[Growltigger]

Recovering from Dogscoff's sneaky attack with a frying pan, Growltigga turns to the plucky Bournemouth loafer (who is currently sniggering at his successful but witless assault on the Great Kat) and tweaks both Dogscoff's nipples VERY VERY HARD INDEED. Dogscoff yelps and bends double, just in time to meet Growltigga's knee coming up the other way CRUNCH!!!! as the Scoffo reels, Growltigga puts a bucket on Dogscoff's head and whacks in with a big hammer CLAANNNGGG Dogscoff starts wobbling all over the floor, just as Growltigga does a famour Cap'n Kirk double leg flying kick POWEEEE and catapults Dogscoff into the vanguard of the Assyrian Geeskat horde, throwing them into disarray and mayhem......

Right, turning to the battle at hand. Growltigga raises the Battleaxe of Mayhem, turns to his trumpeters (warthogs with very big horns) and order a fanfare. "Cry havoc chaps, we are foully assorted, let slip the rodents of war..."..

The beleaguered front rank of the Byzantine horde form a shield wall, the second and third rank archers fire volleys into the Assyrian Geeskats as the artillery, silent till now, sprays the Geeskat horde with a flaming blast of Greek fire, large bolts and for some reason, bottles of Old Spice.... Second and Thirds legions CHARRRGGGGGGEEEEEEEE

Led by the axe wielding loony kat, the Byzantine horde smash into the decimated front rank of Geeskats, spraying gore and severed heads everywhere.... they cut through the front lines and assault the reseve. Luckily Fearghal slams his tentacles into the Geeskat right wing and flattens it, with a way forward, Growltigga turns to his first reserve line and Shouts "MAKE HASTE WARRIORS, CUT YOUR WAY TO THAT REPORBATE EL PHIL, WE MUST MAKE HASTE AS THE BADGER BRIGADE IS BUT 5 SECONDS AWAY"....

A rumbling sound is heard, the war carts of the feared badger brigade smash throuw the Geeskat lines, utterly confounding their assault beneath a hail of chittering pyschotic viscious badgers... the Geeskats are no match for the badger assault and turn to flee.......

Growltigga, ordering his trumpeters to drown out the sounds of Elvis Turambar still singing, orders one of his catapults to lop a dead Geeskat chariot at Elvis, it flies through the air, smashes on the end of the table Turambar is standing on, and hurls hiim out of the cantina through the ceiling....

YES, ELVIS HAS NOW LEFT THE BUILDING shouts the Kat as he hacks his way through the last of the Geeskats and faces the dastardly El Phil.

RIGHT YOU LITTLE SMELLY TOERAG. YOUR ARMY IS BEATEN. BEND OVER FOR YOUR PORTION OF RED HOT POKER HAND CANNON.....

In the interests of decency, the rest of this post has been censored to protect the innocent, but suffice it to say El Phil will not be sitting down for a few weeks, and will need his underpants to be left in the freezer before he can put them on!