[tbontob]

Originally posted by Ruatha:
Hi Ruatha.
You said you wanted comments so here goes:
First; it's too looong. Why don't you do as Atrocities and shop it up into smaller portions, see his story thread for ideas.
Secondly, I think you should do well to choose a gengre and stick to it.
So far you've changed the way to tell the story aswell as the contents from time to time. I mean, take this Last episode. What is it? A love novel? pornography? A mystery? A historical novel?
Make up your mind and stick to it.
And what is this thing you're doing with your main characters?
First you had Ruatha as main character. Then you killed him and introduced a couple of more characters. In this episode you killed of another main character and crippled another, I wouldn't want to be a main figure in one of your stories!!
Previously you had very few characters but in this episode the names have exploded to huge proportions! How are we going to keep track of all these people. And what is it, and Icelandic Saga? 'Try' the son of Illian and Elyssandra, son of....

CaptRR has written a more traditional sci fi story with a main character (Prince Draven) a bad guy and a mystery. Tbontob has aimed at the humerous angle and succeded very well, I like the names in his characters!!
As I said before; find your angle and stick to it.
On the other side this Last episode is an improvement when compared with the other episodes, but just to looong

What I like about this thread is the way you three are weaving your stories together, can't wait to read Tbontobs and CaptRR's next episodes!

LOL

Critiquing our own stories in public. What will we do next?

Wish I had thought of doing that! Ruatha, are we so desperate for some feedback, any feedback that we look forward to reading our own critiques?

About style, I did suspect you killed off "Ruatha" in order to try on a new set of clothing. But here is a thought, 'character developement'. Zaxxon with his paranoia was almost as 'nutso' as Ruatha in the beginning of this story. He is learning to control his paranoia, but it is still there, lurking in the background of his psyche to come out when the stress of the moment is great.

My current concern is that I have made him too much of a stable character in a 'world gone crazy empire.'

I thank you for your comments on my attempts with humor. If some of the ridiculous (but possible) events of the Zaxxon society has brought the occasional smile to the reader, I will have succeeded in my attempt.

And I was wondering about the names and places. Like, were they striking a funny-bone? Or, was there a lot of internal groaning whenever the reader encountered a new one?

I hope to submit a story soon. A family crises is abating and I am hoping the inspiration will begin to flow again.

And I have a lot of catching up to do. I haven't read your most recent installment which I want to do right now!