[Growltigger]

The camera pans over an orbital view of the swirling methane clouds of Anus IV. The camera pans out to reveal the sleek but battered lines of the TSSS Phong's Head, navigation lights twinkling in the darkness of space.

Captain Slog stardate 13.54 GMT, the facade of the TSSS Phong's Head being a rustbucket has gone on long enough, we are at battle stations, it is time to de-cloak and reveal our true selves...

Space shimmers and the TSSS Phong's Head is now revealed as the most be-weaponed, tough, vicious and all-out nastiest starcruiser in the history (or future) of galactic warfare.. the "go-faster stripes", fluffy dice hanging off the nacelles and quad exhausts just go to highlight the multiple turrets and launchers....... and the flashing lights of the disco kicking off in Ten Forward

Captain to Lieutenant Commander Power Man, good man, flattery gets you everywhere, keep up the good work. We need to get to the bottom of the mystery of Fart Point. I suspect collusion from the evil Dead Star Continuumumumumu......

Power Man, try and find out what has happended to the other members of the away team... I am aware that Guinan, I mean Taz has been kidnapped, and we are currently checking the starship for intruders as Mr S'Katchoo has obviously been interfered with (and wont stop grinning anyhow).....

Where is my first officer? I need him to hold the fort whilst I launch a counter strike against the nasty old bugger in his fortress......

Security, assemble the martial horde of Salma Hayek and Liv Tyler lookalike security personell, make sure they are armed "for bear" and meet me in the transporter room...

Captain Growltigga puts on his super-duper impregnable powered armour suite, and grabs his trusty cricket bat which doubles as a phaser cannon....

Suddenly, alarms go off round the ship "Awooga Awooga, small hollow beam trying to stick methane into the TSSS Phong's Head". GT and the security force charge to wear the beam has struck, and using the beam as ingress, transport into the mountain fortress of the evil Mac....

The Federation assault company materialises in a strange dark undergorund auditorium. Mac is sitting in his command chair in front of a circle of sand, kind of like the bullfighting arena at Ronda........

Mac panics when he sees the Federation troops and the mighty Growltigga.. He hits the sprinkler system which turns the sand into a sea of mud..... he calls for reinforcements and a horde of Liz Hurley, Britney Spears and Shania Twain clones rush into the auditorium......

Growltigga sees his moment, and orders his troops to charge..... the camera pans back (kind of like that bit in the Fellowship of the Ring when the goblins are chasing the fellowship in Moria) as the legions of Liz Hurley, Shania Twain, Britney Spears, Salma Hayek and Liv Tyler lookalikes charge towards each other screaming and yelling through the mud...

Growltigga also seees his moment and pulls out a disrupt-o bomb. This explodes with the effect of disintegrating all the weaponry and clothing the girls have.....

"So" Growltigga says as he sidles up to Mac, "what we have is about 2,000 assorted beauties rolling about in mud wrestling with each other and all stark naked"...."Yep" says Mac

"Damn good isn't it" says Growltigga, "this is why I joined Starfleet"

The chaps gaze on silently at the truly beautiful sight in front of them......