Re: Jokes and Riddles Centre
Meh I got a little chuckle out of this one
A preist a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar and order a beer.
The rabbi see's a fly in his bear and in a sad tone says "God must be punishing me" and raps his robe around his face and leaves weeping softly.
The minister sees a fly in his beer and says "Now I must ponder if this is a sign from God." and leaves the bar.
The preist sees a fly in his beer grimmaces reaches in to the beer and grabs the fly by the wings and with a strong Irish accent says "Spit it out or I'll excomunicate your arse!"
___________
The Scotsman
By Brian Bowers
A scotsman clad in kilt, left the bar one evening fair
One could tell by the way he walked he drank more than his share.
He fumbled 'round till he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
(chorus)
Ring-di-diddle-i-didi-o
Ring-di-diddle-i-o
(Last line of verse)
About that time two young and lovely girls happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping scotsman so proud and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.
(chorus)
They crept up on that sleeping scotsman quiet as could be.
And lifted up his kilt just an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view, beneath his scotish skirt.
Was nothing more than god had graced him with upon his birth.
(chorus)
They marveled for a moment, one said we must be gone
Lets leave a present for our friend, before we move along.
They left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonny star the scots kilt did lift and show
(chorus)
The scotsman woke to nature's call, and stumbled towards a tree.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
In a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
Och, lad I dont know where you've been but I see you've won first prize!
(chorus)
__________________
When life gives you lemons take them and squeeze them in life's eye until it gives you the oranges you asked for!
"If men build things to look like our penis such as towers and ships does that mean female achitects represent women having penis envy?"
A line that made me chuckle, I can't remember where I heard it I just know it made me laugh.
"I'm not really a slapper....I mainly punch and gouge."
Tammy Lee my kung fu instructor/sifu's daughter when asked if she ever slapped a boy for saying something nasty to her.
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