[teal]

2403.2

The head diplomatic Minister Dionysus walked calmly into Prometheus’ office. As always he had a slightly bemused smile upon his face.

“Have you drafted my response to the recent incursions into our space D?”

“Yes here it is.”:

FNORD FNORD FNORD,

Recently colony ships bearing your markings have been seen inside Nyxian Chaos space and on a course to colonize currently empty planets well within the borders of the Nyxian Chaos. Following standard operating procedures, my ambassador to your government has already asked you to turn those colony ships around and send them elsewhere. Your reply was to send your colony ships even further along their course.

There has been much debate among my ministers as to what our response to this action should be. Some asserted that we should let you settle inside our space. Giving up space and a defensive buffer in exchange for what one minister called “peace in our time.” Other ministers have been equally adamant that we should send our warships to blow your colony ships out of space saying that alien species will never respect anything but force. Neither of these options have much appeal to me. It is thus with a heavy heart that I settled upon the only possible alternative to these two extremes: reciprocity. I will respond to every move by you with an equal and opposite move by me. Consequently I have ordered my captains to colonize planets in the FNORD and FNORD systems in your empire to match the courses of your colony ships for planets in the FNORD and FNORD systems in my empire. As soon as your colony ships set course back to your space or for border systems I shall respond in kind and order my colony ships to turn around and/or abandon any colonies that have already been formed.

My ambassador says that you have taught him a new game which is a favorite among your people. Chess it is called. It is a most excellent game and it strikes me that it would be possible to play via diplomatic courier. I thus move my king pawn forward two squares.

Your move,

Prometheus the Unchained

“Very nice D. But will it have the desired effect?”

“I can’t say how these aliens think your lordship. Some of the species we have encountered have even been somewhat immune to my standard protocol of having lots of parties with copious amounts of wine served by attractive goddesses. However, I believe that they will read the measured nature of our response and see that we wish to avoid war, but at the same time we shall not be pushed around.”

“Well we can only hope that they will see the wisdom of our age old saying ‘I’ll respect your tracts of land if you’ll respect mine’”

“I always thought that had to do with something else given Aphrodite’s sly smile whenever I say that, but I see what you mean.”

“One Last thing D. What are all these FNORDs doing in the letter. What do they mean?”

“Oh that. I’m afraid that those words are classified available only to Ultraviolet level citizens and you are only a Violet level citizen.”

“Are there any ultraviolet level citizens? I thought I was king of the Nyxian Chaos how could anyone be classified higher than me? I really would like to know who it is I’m sending this letter to and what systems I am actually discussing.”

“I’m afraid not sir. All the ultraviolet level citizens were killed when the main computer went on its unfortunate rampage 20 years ago. I don’t even know what it is the letter is exactly talking about.”

“Ok. Well I guess we’d better send it off to all of our neighboring empires and hopefully they won’t be too confused if it doesn’t apply to them.”

“A wise plan as always o great Prometheus. And now if you’ll excuse me I’m late for the latest orgy. Kaese has thought up the idea of melting cheese in a giant pot and then dipping yummy bits of bread into it. A most delicious improvement upon the standard orgy scene.”

“If only troubled rulers had time for orgies D that does sound delicious. I do hope you have a nice time.”

[ June 03, 2003, 13:13: Message edited by: teal ]