Financial Humor
 

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

EBITDA: Earnings Before I Trick Dumb Auditors

EBIT: Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering.

NAV: Normal Anderson Valuation.

FRS: Fantasy Reporting Standards.

P/E: Parole Entitlement.

EPS: Eventual Prison Sentence.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET: A 6-to-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.

STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: The one who's now locked up in a nuthouse.