[geoschmo]

The Book of the Kingdom of the Hill

In the beginning the hill was dark and chaos reigned and all were embroiled in petty wars about it's base and sides and none was worthy to sit upon the throne.

And by the by did two step forward and through the right of victory over their enemies did lay claim the right to the mantle of the King. And thus did Preacherman face Geoschmo on the field of battle, and thus was Preacheman victorius and took his rightful place on the throne and Geoschmo was cast off into utter darkness.

And so Preacherman was the first true King and his reign was one of peace and light and all was well in the Kingdom of the Hill.

And by the by the good King Preacherman did grow old and feeble from lack of challenge, so that when a the Mighty Stone Mill finally rose from the depths of the Hill he slew good King Preacheman with his sword and a twist of his hips.

And Stone Mill the magnificent took his place upon the throne and was crowned the second King. And he looked upon his Kingdom and said, "Thank you, Thank you verra much."

And thus all was well in the Kingdom of the Hill and all it's citizens lived in safety for Stone Mill the Magnificent was a mighty warrior. Three times did challengers rise to face the Stoney one, and three times did he slay them all in their course.

Asmala the Wise, 1FSTCAT the Brave, and RexTorres the Strong did all seek the throne, and all were denied in turn for Stone Mill was truly the King.

But by and by did the King grow fond of looking at himself in the mirror and practicing his snarl and eating the royal peanut butter and nanner sandwiches.

And thus did a new challenger come from the Northlands. One who was a king in his own right in the land of his birth and born and bred to the task of fighting. And thus did Rollo raise his sword up to smite King Stone Mill. And as King Stone Mill lifted himself from his throne to face the challenge of Rollo, he did by and by slip on a nanner peel and was slain.

And thus did Rollo the Fearsome become the third King. And all was good in the Kingdom of the Hill, for Rollo had brought beer.

And Rollo did reign over the Kingdom of the Hill for the seasons that were appointed unto him. And the people of the hill were happy for the kegs that he did supply. But by and by there arose a challenger to the throne as Mark strode forth to try and claim the mantle of the King. And thusly did Rollo smite the challenger with a mighty thrust of his sword and the people rejoiced for they had discussed it and decided that "King Mark" did not quite have a regal sound to it.

But as quickly as Mark had been dispatched another challenger stepped forward. And he went by the name of RexTorres, which in the tongue of his forefathers is translated King, uh, Torres. And this brought forth anger in King Rollo that one should deign to go by the title that was only for he that sat on the throne of the hill, and they did clash.

For night after night did the battle rage as the people looked on. And when the smoke cleared there was a new King. Rollo did go out into the darkness to bind his wounds and ponder whether he would seek the throne another day. And thus did RexTorres the Strong ascend to the throne. And the people were satisfied for his name sounded suitably regal, but they mourned for there was no more free beer.

And verily did RexTorres look out over the hill and thus did a new challenger arise to face him. His name was Slynky the Quick, and he was clad from head to toe in shining armor and he raised his sword for to smite the King. But King Rex was a mighty warrior, and had grown fond of the throne and did not deign to give it up. And Rex and Slynky did battle, and in the end Slynky was defeated. And in the fight did Rex shred the armor of Slynky the Quick and broke his back in many places and smote him and he did fall down the hill, end over end. And the noise his armor did make and the appearance of him tumbling down the hill end over end was pleasing to the children of the kingdom, and thus was born a new toy consisting of a spring that would move as if walking down a hill, and thus it was named a Slinky, but that is a story for another book.

By and by did another challenger raise up to face King RexTorres. And he was a mysterious foe from the “Land of Too Many Consonants” named Bbgemott. And the battle was fierce and raged for many days and weeks. And there was much whining up and down the hill from those in waiting to take their shot at the throne. But the King and challenger did not trouble themselves with the inferior ones, and continued to fight, as was their right and duty. And in the end was King RexTorres slain and cast down to the bottom of the hill, and a new king was crowned. And thus did King Bbegemott the Mmightyy take his place on the throne of the hill, and the people were pleased, although they could not pronounce his name.


[ January 16, 2004, 15:22: Message edited by: geoschmo ]