[HJ]

For 2. and 3., try cranking up the indie strength to 8 or so. This will slow you down, and create a different game, but it will also create a buffer between you and the AIs so you have more time to get the things you want. Many times I just want to try out some things high on the requirement lists, such as high level spells and items, but the current game setup just doesn't allow for that, unless you hamper the advance altogether, since there is no way you can secure your borders and make peace. The high indie strength will also positively affect the porousness of borders that you're talking about in 3., creating indie armies strong enough to fend off smaller raiding armies and hence giving you the opportunity to make chokepoints and normalize situation. Otherwise, playing with indies at 3 or so is just too chaotic if you want a slow-paced relaxing SP game, as everything is simply too open and forces you to bog yourself into conflicts on all sides usually.