Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

There are lotsa jokes all around the place... the Nonsense Thread, the Advise thread... why dont we get a sticky thread where they all go? i think it would be a great collection to have along the Newbie FAQ, Modlist etc http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

[ July 22, 2003, 09:46: Message edited by: Taera ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

yeah!

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uhh... so it isnt SUCH a bad idea it seemed when it went all the way down??

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i like it.

why did the eel cross the road?

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

To get to the other side?

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Hmm, I have never seen an eel cross a road. Do they come up on land to do that? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">No, sea cretures have roads as well. Have you not seen Sponge Bob Square Pants yet? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">No, sea cretures have roads as well. Have you not seen Sponge Bob Square Pants yet? http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/rolleyes.gif </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">You ever notice how in Spongebob they always make such a big deal about flying? I mean, they are all fish living under water. They ought to be able to swim, right? All the fish in an airplane flying over bikini bottom, but it's still under water so why do they need a plane? It doesn't make any sense. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Geoschmo

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I don't go into the TV room and sit down and look for that to be on and then watch it. My little sister and my dad love that show (my sister even has posters and crap above her computer) but if they are watching it and I have nothing else to do I'll sit down and watch it. But usually shortly after I sit down my dad finds something useful on TV and watchs Star Trek. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Geo, I have noticed that before. As you said it makes no sense, but none of that show makes sense. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Starfish and Sponges and Crabs don't swim very well. The fish are all background characters and don't count http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

A Day at the Races....

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrac (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their "weewees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th".
"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the 4th but thanks for the lift".

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

Please tell me that someone tied you down and forced you to watch that show. Say that you don't watch it because you want to. Say it aint so. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/shock.gif

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

well, i can see the meaning, cant see the joke though http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/image...s/confused.gif

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

no, no, to get to the other tide!

eel's migrate overland. although usually only on marshes.

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

NASA developed a special gun to fire a (dead) chicken at high speeds to test the duribility of the space shuttle in the event of a collision with a flock of birds during flight. The French, who were at the time developing a new high-speed train, asked NASA if they could borrow the gun to test out the glass in the train's windshield. The results were disasterous. The chicken crashed through the shatter-proof glass, demolished the control panel, and imbedded itself in the back of the control room. Naturally, the French engineers were frantic and they begged NASA to help them bird-proof their train. NASA's solution was simple:

Thaw the chicken first.

[edit=splelling]

[ July 22, 2003, 04:48: Message edited by: Spoo ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

lol, thats a good joke.

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a man rides into town on friday, stays two days, rides out on friday.

how?

[ July 22, 2003, 06:21: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

Ummm...His horse's name is Friday?

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

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correct!

*gives krsqk a medal*

now, what has two wings, six eyes and eight legs?

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I have no idea, but it's crawling up your leg....

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ARGH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT

um. HEY, THERE'S NOTHING ON MY LEG!

*whacks Jack with one of his shiny hammers and then the other on the other side of Jack's head.

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*holds head for a bit*

Hey now! Don't make me sore for beating you to the punchline!

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

*****HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN*****
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET NO. EZ36C-24-36
"WOMAN" A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas, concentrations noted in and around malls.

Physical properties:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. bitter if used incorrectly
5. Exists naturally in various states: ranges from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure at correct points

Chemical properties:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. may explode spontaneously with no warning and for no reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly after saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common uses:
1. Highly ornamental, particularly in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Tests:
1. Pure specimens turn rosy pink in their natural state
2. Turns green when placed besides a better specimen

Potential hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations provided specimens do not come into direct contact with one another

****WARNING*************WARNING*************WARNIN G****
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE

[ July 22, 2003, 06:51: Message edited by: Atrocities ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

it wasn't the punchline, it's a riddle. and i hit you for making me panic. and remember: cartoon weapons - cartoon damage. recovering only takes a few shakes.

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

Are you sure it's a riddle? I've heard a lot of variations on it as a joke, with exactly that same punchline. I suppose there isn't any reason one type of setup can't have multiple desired results, so it could be both, couldn't it?

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

Ok lets see if I can do this correctly.

3 men rent a room at a local hotel
The hotel owner charges each man $10.00 for a total of $30.00 for the night
Later the hotel owner decides to cut the men a break and gives the Bellhop $5.00 and tells him to give it to the men.
The Bellhop decides to keep $2.00 for himself and gives each man $1.00 back.
This now means that each man paid $9.00 for his part of the room. $9.00 x 3 men = $27.00 + the $2.00 the Bellhop kept comes to a grand total of $29.00. What happend to the Last $1.00?

I know the answer to this riddle so it can be answered. Have fun.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">A dog and two humans in an airplane?

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

that's an answer.

*gives kamog a medal*

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Nothing - it's a counting problem. After the $5 rebate, the total charge was $25. The belhop added a $2 tip on top of that, resulting in the $27 figure (which matches - each renter paid $10, and got $1 back, resulting in each paying $9 overall). Adding the $2 back into the number to bring it up to $29 is counting the belhop's cut twice - you can't do that, so we still stand at $27. The Last $1.00 went to the renters, as did two others.

