Yeah, I enjoyed it. One (very) small thing that caught my eye:
Quote:
Roeding still knew he heard the bitter taste of defeat.
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Maybe this was a deliberate gag, or an example of the "esoteric jargon" mentioned in the previous line, but surely you can't hear a taste. Not without some kind of wierd surgery, anyway.
If (understandably) you were avoiding repetition of the word taste with the phrase "Roeding still knew he tasted the bitter taste of defeat" then use a synonym: The bitter tang of defeat, bitter spice of defeat, experience the bitter taste of defeat... Hmmm, there aren't actually that many synonyms for "taste" are there? Anyone know any decent online thesauruseseses?