[tesco samoa]

One for TC

Three Canadians and a Genie

Three guys, a Newfie, a Quebecer and an Albertan are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Newfie says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, POOF! the oceans were teaming with fish.

The Quebecer was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Quebec, so that nothing will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, POOF! there was a huge wall around Quebec.

The Albertan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Albertan says, "Fill it up with water."

For Fyron

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said:

"Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on Earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God. "Just wait and see the neighbors I'm going to give them."

For Mac

Signs you may be a Canadian

You stand in "line-ups" at the movies, not lines
You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk"
You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars
You drink pop rather than soda
You know what it means to be on pogey
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the cottage, eh!!"
You don't hold your hand to your breast when you sing the national anthem
You can leagally drink as a teen
You know that anglophones, francophones and allophones are not electronic devices
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba. You just know it's a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it
You're not sure the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't really want to know if he has
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and pLastic jugs
Pike is a type of fish, not a freeway
You sit on a couch, not a chesterfield - that's some small town in Quebec
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers or car's glove compartment
You know that Thrills are something to chew on and "taste like soap."
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you could really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your *** and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money around). The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel 'nightie' with only 8 buttons.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.
You find -40°C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You read rather than scanned this list
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.

For Dogscoff

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

For SJ

In the rest room, 3 guys were standing side-by-side using the urinals. The 1st guy finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Toronto and they taught us to be sanitary."

The next guy finished, zipped up and quickly, wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from Waterloo and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The Last guy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Ryerson and they taught us not to piss on our hands."

Thats it