[Sedna]

Turn 22, R'lyeh

God, it's been really dull lately. I never thought I'd get bored of sucking the brains out of terrified, lightly armed peasantry, but the thrill just isn't there, y'know? A deity's got to eat, but they don't say variety is the spice of death for nothing. Is it too much to ask that the light infantry hereabouts slather themselves in tasty sauces before heading out to battle? Once in the Orion sector I devoured the inhabitants of a small moon whose war paint tasted of horseradish and onions - that's the sort of initiative and creative thinking I wish more people on this world would come up with. (Though perhaps it also explains why none of the soul-sucking-dreaming-mad-elder-goddesses-bent-on-destroying-the-world would have anything to do with me...)

My minions have been so boring. What do I care that they crushed another bunch of weak fish without losing a slave? Sammy keeps whining at me that this third girl I encouraged to take up the life schoLastic dresses all in black and writes depressive poetry all the time. The most exciting thing to happen was when Cthugul impressed some formless spawn he found floating his bathtub into my service. One of my star children wrote to me all excited about seeing a big rock and getting lost in a maze, and it just made me feel depressed. I seem to recall crushing everyone who stood in my path to be a bit more exciting than this...

There is one bright spot in my drab existence, which is this forum that I joined recently, the Illustrious Lords and Ladies Waging Incredibly Nasty Total Extermination of Races. I don't go to the dinner parties much, since there's more "I say, old sport, jolly good fight you put up there, better luck next incarnation" than I can put up with, and it is impolite to suck the brains out of fellow Illustrians. But they put out a good newsletter, and some of my fellow powers-that-be write the most amusing accounts of the travails of godhood. None of them are as awesomely incredible as me, but who can pass up a good incompetent-minion-who-nearly-ruined-everything story? And sometimes you can pick up useful tips on ways to strip subordinates of their will to oppose you. ("Wizard W"... pure genius...) It's also a good way to curry favor with other would-be gods, so that they don't attack you before you're ready to fully annihilate them. I was thinking about this the other day, and my mind kept returning to this delicious yellow-curry that my palace chef came up with, with fresh basil and butter-drenched clams. (Mmm-mmm. I have got to get back to a place with proper kitchen facilities...) And I thought, just because I will one day crush them all is no reason not to share this wonderful recipe with some of my new friends who amuse me ever so with their little tales. At least with the weak ones who are unlikely to be able to turn on me anytime soon. This one fellow keeps going on about butter, I'm sure he'd appreciate some culinary tips. And that other chap has been after me for my steak sauce ever since we Last talked...