[ July 22, 2003, 07:09: Message edited by: Jack Simth ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">30 men
5 bellhop
3 split to men
2 split to bellhop
25 what it would have been after the deduction
3 what was the deduction
28 what it was after the deduction
2 what the bellhop got
30 the total

it works there. i'm not sure why it doesn't work in your example.

aw. Jack got there first.

[ July 22, 2003, 07:09: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

$9 per person to stay at a hotel? That's a good deal! http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon7.gif

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

[edit:] Whoo, a lot of people jumped all over this one. LOL

[ July 22, 2003, 09:16: Message edited by: Nocturnal ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

Oooh! Me! Me! Call on me! I know! I know! Oh, wait. We're already done with that problem.

http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon12.gif http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/tongue.gif

So, why do women like shopping? Oh, yeah, this is a joke thread, not a puzzle thread. http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">It isn't so much the math that people have trouble with, but the presentation. The problem quietly counts the belhop's cut twice, and neglects to count the rebate properly. Some people check the math, but not the logic behind it, and come up with the $29 figure again. Others do the logic and math on their own, but don't compare intermediate steps (narf's confusion as to why they don't match). Some will run it independantly and compare the intermediate steps (the two of us, apparently). I believe that is where the riddle lies, rather than in the math itself.

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

no-one else is going to take a stab at mine?

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Umm, which one was yours again?

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

You want more?

A shapeshifter who wants to be scary.

A six-eyed eight-legged flying dragon.

Two humans on a pegasus.

[ July 22, 2003, 08:55: Message edited by: Jack Simth ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

and we're up to four answer's

*gives Jack three medals*

and, by process of elimination, eventually someone will get it.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">You've got the sign wrong. That should be $9*3 - the $2 squirreled by the bellhop, + $5 change = $30
Or put more logically, $25 (actual cost of the room) = $9*3 (paid by the patrons) - $2 (stolen by the bellhop)

This riddle shouldn't mystify anyone who's passed grade school...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Are you insulting him? I recall this god for saken riddle going around work for over a month before I finally took an interest in it. Some of the smartest people in my company could not figure it out and PCP figured it our in less than 30 seconds after I showed it to him. It blew everyone away including me as it took me a minute or so to figure it out.

So yes, your correct, it is a simple riddle if you know math, but most people are fooled when you ADD the $2.00 and not subtract it.

So don't go insulting the messinger for delivering the message friend!

[ July 22, 2003, 09:19: Message edited by: CNCRaymond ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Sorry, I did not mean to jump on you friend. It is early and I have been up all day. No harm no foul. Please accept my apology.

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

Here's a nice one.

While vacationing, you discover that you have been robbed. Your wallet and all your cash have been stolen.

You cannot afford to pay for a hotel room, and since it's a local holiday all the banks are closed. You won't be able to send for any money for seven days.

You go to the hotel you reserved and explain the situation, but they refuse to extend credit.
However, you are wearing a gold bracelet with seven links, of the kind that closes with a clasp. Each link is worth enough to pay for a night in your hotel. The hotel is willing to accept this as collateral until you can pay in full.

Being a suspicious type yourself, you'll only let the hotel have as much collateral as they are due on any given day. Today you leave one link, tomorrow two, the next day three, and so on until the week is up when you'll leave all seven. By then you will be able to pay in full and retrieve your bracelet.

This agreed to, you prepare to cut the bracelet. Considering its high emotional-value, you want to do as little damage as possible so it may be easily repaired. What is the fewest number of cuts you can make so the hotel may hold onto all the collateral they need on any day, but no more?

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">It can be done with a single cut:
0: Undo clasp, so it is a line;
1: Cut link 3 and remove (one + two connected, four+five+six+seven connected)

Process:
First day: give single link. (you: 2+4, them: 1)
Second Day: retrieve single, give double (you: 1+4, them: 2)
Third day: give single (you: 4, them: 2+1)
Fourth day: retrieve all, give quad (you: 2+1, them: 4)
Fifth day: give single (you: 2, them: 4+1)
Sixth day: retrieve single, give double: (you: 1, them: 4+2)
Seventh (final) day: give single (you: none, them: 4+2+1)

It's disguised binary counting.

[ July 22, 2003, 09:46: Message edited by: Jack Simth ]

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">A spider with a mostly eaten fly.

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spiders have eight legs. count them out.

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*lightbulb*
i know, a spider with a pair of wings instead of one pair of legs.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Very good. That is correct.

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THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!!!!
well almost http://forum.shrapnelgames.com/images/icons/icon10.gif

http://www.sunbelt-software.com/stu/

Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
 

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Arthropod physiology is different from vertebrate physiology in significant ways. If I recall correctly, arthropod wings did not develop from specialized limbs, but rather from specialized sections of carapace. Much the same way, a scorpion has eight legs, it's claws are overdeveloped mandibles.

As a side note, there are no flying arachnids. Though there are some sailing spinners and ballistic leapers, which could be close but is not powered flight.

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">A mounted Falconer.