference undoubtedly came from the Iran-Contra hearings from the mid-80's. Most times when he was asked about the events of the scandal, his response was along the lines of 'I do not recall.' 'Course, I was in middle school at the time, so I could be mistaken....
Quikngruvn |
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There was a time when he walked up to a live mike, (he thought was turned off and said something about startting to bomb the Rusians in 10 minutes.
Then again there is a theory his unpredictably behavior scared the Soviet Union into "surrender". |
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Bill Murray: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Platoon: Too get from the left to the right. Stepped out of rank, Got hit by a tank. He aint a chicken no more, Sir! |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
One more before this thread sinks into the darknes where it belongs. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon6.gif
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergy with an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful. |
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Microsoft Chicken (TM) : It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
Java Chicken : If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets!) C Chicken : It crosses the road without looking both ways. C++ Chicken : The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side. VB Chicken : USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken) OOP Chicken : It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message. Assembler Chicken : First it builds the road ... Delphi Chicken : The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side. Web Chicken : Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running. Gopher Chicken : Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken. Lotus Chicken : Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do! COBOL Chicken : 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING. IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE ELSE GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING |
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lol kamog. you shoud add Linux chicken (since these chicken threades always are somewhere
Linux chicken: it can't cross that kind of road, it need a port. [ January 29, 2003, 07:44: Message edited by: couslee ] |
Re: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Few more :
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. Oliver North: National Security was at stake. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature. Salvador Dali: The Fish. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death. Epicurus: For fun. Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it. David Hume: Out of custom and habit. Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road? The Sphinx: You tell me. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Molly Yard: It was a hen! Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages. Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud. The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that. Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl. Othello: Jealousy. Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning. Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen. Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior. Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er. Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness. Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter) Hamlet: That is not the question. Donne: It crosseth for thee. Constable: To get a better view. |
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from: http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/
------------------------------ "Three-Legged Chickens" A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet." (Molly - Ohio/USA) --------------------------------------- more... Q: Why did the chicken run across the road? A: There was a car coming. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway? A: She wanted to lay it on the line. Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road? A: She wanted to stretch her legs. Q: Why did the Roman chicken cross the road? A: She was afraid someone would caesar! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To prove to the possum it could actually be done! |
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