Hi there Taera, I'll say what I think even though you put some No's in my poll
I can recognize myself earlier in life in your description.
All the girls I've been together with have taken the lead, myself I never dared take the initiative.
My wife and I was friends for three years before she asked me what we were actually doing spending all this time together....
So I'm thankful to my Wife
What about talking to this girl about your current situation?
About how hard it is to find friends,
OR talk to her about how you really like her but don't wanna loose her as a friend... (Don't talk about both, that seems desperate!)
Many have written about activities, if you are going down into a depression the first things one stop with are usually those that are fun, so if you used to do some things that you found fun but don't anymore, do them anyway!!! The activity is propably still fun but the lack of initiative is difficult.
Take some person and use as a test person. See how far you can go without embarrasing yourself, talk about anything, it doesn't matter what, questions are usually a good thing. Ask them what they did this weekend, spin on that, was it fun, have you done it before, the key point is to focus interest on the other person, then they'll really like you! Active listening!
For me my great break through was when I moved to another town and started a new school (17 years old), only two people there knew me as I used to be, quiet and shy. This time I decided to don't care.
If I blushed, so what, girls like it!
I talked and joked and went to discos, where I look like there's a severe case of electrical shocks sent through me, not a pretty sight, but I tried to ingnore the fact that I cared!
I made a fool out of myself several times but I tried to not show that I cared, I tried joking it away, and it got easier all the time. Taking the initiative with girls though was a limit I didn't dare cross, but thankfully somehow I started to get more attractive the more I blushed and made a fool of myself! (I guess it's something with the maternal instinct, take care of the poor sod!)
About at this time I started skydiving aswell, that also gave my ego a real kick and might be why I could do the things I did, I got an identity which I somehow had thought I hadn't had before, I needed an external definition of myself.
(Made 500+ jumps before my first kid came and I stopped, met my wife while skydiving when I was 24 , first kiss in freefall)
Later in life when I got my first kid I got my depression. It was too much with med school, a kid , a wife that was constantly tired and blamed me for everything from the dirty dishes to the cold weather (Tired post-partum women are not fun!).
I had no time for anything fun.
First I didn't know what had hit me but as my wife is a psychologist she saw what was happening.
Then I started talking with most of my friends about how I was feeling, what a lousy person I was, a bad father, a bad student etc. No one backed away! It took a couple of months before it turned, I was never that bad that I had to stay away from lectures but I failed the exam that semester for the only time in my life!
So to sum it up, Activities, things you would have found fun if you weren't sad.
Talk, to your friend and family about how you feel, they can surprise you!.
Talk to others, about anything, it get's easier and easier. (One can always start with something lame;
"-I really wanna talk with you but I don't know about what, You tell me what we should talk about!"
If you embarras yourself or make a fool of yourself so what, in a hundred years no one will know. And will embarrasing yourself make things worse than they are today.
What can you gain and what can you loose, is it worth it?
And finaly, don't give up!
Edit again:
One other thing I did that I won't recommend but that bears some thought.
I stopped with computers.
I had spent three years learning all about them, had imported my own Sinclair ZX-81 Amstrad CPC-464 from England and was a computer wizard, thought the teachers alot.
I sold muy computers and started working in an supermarket. I never took advantage of my computer school training.
I worked in the supermarket for a year, impossible not to meet people.
My relatives thought I was mad, giving up a future proof field with good pay checks and becoming a shop assistant.
After that I worked as a helper at a hospital for a year after military service, then I became a nurse's aid and eventually Med school.
Then I talked to my wife about how I'd really liek to get a computer, but the risk is that i'll become asocial.
She didn't udnertsnd that and said "Go ahead and buy it", she really regrets that!
Still I haven't become asocial, but it steals some time from my family so I try to limit my computer time!
About being shy and quiet, after ignoring it for a couple of years it goes away!
[ May 21, 2003, 17:51: Message edited by: Ruatha ]