[Atrocities]

BLONDES

1st Degree:

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'."

Thanks, I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.

TRUE STORY.

My best friend rented a room to a blond girl named Shonna. Shonna was a nice girl, but like most blonds was lacking some sense of common sense.

One day we all go out to a movie. Shona was suppose to meet us there but didn't show. After the move we all drive back to his house and low and behold there was a message on his answering machine. Shonna, having forgotten her cell phone used a pay phone to call and leave a message. The message went something like this:

"Hey I forgot what movie we are going to see. I would have called your cell but I forgot mine. I am on a pay phone, call me back when you get this message. The number here is Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep. Did you get that? Ok bye."

I swear to God that that really happened. We laughed for so long that non of use could move we were so paralyzed by stomach spasms.


INCIDENT number 2.

At work we had a routine for cycling our quartz furnace tubes out of production for cleaning. After cleaning we wrap them in pLastic and store them until they can be cycled back into production. We keep a daily log of our activities so the on coming ship can read what it is the previous ship had done.

Well I was working on the D night shift, with a intelligent blond who was my Group Lead at the time. Honestly she was one smart lady and I miss not working with her a lot.

Well we come in to find one of the tubes on a transport cart covered in pLastic. I think nothing of it and move on to start work on my assignment when I looked over and saw Meredith gasping for air. I quickly moved over to see if she was ok and she was pointing wildly at the log book. Her face was blood read and she had tears coming out of her eyes. I thought she was having a heart attack. I looked down at the log book and for an instant my heart stopped two.

You see on the day shift was this little blond weasel guy that really was just that, a weasel. He was a little skinny man with the worst hair cut you could imagine. He was a Weaseley little troll of a man that could not spell worth a damn. As I stood there, reading, I began to laugh at the image that was forming in my mind. I looked over at Meredith as she was acting out the scenario on the tube. I nearly wet myself it was so funny. The log entry read:

"I raped the tube but did not have time to put her away."

Now just imagine a 5 foot 1" man smoking a cigarette while raping a 12 inch quartz hole.

It was very funny at the time.

[ February 27, 2004, 18:28: Message edited by: Atrocities ]