[Kamog]

Murphy's Laws:

- If anything can go wrong, it will
- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
- If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then
- If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
- Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
- Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
- The Murphy Philosophy: Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
- Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
- Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
- Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
- In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
- Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Everything takes longer than you think.
- If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
- Every solution breeds new problems.
- The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
- Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
- You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
- The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
- A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
- A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
- A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
- A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
- If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
- A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
- If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
- The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
- You will always find something in the Last place you look.
- If you're looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one Last.
- After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
- No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
- The other line always moves faster.
- In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
- Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
- If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
- If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
- When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
- Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
- In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
- Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
- If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
- If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
- Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
- Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
- Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
- The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
- The fish are always biting....yesterday!
- You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
- Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
- The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
- When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
- Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.
- Whatever you want to do, is not possible, whatever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.
- Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
- The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
- The probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
- If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
- Murphy's Law Current Revision: Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong! You just haven't been notified.
- If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
- If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.
- Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
- Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
- Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law: Things always go from bad to worse.
- Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
- Things are never as good as they are bad.
- The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
- When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
- If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
- When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
- You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.
- Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
- Window polishing: It's always on the other side.
- Hall's Law: Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention.
- (Another) Hall's Law: Minor problem isn't.
- A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
- If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to that distance.
- The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
- Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
- When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be found. When you don't need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
- Law of Conservation of Filth: In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
- Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth: It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
- The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
- Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
- The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
- If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
- When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
- Key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
- The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
- If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
- The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
- Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
- If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
- The only time you're right, is when it's about being wrong.
- The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
- Its never so bad it couldn't be worse.
- If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
- Nothing ever gets better.
- Someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
- The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
- You get all the credit for the dumb move.