[tbontob]

Originally posted by Taera:
EDIT: what i posted was pointless... i edited it to make more sense

i have developed myself a strong willpower over the Last few years that helped me a lot - i often had been able to overcome the, as narf said, 'blah' moods. lately it've been kinda crushed by evening depression - ironically evenings are the time when im doing things, like 3d modelling or doing hw or writing letters or ANYTHING. im a night person, usually my inspirations strike me after 10 o'clock and im motivated to do stuff.

right now i have hard time finding myself anything to do at evenings. i dont know the reason though, i did always spend many of my evenings at home.

I feel that Ruatha's spouse has made a very good suggestion. Doing something, anything will often get a person out of the rut he is in.

It does sound like you have a lot more time on your hands. Time which would ordinarily be taken up with other activities.

It could be that with the extra time is allowing you to consciously or unconsciously examine yourself. And if the standard against which you are comparing yourself is high, understandably there will be depression and "blah moods" as the discrepancy between "what is" and "what should be" may be wide.

We all need to be gentle and loving to ourselves. If we are lucky, we will have parents who can show us how to be kind to ourselves. Or we may be unlucky and have parents who have shown us how to be critical and condemning of ourselves when we miss the mark, whatever that may be.

But whatever parents we have, we still have a choice. We can either affirm we are of value, have merit and have meaning or we can put ourselves down and degrade ourselves.

Often, we do not know which camp we are in. You can discover which one it is by listening to your stray thoughts in your quiet moments. They will tell you whether you are loving to yourself and others or not.

If you are unable to relax enough to listen quietly to your stray thoughts, that may be an indication of the latter.

What to do if the discovery is negative? Reaffirm your worth to yourself. But also reaffirm the worth of others as climbing on the shoulders of others will not bring about a genuine feeling of worth.

Examine the standards which you have accepted. And when you do not measure up to these self-imposed standards, be kind to yourself. It is all part of being human and the learning experience.