R'lyeh, Turn 37
Xlikloth must die.
I ate the most interesting neurons the other day. For some reason, the villagers in this land, wherever it might be, had the notion that there was a new power in R'lyeh. "I thought the world had changed," an archer thought, as I split open his skull and feasted on the juicy, juicy goo inside. "I am never going to listen to a word my cousin in Abitopolis says again," ran through the mind of a militiaman. (At least he was being realistic about his ability to communicate with his loved ones after being et.) Really, I was quite puzzled as I ate my way through their ranks, because I kept sensing that they
weren't expecting to be eaten! I mean, really. How long have I been taking over the world now, 3 years? 4? How many neighboring provinces must have sent out word of the terrible sucking death that awaits all in my path? I do try to pick off most of the stragglers when I eat a town, but I find letting a few get through releases a lot of adrenaline in the villagers in the next town over, which adds a nice complex undertaste. But these people... they were positively shocked to see me!
It all made sense, though, terrible terrible sense, when I ate Turioc. As a commander, his neurons fired just a bit more quickly than his dullard troops, so I managed to get a more coherent brain-wave pattern out of him: "I thought Xlikloth was in charge under the waters, and that this fiend had been sent back to the hell he came from." Xlikloth? I thought. My loyal Xlikloth? Wherever could he have got that idea from? But no: his fellow officers had similar thoughts, as did their wives and children when I reached the village for a bit of dessert. They all seemed to think that I had been killed/deposed/sent far, far away, and that Xlikloth was now the ruler of the Benevolent People's Republic of R'lyeh.
I tend not eat Starspawns, because they get touchy about it, but no one can deny that I am within my rights to take care of this disastrously failed business plan. I don't even care if I don't get to suck his brains out personally, that's how annoyed I am. (And Starspawn is so tasty with paprika and dill...) I am posting a description of the traitor, so that any of my loyal minions who love me enough (which should be all of them!) will know what to do with him. Some of them may die trying to take him down (he is distressingly powerful and admired), but what do I care? I just want him dead. Dead dead dead dead dead. Mit Torte.
