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Old February 26th, 2005, 12:49 AM
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The_Tauren13 The_Tauren13 is offline
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Default Re: Conceptual Balance Series (Mod)

Just some quick suggested changes to the pretender descriptions:



Oracle description:
"The Oracle is tremendously strong in it's Dominion and magically powerful. Within it's sacred waters heavenly light gathers forming two Astral pearl each season."
should be
"The Oracle is tremendously strong in its Dominion and magically powerful. Within its sacred waters heavenly light gathers to form two Astral pearls each season." (it's -> its; it's -> its; pearl -> pearls; forming -> to form)

-- Son of the Sun (Fire) description:
"The Son of the Sun is a demigod of immense size claiming the divine heritage of the sun."
should be
"The Son of the Sun is a demigod of immense size claiming the divine heritage of the Sun." (sun -> Sun)
also
"The sun has gifted it's heir with such heat that once per season he receives two Fire gems."
should be
"The Sun has gifted its heir with such heat that once per season he receives two Fire gems." (sun -> Sun; it's -> its)

Hag description:
"The Hag is also a master of magic and can be adept in several of the magic Paths."
I would capitalize 'magic' also because when you said the same thing in the Rime Mariner's description you had it capitalized, so in the interest of consistancy:
"The Hag is also a master of magic and can be adept in several of the Magic Paths." (magic -> Magic)
Also, I would make the same change in the old crone's (now a hag also?) new description.

Monolith description:
"...but it can possess willing targets in order to make it's will heard and to perform tasks such as forging items for enchantment"
should be
"...but it can possess willing targets in order to make its will heard and to perform tasks such as forging items for enchantment." (it's -> its)
also
"Druids perform monthly rituals of harvest and nature at the Monolith, focusing the energy into the form of two Nature gems during seasonal festivals."
I would change to:
"Druids perform monthly rituals of harvest and nature at the Monolith, focusing the energy into the form of two Nature gems." (removed 'during seasonal festivals')

#end
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