[Loser]

pulled from News of the Weird

1995 -- In Des Moines, Iowa, in May, Ruth Bradshaw, 93, awoke to find her house being burglarized and decided to pretend that she knew the perpetrator not as a burglar but as a friend of her truck-driving grandson. She welcomed him "back" into the home, served him breakfast, and insisted that he lie down and relax a spell, at which point she called police. Bradshaw attributes her smarts to her career as a bootlegger and a pastor.

Yep, I'm guessing those two occupations will keep you light on your toes.