[Atrocities]

THE HUNTER'S DIARY
1:00 am Alarm clock rings. 2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed. 3:00 am L' Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup. 3:05 am". Leave for the deep woods. 3:15 am'- Drive back home and pick up gun. 3:30 am Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight. 4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent. 4:30 am- Head into the woods. 6:05 am - See eight deer. 6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger. 6:07 am:- "Click". 6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill. 8:00 am L Head back to camp.
9:00 am:. Still looking for camp..
10:00 and - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 PM - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 PM Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 PM - Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 PM - Rescued.
12:55 PM - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 PM - Arrived back in camp.
3:30 PM - leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 PM - Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 PM - Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 PM - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 PM - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 PM - Load gun.
6:02 PM - Fire gun.
6:03 PM - One dead pickup truck.
6:05 PM : Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 PM Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 PM - Fall into fire.
6:10 PM - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 PM • Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 PM - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:26 PM - Start walking.
6:30 PM Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
6:35 PM - Meet bear.
6:36 PM - Take aim.
6:37 PM - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 PM - Make mess in pants..
6:39 pin - Climb tree.
9:00 PM - Bear departs - wraps gun around tree.
Midnight - Home at Last.
Next day - Watch football games on TV, slowly tearing hunting
license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail to Game
Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.

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