Vanhiem is missing/out of thier minds
As much as I hate to drag this out, you still have not addressed any of the points in my post. In addition, I've heard you say in the past that diplomacy was one of (if not the most) important parts of a long term dominions game. I would say by that measure you are losing fair and square- angering the two other major nations is not a great idea diplomatically. As for Ry'leh/ Magrignon, I would be fine with breaking up the alliance and continuing the game after Vanheim is gone, if they still fell like they can affect the outcome.
As for the WQs, I was quite sure I saw 2 different ones, I'm not accusing you of lieing, it does seem unlikly that you would not remember summoning one. So, I would not at all rule out that I was mistaken.
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