False accusations by B&G proved! Hut warfare was defensive!
In a recent interview, Joint Chief StrategiaInUltima of the Hut Forces has released information regarding the previous state of war between the two restaurants in this forum.
"Those B&G bastards claim we're akin to the Third Reich. Well, let it be known to the general public that this is NOT the case! We are NOT violent, bloodthirsty aggressors - most of us, in any case - we are merely putting the famous quote from Sun Tzu into practice - Attack is the best Defense. The Great War of some time ago was a war of defense for the Hut. We were attacked, and forced in the defensive. To prevent any further occurences like this from happening, we are now planning a campaign to paralyze the B&G offensive forces forever. We will NOT eradicate it completely, nor demand control of it - like the B&G CEO, Drooltigga or whatever, did - we will merely make sure they will not be capable of aggression versus the Hut any more. We want peaceful coexistence of the two restaurants, and unlike the B&G, we mean it. And to those who do not believe my claim of B&G aggression, here is an eyewitness account of the first hostilities between the B&G and the Hut:"
Quote:
The owner and patrons of the Won Ton are enjoying their cosmic cuisine and comic banter when the faux-Chinese muzak being played over the loudspeakers is rudely interrupted.
“Hey. Hey! What are you doing here?” a disembodied voice crackles over the loudspeaker. “This is a private studio! You must leav… AUUUGH! [THUNK]”
A pregnant silence permeates from the speakers for a few seconds. Suddenly, another song bursts forth from the ceiling. A strangely familiar one.
Right on cue, General Woundwort and Raging Deadstar step through the door, followed by a mass of pinstripe-suited goombahs, torpedoes, and goodfellas, many of them carrying oddly-shaped violin cases. A phalanx of Furio clones follows Woundwort and RD as they walk up to the main counter.
“Greetings, Mr. Huxtable. We are the duly designated representatives of Growltigger Enterprises, the sole owner and titleholder of entertainment establishments on these forums. You have opened a restaurant on Mr. Growltigger’s turf, without prior authorization or contractual agreement. We doubt very much that he will be pleased with this. Therefore, we are here to offer you… an arrangement.”
Woundwort pauses to light a Padron Anniversario cigar, then continues. “You are cordially invited (with full guarantee of amnesty and safe passage, of course) to come to the Forum Chat Bar and Grill, and negotiate a franchise agreement with Mr. Deadstar and myself. If, when Mr. Growltigger returns, we can offer him proof of your good intentions (and a generous cut of the profits), he may be less inclined to cut off your head, set fire to your body, and feed the charred remains to the Pak’ma’ra. I can guarantee you that you’ll find Deadstar and I much easier to deal with than the Boss.”
Woundwort places a data crystal on the counter, which upon later examination is found to contain rather graphic footage of Growltigger’s ‘hostile takeover’ of a prior competitor (rated ‘T’ for Teen).
“Hopefully that will convince you. Consider our offer well, and don’t take too much time in doing so. If the Great Kat comes back and finds you still doing unauthorized business on his turf… the personal consequences would be most… unfortunate.”
“Good day to you. We expect to see you soon.”
Woundwort and RD tip the rims of their fedoras in Rudy’s direction, and depart the Take Out Hut. The hordes of capos follow them out. The Sopranos theme song fades away, and the original disc jockey’s voice is heard again (somewhat less chipper, and in obvious need of some ibuprofen)…
“We now… groan…return you to our regularly scheduled muzak…”
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"This example was only the first in a rather long line of threats and attacks on the new-found Hut. We did not attack the B&G, we were forced to defend ourselves with all we had for our very lives. Now, we will take revenge. We will strike back. We will take back what was once ours."
The B&G CEO, Mr. Growltigga, was not available for comments.