[Growltigger]

Captain Slog - Stardate 1800 GMT, I am about to send my intrepid crew down on a potentially lethal away mission to the planet. We have detected signs of life on the freezing iceball we are orbitting, and we are also convinced that the Evil Deadstar Continumumumum is involved in this heinous plot to steal our science officer's brain.

I suspect the Deadstar Continumumum have some evil plot hatching, it probably involves some Vanessa Feltz' clones with laser turrets mounted on their backs and an evil ability to suck the life out of any red blooded male who can Last longer than a minute with them. YOu never know what those cunning fiends are up to...

I feel that I should go on this mission. It is potentially too dangerous to send the crew on, and I should be there to lead my troops into danger. Of course, I will be wearing the most advanced and toughest battle armour known to galactic science, as well as being festooned with grenades and carrying "Bertha", my favourite 4 barrelled twin plasma cannon.

The Captain suits up, gets a couple of red shirts in tow and heads down to the transporter room....